Discussing moontime

[DharmaDisciple]

My dd is 11 next week. She has a real 'blood' phobia, you can't even say the word or she cringes. Now I have told her a bit about periods but she doesn't want to know.

Her body is developing, and I don't want her to be shocked when she gets her first moon, but she is so uncomfortable about anything to do with bodies.

She sees my cloth pads and knows I use them-but that's about all she knows. I would really like to discuss this issue with her.

I have come from an abusive family where my parents never talked to me- so I have no role model to follow. Heck my mum handed me a book, then when I told her I had my first moon, I was told I 'was a woman now' and it scared me. I don't want E to be scared, but how can I help her? Any gentle ideas much appreciated. xxx

[Jish]

Do you remember the Judy Blume book "Are You There God, It's me, Margaret?" It's obviously been a long time since I've read it, but it might be a good book to introduce her to the concept.

[LauraC]

Mand, I feel for you

My daughter is 13 and hasn't yet had her first moon, I have been anxious about "celebrating" her womanhood, I don't want her to be cursed with all the negativity that is sent to young women when they start to menstruate.. The second issue of Mothering magazine I got (nov/dec 2001)had an article on making a menarche ritual, I gave it to her and asked her to read it. She was very excited, but nervous. We got the book "Red Moon" by Miranda Grey. And now we are quietly looking forward together to her very first moon.

She has even shared with her two closest friends (who are both menstruating) all about the celebration she is planning for herself, with me.

Your daughter is very lucky to have you, you are not like your parents. You are courageous for breaking the bad cycles your parents started.

[skj474]

My dd just turned 10 3 weeks ago and she had her first moon 2 weeks AGO!!! I am still distraught over it, that is way too young. But being the great mom that I am I went to the bookstore and spent $40 on 4 books........lol. Her doctor recommened these to us, "The care and Keeping of You" by American Girl and I also got the "Care and Keeping of Me" a journal she can write in that goes along with the 1st book. "The Girls' Life Guide to Growing Up" and "The Period Book" by Karen Gravelle and Jennefer Gravelle. Good Luck

Suzi

[LauraC]

I just remembered, there is also a very good book called "Everygirl" by Derek Llewellyn Jones and Suzanne Abraham. You can get it through any Borders bookshop, in the uk - may just have to wait a week for them to get hold of it.

[EnviroBecca]

I think buying books for your daughter is not going to help if she doesn't like to think about bodies--she won't read the books!

Having a First Moon Party could be wonderful if you put the emphasis on her maturity in general, not on her body; she may not want the guests to know she has started menstruating. If she is resistant to the idea of a party, don't push it!

How does she feel about clothing? If she generally likes having new clothes, she might very much enjoy choosing her own cloth pads from the Web. You could "go shopping" with her and show her how the pads work when they arrive, thus having opportunities to discuss what the pads are for.

[emmaline]

for a girl who is very squeamish I would not be talking cloth pads, my mum used to tell me about using cloth as a young woman and it totally grossed me out - it's fine to discuss it as your preference but if she thinks she will also have to deal with washing out cloth pads, that's daunting (unless she is right into the reasons to use cloth, even so it might be hard)
jmho

[EnviroBecca]

I think if you respond to her squeamishness by getting her disposable instead of cloth pads, you are only encouraging that squeamishness to continue. Also, IMO disposable pads are the yuckiest, most uncomfortable menstrual hygiene products available and serve to promote a negative experience. Several of my highschool friends had a huge epiphany when they switched from disposable pads to tampons: "A period doesn't have to be sticky and itchy!!"

If she really doesn't want to wash cloth pads, I would recommend tampons over disposable pads, because they eliminate the dripping sensation that many novice menstruators find disturbing (I started tampons during my first period for this reason) and they will help her get familiar with her body. Talk about the different options, anyway, and let HER choose what she wants to have on hand.

You may be able to help her away from the blood phobia by talking about "flow" instead of "blood" and (if she nonetheless expresses fear of bleeding) pointing out that blood is just the component that gives the flow its color; it is mostly other fluids and she will be losing only a small amount of actual blood.