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UC Thread #10 - October 2004! - Page 2

post #21 of 126
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I feel them! Thank you for welcoming me. It is nice to come back and be a part of this thread. I have felt timid to post anywhere but in the loss section, as I don't want to bring stress to those of you expecting.............but I cannot stay away. I do feel like there is a stigma once you are on the other side of the fence so to speak.

gr8tfulmom-thank you for the source of the words!

Ame-thinking of you and wishing you gentle and joyful birthing thoughts! Almost there. I am curious of whom you speak of......you don't have to say if you feel you cannot, just curious who we have in common

Mamajaza-thank you for your concern, but don't ever be afraid to approach me, (though I understand why). I remember you from the July boards and it is hard to see or hear of other babies that are at the age my Galadriel would be, but it is more difficult feeling like I can't be a part of it because of my loss. There is no guidebook on how to react, whether you are on the outside or have experenced a loss. I have learned that the best thing is to go with what I feel. I had a baby, I want to share her just like everyone else who has a baby, so that is what I do. It is tragic, but I have the power to see her life in a different way. Just as Gr8tfulmom's sig says..."Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right."

I don't mean to hijack the thread! It is good to feel welcome though. Thank you all!

Just wondering if any of you have experienced losses and gone on to have a uc or know of any resources or stories. I am having a hard time relating to other moms who go on after losses, most seem to be even more medically minded after such a loss. NOTHING could have changed my daughter's outcome. I greatly fear what I would have faced had I done prenatal testing and found out so early on that she was to die. I am so thankful to have carried her for her entire life and to say hello and goodbye in peace.

After birthing her, I felt such a release of all fear and discovered a faith I had not known existed. I feel like an unassisted birth is the only way to go. I birthed her with the biggest head fear present in my mind. What a battle it was to birth her, emotionally and head wise. I thought briefly I could just turn myself off and turn on an epidural or even have a c-section and just not deal, but I could not live with that. I had to birth her just as I would if she was living. She was a breech delivery and had very little fluid, but both her and I came through unscathed. My midwife was there for me emotionally, I really needed that, I did not know what would happen after, how I would react, but the birth was mine. For the first days after, my body keaned for her, I had to let my milk flow. My three year old happily obliged, I must say, having my milk flow, helped to complete the birth cycle and ultimately helped me heal, physically and emotionally. For the first week I pumped and dumped it, as I felt very toxic, I believe I was because my three year old nursling became very ill for three days. She recovered and we both felt better. I began saving my milk and later donated to a baby in need. Just last week I weaned myself from the pump. I felt it time to move on, and I was beginning to feel resentful to the time devoted to pumping. The little girl is thriving though. I could still nourish and give life.

Thank you all for letting me share here, I just hope that my words can help others. I will be popping in from time to time if you all don't mind. We do hope a spirit joins us soon. I am still not having cycles, with all the milk making, I think it may be a while yet.

Love, Brandi
post #22 of 126
ChildoftheMoon you seem to have a beautiful spirit. I wish you the best in your gentle recovery.

StacyL - I read your birth story on the other thread and it reminds me sooo much of my first labor. I transfered to the hospital after forty hours...I don't know why, I just felt I should go. Anyways, I had the MAJOR uncontrollable urge to push at about 5 centimeters. If there hadn't been anyone to tell me not to push, I would have pushed (I did anyways really, you can't fight it). Anyways, it was very hard and traumatic, in alot of ways similar to yours (not that yours was traumatic, just that the sequence of events was similar).
The same thing happened around five centimeters with my second labor, but I knew that I wasn't dilated all the way. I just visualised myself opening up and in four contractions he was on his way out! Total labor was about 2 hours.

I guess the point of all this is that, yes, a first birth can be very diffucult, but that doesn't mean your subsequent ones will be. Take care of yourself and your wee one right now. I wish you all the best.
post #23 of 126
ChildoftheMoon I have some things to say in reply to the second part of your last post...but I'll have to save it for tomorrow.

