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Leaving my son inside alone for 5 min?

post #1 of 113
Thread Starter 
Would it be ok to smoke a cigarette outside while my ds is inside alone? He’s 22 months and my home is very safe, I just worry that its too early to leave him alone. I don’t have a screen door or anything so I would have to keep the door closed while I was outside, but it has a large window where I could look in and I would always be right by the door and open it every couple of minutes to see what he is doing if I can’t see him. Would this be ok, because its just me and my ds during the day until my dh gets home. I wouldn’t have anyone to watch him till then.
post #2 of 113
Hi Kelly

Somehow I am not surprised you have not received a response yet.

I do not advocate smoking and I do have to say, my first advice is that you quit.

It has been proven that, even smoking outside, can be harmful for your child. The particules stay on you and your clothing, therefore passing on to your child.

Secondly, I feel it's important to put the child first. I would not go outside and smoke a cigarrette because you would be putting your baby second.

I see you are new, and before you might get flamed I encourage you to read the MDC statement of purpose and see what we are all about.

Good Luck!
post #3 of 113
Hi! I first want to say that I'm telling you this with the best intentions. It's your business if you want to smoke. But here's my perspective:

I really resent my own father's smoking. He's used nicotine in some form since before I was born. He quit for many years, and is now back to smoking cigars (nightly) and probably cigarettes.

The reason this bothers me so much is that I have two younger sisters (14 and 12) and my own child now, and I want him around! I don't want my mom to have to care for him if he gets emphysema (sorry, I know I spelled that wrong) or cancer. I feel that he's potentially cheating us out of his presence.

I know this might sound off topic, but your child may have these same concerns and fears. With all the media and school coverage about the dangers of smoking, it's likely that your child will, in the next few years, start to fear for your health. And that's hard for an adult, much less a kid!

Just my thoughts.
post #4 of 113
Are you serious?
post #5 of 113
What have you done up until now?
post #6 of 113
You know, my kids aren't in front of me every minute of the day, but they're usually just around the corner, etc. A few days ago, my neighbor and I went outside to pass a stick of butter over the fence and talked for 2-3 minutes. She walked back in and her husband told her he'd just had to do the heimlich maneuver on their 3 y.o. Scary stuff.

OT but I think once your son figures out why you're going outside, it could be a problem; ie forbidden fruit, resentment (ITA), etc.
post #7 of 113
Some things can't be prevented even if you are away for 5 mins or just turned your head. For example a week ago I was unpacking our groceries when I turned my head just in time to find my son had taken the plastic thing out of the light socket and was seconds away from sticking the car keys in it.

But I do leave my son alone at times. When he is sleeping I am able to get some house work done, or I make sure he is involved in an activity of some sort while I take the dog outside ( she has a habit of hoping the fence and if I'm out there she doesn't). My neighbor I know takes a 5 min break to have a smoke on her porch and her DD is 3. Use your best judgment, I personally always check on my son and my ears are always perked. I usually can get my grandfather or younger brother to keep an eye on him if I have to do something that takes a little longer than 5 mins, either that or I take him along with me.

But like I said before, things can happen even with you right there and turning your head for a second, you really can't prevent everything but just be very cautious and use your motherly instincts.

Just don't be like my SIL who leaves her 6 month old baby unattendent while she takes a shower and spends at least a half an hour getting ready upstairs while her baby is left downstairs. Thats poor judgement on her behave.
post #8 of 113
In 5 minutes, your child could fall against a piece of furniture, choke on something you didn't even know was around, etc. No way do I think anyone should leave a toddler alone for 5 minutes, especially not to go smoke. If you want to smoke outside, do you have a fenced in area or a sandbox outside (away from the smoke) that the baby could play in? (Not that I advocate smoking....I think parents shouldn't be smoking anywhere near a kid, but that's a different thread).
post #9 of 113
I applaud you for not smoking around your ds. I will give you credit for that. Though I am curious what have you been doing the past 22 months? I've got to agree with the others though- too many scary things can happen in the 5 minutes it would take for you to smoke a cigarette. I wouldn't risk it. Either bring ds outside with you (away from the smoke but still within sight) or don't smoke at all.

