Selling house & moving after homebirth

[Fiddlemom]

A couple years after birthing my first son at home we had to sell our house and move 3,000 miles away. It has been a long grieving process for me, very intense at times, and more than a year later I'm still grieving the loss--the loss of walking through, sleeping next to, living in, raising my kids in the place where my son was born. A holy spot on earth for me. Even the bloodstain on the rug seemed holy for a long time! It has been hard to relinquish something (a home where my child was born) that I will probably never have again that was so incredibly precious (no more children planned).

I remind myself that I brought my family with me when I moved and that is by far the most important, and realize how much I have just in that someday I can show my son the house where he was born, which hopefully will never be torn down, whereas the hospital where Baxter was born may not always be there. But it still chokes me up sometimes.

Sometimes I wish that he could have been born on the bed, instead, so that I could look at our bed and say, that's the bed where you were born, and not feel like I completely lost the place where he was born.

Have other mamas on this forum experienced losing or selling or moving out of their birthplace? What was it like? How did you deal with it? Did any of you know you might have to move and birth on a bed or quilt to somehow 'preserve' the memory of the experience?

[Jemper]

I'm a military wife, so my two homebirths were in two different homes. I'm planning another homebirth with my third, and it will be in yet another location that I will likely never see again once we move (we're currently in Seoul, Korea).

Perhaps because I live a transient lifestyle and knew my home was temporary ahead of time, it didn't affect me as deeply as it has you. I did feel sad when we left our home in CA (site of my first DD's birth) and I recognized that it had a lot to do with the fact that Mary was born there. My 2nd DD was born in a house that we still own and hope to reside in again when we return to the states, so that sadness is different. I miss the house, but still have the hope that we'll return.

Frankly, it never occurred to me to birth on a quilt or bed or something we could take with us. I had both my homebirths filmed by family, so I have that memory to take with me. I have seen some women make prints of the placenta on paper.

I'm not sure I'm really answering any of your questions. I can definitely relate, birthing in your residence gives it a sense of home like nothing else. I don't think I'll do anything differently with this birth to remember it; I can just look at my new baby and recall how s/he came into the world.

[Breathless Wonder]

We will be moving out of the house where two of my children were born in the next year or two. And both matresses they were born on are now gone- not because of the birth, but for other reasons. I think about leaving this house all of the time, and it makes me incredibly sad. But I don't so change very well to begin with.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I haven't had my baby yet, but I have already thought about this situation. Our original plan when we bought the house (3 years ago) was to only be here for about 5 years or so, but now I can't bear the thought of not living here with all the memories I have thus far (like having dc#3 here), let alone knowing I have yet to birth my baby here. I also wanted to plant a tree with the placenta, how can I leave that?! So I think we will always own this house, we'll just be buying a fixerupper/vacation house that we will turn into our dream house and be here for everyday life (works out for the kids school anyway). Then when we're old and move into our dream house, one of the kids can live here or we'll rent it out...that's the plan anyway, lol.

I agree with the pp though, my oldest two kids were brought home to different (rental) houses and although I was sad when leaving, etc. I always knew we wouldn't be there forever. It's a different kind of permenance when its your house...and your baby is born there, I'm imagining

[homebirthing]

I lived in my house for seven years when I gave birth to my second daughter in the water. The first was at the hospital. We sold our house 5 days before she was born. We moved one month later. I had to go out of my house three days postpartum and find a house!! That pretty much sucked. But the amazing thing was turning our new house into a home with my children. I cherish the memories of where Kettie was born, but it was also fun to plan the birth of my next daughter, born at home in the water two months ago. I think of homebirth as giving birth not so much in the place, but what it represents. Your family, support, love, no medical interventions, safety, guidance, peacefulness. And when you can carry that in your heart, you will always have it with you, no matter where you are.

[carlasher]

havent thought of it

This is my first baby, so I havent had a chance to think about it...

We are not homeowners (and may never be in this market), so every place I move into, I never feel like its mine. I grew up in a house my mum has owned for now 35 years (and still have) and never found a replacement for it.

Who knows? Because of this, I may give birth and move out without even thinking about the semintal value of the place because it does not belong to us.

[Spark]

Oh, Jenny, that is so tough. My heart is with you. I'm so sorry that you're experiencing such grief. I, too, know that one day, I'll move from this house where both my children were born. To lock up the doors and know that I can't just visit their birthplace whenever I want will be tough. I think there must be some sort of mourning or a rite of passage. Have you considered giving yourself a ceremony? Or perhaps a guided visualization to move the sacred feelings you associate with the location and move it to your heart. Something that helps blend the place with your experience might help. Anyway you can go back and take a rock or a leaf from that place? Perhaps holding something that represents the home would help.

I'm not sure what I'll take from my home when I eventually move someday, but I'm going to make sure and take something for each of my children. Perhaps just a vial of dirt.

I'm sorry I'm rambling. I'm just a bit raw emotionally today after reading a post earlier.

Peace to you and your family. May you find home within your heart and in the eyes of your children.

[applejuice]

Yes, I bonded with the homes I birthed in.

VEry sad to leave any of them.

[momto l&a]

We lived in the house where our first 2 where where born for 3 years then we moved

We are expecting our third home birth in our new home in a couple of weeks. Kinda hard to start over though I love this home much more than our last. Our first child was born it our bed and of course I still have that bed but our second was born in the bath tub and of course we couldnt bring that with us :LOL

Its kinda like our camp trailer we dont use it enought to warrent keeping it yet our second pregnancy ended in miscarrage in that trailer so dh and I have a very hard time trying to get ready to sell it.

