How come no one else's kids act up in public?

[ameliabedelia]

Ok, I know they do, but it seems as though I must have the only 2 1/2 year old on the planet who throws tantrums when it is time to leave someplace, or runs away from me in the store, or latches onto a toy at playgroup and then refuses to share it and throws more tantrums when I won't let her take another child's toy away.

Please tell my I am not the only one. Please tell me other 2 1/2 year old's refuse to sit in the shopping cart at the store and then want to go their own way instead of going where I need us to go to buy what we need to buy.

Please tell me other kids will latch onto a toy at playgroup and then not want to share it and yell and scream if they see someone else playing with it after they have stopped.

Please tell me other kids throw major temper tantrums when you won't let them take their shoes off in public.

Please, please tell me how you deal with these things.

And, how do you deal with your own personal embarassament at having a kid who is kicking and screaming and yelling. I think that is the worse for me. I can deal with tantrums and all those things in private, but in public it somehow seems as though my parenting is "on trial" and it is very hard and embarassing when DD acts that way in public. How do you get over that embarassement, especially when it seems that everyone else's kids are soooo much better behaved.

[Satori]

I am sooo with you on this! Only mine is 4 and still does it! The fits last way longer in public too and I hate everyone staring. Yesterday was horrid, what should have taken 2 hours took 4 because dd was being such a drama queen. She knows I can not carry her because of my back and demands I carry her and just stands there and screams, even if you walk away. She wouldn't stay out of the clothing racks and kept using them as monkey bars and getting both of us into trouble. When I finally got her onto the cart ( a feat in itself that involved lots of screaming on her part) she kept leaning out and nearly falling out! She has no concept of danger. She kept running away all day from me thinking it was great fun. I miss being able to pay someone to come with me that could keep her busy while I shop and to think, we'd had a really fantastic day till we had to go shopping (and NO it couldn't wait, she NEEDED warm clothes and the store closes at 5pm so I couldn't just do it on my way to class at night and its an hour away) I think I'm going to dig out her harness leash thingy again ( at least she gets a kick out of it and thinks its fun)

[nonnymoose]

My mom (who had four) was discussing rambunctious kids with my great-aunt (who had two) last week. They got to talking about my sister, who used to go and crawl around under the clothes racks. One time she got away from my mom, and while she was looking for her, she heard an announcement on the PA describing my sister and asking her parent to come pick her up. My mom figured she was in a safe place, so she finished her shopping before she went to the security desk : When I was three, I shoplifted a tricycle from JC Penneys and rode it all the way through the mall (with the price tag hanging from the handlebars) until a security guard turned me around and escorted me back to the other end of the mall. I was also the only one of the four to be sent to the principal's office, and that was in kindergarden, for reading joke books to the other kids during naptime.
My DHs mom says she used to have to use a leash on him. My son's already trying to dive off the bed and will climb me like a tree when I'm holding him, so I expect to be run ragged

[oceanbaby]

Ok, I know they do, but it seems as though I must have the only 2 1/2 year old on the planet who throws tantrums when it is time to leave someplace,

My neighbor's son used to do this every single time we left the playground. She is a fantastic mom, very patient and loving and respectful, but nonethless she always had to take him kicking and screaming.

Just last week he threw a major fit because she insisted on holding onto the back of his tricycle as we went down a really steep sidealk. She and I both pulled out every trick we had to try to work with him, and to try to calm him down, but to no avail. He sobbed and screamed and flailed right there on the sidewalk.

So no, you're not alone!

[Lisa Lubner]

sounds like my daughter...

she is the QUEEN of the temper tantrum... they are an AWESOME site, lol! if i try to put her in a cart, she screams, sobs "MOOOOOOMMY", and nearly falls out as she's trying to stand up in the seat and reach for me. if i let her walk, she plays ghandi and does the non-violent resistance thing. goes limp, falls to the floor... if i want to get anything done (and this is WITH my husband being there), i have to strap her to my back. i also have my infant (either being held by daddy or asleep in her carseat) and my spirited 4 yo son to deal with at the same time.

anyway, if she is having a hell hath no fury like zahra's tantrums day, i take her and the infant out to the car and let her cool off/pretend to drive while my dh finishes the shopping with my son.

*edited to add* when my first son had his first public tantrum, i immediately picked him up, slung him over my shoulder and walked him out to the car to let him cool off... some lady in the parking lot looked at me like i was covered in poo... i mean she looked absolutely DISGUSTED. i sortof gave her a dirty "what, you've never seen a tantrum before" look and proceeded to my car. just let the dirty looks slide. the grocery store is not the same thing as a nice quiet resteraunt.

