WWYD re: kid at preschool

[oceanbaby]

Ds is 3.5yo, and just started preschool. I have been reluctant to have him go, mainly because I think he is too young to not have one of his parents with him - I feel like he is too young to have to learn to fend for himself, and to not pick up obnoxious behaviors from other kids. But we chose to send him for some speech delay issues, and so far he loves it.

But, there is this one kid at the preschool that is really obnoxious. He will come up to the other kids (and adults) and go "BLEH" in their face. He will roughly bump into the other kids during circle time. I was sitting next to him when this board/block thing fell over and hit him on the back. He turned to me and said "Don't do that", and when I said that I didn't do it, that the block fell, he kept saying "I saw you do it" over and over. Whatever - I just kind of ignored him. He walks up to ds (and other kids) and sticks his finger in their face. That kid of stuff.

I have witnessed some incidents between him and other kids that if the other kid were ds, would really bother me. Like today, a kid came up to him playing blocks, and he started saying "You can't play with these", etc., and then started shoving the kid. The other kid then bonked him on the head with a plastic dinosaur, the obnoxious kid started wailing, and that's when the teacher came on the scene. She of course focused on the kid who hit him with the dinosaur, as she had no idea that the other kid had been hitting first.

There are 15 kids, 2 teachers, and 1 assistant. The Director is also in the classroom 2 days a week. The teachers are excellent - I have learned a lot by being there and watching them - but they just can't see everything. Heck, I can't see everything when I'm home with just ds. So it's not a matter of improper supervision, I don't think. They do often see stuff he does and they address it in a very gentle discipline kind of way. But the mama bear in me doesn't want this kid harassing or scaring ds when another teacher doesn't see it.

Do I talk to the teachers about this kid? Do I ask them to just keep an extra vigilant eye on this kid, especially when he is around ds? Or is this an unreasonable thing to ask? Would you pull your kid from a preschool because of this?

[mocha09]

Hm. I would talk to the teachers about the kid. I'm sure that they already know that he is someone to keep an eye on.

I would specifically ask what intervention methods they are choosing to use with his aggressive behavior. How they are diffusing situations before they escalate, and how they deal with escalation issues once they are at hand. What do they do when someone hits/pushes in general? Are they doing something different when this kid is involved? etc.

[jannan]

if it were my dd would i pull her from the school? No, i would not. the kid sounds like an obnoxious brat but not dangerous. just like he needs some guidence and direction. i'm sure the teachers are aware of his behavoir. i would mention that you want your ds protected from him. teachers want to accomodate parents and want children to want to come to preschool.........now, if your child does not want to go then i would talk to the director. 3.5 is not too young to be in pre school alone. he will not have to fend for himself that is why there are teachers. the ratio of children to teachers sounds decent...........

[LoveBeads]

I wanted to chime in on this. You know, sometimes it is enormously beneficial to our children to see a child acting inappropriately. They can see and participate in the process of helping the child learn and grow. My DD did it last year - I posted about her "GD'ing someone in her class". She was complaining about a boy who had inappropriate, albeit non-violent, behaviors. He would not hit, push or kick but he did mess up the kids work, push over their blocks, etc. She and I discussed this boy and I told her that it sounded to me like he wanted to have friends but wasn't sure the right way to do it. I suggested to her that the next time he ruined her work, to say to him, "If you want to play with me then you need to ask. Please use words instead of knocking down my blocks."

It worked! He really, really started to get it. Some of the other moms in the class did the same with their kids, too, so the message would be reinforced.

I would discuss it with the teachers but you might want to suggest this approach to the entire class (not by singling out this kid but more as a general approach).

Good luck!