I am mourning, grieving an ex love. He is not deceased (that I know of) but it feels like it is a death. For almost seven years now, I have very intense times of mourning the loss of our relationship (we are not in contact). I am weepy, nostalgic, and have the worst heartache for this man. I miss everything about him and the longing feels like it is killing me sometimes.
If I manage to put him out of my consciousness, he is in my dreams. I want to stay asleep because my dreams are so sweet with this man. I can see him in my dreams, talk with him and watch him. It is like honey. But we aren't reunited in my dreams, I can only see him, talk a little, sometimes he gives me a letter but he always leaves and I'm devastated.
I wake crying and the dreams throw me back into a deeper state of mourning.
I cannot be with this man, I don't think he wants that. I have emailed him in the past and he doesn't respond. So it is a death in that way.
But why can't I let go? I hate this.
I've done hypnotherapy, cognitive behavior therapy, crystal work, closing ceremony, saying goodbye ceremony. I've forced myself to focus on the here and now, wanting what I have, put energy into my marriage.
But it doesn't stop. Every scenario that I can think of has been presented to me in counseling: the man is what I wish to be, the man represents a magical time of my life, he is parts of me that I need to get back. But that only helps for a time and then i'm back into mourning/grieving.
If I see a movie about reunited lovers, I'm hysterical. So I don't go see those anymore. "Titanic" (I know, how silly!) left me crying for hours solely b/c of the reuniting after death. I identified with the Rose character because she loved her husband, but the love of her soul was Jack.
My husband knows nothing of this. Thinks I talk about other things in therapy. He is very intuitive, tho, and he senses there is another man in my heart. I deny this, but my husband has described this man exactly as he is. We've not talked much of my ex but because my husband is very sensitive, he knows.
My kids don't know either (too young). My mother struggled with this, too...she dreamt of her ex love for a long time after she married, kept a ring from him and couldn't let go. She was terrified it would destroy her marriage so she just made herself stop thinking of the man. But it's not working for me.
Does mourning the loss of someone ever get easier? After years, I'm in the same place (or worse) than when we first broke up. I miss him with all of my being and I feel wet inside my chest with grief and sadness. Songs remind me of him, weather changes, smells. Sometimes i see the back of someone and think, 'that's him!' but of course, it never is.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'm desperate for relief and at the same time, lost in my dreams of this man and wishing so so so much that we could be reunited somehow. That it could all work out and we could sit on the bench swing holding hands as old people like I dream of.
I also don't understand why I married my husband when I was grieving my ex, even when we were engaged. I was caught up in the wedding 'stuff' - dress, flowers, ceremony, how I would look, sound and the 'perfect day'. I crashed when we came home from the honeymoon and were living as partners. I kept crying and saying 'I don't know how to do this' because I'd only planned for The Big Day, not for a lifetime of living as a partner. I feel like I baited and switched on my husband, presented a facade. Now I've had kids with him and we're in the thick of family life so there is no going back. But in my dreams, there is!
Any help is tremendously welcome. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me and telling me that I'm 'meant to be' with this ex, that all this grief is a sign that I'm supposed to be with my 'true love'. But those ideas are not real, are they? Pipe dreams we tell ourselves like Prince Charming and Happily Ever After? Soulmates?
Thank you for listening and this space to share.
If I manage to put him out of my consciousness, he is in my dreams. I want to stay asleep because my dreams are so sweet with this man. I can see him in my dreams, talk with him and watch him. It is like honey. But we aren't reunited in my dreams, I can only see him, talk a little, sometimes he gives me a letter but he always leaves and I'm devastated.
I wake crying and the dreams throw me back into a deeper state of mourning.
I cannot be with this man, I don't think he wants that. I have emailed him in the past and he doesn't respond. So it is a death in that way.
But why can't I let go? I hate this.
I've done hypnotherapy, cognitive behavior therapy, crystal work, closing ceremony, saying goodbye ceremony. I've forced myself to focus on the here and now, wanting what I have, put energy into my marriage.
But it doesn't stop. Every scenario that I can think of has been presented to me in counseling: the man is what I wish to be, the man represents a magical time of my life, he is parts of me that I need to get back. But that only helps for a time and then i'm back into mourning/grieving.
If I see a movie about reunited lovers, I'm hysterical. So I don't go see those anymore. "Titanic" (I know, how silly!) left me crying for hours solely b/c of the reuniting after death. I identified with the Rose character because she loved her husband, but the love of her soul was Jack.
My husband knows nothing of this. Thinks I talk about other things in therapy. He is very intuitive, tho, and he senses there is another man in my heart. I deny this, but my husband has described this man exactly as he is. We've not talked much of my ex but because my husband is very sensitive, he knows.
My kids don't know either (too young). My mother struggled with this, too...she dreamt of her ex love for a long time after she married, kept a ring from him and couldn't let go. She was terrified it would destroy her marriage so she just made herself stop thinking of the man. But it's not working for me.
Does mourning the loss of someone ever get easier? After years, I'm in the same place (or worse) than when we first broke up. I miss him with all of my being and I feel wet inside my chest with grief and sadness. Songs remind me of him, weather changes, smells. Sometimes i see the back of someone and think, 'that's him!' but of course, it never is.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'm desperate for relief and at the same time, lost in my dreams of this man and wishing so so so much that we could be reunited somehow. That it could all work out and we could sit on the bench swing holding hands as old people like I dream of.
I also don't understand why I married my husband when I was grieving my ex, even when we were engaged. I was caught up in the wedding 'stuff' - dress, flowers, ceremony, how I would look, sound and the 'perfect day'. I crashed when we came home from the honeymoon and were living as partners. I kept crying and saying 'I don't know how to do this' because I'd only planned for The Big Day, not for a lifetime of living as a partner. I feel like I baited and switched on my husband, presented a facade. Now I've had kids with him and we're in the thick of family life so there is no going back. But in my dreams, there is!
Any help is tremendously welcome. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me and telling me that I'm 'meant to be' with this ex, that all this grief is a sign that I'm supposed to be with my 'true love'. But those ideas are not real, are they? Pipe dreams we tell ourselves like Prince Charming and Happily Ever After? Soulmates?
Thank you for listening and this space to share.
