I'm here 4 you!
I can't say that my husband has the addiction problem as I am lucky in that department. But I DO know what it's like to watch a loved one waste away and not even care enough about those around them to stop.
My Mum is an alcoholic, marijuanna user, has severe mental problems and is happy to pop ecstacy, speed and heroine if she can't get her hands on the first 2 narcotics I mentioned.
I am pregnant again and my son is now 2. Needless to say it is very hard for me to be around, I don't trust her with my son but am not into 'cutting' her out of my life - she's my mum, right?
When I announced I was pregnant with my son, she was so high she couldn't remember me telling her. The very next day she and her junkie aquantences tried to cut my brother's throat while he was asleep in bed b/c she thought he owed her money (which is not true, dillusional even). I felt a range of emotions ... but the only one that has never subsided is grief. To get through the pregnancy, I moved 3 hours drive away, where we now live in a small town nearby my parents in law. My bother has a 1 and a half year old boy that has never met our parents and probably never will. He refuses to have anything to do with mum and believes I should do likewise.
Trouble is my sister is only 11 and my dad still feels responsible for mum inspite of the fact they recently got divorced. Mum's problems have robbed me of a relationship with my dad and sister - I still see them but they are so defensive of mum that I get so hurt and it takes me a week to get over an hour long visit!!!
I haven't told anyone I'm pregnant again. Just don't feel like they would be very supportive and I am sure that it would send mum off on a drinking binge (not that she needs much of an excuse) I just don't want mum ruining the joyous moment of announcing the pregnancy as she did the first time around. I can't trust them - they are so self absorbed at the moment with mum and her problems and I have realised with therapy that this isn't likely to change.
I get flashbacks when my sister rings up crying but I can't tell her that I've been there and done all that without seeming insensitive. I still haven't got an answer to the problem which is why I was a teen run away - all that physical/emotional abuse - but I feel like I should be able to offer her some words of comfort. What I really feel like saying though is "come and live with me" but it isn't that easy and mum and dad wont have a bar of it. They tell her that I'm the monster that made mum psycho and my sis gets confused ... I really don't want to confuse her further by buying into the trips they come up with. I really can't cope with the situation, it's so hard.
I ran away from home when I was 13 and I was raped/bashed in a youth hostel. I had to live on the streets, in refuges, in temp. foster care and I now suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) because of this experience. I can't blame mum but her problems have really impacted on everyones life around her ... I wish she cared enough to at least admit she has these problems rather than turning it into everyone elses fault all the time.
Uncles, aunties, my gandparents all cut us off when I was a child because of mum. I know that's not my fault but it means I haven't got a family to go to when I need support. I don't know any of them, they are like strangers, and I would not be comfortable opening up with any of them even if they did show a genuine interest in me (which they don't so it isn't a problem).
I could really use some suppoert this time. I've been told to stop the medication for PTSD while I'm pregnant and I know I'll get the flashbacks, night terrors, uncontrollable crying etc as soon as it is out of my system. It has really helped but it is not woth risking use of the medicine with unknown affects on fetal development. I'm so scared and the only support person I have is my wonderful husband, who is squeaky clean and always has been. I have been too withdrawn for too long and have never made friends (or enemy's) so I guess I'm still hiding in the woodwork so to speak.
If you can relate, contact me and we will be there for each other. I am worried about the wives of these men with addiction problems - it is too hard to live with everyday for the rest of your lives. Dad did that with mum and thought he could protect us from most of her problems but he only made it worse by staying. Mum is more important to dad than we, his children, are even after a divorce and that lives with us kids forever.
Do you guy's really want your kids to end up like me??
If not, you will have to leave if the addict wont at least try to help themselves or the kids will feel that they never mattered to you. I still feel like dad is there for mum at my brother and sister and own expense.
Shouldn't we come first?
Parents get seperated all the time and sometimes it's not about falling out of love with the person so much as protecting the children from an abnormal upbringing.
Do your husband's addict friends secretly molest your kids? How do you know for sure? Are they worth allowing into your kids life? Do they even care about you - the spouse?
PLEASE PEOPLE! Make your kids the number 1 priority when deciding to continue a relationship with someone in need of help. Don't short change your kids for the sake of your relationships.
Happy to share past with anyone that wants to know ... b/c I believe that dad should have left mum years ago and taken care of us!