Babysitting Question...

[Bearsmama]

This is new territory for me...

I have a 2.8 yo son and a 7 week old. I have no family help with them except occasionally when we leave our oldest with the ILs so we can go to dinner (every few months). Since the birth of our second son, I've finally realized that it may be OKAY to start looking for a very part time babysitter/mother's helper (perhaps 2-4 hours a week). My question is that I am an AP mama and I don't want to leave my newbie with anyone right now and probably won't want to for a VERY long time. So, the babysitting would be for my older son only while I took my little guy out with me.

Do you think that doing this would breed resentment between my kids? Do you all think it's OKAY to bring the more portable child out with you while you have some help with another? The last thing I want to do is hurt my older child in ANY way since he's had a hard time with this transition already. But I really need some extra hands and love, lately, ladies.

TIA for any input/advice you can provide.

[awnja]

it makes sense to me

Yes of course its OK. You need to be with the little peanut, and you need time "alone" w/dh, so a b-sitter seems like a good plan. And teens and toddlers enjoy each other so much.

How about if the sitter visits a few times, paying attention to both children... then asks for a "play date" with JUST the older? Like the sitter prefers him. Then its not like the baby gets mommy, its like the 2yo gets the sitter all to himself -- he/she is a special friend that he doesn't have to share.

How to ensure he sees it this way? I don't know. Get a REALLY fun sitter?

julie

[zaftigmama]

I don't see why that would be a problem. I would definitely introduce the sitter/mother's helper as a friend of your toddlers. And explain how the helper is there to play while you take care of the baby, and how fun it is to have a special friend, etc.,.

My daughter was 2 when my son was born. She very quickly grew tired of seeing me nurse the baby constantly, and would have loved having a sitter to play with her. She would have had to have known this person awhile before I would leave the house, but I think she would have loved it if I gave her the chance.

Good luck!

[sunbaby]

if the babe could be content in the arms of the sitter, then maybe occasionally he/she could tend the babe while you and ds play nearby- so you wont have to be away from the babe, but ds feels he is getting special mom time now and then? of course, i know with precious few hours of help its nice to spend them getting errands done as often as possible.

[Bearsmama]

awnja & Zaftig-Thanks very much for your replies.

Awnja-I am hoping to find someone who is fun-someone who my son really WANTS to play with.

Zaftig-B/c this is such a big step for me, I will definitely have whatever person I choose come here first for a few times and just hang with me and the boys. Plus, I may not even leave the house when the "sitter" is here. Somedays I just yearn for someone to be here for an hour or two during our "witching" hours (usually between 4-7)-even if I'm here, too.

I have been such a weenie about leaving my son with anyone. I think it took 16 months for me to feel comfortable leaving him with the ILs for any amount of time. So, considering having someone help in this way is HUGE for me. And a big step even if it takes forever to find someone I like. It's like mentally I've realized that I need help and that it's okay to ask for it...big, big for me! So, thanks for the support and advice

[Bearsmama]

sunbaby-Cross post...thanks for your reply. I think you're right. Having some special time with my older son would benefit us both. And that's why I am saying a prayer to the universe to find a really great person that I would eventually feel comfortable relying on for a various of babysitting/mother's helpers needs...Wondering if this person exists!??

Someone said to me that I should put an add out asking for a grandmother-type...this would be great!

[awnja]

Originally Posted by Bearsmama

I have been such a weenie about leaving my son with anyone. I think it took 16 months for me to feel comfortable leaving him with the ILs for any amount of time. So, considering having someone help in this way is HUGE for me. And a big step even if it takes forever to find someone I like. It's like mentally I've realized that I need help and that it's okay to ask for it...big, big for me! So, thanks for the support and advice

I wish I knew how to put a link in here to another thread because in the Life w/ a Babe forum, I posted my own weenieness.
I'm leaving my 5mo for the very first time... well, she was left once with dh for about an hour, but Sunday I'm going to a concert and while I try to be excited, I'M SO SCARED! Even my own mother doesn't seem "good enough" to care for my baby for that long, but we're gonna do this, darn it. Its going to be good for everyone!

Anyway, I can TOTALLY relate.

I'm sure you've done such a good job, obviously well attached, in raising a secure and flexible little boy that's ready for new friends and experiences. Good Luck!!!!!!!

[Bearsmama]

awnja-Thanks

[dharmamama]

I think being able to stay with a sitter would be a nice change of pace for your little guy. If given the choice of going to Jamie's (occasional babysitter, who has several other young kids for my daughter to play with) or running errands with me, 9 times out of 10 my daughter (who is slightly older than 2 1/2) will choose to go to Jamie's. I leave here there for about 2 hours every other week or so. And when our son arrives from Ethiopia, I plan to alternate leaving the kids with Jamie every once in a while so I can have one-on-one time with each and each will get a chance to go play with other kids. (Of course I'll wait till our son has settled in an adjusted before I send him to a sitter.) I'd say give it a try and see how it works out!

Namaste!