Turns out I must be looney.. - Page 3

[13thMonkey]

Well, I have to admit I thought about taking that ER route. I did that once when I had food poisoning. I still owe them $200 for that. When I was a kid we used to have to use the ER for non-emergencies so that we could get antibiotics for our colds and stuff. But, unless it becomes a real emergnecy I kind of want to avoid doing that because the bills would probably be pretty high. Also I know from when I was a kid and when I had food poisoning that if it's not a real emergency, the ER people tend to assume you are there either because you're a hypochondriac or because you're abusing the system, and they structure their tests to do the absolute minimum rather than to help you find out exactly what's going on. They generally won't do a full workup on any problem that appears non-urgent. I'm just saying that because it's what I've actually experienced. I'm sure they treat actual, or at least, visible, emergencies completely differently; in fact I remember the looks I used to get as a kid when clear emergencies would come in and the people helping me obviously felt that I or my parents were taking up valuable resources for something petty and minor. Also, one more little reason is that I'm just getting over the Walking Pneumonia and I don't want to wait for hours in a room filled with sick people who are also turning to the ER because they lack coverage. So, I have a feeling that if I tried the ER I would just end up getting burned one way or another and having a lot of high bills without finding out anything.

[IntoTheRoseGarden]

Seriously, if I were you, and there is truly no way to find care otherwise(Is there ANYONE you can borrow money from? Friends, family, employer?), I would go to the hospital. If you look visibly pg, you can always tell them that you fell or something and you are worried about the baby(not that I would normally advocate lying, but I am VERY worried about you). In that case you would probably be sent to the maternity ward. They would examine you and most likely do an ultrasound. If the problem is determined to be something other than pregnancy, there will be people there who will be able to help you. You are right, you may end up with some high medical bills. It may ruin your credit. It may also save your life, depending on what's going on. Most hospitals will work with you on a payment plan, and nearly all hospitals will consider writing care of as charity in certain cases.

As for your ex, I am very glad to hear that he is your ex and not your DH; I cannot imagine someone being so insensitive when your health is at stake. Isn't there anyone you can stay with?

Please take care of yourself

[shannon0218]

Ok, I'll jump in as support for Tofumama in case flaming does occur. I agree, there are some things I do wonder about, such as why can you not prove your lack of income??? I'm assuming if this is the normal that others in your situation would be in the same boat. I'll admit right out that I'm in Canada and we simply don't have this type of problem (unless of course there is some legal reason you would not be eligable for a health card)
I can't see how they would not bother to work you up in emerg if you came in looking obviously pregnant and they could not find a heartbeat--obviously then you would be an emergency! If they did find a heartbeat, then you are now in a position of needing prenatal care and eligible for the medicaid card. (sorry if I somehow misunderstood this) Either way, regardless of bills, if you are not pregnant, you are playing russian roulette with your personal health, if you are pregnant, you are playing russian roulette with your babies life--especially when you now say you had walking pnuemonia--I mean that causes fevers and decreased oxygenation! If you are pregnant, you should have been being monitored through that!
If they bill you and you can't pay, well, they can't draw blood from a stone. As for credit ratings, if you still owe $200 from a long time ago, then you already have bad credit I would presume.
One way or the other, as all of us have said at some point in the many threads you've posted, you need to see a doctor. We're worried about you, but honestly it's really hard to be worried about someone when they won't do what really really NEEDS to be done.
Please see a doctor right away, then we can properly support you through all the tests and the bills, or we can rejoice with you if you hear that wonderful heartbeat!

[MistyD]

Yes, ITA with Shannon.

13thMonkey, everytime I see your posts I feel very concerned for you! I really think that you need to see a doctor immediately. Here's an idea, call local lay midwives and/or doctors and tell them you have no insurance and low income but you need medical attention. Surely there is one provider in your city who will use a Doppler or U/S to help you.

[carlasher]

13th Monkey - I am pretty late in the discussion, but if you can find a good women's clinic in your area, an ultrasound may not be as expensive. Heck, I live in the Bay Area and was able to get an ultrasound for $60 - waaay less than would I would have to pay at a doctor's office or hospital. I was able to get a pregnancy verification and photos. They also do gyn care on a slilding scale. But it is very cheap.

I have insurance I pay out of pocket for, but it wont cover my pregnancy. I am not considered "low income", but they helped me anyway, regardless. Heck, I know women who make good money but dont have insurance still use their services.

You will have to spend SOME money to get some type of care. Unfortunately in this country, it is not free. I dont know what your employment status is, but I am sure you can get SOME assistance.

I am like you, I am not heavy on Western Medicine, but it does come in handy when you need it and you may just have to bite the bullet.

And now that I read more of the this thread - I didnt know you had a DH. Why cant he help you?? You are his wife, partner, fiance, whatever right?? I dont mean to be noisey or harsh, but it sounds like you need some help and now.