Memories...

[2+twins]

I totally know how you feel. It didn't hit me quite so hard, but it did still bother me. I gave birth to my first dd in an apartment, so I always knew that we wouldn't live there forever. I did have her on the bed though, like you said, so maybe that helped ease the transition for me. However, after she was born we ended up replacing that bed for a king size and stored her birth bed to use in a future guest bedroom. We did that briefly until we conceived dd#2 and then we sold it. It bothered me cuz I always liked telling people (especially when we were still in the apartment) that Caitlin was born "right there". Thought it was cool. I guess I keep the memory of the place alive with pictures. Wish I had it on video though.

[oshunmama]

9 months after my second son was born in our home in Ohio, we sold and moved to SC. That was 3 years ago, and it still is very hard for me. I was very bitter and angry for a while (we moved due to job loss). When I got pregnant here, it was very hard for me. The entire pregnancy centered around homesickness. I hated where we were renting, so that didn't help. Then 3 weeks before our daughter was born, we bought a house and moved in. And then she was born here, and although that Ohio house will always be special, Nilah helped make our new house a home. I once thought/dreamt of our Ohio house everyday, but haven't thought once about it until this post. And this time, I am not sad, just notalgiac.

It takes time. Birth makes a house sacred, so don't fret over not "getting over it." Memories will accumulate where you are now, and when your cup is overflowing, you will realize you are at peace with your move.

[jessitron]

Thank you guys for sharing your feelings about the homes.
One of the reasons I want a home birth is to give our house a feeling of homeness. After five months, it still has too many vibes of the previous owner. After reading these posts, I'm even more excited about the birth. And I'm glad we stretched and bought a big house, where we can live for a long time.

[Asheville Mama]

I can totally relate!

We moved from our house where dd was born in Jan. but didn't move all our things until June. It was a long process of making the mental transition for me. I cried the day we closed the doors for the last time and drove away and no one understood why. I think even though it wasn't a house we had planned to be in forever, it was extremely special because that's where dd took her first breath. It doesn't help that we're renting now in a new city expecting dc #2, planning a home birth in a place that really doesn't feel much like home to me. But I do have video and pictures and of course, memories. I also kept dd's placenta to plant at our more "permanant" home so that helps me deal!

[MyCalling]

For me it's not so much that we sold our home our second son was born in but that all of our children but him would be born in the home we are in now. Our oldest was born in my mom's home when we first moved to CA from MI, then we bought our first home and had our second son there. My mom got cancer and couldn't afford her home so we co-own it and will be here likely for decades.

Now our twins will be born here in April. They won't be our last children and I keep thinking we should at least have another child born somewhere else so it's not just our second as the "odd man out". Maybe one born up in the forest but I think we'll be completely nuts if we actually did that.

I at least have both sons' placentas saved to plant one day and for some reason they have always meant more to me than where my sons were born.

[Fiddlemom]

I think what has made our departure from that house so poignant for me (aside from the obvious!) is that we left behind so much more than just his birthplace--but went from a liberal w. coast city (Seattle) with a great birthing community to a conservative (in every way) area--and moving into a rental here in MD which has an annoying landlord....so, going from having a 4th dimensional "our home" experience to renting in a place we dont' really want to live.

it is so helpful to read about your experiences!!! they are all so different, and each one is illuminating something for me. thank you.

[Fiddlemom]

forgot to add.....

I buried both boys' placentas (frozen) a few days before we moved, and put a few flowers above ground. I buried the placentas really deep so that no critters would dig them up, thus instigating a major investigation of 'what the he&& the previous owners had buried there.' :LOL Jeff mentioned the possibility of bringing them, mostly I think to point out the impracticality of it all, but explaining the cooler thing to my parents (not to mention having to deal with it) as we made an arduous cross country plane trip with a baby and toddler was just not my idea of fun. :LOL

Leaving the placentas buried there, now that I think of it, is very comforting....it feels appropriate to have left something behind that was a part of my body once.

Considered telling the new owner (a nice woman) that my son was born there--I think as some last-ditch effort to maintain some control over that place. After thinking it over, I realized I didn't need to do that for many reasons, including that it was much less vulnerable feeling to turn over my space to that person if I _didn't_ tell her.

[applejuice]

I planted rose bushes in honor of the birth of each child and uprooted them each time and took them with us.

Soooo sad.

They were patented, so if they did not survive the transplantation, I could acquire another of the same kind.

I even mourned the loss of a rose bush!

It was worth it though when my high school son would cut a rose off of his Jack Frost rose bush and give it to his high school sweetheart! So sweet!

[mwherbs]

I think that you have tapped into a very old, instinct. Many animals return to birthplace. People in many parts of the world are land-bonded in this way- only these clan or tribal areas have been places of births and deaths of many generations. I do not know how to easily change, I have moved around quite a bit in my life and have moved away from the 2 places where I had homebirths and also away from the places of the 2 hospital births. When I was a small child I lived in the high mountains this is where my father grew up, we all had a very hard time living in a desert place but it is where work relocated us. While pregnant with my first child, I started land-bonding to the desert place, I could see beauty in the sky and the dirt and the plants. It wasn't a foreign place any more, I did not pine for the woods in the same way my father did anymore. When we had our 4 child we lived in a place on the edge of the desert and the forest and I thought I was in heaven, if I had a ton of money I would live there now. Perhaps some ceremony celebrating the new place you live,like a house blessing. I know some people who have had ceremonies like this. My mother would probably buy an new broom and mop, have a big house warming party... plant some new plants, get to know the things growing around you.
Take care