My daughter is sad - what do I do?

[LunaMom]

My daughter has been in kindergarten for four weeks. I had been a little concerned about kindergarten and the kindergarten curriculum because she is advanced in many areas, especially in her verbal and reading ability, and in her ability to grasp complex ideas and apply them to new knowledge. I've had people recommend that she be tested for giftedness, but there's a part of me that just wants to let her be a kindergartener, you know? She loves her teacher and her classmates and not a day goes by that she doesn't gush about them. I'm concerned that testing her will start a ball rolling that I will not be able to stop.

Anyway, yesterday she surprised me by saying that she feels "left out of the learning." She said that when the teacher is teaching, everyone else is learning new things but she already knows them so she feels left out. She said, "What am I supposed to do when they are all learning those things, just sit there and not learn anything?" She was actually near tears. I didn't know what to say to her. She has also told me that she feels very "shy" about her abilities and does not want any of the other children to know that she can read (she reads a few grades above level - beginning chapter books such as Magic Tree House). She says she doesn't want to be different than anyone else and she is afraid that they will make fun of her.

I had spoken with both the classroom teacher (who is very competent and kind, BTW) and the school librarian (who works with advanced readers in a pull-out program that has yet to begin) a couple of weeks ago and they did say things about formally assessing her, but nothing has happened yet. I really don't want to come across as one of those pushy moms, but my daughter's sadness yesterday really threw me for a loop. She is such an enthusiastic and happy child most of the time, and she does love school with all her heart, so her words surprised me. I had assumed that she would be content in kindergarten even if the work was too easy for her, and I figured I would deal with her advanced academics as necessary - whether on my own or by working with the school staff. But now that she has expressed her own concerns to me, I feel as though I need to address this somehow.

I know this probably belongs in the Education forum but that forum gets so few hits and I'd really like to hear from anyone who has advice, not just people whose kids attend public school.

[PikkuMyy]

I just wanted to let you know that I'm working in a kindergarten class and the teacher has just started to do the formal assessments on her students. It takes a little while to get everyone done but they're very comprehensive and will let her know exactly where your daughter is and how to tailor the work to her. I'd even explain this to your daughter and let her know that she just has to wait a little bit longer.

How about letting her take out some books from the library and reading those during times when other kids are reading? I'm sure she enjoys storytime, even if it's a book she could read on her own. (I was like your daughter, and I always did.)

[Amberlyn]

Does your daughter go to public or private school? I would recommend looking at different schools in your area if that is possible in your circumstances. I know my daughter ended up going to 2 different schools in Kindergarten only miles apart, and their curriculum was completely different. The first school she was at had her far ahead of the second school. I would have to say my daughter isnt as talented as yours sounds, she is in first grade and does not read yet (for lack of interest I supose). All she ever wants to do is subtraction (up too 100!). But maybe see if different schools or districts would suit her needs better. Or a private school if she isnt already in one. It seems they have tougher cirriculum or are better able to fit it to individual needs. HTH a little.

[Lula's Mom]

Personally I would have her tested and get her into gifted classes ASAP, if that's how her assessment comes out. She'll be so happy in a class with other kids on her level, or who may challenge her by being even more advanced than she is. I joined the gifted program in second grade, and I absolutely LOVED it! It lasted through 9th grade.

The class size was about half that of a regular class, so there was much more personal attention from the teacher. In 4th grade we were working with computers- this was 1983! We learned how to write computer programs in BASIC language :LOL In 5th and 6th grade we had a Spanish teacher come in once a week; I still remember the Spanish I learned as a 10-year-old better than the words I learn from my Puerto Rican DP today. We went on many more field trips than the regular classes did. We made art projects. We put on performances for the rest of the school. There was plenty of time for creative learning as well as academics.

It was wonderful. I didn't feel different, because I had 15 or 20 classmates just like me. I'm so glad my mother had me tested, because I think my education was far superior to the one I would have gotten in a regular class. I think your daughter can only benefit from being in a gifted program, if that's where she belongs. You wouldn't be pushing her- you'd be allowing her to live up to her potential. Right now she feels stifled and shy because of her abilities... I think it would be great if you could help her get into a class where she's comfortable.

[PikkuMyy]

What a wonderful name, Tallulah! I've read of people with that name but never met anyone. I can't wait to have a daughter and give her a niece old-fashioned name.

[Lula's Mom]

Thank you!!

[Satori]

I have to agree with everyone else, i'd get her tested and into a program or else you risk her starting to hate school from boredom.

[cjr]

Have you considered enrolling her in a second language school? We did that with our dd and she is doing great. She was an early bloomer to and we were so afraid she would be bored in school. We never pushed her to read, she pretty much did it on her own with some gentle encouragment from us. She loved kindergarden and she loves speaking French. It's just enough of a challenge for her to keep her from getting distracted. She keeps teasing us that her and her sister will be able to talk to each other withou dh and I knowing what they're talking about. She is a great reader too and to our surprise is already making the transition from written English to written French. Tonight she read a me a chapter from the Junie B First Grader series, she just started grade 1.

If you want her to have a regular school experience it really is a great option, but it would be something that would have to be done right away. French was our choice because we are in Canada, but children are little sponges and can pick up a second language very easily.

[KellyB]

I'd go ahead and put her in gifted classes, if she qualifies.
Actually, if the option's available, I'd let her skip grades, and give her ample socialization with her own age group with other activities, if that's possible.
School isn't the best place to socialize, IMHO.
Actually, I'd say that as adults, we have to "un-learn" the social skills acquired in school.
So I'd let her know that her time at school is really for learning, and she'll be with friends during other times.
Sports, Music, Church...etc. are really a much better places to learn how to be social.
School sucks, no matter which way you go...and being bright is going to make it even worse, no matter what.
So, I'd allow her to be as intellectually challenged as possible while there.
Who knows? She might end up getting college credits at 14....and be done with a masters at 20...???