17 months ago I became a mother, and I was just able to write this out recently. I just need it out here, out of my system, thanks.
Wednesday, May 14th I lay in bed, on my left side as had become my default position, now in my 9th month of pregnancy. The baby hadn’t been moving as much that night after I went to bed, so I had Dan go get me a glass of orange juice. Drank that and I felt 4 kicks shortly there after, so I knew there was nothing wrong.
Thursday, May 15th I woke up with a slight headache. I took my shower and Dan packed my cooler for the day with snacks and drinks. We kissed goodbye and he went off to work. I settled in for another long day of bed rest, but my headache wouldn’t go away. I had been told by the midwives that if I had a headache, less fetal movement, saw floaters, my swelling didn’t go down overnight and a list of other symptoms, that I should call in. I had a headache that I would have taken something for had I not been pregnant and Beanie (as we were calling the baby) wasn’t moving very much again, so I waited until the office opened at 8:00 and called in. I spoke w/Linda Graf (one of the CNM’s) and she told me to come in as soon as I could. A little concerned, but not too scared, I called Dan at work (he had just gotten there at 7:30) to ask him to come home and take me to the midwives.
We got to the midwives office and they took me right in. Linda checked Beanie’s heartbeat and he/she sounded great! They took my blood pressure and it was extremely high (the reason that I was on bed rest to begin with) so I was asked to lay on my left side while she went and spoke with the doctor. Soon she was back and said, “Well, it looks like this baby has picked it’s birthday.” Dan and I were pretty shocked; this is not what we were expecting when we had come into the office that morning. We were told to go home, get our things and be at the hospital around 12:00 noon for induction and labor.
Dan drove me home and I don’t remember what we talked about. Maybe we didn’t talk at all. I was in total shock. At that point I thought that we would still be able to have the natural birth that we had been planning and practicing for. After all, we were only going in for an induction.
At home we gathered our birth bag, labor relief aids, the cameras, and all the other paraphernalia that we thought we had to have with us in the hospital. We called a few family members to let them know what was going on and we left. We drove to Wendy’s and my last meal pre-mom was a junior bacon burger, small fry and a small Dr. Pepper. I made the comment in the truck as we drove to the hospital that this was not how I envisioned us driving to the hospital to have our baby, I wasn’t having contractions and I didn’t even feel “ready” yet.
We checked into the hospital and walked up to Labor and Delivery. We told the nurses at the desk that we had been sent over by Linda Graf and they sort of hopped to and shuttled us into a room. Ironically, it was the same room that we had been in during our overnight stay in April. I was given a hospital gown and changed in the bathroom. I was hooked up to the External Fetal Monitor (EFM) and we saw that Beanie was doing just fine! My blood was drawn and would continue to be drawn every four hours.
Things start to get fuzzy now…. Dan left to get dinner and came back with McDonald’s. I ate my chicken mc nuggets and then the doctor came in with Shari Haney (the other cnm who was on duty that night) and Dan and I were told that they were going to hook me up to an IV and Magnesium Sulfate (mag). The mag was to act as a muscle relaxer and hopefully prevent any seizures. They were treating me as pre-eclamptic and one of the main concerns of pre-eclampsia/eclampsia is the seizing of the patient as the body shuts down. I was told by the nurse that as the mag entered my system I would feel a hot flash (called a mag flash) that would last about 20 minutes and then the worst would be over. Sure enough as I felt the mag enter my system, it was as though I was living the scene in the Matrix when Neo sticks his hand in the mirror and the liquid of the mirror starts to overtake his body. I felt an almost metallic taking over of my body as the mag infiltrated my veins. Dan and the nurse alternated putting wet washcloths on my ankles, wrists and forehead as I breathed through the 20 minutes and prayed for them to be over.