[USAmma]

I guess you've never seen my 3yo, esp. when she was 2.5. I had to literally carry her kicking and screaming and arching her back out of public places several times. The worst was about 6 mos. ago in Target when I had to wheel her out in the shopping cart after she was tearing tags off the shelves and wouldn't stop, and then didn't get something she wanted me to buy for her. SHe was screaming so much that people came running because they thought she was hurt. Then she refused to get in her carseat and was kicking me and I had my newborn screaming in the other carseat. FUN FUN!

Luckily I think we are getting past that stage, and so will you. Have faith!

Darshani

[iris0110]

My 3 yo is like this. He will not sit in a cart, wants to be carried. When we arrive at work he throws a fit, and when it is time to leave he throws a fit. I keep telling myself it is just the stage he is in. But it does sometimes feel like I am the only one. When he was tiny he was an angel in public and saved the screaming for at home, but now... He really goes nuts when we go out. He is a spirited kid though. Dh just says he hopes the next one has a milder temperament.

[Fleurette]

My daughter does it too, never fear. In the grocery store, she has a choice of sitting in the cart or holding onto it while we walk around. She's actually pretty good about not darting away now, but around 19 months or so, she would be gone in the blink of an eye if I wasn't carefully monitoring her.

Honestly, when I'm out and she has a fit, I just pick her up and leave. I can usually come back to get what I needed. If not, I quickly get what else we need and I ask her to calm down, use her indoor voice, tell her that mommy can't understand what she wants if she's screaming and that if she can't calm down or let me help her calm down, we will be leaving. Usually the threat of leaving does it, but we have moved REALLY fast through the store when necessary and just gone home. It's so hard when you are out in public and feel others are judging, but my opinion is "Phooey on you if you judge me. Walk a mile in my shoes first!" I really don't give it too much thought or we'd never go anywhere!

Hang in there. Eventually they do mature enough to make it through a shopping trip sans tantrum. Dontcha love 2 year olds?

[mclisa]

I remember DD1's first temper tantrum. She wanted a cheap pink ball and mean mom said no. she laid on the floor and did a good one. I just stood back and watched. Oh well. That's life. I suppose someday I will look fondly at this time when she is a teenager begging for something I find as equally outrageous.
Last week at the grocery store I was cruising quickly through the store (the girls were at daycare/preschool) and there was a mom with a 2 year old. He got fed up with things about half way through and let his mom know it. I had to smile and laugh (well out of hearing range of his poor mom.) Been there done that.
I find it nice when we are at church and I hear some other kid talk or squawk. It's nice to know my kids aren't the only noisy ones.
I just know my kids' limits. We go out to eat, but keep it short. I bring snacks to bribe them so hunger doesn't make them melt down. I respect nap time.

[sarahmae1]

My 3yr. old is like this too. He has been really whinny lately. We have had soo many moments in the last couple of years where I just want to hide. He cries at the store when we say no, even though he knows we are not going to cave in. He had a fit when it was time to leave preschool today. He goes on and on. I feel like a horrible mother most of the time. He has been driving me nuts lately.

[nikwik]

Nik did that when he was that age... and 3... and 4... and 5... in fact, he STILL does that sometimes, especially if he hasn't had his medicine on time. He's an angel all day when he's in school, but as soon as he gets home to me it's like he thinks it's time for him to become a whirling dervish...

He's nearly 6 now, and just a month or so ago I had trouble with him while travelling back home from my mom's house for my baby shower. There I was at 7.5 months pregnant, and Nik's running around the gas stations, taunting me, making me fall down due to excessive squirming when I do finally give up enough to pick him up and attempt to carry him out...

Believe me... your child is certainly not the only one to give you trouble in public... mine seems to delight in it sometimes

[nikirj]

Ya know what? Everyone's child does these kinds of things. You just end up all self-conscious when it happens to you, and don't really pay so much attention when it happens to someone else.

Next time it happens, think about what you would think if this were happening to someone else. Don't just jump straight to "she's a bad mom" or "what a brat", think about how you would feel, standing 10 feet or so away, watching what was unfolding. Chances are if you were watching the same scene, you wouldn't think so much of it at all. I know I've seen my share of tantrums occur in stores and playgrounds and such, but they never seem as bad when you're looking from the outside.

And...

