Co-sleeping benefits for Dads?

[Cath922]

My husband is hedging against the idea of co-sleeping with our fourth baby. I would like to do this and have tried to talk with him about it. Are there any Dads out there willing to share some stories about the benefits of co-sleeping? I'd like to give him a same side perspective. I don't want to just tell him "tough" nor do I want to have to move to another room to sleep with baby and leave our bed altogether.

Thanks for any advice I can pass along.

[Marlena]

Wish I could help, but dh is not pleased with our own arrangments (dd in a sidecar; I wouldn't have it any other way, unless dd prefered to sleep somewhere else (and she doesn't, at least not yet (at 15 months))). Did you not cosleep with your other three children?

[Cath922]

The babies were in bassinets in the room and then moved to the crib in our room. i have a new craddle that is nice, but I'd rather the baby directly next to me. The kids all sleep with us every night, but they start in their own beds. Which is another thing. I want the baby in the bed but do not want to "dis" my other children from feeling comfortable to come in to be with us.

I might have to wait and see how it all pans out. I'm also concerned about the good night sleep in our house and the downfalls of everyone not getting it, which is why i was thinking about sleeping in another room, feeding, and leaving the rest of the night ritual alone.

[Dov]

We co-slept/sleep. We have a tiny two bedroom condo and the second bedroom changed back from a bedroom to an "office" (or disaster area as my wife calls it). So we're all in the "master" bedroom. Our five year old has a loft bed I built for her and she's decked it out with drapes and other personalized decor, but ocassionally she ends up in our bed with us in the mornings. Our son sleeps now in a bed at the foot of ours but he ends up with us consistently every morning.

We co-slept with our dd until ds was nearly 6 mos. old and she decided she wanted her own bed but in the same room (that was a few months after trying out the second bedroom, which, after the transfer back to the big bedroom became the office). And then when ds wanted his own bed too (@ age 2), we built the loft for dd. In terms of advantages, we did it out of lack of space for a separate room to begin with and for ease of breastfeeding. It was just easier for mom and for me, it just felt really homey or tribal having everyone together.

My own issue was only ever about space... I have disproportionately wide shoulders and we only have a queen sized bed. When dd was an infant she slept between us which was pretty neat but then as she got older she kept twisting sideways which kept me up at night. For some reason on the other side of mom, she didn't get sideways anymore. Our ds on the other hand, is a total pain to have in bed (kickin' chicken boy). Mom always ends up half onto me (which I won't complain about) and giving him some space.

Once I finish the undergrad degree and hopefully obtain decent paying employment, we plan to get out of this little hovel and build something a little more roomy. By then we figure they'll both want a different arrangement anyway.

Dov

[familyman]

family bed is the best as far as i'm concerned, for a lot of reasons, babies are the best cuddlers, it gives you a level of intimacy unequalled anywhere else, and it frees up the rest of the house to have sex in when the kids are asleep.that in itself should inspire most men to support family bed.

[Dov]

Well said, Familyman! "Exploring" the rest of the place with your mate is definitely a benefit of family bed arrangements. Made us feel like we were "adventurous" again.

Dov

[SueZVudu]

I asked DH, "What would you say are the benefits of co-sleeping for dads?" His answer: "I don't know, since I sleep really hard." : But seriously, he gets to wake up every morning to our beautiful daughter smiling up at him. She is very attached to him, even though he works very long hours and often doesn't get home at night until after she's asleep. I attribute this, in part, to co-sleeping. When she wakes up, I put her next to him, and even though he's asleep, she's just beaming at him. This started when she was about a month old. If she was sleeping in a crib, she would miss out on a lot of daddy time, albeit sleeping-daddy time. And he doesn't have to put out any effort!

But isn't "it would make mommy happy" reason enough?

[XM]

.

[SerenityScott]

My husband is a huge fan of the family bed - almost all the time! The funniest thing for me is when I hear him telling friends who are new parents how great this co-sleeping thing is. He loves it because he almost never had to wake up when it was time to nurse. He has never had to "walk to floors" with the baby or do any of the other steroetypical middle of the night stuff. We sleep well when we sleep together.

The only time he gets cranky about it is if it's "been a while" since we've made love. He starts to blame it on the baby being in the bed, but that's never the problem. It's usually because we're busy or because I haven't thought of it. So as long as we're good in that department, all is well.

We're very happy with our decision to sleep with our daughter... if you could call it a decision. She let us know very clearly at 8 days old that "alone" wasn't a good place to leave her. We finally did move her crib into a "sidecar" a few months ago which I think dramatically expands the useable space in the bed, even if it's just my pregnant tummy and pillows that sleep in there most of the time.

I think it's just one of those things that you have to try for a while before you can really know if it works for you. Just my opinion.

[MamaOui]

............................

[jjdoula]

my DH, who was skeptical at first, now loves co-sleeping. He works all day,,and misses that time with the baby. I think the thing that sold him on continuing at about 9 months is when DS would be nursing between us, then dozing off to sleep, DS always would have his mouth on me,,but one hand stretched behind him to be touching daddy. They are amazingly close, and I attribute a large part of it on the snuggles they get,,the closeness and essentially their spirits touching at night. Their sleep rhythms start to work together, the baby ( now 14 months) will scoot over to snuggle him in sleep,,it is just all the beautiful benefits of AP lifestyles!

[ackermatic]

I'm a dad with good and not so good feelings about co-sleeping.
We've had our 3 yr old in between us since birth. Now, we had to buy a king sized to fit the new baby boy. The baby gets most of the space, about a third of the bed.
I'm always half falling off, and 3 yr old is always digging his nails in my back. I loose a lot of sleep, and the most cuddling I ever get is a warm toe on occasion.
We spent a thousand dollars remodelling his room to get him excited about sleeping in there. Nada. Lasted a week. I found I was sleeping alone more than he was. He'd call mama in there and she'd crash out.
I will say one thing, those kids can SLEEP! Last night, the little one slept from 4pm until 6am. If you put him in there alone, he lasts about a half hour.

[NewMa]

I am not a dad, but I think I can speak for my dp on this one.

Were dd not there in bed with us, he'd miss her!

He doesn't get to cuddle with her all day, so I think it makes getting to snuggle all night all the sweeter.

[faeiregirl]

My dh always tells people how our bed smells like "buttermilk biscuits" from nursing - he loves that smell. I think he was a bit skeptical at first but he says all the time how much he loves having our daughter there. She's 3.

[aredee]

Will your husband read these posts? If not it seems like it's all in vain and maybe there's a larger issue going on. Anyway, I was thrilled about co-sleeping with our son from day ONE. However, it has not been a good experience for me. For one, I'm a light sleeper and my son is not a good sleeper. I'm on a 3.5 year sleep deficit!
Also, he wants nothing to do with me if he wakes up in the night and when he wakes up in the morning. It's him and mommy and that's it.
So that's my experience---yours and everyone else's will likely be very different but I thought I'd share anyway.
Good luck.

[Juelie's Mom]

I SO agree with the sex thing! My dh was also worried about this but then our doula pointed out that if it botherd him to have the baby there we could just go elsewhere in the house. It works out great (aside from the past 2 months since we are living with his fam cuz we just moved to a new town and are still trying to find our own place ). I really miss putting the baby down for naps or to sleep at night and have the whole house to ourselves!

I asked him once if he thought he'd feel as close to Juels if we didn't co-sleep and he said he didn't think there'd be a difference. I think its better for the baby though. It irritates him when she cuddles up close (which is often) and he can't streach out or rollover. But he doesn't complain too much, he know its just cuz she loves her daddy!

Holly