After this point my I only remember points in time. I threw up my nuggets and continued to be nauseous. I know that I had cervadil inserted vaginally to help ripen my cervix 4 times by 3:00 on Friday, May 16. I remember the night nurse not placing it correctly and it hurting during her fumbling attempt to insert it around 4 in the morning on Friday as Dan slept. At 4:26 pm on Friday, Dr. Cardone performed an AROM (Artificial Rupture of Membranes). I remember digging my big toe into her thigh at the painful pressure as she had her hand up my vagina trying to reach the bag of water. I asked what color the water was a couple of times until someone told me that it was clear. I breathed a sigh of relief, there was no meconium.
I remember painful cramps in my calves, but I don’t remember what happened to alleviate it, just that it went away. I remember that the light was kept off in the room, it was lit only from the window to the outside world where life was going on as normal. At some point a Foley catheter was inserted (to collect urine directly from my bladder). At some point thrombosis cuffs were put on my legs (they are artificially inflated to encourage circulation during bed rest). I remember sinking my head in Shari’s shoulder as I received the epidural and thinking I’ve failed my baby, all these drugs in it’s poor little system before it’s even born.
The only thing I was remotely participating in was the hallucinations. With each contraction I would start out with two leprechauns who looked like the Hispanic landscapers who I used to see working on the lawn at my previous job. They were laying sod between two tall buildings in the warm sun. It would start out with 2, then 4, 6, 8, 10 and so on, until there were so many Hispanic leprechaun landscapers laying sod that I couldn’t stand it. And then they were gone. There were huge multi-colored bubbles all around my room and there were small beings (more leprechauns?) jumping from bubble to bubble laughing hysterically. There were minutes that seemed like hours, hours that passed in seconds and I was just there, stoned out of my mind and trying to concentrate, focus on the beep of Beanies heartbeat on the monitor. But eventually even that focus was too much for my brain to take on.
This is all I remember of my labor until 3:30 Saturday morning. I was feeling some low down pressure and I told the nurse that I wasn’t sure, but it might be time to push. She (Mary) checked me and said that I was right, the baby’s head was right there. She told me that she was going to go get Shari and we were going to have this baby.
Dan was sleeping on a cot (we had at some point moved to a birthing room) and I woke him up. I hope I said something memorable like “It’s time to have this baby, honey,” but I don’t know. By the time Shari got into the room, a neonatologist was called in on standby (babies born to moms who have been on mag sulfate usually have trouble breathing when they are first born) and I got to see with the help of a mirror the top of my baby’s head. There was a single black lock curling outside of me. I remember pushing this baby out of me, focusing intently on the mirror in front of me. The head would start to emerge and then slowly be sucked back inside of me. Steadily, determinedly, and persistently, I pushed the baby out. I remember the intense pressure as the head started to come out on my perineum. Shari put some warm washcloths on it and that helped immensely. I pushed the head out and the baby’s face was looking down. With the next push the baby left the safety of my womb and entered the world. I saw a dark blue, limp body laid on my saggy stomach. A stomach which moments earlier had housed the new love of my life. The clock read 4:26 am. It was Saturday, May 17.
I don’t remember any contractions. I have no memory of him being born, holding him for the first time or hearing his first cries. In fact I felt so good physically afterwards that if my stomach hadn’t been so deflated I wouldn’t have known that I had had a baby. I was pretty mentally disconnected from Daniel and the whole experience.
All I’m left with are questions, how was labor? What did it feel like? How did my husband participate? I know that he was a huge support during the time that didn’t exists (and I had nurses tell me so later) but how? Did he hold my hand? Did he rub my back? Whisper sweet nothings? I have now received my records from Hinsdale Hospital in a quest to answer my questions. I hope to never have to labor again under the cloud of magnesium sulfate. Because of what is basically Epsom salts, I have no recollection of the days and hours leading up to my becoming a mother and the birth of my son. And that is something I will never forget.
Wednesday, May 14th I lay in bed, on my left side as had become my default position, now in my 9th month of pregnancy. The baby hadn’t been moving as much that night after I went to bed, so I had Dan go get me a glass of orange juice. Drank that and I felt 4 kicks shortly there after, so I knew there was nothing wrong.