The person I was referring to is Selena...she is wonderful ! A very close friend of mine had her baby die ( placental abruption) at 38 weeks and I struggled with it alot...talking about your experience with Selena helped me to grasp what had happened...

I'll be back
post #24 of 126
Hi Brandi

You are very inspiring...just reading your words made me cry...I am so glad you are able to be at peace and I think its so wonderful to know that you and dh are dreaming about your next little one(s). My little boy was born 4 weeks ago and he came to me 5 months before we conceived him. I saw him in a dream..I really beleive in spirit babies!

I really enjoyed reading your post about you nursing your 3 yr old and about pumping the milk...I can see how that was therapeutic for you. What a wonderful thing. I am glad Galadriel is with you and I wish you the best. Welcome back.
post #25 of 126
sorry i haven't been around much. just kind of poking my head in.

hi to any / all new mamas here.

congratulations to any / all new babies.

welcome back to Brandi. s

*~* love and blessings to all. *~*
post #26 of 126
Thank you lovemygirl! Congrats on your little boy! Thank you for sharing about "meeting" him before hand. That is beautiful, gives me hope.

Ame-Selena! I should have known, she is a dear friend (with friends in faraway places ) Yes, she is the best, so very kind, I love her. I am so sorry about your friend and her dear sweet baby. I am glad to hear she had someone like you close to her, though I am sorry you both had to go through that. Love prevails.............

Hello Klothos-been wanting to say thank you for sharing your beautiful birth with us. And best of luck with the article!

Love, Brandi
post #27 of 126

how long after SROM would you transfer?

I read a birth story during my last pg where the mom labored for 4 days after her water broke at home before her UC..

how long is too long and when would a transfer be warranted? in case of fever only? what if you were also gbs+? how long could one safely stay at home before it would be a concern?
post #28 of 126
Childofthemoon...Selena is a great friend Although my friend was not planning a UC birth ...she was planning her first homebirth (after c/s). She too believes strongly that her baby Zach is a spirit baby. Her and her husband are looking forward to the possibility of baby next year. It's been such a powerful experience ...I've learned so much about life and death and expecations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Childofthemoon
Just wondering if any of you have experienced losses and gone on to have a uc or know of any resources or stories. I am having a hard time relating to other moms who go on after losses, most seem to be even more medically minded after such a loss. NOTHING could have changed my daughter's outcome. I greatly fear what I would have faced had I done prenatal testing and found out so early on that she was to die. I am so thankful to have carried her for her entire life and to say hello and goodbye in peace.

My situation is not exactly what you are looking for...but for me it is related.

