Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I feel them! Thank you for welcoming me. It is nice to come back and be a part of this thread. I have felt timid to post anywhere but in the loss section, as I don't want to bring stress to those of you expecting.............but I cannot stay away. I do feel like there is a stigma once you are on the other side of the fence so to speak.
gr8tfulmom-thank you for the source of the words!
Ame-thinking of you and wishing you gentle and joyful birthing thoughts! Almost there. I am curious of whom you speak of......you don't have to say if you feel you cannot, just curious who we have in common
Mamajaza-thank you for your concern, but don't ever be afraid to approach me, (though I understand why). I remember you from the July boards and it is hard to see or hear of other babies that are at the age my Galadriel would be, but it is more difficult feeling like I can't be a part of it because of my loss. There is no guidebook on how to react, whether you are on the outside or have experenced a loss. I have learned that the best thing is to go with what I feel. I had a baby, I want to share her just like everyone else who has a baby, so that is what I do. It is tragic, but I have the power to see her life in a different way. Just as Gr8tfulmom's sig says..."Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right."
I don't mean to hijack the thread! It is good to feel welcome though. Thank you all!
Just wondering if any of you have experienced losses and gone on to have a uc or know of any resources or stories. I am having a hard time relating to other moms who go on after losses, most seem to be even more medically minded after such a loss. NOTHING could have changed my daughter's outcome. I greatly fear what I would have faced had I done prenatal testing and found out so early on that she was to die. I am so thankful to have carried her for her entire life and to say hello and goodbye in peace.
After birthing her, I felt such a release of all fear and discovered a faith I had not known existed. I feel like an unassisted birth is the only way to go. I birthed her with the biggest head fear present in my mind. What a battle it was to birth her, emotionally and head wise. I thought briefly I could just turn myself off and turn on an epidural or even have a c-section and just not deal, but I could not live with that. I had to birth her just as I would if she was living. She was a breech delivery and had very little fluid, but both her and I came through unscathed. My midwife was there for me emotionally, I really needed that, I did not know what would happen after, how I would react, but the birth was mine. For the first days after, my body keaned for her, I had to let my milk flow. My three year old happily obliged, I must say, having my milk flow, helped to complete the birth cycle and ultimately helped me heal, physically and emotionally. For the first week I pumped and dumped it, as I felt very toxic, I believe I was because my three year old nursling became very ill for three days. She recovered and we both felt better. I began saving my milk and later donated to a baby in need. Just last week I weaned myself from the pump. I felt it time to move on, and I was beginning to feel resentful to the time devoted to pumping. The little girl is thriving though. I could still nourish and give life.
Thank you all for letting me share here, I just hope that my words can help others. I will be popping in from time to time if you all don't mind. We do hope a spirit joins us soon. I am still not having cycles, with all the milk making, I think it may be a while yet.
Love, Brandi
gr8tfulmom-thank you for the source of the words!
Ame-thinking of you and wishing you gentle and joyful birthing thoughts! Almost there. I am curious of whom you speak of......you don't have to say if you feel you cannot, just curious who we have in common
Mamajaza-thank you for your concern, but don't ever be afraid to approach me, (though I understand why). I remember you from the July boards and it is hard to see or hear of other babies that are at the age my Galadriel would be, but it is more difficult feeling like I can't be a part of it because of my loss. There is no guidebook on how to react, whether you are on the outside or have experenced a loss. I have learned that the best thing is to go with what I feel. I had a baby, I want to share her just like everyone else who has a baby, so that is what I do. It is tragic, but I have the power to see her life in a different way. Just as Gr8tfulmom's sig says..."Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right."
I don't mean to hijack the thread! It is good to feel welcome though. Thank you all!
Just wondering if any of you have experienced losses and gone on to have a uc or know of any resources or stories. I am having a hard time relating to other moms who go on after losses, most seem to be even more medically minded after such a loss. NOTHING could have changed my daughter's outcome. I greatly fear what I would have faced had I done prenatal testing and found out so early on that she was to die. I am so thankful to have carried her for her entire life and to say hello and goodbye in peace.
After birthing her, I felt such a release of all fear and discovered a faith I had not known existed. I feel like an unassisted birth is the only way to go. I birthed her with the biggest head fear present in my mind. What a battle it was to birth her, emotionally and head wise. I thought briefly I could just turn myself off and turn on an epidural or even have a c-section and just not deal, but I could not live with that. I had to birth her just as I would if she was living. She was a breech delivery and had very little fluid, but both her and I came through unscathed. My midwife was there for me emotionally, I really needed that, I did not know what would happen after, how I would react, but the birth was mine. For the first days after, my body keaned for her, I had to let my milk flow. My three year old happily obliged, I must say, having my milk flow, helped to complete the birth cycle and ultimately helped me heal, physically and emotionally. For the first week I pumped and dumped it, as I felt very toxic, I believe I was because my three year old nursling became very ill for three days. She recovered and we both felt better. I began saving my milk and later donated to a baby in need. Just last week I weaned myself from the pump. I felt it time to move on, and I was beginning to feel resentful to the time devoted to pumping. The little girl is thriving though. I could still nourish and give life.
Thank you all for letting me share here, I just hope that my words can help others. I will be popping in from time to time if you all don't mind. We do hope a spirit joins us soon. I am still not having cycles, with all the milk making, I think it may be a while yet.
Love, Brandi
you seem to have a beautiful spirit. I wish you the best in your gentle recovery.
My little boy was born 4 weeks ago and he came to me 5 months before we conceived him. I saw him in a dream..I really beleive in spirit babies!
. AACCCKKKK. Honestly, I would shop around for a midwife and maybe pretend that she'll be at the birth----oooh, you aren't close to pamamidwife are you? She would be perfect!
To recap, I'm the poster who wrote her that e-mail about birth and how I need her to relax and trust my body. I also told her that I didn't want any extra people at the birth. Well she is pushing again to have a 2nd midwife there. 
My hubby and I have just decided that we are not going to call her until I am pushing (or, more likely, my body is pushing). She also said something about knowing that I might not call her, which didn't seem to bug her, but then how if I happened to call her and told her I didn't want to come yet, and she heard how far in labor I was in my voice, she would come anyway. So, she made it clear to us that we cannot call her until I am almost done.
) if you need it. that might be less interference than a midwife in your room? also, for dh, you could get chamomile and valerian essential oil (valerian is what valium was based on, i believe) and check out bach flower remedies. he could start taking remedies now in preparation, like for "fear of known things", "fear of unknown things" or "anxiety for others", in addition to rescue remedy. there's also a homeopathic combo remedy called calms forte by hyland's i think. that could be used now as well as during the birth. maybe if he knows that he has support of some sort, he won't feel like he's hanging out in the wind?
: I can't believe she's six...I'll have new pix up. 
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