Preschool .. How would this make you feel ?

[Melda]

My son goes to preschool 3 days a week. They offer a after preschool program called "lunch bunch" and for $7 you get to let them stay and eat lunch with their friends and they get to play on the playground. No big deal and not that i even planned on letting him be there all the time but i would like it if i have appts and etc. ...Well they are not allowed to go to lunch bunch until after the parent teacher confrence and they are only allowed to do it if the teacher feels they are ready. Well .... My son apparently is not ready because he is not very vocal. Now this child talks my ear off he just does not do alot of talking at school. He does not talk to strangers and he does sometimes aventaully warm up to people but not until he has known them for awhile. He is a very smart child, knows how to count, his ABC's (well most of them), can start and run any computer and get his games up and running etc. I think he is a very smart child at the least average for his age. I am very upset about this. I feel like my child is being left behind because he is shy. I dont know if that is the mom in me being over protective and should call and talk to the teacher more (i was in shock when she told me he would not be allowed to be part of this for at the least a month and then it will be reevaluated) or if i should let it be until then. I did not question it at the school because i was shocked and i think i would have cried had i started ... It has REALLY been bothering me. Tell me what is your take on this. Now my son did just turn 3 in July and is one of the youngest in his class. I do not know if the other child that is younger than him was able to go or not either. Anyway i guess this was just a vent. DH thinks we should have a meeting with the Director and the Teacher but i really dont know what i should do ...

[Greaseball]

It sounds like more and more, shyness is not being tolerated in preschool children. I think this is sad, and that some people are just meant to be shy. Some people will grow out of it on their own terms, but teachers seem to think by offering "incentives" for behavior that is more social or talkative, they can drive away the shyness. It's reasons like this I am not sure if I want to do preschool for my child.

Where is this lunch? Who's to stop your child from just showing up anyway, assuming this is something he wants to do?

[Melda]

The lunch is there at the school in the lunchroom. YOu have to sign up and pay before school in the morning and send their lunch. Then the teacher makes sure they get to lunch bunch when the class is over. I know there are mom's that want their child to go to this just to get more time away and that is not my intentions at all. I want him to be able to join his peer's when they are there. He is a very sensative child and i am afraid this is going to hurt his feelings when his other peers are going but he isnt "allowed". My DS gets this trait from my DH (and FIL) who will talk you ear off as long as he knows you and you are talking about something he has interest in but if he dont know you and he is not so outspoken ... Anyway I dont expect him to grow out of this anytime soon really i dont ever expect him to grow out of it.

[beanma]

i think you should talk to the teacher about it. it sounds to me like his temperment is just that way. i've just been reading Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" and in there she has a section on temperment. she talks about the latest research and the seven temperment traits. my dd1 is also very cautious and takes awhile to warm up to people. right now she much prefers adults to other kids (she's not in preschool). i'd have a talk with the teacher. she should be more sensitive to sensitive kids.

hth

[mogit]

I don't understand the teacher's reasoning. If your son is allowed to play quietly alongside the other kids in the classroom, why can't he eat his lunch quietly with the group as well? How is he supposed to become more comfortable talking to his classmates if he is not even allowed to be with them? And besides, why should he *ever have to talk if he doesn't want to? There are plenty of reserved adults in the world, and they are not barred from restaurants and dinner parties because they prefer to smile quietly at their tablemates' loud jokes or have a hushed conversation with just one close companion. Really, this is just wrong.

I think your DH is right, you should talk to the director. By the time the teacher deems your son "ready" to join the Lunch Bunch, he will have missed out on a month or more of bonding, and will find it even more difficult to integrate himself into the group. Being excluded is also likely to hurt his feelings, as you said, and make him self-conscious about his natural reserve. I hope you and your DH can make your case to the school on this one.

[thoesly]

Originally Posted by mogit

By the time the teacher deems your son "ready" to join the Lunch Bunch, he will have missed out on a month or more of bonding, and will find it even more difficult to integrate himself into the group. Being excluded is also likely to hurt his feelings, as you said, and make him self-conscious about his natural reserve.

I just want to second this. My son spent 2 years in an integrated preschool (he has autism), and the time they spent together at lunch was extremely valuable in terms of bonding and fostering social skills. The child who has difficulty in social situations is the child who *needs* this type of interaction. I don't understand why this type of interaction would be reserved for kids who are already comfortable socially -- it really doesn't make sense in an educational setting where the entire purpose is to help kids grow and reach their potential.

[mattemma04]

I would talk with the director.I don't see what talking has to do with the lunch/playtime.I think all children should be able to particapte in such a thing unless they are abusive to other kids. Best wishes!