I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back to this thread sooner, but I wanted to say thanks so much for all the thoughts. It's so helpful to read them.
To the posters who apologized for thinking they were hijacking the thread, please don't apologize, feel free to ask or remember whatever you want. It's very helpful for me to hear all of this. And I'm very happy if anything mentioned here helps someone else, too.
Quote:
Originally posted by pageta
I find your post very interesting. I'm like you and your daughter, where my dh loved school because he got to play with other kids during recess. The year my mom did homeschool with me (I didn't go to "school" until the second grade) was the best year of school for me...all the way through high school. So I would love for my kids to get to stay at home and be homeschooled. DH, on the other hand, went to preschool etc. and wants our kids to be able to do it since he thought it was far more fun that being at home by himself.
I just tell him we'll see what our kids are like. Some may love staying home, and others may be ready to go out the door. I don't think you need to worry about socializing her - just provide opportunities for her to be herself. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. If everyone socialized at work every day (like the extroverts would like to do), no one would ever get anything done. My dh isn't an extrovert by any means; in fact, I'm far more sociable than he is. I really think you just have to play it by ear and do what is right for your child. You're her mother - you know her better than anyone else - and you have to live with her if she isn't happy. Follow your gut - you won't regret it. |
You touched on probably the main reason why I am worried about this. Dh thinks she should be in preschool, just because he went there and loved it. His big thing is, be friendly, jump right in, etc.
He thinks yeah, she might have a couple of bad days, but she'll adjust and be fine. Meanwhile, the thought of her in a place where she is unhappy and that she could become even more withdrawn or quiet makes me shake.
Right now, my gut says no. Her activity with swimming and soccer is fine, and she is around other kids elsewhere as well, almost every day. I feel this is fine.
She will start school late, as she has a fall birthday and our cut off is before her day. I know next year, once she's five, dh will be on the bandwagon to put her in some kind of 'school' environment, just because she technically should be in school, due to age.
That's going to be an interesting conversation.
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Quote:
Originally posted bysmittenmom
I was the same way as a child (still am, actually!), and even though my daughter is only two she's definitely shaping up to be an introvert too. In big groups, she won't venture off my lap. Even around family, it takes her at least a few minutes to warm up. I could almost count on one hand the number of people who have seen her 'true' personality, and that includes grandparents, even! When we're at home, she's very spunky and active and funny, but when we get out in public she clams up. |
This was very cool to read. I was
my head the whole time. People are floored to see dd running around yelling or singing very loudly a half an hour or hour into our stay somewhere, because she too spends many of the first minutes behind my leg or in my arms.
It is like she has to 'feel out' a situation and make sure it's okay. But not too many people are willing to give her that extra time.
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Originally posted byluv my 2 sweeties
My dd is in preschool, although she will be homeschooled after that. Since we had already made the decision to HS, I wanted her to have an opportunity to make friends so that she could see the possibilities, IYKWIM. I was concerned that she'd never warm up to other kids well enough to get to know them by only seeing them once a week or so. I hope that by experiencing friendship (of the 3 - 4 year old variety) in preschool she'll know that it's possible and seek it out with the kids at church or in our homeschool group. I don't know yet if that will be the case -- we'll see. Nevertheless, I have no regrets about the decision to send her to preschool. The teachers there have been so respectful of her personal journey into the group. She has been invited, but never pressured, to join group activities, etc. She sat out all of the dancing and group movement activities for *months* last year! Even though she always maintained that she enjoyed preschool, I was concerned. Her teacher was not. (The teacher told me that she was a very shy child herself, and I think that helps her relate to my dd.) DD never seemed stressed, probably because she wasn't getting any pressure! By the end of the year, she was participating often (not always) and once even started dancing all by herself!
This year, she jumped right back into the routine with both feet and is having fun. Her personality has not changed. She's still pretty reserved in most settings and shy in new situations. But she has learned to enter groups of playing children when she wants to, and has learned how to negotiate some of the basic social interactions kids have -- sharing, taking turns, asking for what she wants, etc. *I* have learned to stop worrying about her so much! I'm learning that she can be happy and can enjoy being around her peers even though she's kind of shy. So I think it's been good for all of us, especially since she won't be in a school situation after this year, and thus won't have daily contact with a familiar group of children. |
I just wanted to comment that this sounds like a GREAT place. I'm glad you have someplace like that for her. And thank you for posting about a positive pre school experience like this. It's good to read.
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Originally posted by littleaugustbaby
I've been on both sides. I'm an introvert until I'm really comfortable in a situation. I tend to sit back and observe before I jump in. Meeting new people (especially in group situations) can be terrifying for me. I think that a lot of people tend to think that I'm rude when they first meet me because I can get so quiet. But, once I feel comfortable in a situation, then I can be really extroverted. So I either get the "you're so quiet" comments, or the "you're such a chatterbox!" comments. Can't seem to win either way. I really think that I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert, though. But I feel like once people know me, then I'm expected to be outgoing and social, even when I don't want to be, and that can be incredibly difficult on me. In a lot of social situations, I feel like I have to be "on" all the time. |
I do this too, and this is what I don't want dd to feel pressured into. It is incredibly draining for me sometimes to be happy and bubbly when I don't want to be but know it's expected. Urgh. If I do this, it literally takes me two to three days to feel like myself again.
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Originally posted by beanma
clerk: what's your name?
dd1: i don't have a name!!
"nothing" and "no" are also popular answers. the thing is dd doesn't much play with other kids. she knows a lot of kids and we have been going to regular playgroups since she was a baby, but she doesn't engage with the other kids much. she acts out elaborate stories with her mousie dolls and her dollhouse on her own, but doesn't want to pretend with other kids and engage in play with them. she's happy to go over to their houses and play with their toys, though. :LOL |
Oh man, this makes me :LOL in agreement.
When people ask dd her name, she smiles beautifically and maybe answers with a giggle, but that's about it.
She also has been around older and younger kids most of the days of her life. We've gone to so many playgroups, birthday parties, gatherings, etc.
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Originally posted by flight
I'm an introvert too, and I also got really tired of people saying "shy" like it's a disease.
You know your daughter doesn't need preschool right now. Some kids do (my son did) and some kids don't. I think, quite frankly, that you should tell the critics to blow it out their ear! (I may just be getting cranky cause I'm tired. ) Or if you want to be more polite about it, point out that she already does play with other children, and she does talk to adults, and she is capable of interacting politely with other people, and actually, that's what socialized means. So there.
Really tired, and peeved on your and your daughter's behalf. I think I'll go to bed. |
Aw, thanks for this. This is what I
my head for. She does talk, she does interact, she is 'socialized'. Just not the way 'they' whoever 'they' are think she should be.
I hope you got some good and relaxing sleep.
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Originally posted by aolinsmama
some children are outgoing, and some are more introspective, observant, they both have greatness to add to the world.  hth. |
It does help. Thank you.
I really think, especially after reading these replies, and being reminded of many things, that I will leave it up to her. Anyone telling me she needs to go right now will get to watch my eyes glaze over and feel what it's like to have me tune them out. I know she doesn't want to go, she's said as much, numerous times when people have asked her.
If she wants to go to a pre-school environment next fall, she can go. But if she says no, then I'm not going to push it.
As so many of you wise ladies have said, she is who she is, and there is a reason for it.
Thanks again, everyone.
) Finally, people understood me and I didnt feel weird. I hope that I can protect my dd from that though so she doesnt have to go through 18 years of feeling inadequate because she is not what people expect her to be.
