Is it possible to do a toy purge and still be respectful of the dc's feelings?

[The Lucky One]

Ds1 has too many toys. Actually, part of the problem is my fault for not putting away many of the 'baby' toys as he got older, but still we are encountering problems from the sheer volume of toys we have around. We are running out of space (and ds has a huge toyroom) and the room is looking very cluttered. Also, I think ds has too many choices and I find him going from thing to thing to thing and hardly playing with anything. I really think if he had less things to choose from, he might be able to stay focused on one thing for longer periods. Not to mention, I'd love the nightly toy clean-up to go more quickly. Plus, my baby is now rolling over both ways, picking things up and scooting backwards while laying on his back. I forsee crawling in the near future and I need to get some of the toys with little pieces put out of his reach.

But, I worry about ds1. He is very sensitive and I know he will FREAK when he discovers a bunch of his toys missing from his toyroom. There is no way I could accomplish a toy purge while he was awake, he would literally be begging everytime I tried to pack a toy away. So it would have to be something I did while he was asleep, but I think I would be feeling awful the whole time, like I'm stealing his stuff. And, how would I explain myself in the morning. I don't lie to him, ever really, so I couldn't play dumb, besides he's too smart to fall for something like that. But, I don't think he could understand my total reasoning for the purge, either.

So, for those of you who have done purges, how do explain to your dc what happened to the toys and how have they reacted? What do you do if they ask for a specific toy that has been put away? Any other words of wisdom? I want to be respectful of his feelings, yet I really feel this needs to be done.

[momto l&a]

I have done the purge while dh had the girls elsewhere.

I know what they like to play with and what never gets played with, so for me its easy.

I think keeping the purged items somewhere where the dc cant see them but should they set up a fuss about a missing toy could be retrieved. Never has happened BTW.

Those are my thoughts. I didnt feel like I was stealing but just helping the child deal with less clutter.

[memory maker]

I have this same problem with my ds. He doesnt play with a toy forever until I try and put it away, then it becomes his new favorite again. I was able to get rid of all his Rescue Heroes (all 30 of them) because we sold them at a garage sale. I told him we could buy some legos (his new favorite) with the money we got. this worked for this time.

[MamatoDov]

I'm not sure if this would work, but maybe you could explain to him that there are a lot of kids whose parents can't afford to buy toys for them, and the two of you could choose some toys to donate somewhere. It might be a way that he could feel good about parting with some of his toys. (unless, of course, you were just going to pack the toys away for your younger child.) I Hope you figure this one out. It's a stcky situation. I'd go with my instincts if I were you, though. If something doesn't feel right to you, you can always figure out another way.

[jake&zaxmom]

We just found a solution that works very well for us. I took 99% (really!) of ds's toys and put them in 18 gallon Rubbermaid totes, labeled them and put them on the floor of his closet. He was there when I did it, and I made it very clear that he hadn't done anything wrong, that it wasn't a punishment, it was just that there were too many toys and we were going to try this "experiment" for a while.

He is allowed to choose a toy (or two) from the closet each morning, and if he likes he can trade that toy in for a different one after nap. I did that a week ago and he still hasn't asked for a toy out of the closet. Not once.

I left out a big racecar, a big dumptruck, 4 plastic dinosaurs, 3 balls, an abacus, a rocking horse and a FP farm set. He's fine with that, knowing that the toys are there for the asking. He's really glad that there isn't a daily scramble to get all of the toys picked up before Daddy gets home and our living room is much less chaotic. Don't know if this would work for you, but it has worked perfectly for us.

[dharmamama]

To answer your question, absolutely it is possible to purge toys and still respect your child. I regularly purge my daughter's toys. I tell her before I am going to do it, and I allow her to pick three things that I can't get rid of. After that, it's up to me. I know from observing her play what she plays with and what she doesn't, and I would never get rid of something she played with regularly.

