A new baby? Opinions requested...

[Ceinwen]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this... but here goes.

I'm a 23 year old, married, full time student, and mummy to my dd Zoe who is 20 months old. Zoe stays with my mum during the hours that I'm at school. Dh is also a full time engineering student (his last year!) and works part time on the weekends.

I don't think I want to finish school right now. This is my first year of nursing (working on my BScN), but I look at Zoe, who is getting so big - so fast. And I desperately want her to have a sibling. I cry whenever I see pregnant women or newborns. I want a baby.

I know it's really just up to me and dh, but everyone who is part of our support system (mainly my parents who help us sooo much) would be so disappointed if I were to get pg right now. My two years of school would be essentially wasted. And even though it's essentially my decision... I still hate to let everyone down.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation? What did you do? Do I just stick out the four years of school? Do I follow my emotional tug? Arrrgggh. I wish this could be simpler.

[A&A]

I'd stick it out, personally. School will be harder to finish the longer you wait!

And you're young! You have plenty of time to have another child. Just my 2 cents.

[Liam's_Momma]

I am going thru something similar right now. The urge to have another child is just so strong. I get that pulling at my heart whenever I see a pregnant lady. I know it's hard but you can wait. You are young enough, and you have plenty of time! You will be better off I think. We have given ourselves another year and then we will start trying. I wish I had some better advice but I don't. If you ever want to talk about it please PM me ok?

[TiredX2]

I was 21 when I got pg with DD (22 when I had her).

I was desperate for another child when she was that age (20 months). We got pg when she was 23 months.

I'd wait.

Now that DS is 3 I have spent the last year saying, "Was I crazy!?!?! He is so tiny." I ended up nightweaning DD before she was ready and just pushed her in a lot of ways. She was fairly high needs, though, so take that into account.

Do you want to be a nurse or do you see yourself being a SAHM? Because it will never be easier to go back to school than it is to keep going right now.

I am sure whatever you do will work out, you just have to decide what will work best for you

Good luck!

Kay

[USAmma]

This might be the perfect time to get a low-maintenance pet like a cat. Stick it out. It's hard with two kids. Fun but hard. I don't know how anyone can study and have kids (even one!).

Darshani

[chersolly]

I say follow your heart and have another child. Be the type of momma you want to be. You can always return to your education a few years down the road. That's what I plan on doing.

[Cloverlove]

Dh and I both wanted another when I was 1/2-way done with school. We compromised and started ttc the summer before my last year. It worked out great! I was pregnant my last year of school and had dd right after graduation.

[Emilie]

I have not finished school- 1 or 2 years to go- and do not plan to go back to work- even if we had another baby- so that is not too much a concern for me right now. I do not want another one now- cause I personally could not handle two at this time- financially as well. Tho I would say- wait it out..... for the reasons listed above- but I have no experience with this issue- it is just my opinion.

[Satori]

I'm in the same spot except I dont have a DH and i'm almost 30 and it looks like i'm going to be a full time student for the next 4 years. I dont want my kids 9-10 years apart You know you can go to school and still parent right? Yesterday at the loan workshop the room was full of mama's with toddlers and babies and they were doing it. It was actually a pretty awesome sight

[meco]

Follow your heart.

I got pregnant right before I turned 22 and was a year away from my degree. I went to school until I was 9 months pregnant, and then I took a semester off to be my DS. When he was 8 months I went back (b/c SO could stay home with him) but not as intensive as I had before. So I had to do my last 2 semesters, 2 summer classes and 2 online classes to finish. BUT I JUST DID IT! So it can be done.

It is possible to be a student and a mama.

You will not have wasted 2 years. Can you do online classes?

[mrzmeg]

I am in a similar place, though I am a bit further along in school. My ds was born when I was 20, having completed two years of college. I took off a semester, then began wanting another child around the time ds was one, but we decided to wait so that the baby would be born after I graduate. So, we got pregnant this past August. I'll graduate in December and the baby will be born around April.

Knowing I'll be done with school soon has really lifted a lot of weight from my shoulders. I know that it would really prolong my schooling if I were to have two young children, which would completely stress me out. But I know that lots of moms have managed that. Do you have a good support structure? If you would have lots of potential childcare, that is certainly something that would make it easier. I also have a little bit of a perfectionist attitude (if I can't do it well, I usually don't want to do it), so I don't think I could spread myself that thinly.

I would probably wait, but that is just me. Follow your heart, mama

[Ceinwen]

Thank you so much for all the well thought out and heart felt replies. It's just nice knowing I'm not the only one who's dealing with this! I guess everyone has some struggle in their life...

For now I'm just going to take it on a day to day basis. I'm definitely not going to throw away this year of school (seeing as how tuition is now non-refundable!). But we'll see what the spring brings!

You ladies are awesome!

