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For Mamas (or Papas) Affected by a loved one's drug/alcohol addiction - Page 7

post #121 of 131
i think its too much of a burden for kids.
My parents grew pot in our house, in the bedroom next to mine, actually. I was never allowed to have friends stay the night, or stay the night anywhere else (until I was old enough that they just stopped caring, or so it seemed). They were always afraid we were going to tell someone. And the thing was, we didnt realize it was DRUGS until much older, we just knew there was this big family secret, that our parents smoked pot but that they didn't wnat people to know.. I guess we were in denial that it was the same "pot" that the DARE officers were lecturing us about in school. OUR parents wouldn't do that! I remember getting up in the morning to do the dishes and finding burnt spoons and tiny measuring spoons, all crusty with something I couldn't clean off. I had no clue what it was.

Even if your kids don't see it, they'll know something is amiss. Trust me- you can't keep a secret that big and expect your kids not to feel that something just isn't the same about their family. Kids are little frogs, they soak up all the environmental gunk around them and it changes them forever.

Both of my bio/step parents are addicts as are my brother and all of my aunts/uncles except one. My cousins are continuing the legacy.

My family blames the fact that my dad has raped/molested most of the adult members of my family (including me) on his addiction and they enable his presence in the family. I have chosen not to any longer and severed ties with him a year ago. It was and is excruciating but he is now addicted to his recovery and living the NA culture... it is sick and sad and I wish that narcotic recovery was enough to heal him but it's not.

I'm great, I do have a lot of issues but I am intentionally inviting it all so I can heal. I'm not scared of pain, I know it's temporary and I'll be better for it on the other side. I can't let the choices of my family hold me back from living any longer.

DH is not an addict (nor does he have much of it in his family, more eating disorders ) and he knows that it would be a deal breaker for me if that ever happened. It's harsh, but I couldn't raise my kids in the home of a practicing addict. I wouldn't divorce him but we'd definitely be living in separate homes until he figured his $hit out.

I write about my own recovery from my family, my parents abuse of drugs and of me here. - It's not a drag to read, I don't think.
post #122 of 131
just checking in to say hi

we survived the holidays without major incident. it wasn't sober but it wasn't out of control. well we did go on vacation and dh had the longest break from weed he's had in who knows how long so that was good. and we spent new years eve hanging out in our hotel room with a couple of friends having a few beers and some champagne. there wasn't any drunken unrulyness or obnoxious behavior from dh (or anyone else) it was very pleasant

monday or tuesday he came home with a bottle of jack and a bottle of vodka and declared he was starting a liquor cabinet. now we have never had a liquor cabinet because that would involve NOT drinking all the liquor. and i told him as much. he said 'two drinks' and as he started sipping the third i told him those bottles would be gone by friday. he started protesting and i said 'ok maybe saturday. but they won't make it past saturday' he laughed and i gave him a look but we'll see if i'm right. our friend was over last night and they were making drinks so i have a feeling i won't be too far offbase.

take care
post #123 of 131
Thread Starter 
post #124 of 131
Hi mamas...

I am taking things slowly. Taking it day to day.

Many days I find myself feeling melancholy...

I am pretty uncomfortable. Staying w/ my mom, we have a strained relationship at best... we are pretty broke, dh is in treatment, and I struggle w/ loneliness and the challenges of parenting alone.

Actually most days I think I am doing pretty good. Keeping a posative outlook, living in the moment, feeling grateful, and trying my best to not fear the future or stress about my past...

Still those little nagging worries creep in... will he stay clean, will he be dependable, am I doing the right thing, will my kids be okay, what about money, on and on...

The kids seem good. My older son will be 4 this week... We will visit dh on his b-day and open presents... kinda sad, but he will enjoy it (ds)

I'm looking for an apartment to rent for all of us... dh will finish treatment in a couple weeks.. then start a high intensity out patient program 9 hrs a week + counseling....
we can't stay at my moms w/ dh & the home we own is completely gutted due to remodeling (that we can't afford to continue w/ until this summer when dh will be working steady again)

We talked about sharing responsibilities more... dh actually suggested it:
sharing chores and childcare equally... I just hope he lives up to it.