Thursday, May 15th I woke up with a slight headache. I took my shower and Dan packed my cooler for the day with snacks and drinks. We kissed goodbye and he went off to work. I settled in for another long day of bed rest, but my headache wouldn’t go away. I had been told by the midwives that if I had a headache, less fetal movement, saw floaters, my swelling didn’t go down overnight and a list of other symptoms, that I should call in. I had a headache that I would have taken something for had I not been pregnant and Beanie (as we were calling the baby) wasn’t moving very much again, so I waited until the office opened at 8:00 and called in. I spoke w/Linda Graf (one of the CNM’s) and she told me to come in as soon as I could. A little concerned, but not too scared, I called Dan at work (he had just gotten there at 7:30) to ask him to come home and take me to the midwives.
We got to the midwives office and they took me right in. Linda checked Beanie’s heartbeat and he/she sounded great! They took my blood pressure and it was extremely high (the reason that I was on bed rest to begin with) so I was asked to lay on my left side while she went and spoke with the doctor. Soon she was back and said, “Well, it looks like this baby has picked it’s birthday.” Dan and I were pretty shocked; this is not what we were expecting when we had come into the office that morning. We were told to go home, get our things and be at the hospital around 12:00 noon for induction and labor.
Dan drove me home and I don’t remember what we talked about. Maybe we didn’t talk at all. I was in total shock. At that point I thought that we would still be able to have the natural birth that we had been planning and practicing for. After all, we were only going in for an induction.
At home we gathered our birth bag, labor relief aids, the cameras, and all the other paraphernalia that we thought we had to have with us in the hospital. We called a few family members to let them know what was going on and we left. We drove to Wendy’s and my last meal pre-mom was a junior bacon burger, small fry and a small Dr. Pepper. I made the comment in the truck as we drove to the hospital that this was not how I envisioned us driving to the hospital to have our baby, I wasn’t having contractions and I didn’t even feel “ready” yet.
We checked into the hospital and walked up to Labor and Delivery. We told the nurses at the desk that we had been sent over by Linda Graf and they sort of hopped to and shuttled us into a room. Ironically, it was the same room that we had been in during our overnight stay in April. I was given a hospital gown and changed in the bathroom. I was hooked up to the External Fetal Monitor (EFM) and we saw that Beanie was doing just fine! My blood was drawn and would continue to be drawn every four hours.
Things start to get fuzzy now…. Dan left to get dinner and came back with McDonald’s. I ate my chicken mc nuggets and then the doctor came in with Shari Haney (the other cnm who was on duty that night) and Dan and I were told that they were going to hook me up to an IV and Magnesium Sulfate (mag). The mag was to act as a muscle relaxer and hopefully prevent any seizures. They were treating me as pre-eclamptic and one of the main concerns of pre-eclampsia/eclampsia is the seizing of the patient as the body shuts down. I was told by the nurse that as the mag entered my system I would feel a hot flash (called a mag flash) that would last about 20 minutes and then the worst would be over. Sure enough as I felt the mag enter my system, it was as though I was living the scene in the Matrix when Neo sticks his hand in the mirror and the liquid of the mirror starts to overtake his body. I felt an almost metallic taking over of my body as the mag infiltrated my veins. Dan and the nurse alternated putting wet washcloths on my ankles, wrists and forehead as I breathed through the 20 minutes and prayed for them to be over.
After this point my I only remember points in time. I threw up my nuggets and continued to be nauseous. I know that I had cervadil inserted vaginally to help ripen my cervix 4 times by 3:00 on Friday, May 16. I remember the night nurse not placing it correctly and it hurting during her fumbling attempt to insert it around 4 in the morning on Friday as Dan slept. At 4:26 pm on Friday, Dr. Cardone performed an AROM (Artificial Rupture of Membranes). I remember digging my big toe into her thigh at the painful pressure as she had her hand up my vagina trying to reach the bag of water. I asked what color the water was a couple of times until someone told me that it was clear. I breathed a sigh of relief, there was no meconium.