My first two births where standard hospital births with no complications. With my third (Lucy) we moved to a new state when I was 7 months pregnant. I attempted to find a midwife (there were only 3 at the time and I did not feel comfortable with any of them) and then tried to find an OB (it was a nightmare and I almost flied suit against one). When I couldn't find anyone that I could feel at least satisfied with... I gave up and figured I'd take what I got at the hospital (and be their worst nightmare LOL). I had had an OB (same one I had with my first two) who did an ultrasound at EVERY visit and ALL the standard prenatal tests. Despite that I had had a "feeling" all along that something was different about her...all the tests said she was perfectly healthy and I had nothing to fear- but I still had that feeling. I began reading birth stories and reading about birth and came to the conclusion that I would try UC and if I couldn't do it I'd just go to the hospital. The closer it came to time the more sure I was that UC was the right choice and I could handle it. Her birth story was one of the ones some people refer to as giving unrealistic expectations. Active labor was only about an hour and I welcomed the progress. She was born and I noticed she looked different...but couldn't figure out what it was. I decided it was paranoia...and settled with the fact that she was beautiful and wonderful and perfect. At the insistence of my family we went to see a midwife for a post partum check up and a once over of Lucy. By this time the only thing that concerned me was that I couldn't see the huge pulsating soft spot on the top/front of her head....I had pretty much dismissed that too...as she was behaving normally and was getting sweeter by the moment. The midwife was quite impressed with our birth story and upon examination said I didn't even look like I had given birth less than 48 hours ago. She proceeded to check Lucy. She very cautiously and without alarm said she was concerned with the size of her head, the fact that she could not get a red reflex in one eye, and that her soft spot was very small and not in the normal spot. She didn't act alarmed ...just said we ought to see a pediatrician just in case. Oddly she couldn't think of one to recommend and we headed out the door kind of in a daze (like our bubble had just burst). She chased after us and said she remembered a pediatrician that many of her clients used and liked and who did some special head massage therapy (we later discovered it was OMT) that she didn't know much about. I called that office and they saw us two hours later. The pedestrian told us the same things that midwife did and reassured us it had nothing to do with our birth (we had some doubts at this point) and that this had happened at conception. She didn't give predictions or gloomy forecasts...she assured us Lucy would be just fine and made arrangements for a barrage of tests. fast forward to now.....Lucy is missing her corpus callosum (the piece of brain that sends messages between the two hemispheres of the brain) and she has microcephaly (small skull) and is without sight (blind). Despite those differences she is smart, funny, sweet, cute, and all the wonderful things we expected her to be. We came to the realization that UC saved her from days of NICU pokes and prods and tests and time away from her parents. There was nothing that could be done for her by the hospital/doctors...to this day she is not on medication or had any special procedures - so a hospital stay would have only been a formality....one we would have despised every minute of. We talked about how glad we were that we didn't know about her differences before she was born or we might have doubted our ability to have a safe UC birth and we would likely have had all sorts of dreadful expectations to deal with for the duration of the pregnancy.
When we found out we were going to have another baby...we talked about whether I would seek prenatal care and whether I wanted to "know" if something was different about this baby. We decided to go with a hospital midwife (might as well be an OB) and we waived the right to all prenatal testing except the one mid pregnancy ultrasound. We didn't want the ultrasound to tell us anything negative just wanted to see baby and when she told us a perinatologist would be doing a thorough u/s we hesitated and thought about declining altogether....but we really wanted to get a peek and decided that a little reassurance (even if it was meaningless - since I had so many w/ Lucy and nothing was ever discovered) would be nice. We had the u/s and the perinat. looked at EVERY single hair on this baby and told us he was 99.9% sure that there was nothing remarkable about this baby. I laughed and was almost offended - I said what do you mean nothing remarkable - life in and of its self is remarkable! He said no....I mean I don't see any abnormalities. We know that his observations could be wrong and that there is always a chance for the unexpected ...but I have not had any feelings of uncertainty or that there might be something different that we needed to be concerned about and that u/s sort of just confirmed my feelings. If he had told us that he had found abnormalities I would have had a much different perspective than I would have with Lucy...this time I would read up on what the "experts" say about the condition but I would know that NO ONE knows what the true outcome will be...and that babies are amazing...and I would just need to wait and see. Unless there was something that the "experts" could do that would undoubtedly change the outcome for the better and had to be done immediately after birth I would likely still have a UC. If I did not have a UC...I would be adamant about my expectations, limits, and permissions.
The moral of this LONG story is that I have come to realize that whether the child is "normal" or not is not as important for me to know in advance. The only situation in which I would feel that I needed or wanted "professional" help would be if there was a circumstance or situation that could be prevented or changed by me being there...I do not believe that in most/many situations where the birth is abnormal (be it the process or outcome) that medical help would benefit the outcome.

I'm not sure how your outlook will change over time Brandi but I do know from my experiences that your baby will help guide you. If you decide you want to have an ultrasound or other prenatal testing...DO IT. If you decide you don't - have faith...faith that your body and your baby will know what to do.