Oh, I am just a bit worn thin today.

I miss my husband, yet fear his old patterns will creep back... I just don't want all the drama and BS anymore.
I just want a stable, happy, healthy life...
post #125 of 131
Thread Starter 
post #126 of 131
Thanks mamabeakley...

Today I am feeling a bit better.

I just am feeling misplaced from my life... and a bit unsure about my future. But hey, what can I really do??
I know all that I can really do is take it a day at a time, deal w/ what is in front of me, and be in my moment...

Yesterday was visiting day at dh's treatment center. It's always a bit hard on me...and him.

Well, he has been sober since just before Christmas. He says he is happy being sober. He is very involved in the work he is doing, and really getting a lot out of the Health Realization principles. He seems a lot different~ more stable moods, generally posative, thinking more... I am seeing the smart, creative side of him... the parts of him I fell in love with...

I do miss him, but definately do not miss all the crap that came w/ his chemical abuse.

I am living the repercussions of his use and my standing by not doing anything about it... such as, our current financial mess, house unfinished, no place to live so I am living w/ my mom... etc

Well,hopefully it's going to get better
I have hope.

I read a great chapter out of a book called What About The Big Stuff. It was about fear of failure. I often get caught up in that thought process... fearing failure or disappointment. He says there is no failure, only mistakes and lessons... and to let go of fear of failure and get involved in the process of going after the goals you have... also that the Universe never hands us more than we can deal with... it helped me when I read it.
Actually, it was a bit odd. I had visited dh and we were talking about future plans and goals. He told me he was excited abt our future. I told him I have a lot of hope but that I can't shake a fear of failure (him going back to using, breaking up our family, etc). He said that there is no failure. I pondered on that thought. Then when I went home, I picked up that book off my dresser and let it fall open... it opened up to the chapter on fear of failure.

How is everyone else doing?
post #127 of 131

Having Anger Issues With Addiction

My husband has been addicted to drugs and is currently on methadone. He has been on stable for about 2 1/2 years now. He has been on it for 4 years. Although I see that it has saved our life in some ways I deal with alot of anger toward him also and his parents who contributed to his addiction. We have two beautiful children and after all this time I still can't let go of my anger. It causes alot of financial burden on us. Although I know that his street habit cost us more. I just wish it would all go away. Any encouraging word?
post #128 of 131
I'm glad to have found this, and I'd like to share my story. My husband's twin sister is a heroin addict. She has a 16 month old daughter, who is being raised by her mom right now. I help her out twice a week, since she works from home. It's hard for her to get a lot done with the baby there. Sometimes I get so angry at her, because my MIL should not be raising a baby at her age. She's had a hard life, she should be enjoying herself, not dealing with this.

She's been addicted for years, but after her baby was born, everything got worse. She was kicked out of her mom's house, because she was being so abusive, and it was obvious that she was using again. She is currently in a halfway house after spending the past two months in jail. She's probably going to be charged with attempted robbery, and I'm guessing she'll be doing more time. It's so hard sometimes to remember that she's sick, and she's never gotten the help she needs. I get so angry at her for what she's doing to her family, and so sad for her that she's missing this precious time with her daughter. I'm glad I found a place where I can talk about this!
post #129 of 131
Thread Starter 
post #130 of 131
Um, hi.

I'm glad to have found this thread.

It's not even really that bad as far as the present goes. But I thought I would join in anyway.
post #131 of 131

Anger at the mother inlaw

: I get so mad at my mother inlaw because her and her husband are the reason my husband is an addict. They started alowing him to use drugs when he was 5 years old. He started out smoking pot with them. Then when he was nine they started giving him pain pills for headaches. I do have love in my heart for her but it seems sometimes it's more like discust. She herself stilll uses a range of things. Like this week she is on nerve pills. Two days ago I took my paster over there to pray with my father inlaw, he was in a severe accident that left him brain damaged, She was on zanex and couldn't hardly remember anything that went on. Then she just called me to let me know everything she already told me on Wednessday. I just want to scream. She will keep me on the phone for an hour repeating herself from the day before while I have 7 Children in the background screaming at me. (Two are my own, Five are other peoples) I have a daycare. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
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