Not to sound preachy but this dellema (sp?) would be good motivation to quit altogether. If not for you, for the safety of your DS.
post #10 of 113
In my younger child free days I did smoke and it really does take 5 minutes to smoke and 5minutes is a long time. When you are smoking it doesn't feel that way but when you are a toddler it is an eternity. Just today I ran downstairs (outside) to grab the toys we left out there and I was out of DD's sight for not even aminute and she was crying because she got her finger caught in the gate. Not life threatenning but had been out of her sight longer she could have gotten really scared, too.
I wouldn'trecommend leaving him alone.
post #11 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipumpkins
In my younger child free days I did smoke and it really does take 5 minutes to smoke and 5minutes is a long time. When you are smoking it doesn't feel that way but when you are a toddler it is an eternity. Just today I ran downstairs (outside) to grab the toys we left out there and I was out of DD's sight for not even aminute and she was crying because she got her finger caught in the gate. Not life threatenning but had been out of her sight longer she could have gotten really scared, too.
I wouldn'trecommend leaving him alone.

Oh man, that reminds me of what happened to my son. He was playing on the kitchen floor and I turned to mix the breastmilk into his cereal...during that time, he got his finger stuck in the metal floor vent and tried to crawl with his finger still stuck. That was 15 seconds worth of trouble...I can't imagine 5 minutes!
post #12 of 113
Adding to the stories of anything can happen..... I watch my 24 month old half sister during the day.... a couple weeks ago I had gone into the bathroom to pee real quick. I hadn't even sat down when I heard a blood curdling scream. I ran out and found the 2 year old with her arm caught in the back of the dining room chair. She was apparently trying to climb off the chair (she had been drinking milk), slipped, and got her arm stuck between 2 of the wood bars in the back. She was trying to free it, getting frantic, ect. Another 5 minutes and I have no doubts she would have broken her arm by yanking/bending it as much as she was.
post #13 of 113
NO it's certainly NOT ok to go smoke for 5 minutes while your toddler plays inside. My nasty opinion of smoking will come out in this post, but in 5 mins, your child could choke, fall and crack his head, take a bad tumble off a toy, or fall into the toilet trying to get his toy boat out of it.

Not trying to be rude here, but Um EWWW. You need to QUIT. It's not right to smoke where your children could see you or smell you, and it's your responsibility to make sure you are and stay healthy for their sakes. Smoking is not an acceptable habit IMO. There are ways to quit, and it would be my suggestion that you do everything in your power to quit ASAP.

Don't you worry about the nasty toxins that can harm your child even if you don't smoke around him? Not to mention that you probalby smell terrible to him.

Do you really want him growing up, going to a bar when he's old enough or to a party and thinking wow, it smells like Mom in here? I have this fight with my mother at least once a month, and she still doesn't get that she's NOT playing with my child if she stinks. I don't want her keeping him b/c I am terrified that her cigarettes will be more important. They are more important than her pregnant daughter, so why would she ditch them for a couple hours for my child?

QUIT smoking and find something more fun to do with your son in those 5 minutes. That's 5 mins to read a book, dance a dance, play hide and seek, sing a song, share a drink, play peek a boo, walk to the park, learn a new word, etc.

Good luck finding something to replace your habit. It's gonna be worth it!

Remember that for every cigarette you smoke you take time off your life, too. Do you wanna meet your grandkids and be able to play with them? Think of the future! Be there for your son when he has his first child and be there for your grandchild when he/she graduates from hs/college and BE HEALTHY when all that happens!

Hugs, it's not easy, but it's gonna be worth it!
post #14 of 113
I'm not going to get into the whole smoking aspect of this argument. We all know it's bad.