Here are some pictures of Lucy...

about 20 minutes after birth

A Few Hours Later

A Few Weeks Later

Now

Now - Close Up
post #29 of 126
THANK YOU! Thank you, Ame for sharing your story. It gives me confidence and reinforces my faith in the birthing process. You pretty much summed up how I feel about the testing and the medical process.

Quote:
have faith...faith that your body and your baby will know what to do.
Yes, exactly.

Thank you for sharing the pictures of Lucy. She is so beautiful. That pic of her smiling at a few weeks old is just precious. Seeing the pictures of her now warms my heart. Spirits are amazing, she shines!

Sending peaceful thoughts to your friend.............

Love, Brandi
post #30 of 126
Just wanted to say, Ame and Brandi, you guys are inspirational. THank you for showing your love to the world.

Back to lurking....
post #31 of 126
Thread Starter 
Brandi, your story has been so touching. You are such a strong woman and I admire that very much.

So I might need some help, guys - I am still struggling with a which-is-worse proposition - having a panic-stricken DH at the birth, or having a midwife. I want a UC, but I don't think I can do it without DH. I know that if I were to just pack him off to work while I was in labor and deliver while he was there, he'd be fine with that (he knows he'll panic at the event, it isn't the idea that scares him, it is the actual happening, if that makes any sense). I might have considered it if I had a good friend to be here for myself and my kids, but I don't. OK, so I'm considering it anyway. I'm also considering trolling around for midwives that are very non-interventionist, or perhaps even one that is willing to come after the birth to check up on us (which I think might just reassure DH enough to get him all the way back on board with this). I don't know how hard it will be to find a midwife like this. Has anyone done that - had a midwife show up after the fact to check up on everything?

The sad thing is, DH agrees with UC on principle, he's even defended it to his father - but he knows already that he will panic (he is very much attuned to his own and others' emotions, if he says he thinks he'll panic, he probably will).
post #32 of 126
Childofthemoon, your story is so touching, it made me cry. You are such a strong and inspirational person


I finally got some pics up, you can view them here:
Baby Cypress pics
Pregnancy and Birth pics

Oh, and we went to get Cypress' birth certificate on Friday. I was nervous we'd have a hard time obtaining it, but it went smoothly. My only complaint is that the lady who helped us felt the need to tell us at *least* 4 times, that "you guys are too young to have 3 kids". We're both almost 24, so we're used to these comments and the weird stares we get, but gosh, there's a thing called tact....is it ever welcomed that a stranger makes a comment about something so personal?? Grrrrrr. I also heard the workers making whispering comments about how "I think they planned to have the baby at home"....I did my best to just nurse my lil one and ignore anything negative they may have said. Dh went in there ready for battle....he was scared they'd be stupid about the UC, so he was prepared to defend our choices.
post #33 of 126
post #34 of 126
Oh Brandi, it is so good to hear from you. I think of you very often, and I think you will always reside in my heart

Niki, I was wondering what was going on w/your husband. You have quite a few stressors, including you mom . AACCCKKKK. Honestly, I would shop around for a midwife and maybe pretend that she'll be at the birth----oooh, you aren't close to pamamidwife are you? She would be perfect!

But if she is not available, you might want to shop around. I couldn't imagine what it would be like w/my husband in a state of panic during birth--not really conducive to opening up when you are trying to explain to your husband that everything is fine. It will definately increase your anxiety. Didn't someone here post a birth where their hubby freaked out and at some point called 911? I don't remember the details, but I'm sure you are planning a nice calm and easy birth, and someone running around like a chicken w/their head cut off will not help the mood.

Well, onto my midwife To recap, I'm the poster who wrote her that e-mail about birth and how I need her to relax and trust my body. I also told her that I didn't want any extra people at the birth. Well she is pushing again to have a 2nd midwife there. My hubby and I have just decided that we are not going to call her until I am pushing (or, more likely, my body is pushing). She also said something about knowing that I might not call her, which didn't seem to bug her, but then how if I happened to call her and told her I didn't want to come yet, and she heard how far in labor I was in my voice, she would come anyway. So, she made it clear to us that we cannot call her until I am almost done.