I actually told this middle-aged woman who was scowling at me one day while my DD kept grabbing things from the shelf at the store and I kept gently replacing them - "you know, your face could freeze like that if you aren't careful." Childish, I know, but it made me feel soooo much better. Even though she probably thought I was such an idiot. It was worth it, I felt better and she went away.

[WithHannahsHeart]

Eh, i always assume it's because they're beaten/shamed/punished into submission. Honestly, although my kid may have a few more episodes than those poor little souls, i think she is in general much better behaved than all the other kids i am around frequently who are parented with the above mentioned techniques. I dunno about the shoes thing. Dd is usually pretty happy with her goldfish crackers (yeah yeah they're the devil yada yada ) or juice, or we let her walk around with us sometimes making sure she understands taht if she strays back in the cart she goes. She does pretty good for a 2 yo and generally only really tantrums if tired/overstimulated.

[maya44]

Or how about the opposite. When a kid is always a real ANGEL in public, and only acts up at home.

Better, but annoying in its own way.

[famousmockngbrd]

Originally Posted by nikirj

I actually told this middle-aged woman who was scowling at me one day while my DD kept grabbing things from the shelf at the store and I kept gently replacing them - "you know, your face could freeze like that if you aren't careful."

That is hysterical.

I just posted on the Toddler board about the fit DS had at the library today. I was carrying him back to the car as he kicked and screamed, and a woman who was driving by gave me the most sympathetic, understanding, BTDT look. It really made me feel better. For a second.

[Bearsmama]

ameliabedelia...Oh, I'm SO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!

Boy, oh, boy, are we going through similar things right now. NO, you are NOT alone.

My older son is 2.8 yo and I have a 6 week old. My older's behavior has been literally out-of-control since the baby was born. Makes complete sense to me when I am clearheaded and calm. His tantrums and emotions have run so high lately that I actually made an apppointment to disuss it with our ped. I'm sure she'll laugh just a little when I leave. I'm sure this is normal 2 yo just-had-a-brother stuff.

Mine has just recently SAT down in the middle of a busy parking lot, run away from me in a store, had an 1.5 hour+ tantrum where he was close to hyperventilating b/c he refused to get in his carseat, etc., etc.

I SO needed to see your thread today...thanks You are not alone.

[ajsmom]

Too late! Quarter past silly!

DS was 3 1/2 and the two of us were on a trip when he had a bout of the tantrums. I finally cried in the hotel room one night and told him I was so tired of having to carry him out of every place we went. He hugged me and told me to be happy while I sobbed.

The next day he did it again but I was completely unfazed by it. I just removed him from the area and held on to him until he was calm enough to continue. I took a detached objective - sort of out-of-body approach - and was able to preserve my sanity and care for him more effectively.

Now I try to make sure he is rested and fed before any shopping. Since he turned four he is able to choose whether to behave or leave before a meltdown occurs. I just try to catch it early. Also, I try to be as silly as possible so my attitude is light and free. We have a more fun this way. We also try to get other shoppers to be silly too. Some enjoy the break from the serious world and others avoid us. Those we just want to throw into the Eel River!

[magnoliablue]

Ohh, my kids have all acted up in public, more than once,lol.

The last incident was with my youngest ds. I had to run to the mall to have Verizon take a look at my broken phone. The Verizon store is so conveniently located right next to the pet store and the little ride on toys. He wanted to go in the pet store and take a ride. I had to get this done, and told him as soon as I was done we would go in the pet store.

It was not good enough for him, and as I was handing the tech my phone, he ran out of the store. I went running after him, and made a lovely scene running through the pet store as he hid around every aisle.

Needless to say, the phone did not get exchanged that day,lol..he did not get to see the puppies, save for what he saw of them running around the store, and there was also no ride.

Within a block of leaving the mall, he was sound asleep. I knew he was tired and that had everything to do with his attitude, most times I am able to avoid taking him when I know he hasn't napped, but this time it was unavoidable.

There are countless other tales in my mothering history, but rest assured, you are not the only one with dramatic kids

[jeca]

if you've ever been to colorado than you've seen one of mine act up. Probably yana.I will admit that sometimes they do really well, I think it's all about preparing them for what your doing and where your going for the day.

[CarrieMF]

My 2 1/2yo does. She usually goes in the cart, when she wants out she gets 1 warning. If you run away, start grabbign things, etc you go in the sling which usually happens within 10minutes. She sometimes kicks and screams but by the time I have her in the sling she has her fingers in her mouth and calmed down.

I never ever leave the store if my kid is throwing a fit, IMO you are giving them exactly what they want and they will continue to throw bigger and bigger fits until you leave.