I remember painful cramps in my calves, but I don’t remember what happened to alleviate it, just that it went away. I remember that the light was kept off in the room, it was lit only from the window to the outside world where life was going on as normal. At some point a Foley catheter was inserted (to collect urine directly from my bladder). At some point thrombosis cuffs were put on my legs (they are artificially inflated to encourage circulation during bed rest). I remember sinking my head in Shari’s shoulder as I received the epidural and thinking I’ve failed my baby, all these drugs in it’s poor little system before it’s even born.
The only thing I was remotely participating in was the hallucinations. With each contraction I would start out with two leprechauns who looked like the Hispanic landscapers who I used to see working on the lawn at my previous job. They were laying sod between two tall buildings in the warm sun. It would start out with 2, then 4, 6, 8, 10 and so on, until there were so many Hispanic leprechaun landscapers laying sod that I couldn’t stand it. And then they were gone. There were huge multi-colored bubbles all around my room and there were small beings (more leprechauns?) jumping from bubble to bubble laughing hysterically. There were minutes that seemed like hours, hours that passed in seconds and I was just there, stoned out of my mind and trying to concentrate, focus on the beep of Beanies heartbeat on the monitor. But eventually even that focus was too much for my brain to take on.
This is all I remember of my labor until 3:30 Saturday morning. I was feeling some low down pressure and I told the nurse that I wasn’t sure, but it might be time to push. She (Mary) checked me and said that I was right, the baby’s head was right there. She told me that she was going to go get Shari and we were going to have this baby.
Dan was sleeping on a cot (we had at some point moved to a birthing room) and I woke him up. I hope I said something memorable like “It’s time to have this baby, honey,” but I don’t know. By the time Shari got into the room, a neonatologist was called in on standby (babies born to moms who have been on mag sulfate usually have trouble breathing when they are first born) and I got to see with the help of a mirror the top of my baby’s head. There was a single black lock curling outside of me. I remember pushing this baby out of me, focusing intently on the mirror in front of me. The head would start to emerge and then slowly be sucked back inside of me. Steadily, determinedly, and persistently, I pushed the baby out. I remember the intense pressure as the head started to come out on my perineum. Shari put some warm washcloths on it and that helped immensely. I pushed the head out and the baby’s face was looking down. With the next push the baby left the safety of my womb and entered the world. I saw a dark blue, limp body laid on my saggy stomach. A stomach which moments earlier had housed the new love of my life. The clock read 4:26 am. It was Saturday, May 17.
I don’t remember any contractions. I have no memory of him being born, holding him for the first time or hearing his first cries. In fact I felt so good physically afterwards that if my stomach hadn’t been so deflated I wouldn’t have known that I had had a baby. I was pretty mentally disconnected from Daniel and the whole experience.
All I’m left with are questions, how was labor? What did it feel like? How did my husband participate? I know that he was a huge support during the time that didn’t exists (and I had nurses tell me so later) but how? Did he hold my hand? Did he rub my back? Whisper sweet nothings? I have now received my records from Hinsdale Hospital in a quest to answer my questions. I hope to never have to labor again under the cloud of magnesium sulfate. Because of what is basically Epsom salts, I have no recollection of the days and hours leading up to my becoming a mother and the birth of my son. And that is something I will never forget.
what a terrible experience...
to you....sorry dont know what else to say... 
but during your next pregnancy i would advice healthy food...no junk food...no white sugar, refined sugar....eat only whole grain products, a lot of red meat (cooked at home ), no sweets...only natural sweets like honey, maple syrop, lots of fruits and vegetables....i know this might sound scary...
but my blood pressure before i got pregnant (actually before i went on healthy diet two months before pregnancy) was 130/80..sometimes 140....all my pregnancy it is not above 10/60....knock wood....i strongly believe its my diet...if you are interested about this PM me I can give detailed information since me and dh researched a lot on this....i can advise books and stuff...remember: what is there for you ready to eat is only to support doctor's job to cure you after that....its all a business play...and we are the toys of this games...