I've also read an excellent book on rhogam, called "Anti-D in Midwifery: Panacea or Paradox", and it has great tips on avoiding rhogam prenatally and postnatally. I highly recommend it to all rh- moms out there. Anyway, the author (who is a mw) did a study w/other midwives and they recommended some things to avoid possible sensitization, including, not rushing the 3rd stage, not even touching the damn cord, no uterine massage, nothing. Letting nature do its thing. I know my mw is laid back and all, but I do not trust her to leave the placenta alone. I do not trust her to not interfere in the 3rd stage. So, who knows when I will call her. :LOL

Oh, Chandar, how is your uterus doing?? I always think about it and wondering what is going on. Let us know okay

Amy
post #35 of 126
Thank-you for sharing your beautiful family pictures, blueviolet and mellie bellie. You all look so strong and healthy, including those adorable babies!
post #36 of 126
mellie-bellie and blue violet~~beautiful!!! thanks for sharing! and i love the henna, dh and i occasionally talk about what to put on my belly once it gets to be so full, so it's good to see what others did. but, ohhh...the babes. so lovely. bv, where did you get the cute blue outfit with the long hat? cute! mellie-bellie, i'm glad to hear the birth cert attainment went smoothly!

indigolilybear~i couldn't get the link in your sig to work?

niki~sorry to hear you're having to figure out something to deal with dh's anxiety level. if i were in your position, i would either see if a like-minded friend could come in from out of town, or if that didn't work, i think i would see if i could get the mellowest midwife i could find. i think i would do it on my own or with dh is he was willing, knowing that a midwife was a call away. also, maybe some veteran uc mamas here &/or pamamidwife would be willing to be on a phone list and you could call them for support or ideas (or to talk dh down a bit ) if you need it. that might be less interference than a midwife in your room? also, for dh, you could get chamomile and valerian essential oil (valerian is what valium was based on, i believe) and check out bach flower remedies. he could start taking remedies now in preparation, like for "fear of known things", "fear of unknown things" or "anxiety for others", in addition to rescue remedy. there's also a homeopathic combo remedy called calms forte by hyland's i think. that could be used now as well as during the birth. maybe if he knows that he has support of some sort, he won't feel like he's hanging out in the wind?

amyd~wow! how irritating of your mw to ignore your statement of what you want to hire her to do. i get pretty mamabear fierce about people overstepping clear boundaries (mine or someone else's) like that. if she showed up at my house before i gave her permission, i either would just keep the door locked and ignore her, or try and channel the part of jeannine parvati baker that walked out of the hospital with a baby coming out of her yoni to drive home, and go to the door and tell her to leave! hearing that she's doing that after you've been so clear with her really irks me. maybe it's her way of telling you that she doesn't feel competent to attend a birth by herself...stating her needs/boundaries? i wouldn't want her anywhere near our place when i was in labor. if she can't respect your wishes now, i wonder how she'd be when you're birthing. have you interviewed other women whom she has attended during birth?

ok, i have some questions. have any of you taken childbirth classes? what if you've uc'd since your 1st birth? i wasn't even considering it as something that made any sense for me or dh, but when i stray from the uc thread to the rest of mdc, i seem to get these strange fears that i didn't seem to know before. i try to stay just around the uc thread mostly b/c i know i start getting weird fears after reading about what all these hosp. birth mamas are doing. i should learn. anyway, do any of you have any thoughts on pros/cons about non-hosp childbirth classes for a 1st timer (1st birth/1st uc)? dh and i both have been at 2 homebirths, luckily. one that dh went to was more of a keg party, apparently. but the 2nd was one in which other than 3 midwifery folks, we were the only 2 there, as support to the man and woman who we're really close to.