I think the idea of picking some toys to donate is a good one, as long as you don't make your son feel guilty for having toys or responsible for alleviating the ills of the world. Maybe explain what Goodwill is and tell him you'd like to be able to donate some things. Set the example by donating some of your own things.

Also, ask him to go through the toys with you and pick out things that might not be safe for your younger child. Explain that part of being a bigger sibling is to help make sure that the baby stays safe.

I think Jake and Zax mom's idea is brilliant.

Spend a few days talking to your son about what you are going to do and why. Give him a few days to understand and get used to the idea. Give him a few days to decide what he really, truly wants to keep and what he can live without.

I look at this as an exercise in teaching my daughter not to get too attached to things. I believe she is learning that things are not a part of who she is and that she can let go of her things and still be whole.

Good luck.

Namaste!

[Fianna]

Yes, I think it is possible. I have actually done a big purge after the accumulation of toys just became so overwhelming. The girls didn't even enjoy playing in their room because there was just too much stuff. So I let them help me choose which ones to keep out, which ones to give away, and which ones to pack up in storage containers to pull out later. It worked really well. I had quite a few large plastic containers with labels in the room and we took turns putting toys into the "keep", "give away" and "store away" boxes. I was so thrilled that we got rid of so much stuff! And the ones that are stored are in a guest bedroom closet, so if one of the girls wants something out of storage, the agreement is that another toy has to go into the storage box, so they can swap toys from storage to being out. It works really well most of the time.

Now I have tossed out broken or "yucky" toys when the girls weren't around but they were never toys that were important to the girls in the first place. They've never once asked for a toy that I have tossed out.

[ILuvMyBaby]

you have all made me want to do this...do any of you feel guilty because you spent money on them and now are putting them away? I have this horrible guilt thing going on...

[Fianna]

Originally Posted by ILuvMyBaby

you have all made me want to do this...do any of you feel guilty because you spent money on them and now are putting them away? I have this horrible guilt thing going on...

Nope, not a bit of guilt here. My sanity is worth MUCH more than the $ spent on those toys, especially since a lot of them I didn't even pay for! Many are presents or favorite hand-me-downs from cousins.

[skylarsmama]

Every so often I go through Skylar's toybox and get rid of the stuff he never plays with. I try to consolidate some toys (all the legos go in one box instead of the containers they came in, etc.) I have a rubbermaid type 3-drawer thing in his closet. one drawer has his movies, one has his art supplies, and the third has his thomas the tank engine stuff. Everything else can fit into the toybox except for a few big cars and trucks but they get parked in a special place. When I clean out his toybox I explain to him that he doesn't play with these toys anymore and that we can pass them on to another little kid that would like it.
I do the same with his clothes also.
He likes to help me decide what to get rid of now that he's understanding it more.
much love
-Lindsey

[phathui5]

We do this before every birthday and Christmas. Ds' birthday is next Saturday, so I went through his room yesterday and pulled out two trash bags full to take to Goodwill. What took up the most room in the bags was the stuffed animals, which he had a ton of but never ever plays with.

[Peppermint]

Originally Posted by phathui5

We do this before every birthday and Christmas.

Yep, we do it then too . DS's birthday was last week and we did another "purge". The night before his birthday I enlisted both of the older kids (4 1/2 and 3) to help me. I got out the garbage can, a bag for good will and we went for it. I talked a little bit about kids who don't have toys, and about clutter and clean-up time. We went through each and every toy we have, the kids decided what would go and what would stay and I helped them decide between garbage and Goodwill for the "going" stuff.

I am always pleasantly surprised by how much they are willing to part with, maybe it is b/c the next day they'll be getting new stuff , but, either way- I think that is a respectful way to do things, whereas I would not be comfortable giving away their toys without their consent. You may be underestimating your DS, maybe try it with him, make it a fun game (if b-day or holiday are not on the horizon, maybe a trip to the toy store for one new toy could be?), do it when he is well rested and fed , maybe use laundry baskets to sort- where he could throw (like shooting baskets) the toys into the piles?

Good luck, HTH!