Wwyd????

[maya44]

I have posted about this in the vax forum, and I am not sure this is the right place for it but I need some advice.

I have 2 SIL, one who is very mainstream. She has two kids and a new baby due in Dec. She and DH have home in Hawaii and have invited family (us, her parents, and ... my non-vaxing SIL).

However the stipulation is that everyone have a flu vax. This was recomended by her pediatrician, since the baby can't have vax.

The vax, is not the problem for me. We Vax. But other SIL won't and is not going to go. She is harranging me about how unfair Hawaii SIL is. She thinks I should cancel AND cut off contact with Hawaii SIL based on this. I really don't want to do this.

My kids love their Hawaii cousins. They would be devestated if we cancelled and I can't say I blame them.

What would you do??????

[oceanbaby]

First off, I would be horrified if someone in my family tried to tell me that I HAD to give the flu vax to my children before we could visit. Like your SIL, I would refuse to go. (Besides, it doesn't make any sense, as the flu vax, when it works, only protects against certain strains, so the baby could still get sick. It's warped reasoning on many levels.)

But unlike your SIL, I wouldn't expect you not to go because of my decision. If you don't care about giving the flu vaccine to your children (doesn't the flux vax contain thimerosol?), then I would go ahead and go. Tell your SIL that you feel bad that she is angry with you, but that it's not fair to disappoint your children in order to stand united against the unfair policy.

[littleaugustbaby]

If getting the vax isn't a problem for you (and it's something that you would do anyway), then I'd still go. I can understand why your SIL would not want to go, but I don't really think that it's her place to tell you that you shouldn't go...that's an issue she needs to talk to your other SIL about, not you. I think that cutting off all contact and expecting the same of you is more than a little harsh.

In all honesty, your SIL probably thinks that she's doing the safest and best thing because that's what her doctor told her to do. Do you think that if you or your other SIL approached her and gave her some info on the flu vax that she would reconsider?

[Mamid]

if my sil told me that I'd tell her to bite me.

getting the flu vax could mean that me and/or my son could end up sick. One of the main components of flu vax is eggs. Guess what I'm allergic to? Yep. Eggs. But I have so little now that I rarely react when I do. Eggs as eggs you know.. like omelets, scrambled, french toast, popovers. But mixed in with something till their unrecognizable is the way I sneak them into my diet.

And I'm in the "at risk" group so I get my flu vax for free! I haven't had one ever since my arm ended up with a "normal" reaction of a gooseegg. "Oh, but pain and swelling at the injection site is normal." Says the public health nurse. Bullshavick I say.

so your sil wants your family to risk their health to see her child because her child is too young to be vaxed???

talk about being selfish.

[Kirsten]

I agree with previous posters - I would go IF you would get the flu vaccine anyway. I understand other SIL's position and probably would not get the vaccines if it was me (we do vaccinate on most of the "big" ones - but on a slow, one at a time schedule - but so far no flu vaccines for anyone in my family) but if you do the flu vaccine then enjoy the Hawaii vacation. I would have a talk with alternative SIL though - telling her I totally understand her position and even agree with her choice not to go though it doesn't apply for your family. I would stress that it is unfair to her and you are sorry it is working out that way. Point out that you are not agreeing with mainstream SIL but since you flu vaccinate ANYWAY, you are going to let your kids see their cousins (and a beautiful state, from what I hear). I assume mainstream SIL is just blindly following doc advice and not trying to figure out a reason to exclude alternative SIL though.... If she WAS just using that as an excuse to exclude your other SIL then I don't know if I would go as that just sits wrong with me. But your alt SIL shouldn't ask you not to go - that is putting you in a bad position and only fueling bad stuff within the family. It sucks for her to be in that position but to try to get you to break ties with mainstream SIL because of that? (I hope) she is just trying to do what she thinks will keep her new baby safe... whether misguided or not, it sounds like that is what she believes.

[Dechen]

In your situation, I'd go. And I think it incorrect of non-vaxing SIL to pressure you not to go or cut off contact. Not approriate to tell you how to run your relationships.

That be said, for ME I'd be really annoyed that someone was insisting children get a vaccine with mercury in it. I have vaxing friends who do not do the flu shot. Plenty of mainstream-y people don't give small children the flu shot.

On the other hand, I understand being concerned about a newborn and feeling protective. I don't know that I'd schedule that kind of get together during the cold/flu season when I was going to have an itty bitty babe. (People flying on airplanes get exposed to all sorts of gunk.)

So, go visit Hawaii! Have a drink on the beach for us all, ok?

[Korwynne]

Just a thought.. I have a december babe, and my ped said he'd be protected if *I* got the flu shot and he was breastfed.

My kids are fully vaxed, but last year both got the flu shot and got the flu twice. I had gotten it, despite the risks because when I get the flu, I get so dehydrated so quickly that I end up in the emergency room on IV fluids. We're never doing it again.

[jeca]

If you don't have a problem with it then you should go.Your SIL is wrong to drag you into this it is not your disagreement but hers.