Anyone else have a kid like this?

[oceanbaby]

My 3.5yo ds is a real non-joiner. He really dislikes group activities. We tried to do Music Together class, and he refused to join in on any of the songs, preferring to just jump on the couch. We have started preschool, and he won't even acknowledge 'circle time', and won't have anything to do with other group projects.

He is actually a very social kid - with his little friends, or on the playground, or with other adults. Even strangers. But he just is adamant about not joining group things. For instance, he loves to have us read to him. But story time at the library? No way.

Dh thinks maybe it is something to be worried about. I think it is just his personality, but am I missing something? Anyone else with a kid like this?

[melamama]

six months ago or even a week ago I would have said yes.
dd really wouldn't join in music class until she was 4, and even then would only dance with me.
we dropped out of library because she wouldn't do circle time or march around in a big line with the rest of the kids.

like your ds she is quite social, but my dd needs a warm up period.

all this is leading up to the fact that last weekend she did soccer practice. met her coach for the first time, went on the field with her team, did practice, then did a game. dh and I were stunned. and she's been talking about it all week, and looking forward to this weekend. all I can say is that it's developmental because it was like a sudden jump.

my suggestion is to let your ds be, he will unfold in his own time. 3.5 is still young. plus don't think non-joiner, think non-follower, independant thinker.

[PONOKELAMAMA]

my ds is EXACTLY the same way. we too tried storytime, music together, a gym/swim class and ds just hated being put in a situation where he is supposed to do what every one else is doing. he is almost three and a half and i have yet to figure out if this is something normal. although i will say, he started a preschool, two days a week for four hours at an amazing waldorf school and VERY suprisingly, the teachers say he LOVES storytime and circle. it is his favorite time of day, go figure!!! i think they just have such an amzing program that he cannot help himself but want to sit and participate, but i nearly fell over when they said he asked for more sotrytime and circle.

by the way, i looked after i read this post that it was by you, oceanbaby. and for what its worth, over the course of the past year, EVERY thread about your ds seems almost word for word identical to my ds! trains and all! really, every time i read a post and think "wow, that sounds like kaleb" it is always one of your posts! maybe they'll meet some day!

aloha!

[Embee]

Room for one more? DS is the same way. He is social and friendly but prefers group activities to be more open-ended and free flowing--running around at the park, or art projects where everyone has their own space to work. If we go to a social event with lots of kids, he needs sometime to warm up, but when he does he's right in there with the rest of them... but carefully and quite decidedly avoids the more organized activities.

OTOH, when he's one on one with a playmate, he can be very focused and into "joint" activities. He and a friend (or perhaps two friends) can play fire station or ice cream parlor fabulously. Add a few more kids and he's likely to step out for the mere fact of chaos alone.

I just let him be, as with most things. I know if I were to overly encourage, make an issue of it or force, it would only serve to create anxiety about himself where as far as I can see, he feels just fine about himself. Perhaps not a JOINER, but can play with the best of them so long as he doesn't feel pressured into doing the group thing.

No worries...