I would never leave my child inside playing while I went outside. She would have a total panick attack, if she could see me out there, and if I left her alone where she couldn't see me, anything could happen. My house is very babyproofed, but I know that in a few seconds, she could easily learn to climb a piece of furniture, or get her fingers slammed in a door.

That said I have left her on occasion, when she's fast asleep, to go in the backyard and do "dog-duty." It has to be done when she's asleep, because if she were awake, she'd want to come outside and play in it. :P My yard is very tiny, so I'm not far from her at all (I'm actually further away from her if I go to the basement to do laundry while she naps), and have the baby monitor with me so I can hear anything that's happening in her room. She still sleeps in a crib, so I know she can't climb out and get into trouble.

As for the smoking (ok, I lied and am going to say something about it after all), do you have close neighbours? I commend you for smoking outside at least, for your child's sake.....but my neighbours smoke outside for the same reason. While they're working to keep their kids safe, what they don't realize is that their second hand smoke is filling my daughter's bedroom, and the rest of my home. My husband worked very hard to quit smoking a few years ago, so that we would have a smoke free home, but my house still smells like cigarettes thanks to these aweful neighbours. I've asked them to stop, but for their children's sake, they refuse to smoke inside. They'd rather poison my child. I have to keep all of my windows and doors shut, which is horrible because the air gets so stuffy and stale.

Just my semi-off-topic rant. :P
post #15 of 113
Getting beyond the smoking issue (I THINK YOU SHOULD QUIT). I don't condone you leaving him unattended for this puprose but reality is you will.

I have had to leave my child alone for a 5-15 min to go let out the dog, shovel snow, help out in a major car wreck infront of my house, et.

The thing is first off make sure they are in a safe place (play pen, crib, baby proofed room). If you can have a baby monotor in the area so you can at least hear him.

I smoked for 11 years. Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I have done. It took many, many failed attempts. I have not smoked in 7 years but to be honest in times of stress I crave cigerettes. There has been times the only thing that has stopped me from starting was the fact my husband would be disappointed in me. I keep a mental picture fresh in my mind of what got me to stop: My son 2 getting a hold of my cigs pretending to smoke.
post #16 of 113
Man, there a lot of judgemental and condescending replies on this thread.

Perhaps her dc just recently gave up naps or something.

To the OP, somone very wise once told me something and it was this: If something doesn't feel right, don't do it. It sounds to me like you are unsure if your son would be OK without you. If that is the case, hold off till your dh gets home.
post #17 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lucky One
Man, there a lot of judgemental and condescending replies on this thread.
actually, I think the opposite. all I tried to do was give her advice which is what she asked for.

and I am editing this post to add.. what do you want us to say? what do you expect us to say? if someone is asking a question like this, I can't not say that I disaprove of smoking, it's part of the answer, and I also disaprove of leaving a child alone which is what has also been said. No one has attacked her as a person, something of which I am very proud of
post #18 of 113
Quote:
Do you really want him growing up, going to a bar when he's old enough or to a party and thinking wow, it smells like Mom in here?
This had me laughing so hard, because it´s horrible yet TRUE.

To the OP: If you can't wait until there's another adult home to watch your son, can't he come outside with you? Sure, it isn't good he sees you smoking, but I reckon it's better than being left unsupervised inside.

If you want to quit smoking, there's a zillion aids nowadays. you can DO IT!
post #19 of 113
I agree with Maria, if you absolutely HAVE TO smoke, then I would take him outside (weather permitting ofcourse..)
post #20 of 113
Yep the smoking part can take on a post of its own.

My son is 2.5 and I don't leave him allow for 5 minutes. Heck when I have to go potty I put all the daycare infants in their carseats and line them up in the hall while I pee quick :LOL

I have strong beliefs that your child is first, so taking 5 minutes, 3 minutes or evey 1 minute outside by youreself is putting you first. Why not let the child play outside in the dirt or grass while you smoke? My brother "hides" his smoking from his kid but he still knows dad smells bad.
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