i've heard what alot of you have said about 1st timers not being prepared for the intensity & transferring and dh and i have discussed this on more than one occasion. we're doing what we can to prepare for the unknown (as though that's really possible!), but i'd love to hear any thoughts any of you have about things we might do or think about, things you've learned through your experiences. we have till between mid-march and mid-april...there's time to learn/unlearn.

also, any tricks you have in your birthing bags...share! i've heard bendy straws are invaluable to some women since they can't move their arms well enough to drink from a cup. what else?

brandi~welcome back! it's good to have you back around.
post #37 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by sprinkle pocket
anyway, do any of you have any thoughts on pros/cons about non-hosp childbirth classes for a 1st timer (1st birth/1st uc)?

i've heard what alot of you have said about 1st timers not being prepared for the intensity & transferring and dh and i have discussed this on more than one occasion.
Don't know if you read my birth story, but as an attempted UC/1st time Mom it's all still fresh in my mind.... so...

I don't think a class will help prepare YOU if you have an extremely intense/painful labor. It would not have been possible to prepare me for what I experienced. However, perhaps a class could teach you some coping tools that might make you a little more sane to deal with - I could have used that. I also recommend taking a class, mostly for your dh. It would help any man to be a better labor partner, and this is critical if you two are ALONE as me and my dh were. If he's all you've got, then he better really be up to the task, kwim? Good luck to you!
post #38 of 126
Sprinkle pocket~
Oops, on my link. I turned it "off" and forgot to relink it to newer pix of my kids. TOday is my "baby"'s sixth bday!! : I can't believe she's six...I'll have new pix up.

as for the classes, well, here's what *my* experience would be. I actually have started teaching childbirth ed classes. Now this doesn't *exactly* jive w/what I think about birth but the method I'm teaching *does not* interefere w/what I do believe on it AND I wanted to get more experience out in the world...LOL. I actually love doing it and this is my first series teaching it. I plan to eventually move on to different things...but that's my side note.

IMO, I don't think taking the Hypnobabies or Bradley philosophy (depending on the teacher!!!) would "interfere" w/your birth. Though you may have a hard time finding a teacher that is comfortable w/your birthing. For example, the Bradley people themselves had a couple of UC'ers amongst them at the beginning. (In particular Dave Stewart...can't remember the wife's name but they wrote some articles, books) My point being that their philosophy itself teaches that less intervention=better, but I would hesitate to take either, mostly cuz the *teacher* might have too much of an interventionist attitude/mindset that might interfere w/your "thing". (where do you live? you can take mine! :LOL
So far, I have no freebirthers!! Go figure!)

In terms of my particular experience, I don't think it would have been easy for *ME* to do it the first time, mostly for the already-stated reason of the intensity. Now, had we some more solid background (we read a ton! but only took our HB MW's sucky six week prep class), or even a support person like a doula or something we might have been able to do it. I do feel like I *probably* would've needed the support. BUT I personally was not to the point of conviction w/it that I came to after that birth. (We had an assisted HB, then two freebirths) I dunno...I think that if you and DP have conviction, and know your "stuff" and deep down, feel it's the best choice for you....then, well, go for it. That's how it is for things anyway, KWIM? Only you know if it's the right choice for you....and then you've just got to go for it. Dunno if I made any sense.

Oh, yes!! what wonderful baby pix!! BV and MB, both of you have beautiful families!!!! thanks for sharing. YOu made my day.
post #39 of 126
sprinkle pocket~ I had my first DD at home with a MW, and I wish I had never called her when I was in labour. It just interfered with my birth. energy in birth is very sensitive. My labour was very painful, no way around that, but I didn't try anything other than warm water. when I was in labour with DD2, I used arnica (homeopathic) gel and pellets, as well as chamomilla and pulsatilla. i think it really helped. I think generally first births are very intense, but you can get through it if you have a supportive partner, and/or you *really* believe in your self.

oh, and I've never taken any classes. I'd just watch some birth videos and really study the physics of it and read some good books.
post #40 of 126
okay, my link is working.
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