Thanks - Melissa

[Marsupialmom]

I am coming from a different perspective. I knew nothing of sequencing when I had my first child. Now that I am 31 and can look back on things I know what I would have wished I would have done. Finished school.

I have been divorced with child and no skills. It was very hard. I started school but didn't finish because I remarried and had two more children (for the exact reasons you want another).

Two weeks ago my husband went to the ER with chest pains. I once again had to face my biggest fears what will happen if/when my husband dies. To be honest I cannot support my family. I do know if/when he dies at least I will be poor enough to qualify for grants, loans, et. This will not put food on the table or roof over our heads.

In hindsight I wish I had finished my education and maintained my job skills by working minimally.

You do not know if you will ever have to single parent it for what ever reason. We do not like to think of divorce, illness, joblessness, or death. How would you support your family if the were to “Have” to be the sole income provider.

[phathui5]

I wanted to add that your years of schooling will not be wasted. The credits you have will still be there if/when you decide to return.

[sarahmae1]

I decided to have a 2nd child instead of going back to school but the situation was a little different. I had my first at 20 when I was a student, and so was my dh. When he was around a year I decided to take a year off, so my dh could finish up his last year of school and then get a job. The plan was then for me to go back and finish. But when my ds was the same age as your dd I began to really want another child. I talked my dh into it but it took us several months to concieve. Now I have my 2nd ds, my dh has a great job, and I am a sahm. I've always wanted to be a sahm anyway, and for the most part I am happy. I do want to finish school at some point - I have about 3 semesters left. But for me, right now its more important to be at home w/ my kids, nurse my baby, and probably have more kids before finishing school. School will always be there (I am an education major) but my kids will only be little once.

[nikirj]

Honestly? I'd wait. And I say this as a student-mama of 2. Not that it's unbearably difficult with 2 or anything - it isn't. But over a lifetime, that 1 year or so extra you'll be waiting is worth the wait to get your degree now, and not have to go back later.

I have to ask, though, how much time exactly you'd be having to wait? If you are in the beginnings of one of those meet-the-prereqs and then 2 years of school, I'd totally wait - if you are still working on early coursework, I probably wouldn't.

This from a woman who is pregnant with her third and applying to a 2-year nursing program next year. I finished the prereqs and am taking a break now to have another child before going into the actual nursing program.

You can take as many breaks as you need to - the question is whether they make sense in your life, if they fit your priorities, if it is actually the desire of your heart to have another child at this point, or just to have another *soon* or another *ever* and you are impatient.

So, wanna hear what we did? We value having kids young and at close intervals over having money or finishing school fast, so that is where we are coming from. I got pregnant with DD during my first year of school, went to school pregnant, the semester ended a couple weeks before she was born, and I took 6 months off to spend at home with her. Spent a year back in school, got pregnant with DS at an inopportune time (we were TTC but we started 'early' anticipating not getting pg right away, and did) and I took a full year off. Went back for another year and a half, finishing my prerequisites for both medical school and nursing school (wasn't sure for sure I wanted to go to nursing school), decided to move, have another child, and spend another year out of school. So now here we are, pregnant again, out of school again, and will be waiting until this one is big enough that I can comfortably go back to school.

While DH and I are happy with how things are going, you just have to look at that messy previous paragraph and think - I could have been DONE with school by now. Would we be happier if we had waited and our kids were spaced out further? I don't know. I just know I'm pretty happy with how things are working out.

That said, we've always tried to work through how to make things easier. Tried to time things so that they didn't interrupt more school than they had to (DD born in early February so I only missed one semester, DS we hoped would be January, but ended up December and kept me out a year) and have tried to have things make sense - taking two 'halves' of the same course (you know, stuff like physiology and chemistry that is essentially cumulative even though the courses are separate) before taking my next break - so I wouldn't start one of those types of classes if I knew I'd be taking a break the next semester.

You'd also need to check with your nursing program - some programs are cyclical and if you don't stay in the whole cycle, you'll have real problems making up the courses you missed (some courses offered only every 2 or 4 years, for example). Others are more like 'normal' school and offer every required class at least once a year. The one I had wanted to enroll in is a cyclical and we're planning on setting aside a solid 2 years for it.

[Kirsten]

I remember being young and that immense longing for a baby. Mine started in high school... No one could believe that I actually graduated college without having a baby. I had my dd1 at 27. I am very glad I went straight through from high school to college and continued til I graduated. I am a SAHM to three girls now. So many people who "take a break" in their schooling never seem to go back. I know that some do but I was glad to just continue til I was finished. Your dd is so young - you still have time to give her a sibling a couple of years down the road. My dd1 and dd2 are four years apart (by plan) and it has been a wonderful spacing. If you just don't feel you can wait til you are completely done with college, I agree with a previous poster who herself was pregnant her last year and had the baby just after she graduated. Maybe that as a compromise? Good luck deciding.