[carlasher]

Originally Posted by jayayenay

It could very well be a molar pregnancy (hydatidiform mole). Please get yourself checked out. If a mole goes too long without being removed, it can burrow deep into the uterine wall, resulting in excessive bleeding and complications that can lead to choriocarcinoma.

*never mind, someone said it*

From what I understand - please correct me if I am wrong - a molar pregnancy would have insanely high HCG or BETA count. 13th hardly had any HCG.

[jayayenay]

Yes, Carla, you're right. Moles usually result in abnormally high hcg levels. I could have sworn I read the statement months ago that sometimes a molar pregnancy can have hcg levels that are very low. I can't find it now, so maybe I'm the looney one?

I did, however, find some info on a related condition, another form of gestational trophoblastic disease (GTD, which a molar pregnancy falls under). Maybe this is what I was thinking of:

"The rarest form of GTD, placental type trophoblastic tumor, is malignant in 15-20% of cases. It is unique in that it causes a rise in human placental lactogen (hPL) levels, and low hCG levels." (from from http://brighamrad.harvard.edu/Cases/.../336/full.html)

13th may very well not have a mole at all, but having experienced it myself, that was the first thing that came to mind.

[Lousli]

I have to jump in here to agree with Shannon and Tofumama. Many women here have tried and tried to give you advice and support, and to let you know that this condition could be serious to the point of life-threatening, and I see a lot of excuses why medical care won't work for you. I can't imagine that you have no friends, no neighbors, no partner, no family of any kind that you can explain the situation to and get some financial help from. If that is absolutely the case, a hospital can't refuse to treat you even if you can't pay. And while yes, that could be a credit problem, a credit problem is small in comparison to your life and health (and your baby's, if there is one).

I think that it is vital that you seek out medical care now. If I were in your shoes, I would open up the yellow pages to physicians, and call every one in the book to see who could see me for free or reduced cost. Then I'd try midwives. Failing that, I'd go to a hospital. I'd scrape together some of my belongings (heck, you have a computer right?) and sell them on Ebay to get the money needed for a workup with a midwife or doctor. I wouldn't skip right to the ultrasound, because that may not be what you need, I'd just try to get enough to see an OBGYN or a midwife, or even a family practice doc. I don't know your feelings on this, or what have you, but if it were me, and I thought my own or my baby's life were at stake, I'd sit in front of a Starbacks for a day or two with a cardboard sign that said, "pregnant, need help please" and collect spare change.

I'm not trying to be the biggest B in the world. I just really think that if all that you have told us is true, you are in serious need of medical care but not getting it. Please get some help.

[mandalamama]

i also agree with the sensible posters above. if you're pregnant you need answers about the regular bleeding, if you're not pregnant you need answers to what's going on (your health now is at stake, but also your future reproductive health is at stake). the ER is your best bet right now i think, you'd have answers quickly and can then make decisions on what to do. i've dealt with not being able to pay medical bills and in my experience it's worth it to get the medical care you need and worry about sorting it out later.

peace,
meli

[Marli]

13monkeys, you & I talked about pregnancy symptoms on another thread. At that time, the "do it yourself" methods (feeling cervix etc.) seemed to make sense. However I think that by now your situation has gone well beyond the DIY point and you need to see a physician. If that means selling your computer or panhandling for change on the street...well, it comes down to a question of priorities. Either your health is your top priority or it isn't. Myself, I'd be selling everything I owned, right down to my last set of clothes, to pay for a physical exam at a medical clinic. NOT an ultrasound!

I'm not sure why you're continuing to ask for help online from non-professionals (who can't assess you properly anyway). Time to stop talking and start acting.

Good luck,
Marli

[carlasher]

I don’t think panhandling and selling your computer (if it really is your computer you are using) is a good idea. Because even my nicest things will not pay for a hospital bill and an even 1 year old computer is worth almost nothing. But I was able to work out a deal and a plan with my hospital when I had an operation last year.

I had insurance but they didn’t cover 100% of the cost and I pretty much told then what I could pay and the reasons. When I got my bill, I called and they transferred me to the right department. It took some time, telephone calls, and letters but they forgave ALL of it; I was out of work at the time.

[captain optimism]

Hey sweetie--remember that line from Al Franken's Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley: "Denial is not just a river in Egypt."

It sounds like you need help with more than one thing here. You seem to be living with your ex and that somehow is keeping you from having access to financial information that you need to get on Medicaid. You are also experiencing alarming symptoms and need to get medical care, but you are kind of hoping they will all go away because you can't deal with the complications of the relationship.

Is that right?

If that's what's up, then let's look at it. Maybe you aren't pregnant or even sick. But you definitely need to know, and you need to get some help. For example, you could go back to Planned Parenthood and tell them what you told us. If you aren't pregnant and there isn't anything wrong with you, they will still help you out. Or a women's center. Or a domestic violence prevention agency.

Don't be shy. You need to know. You might feel like, "oh, it's just my life, it's not that much drama." Well look at what you have written here! It is that much drama!

And then you need to let us all know that you got help. Because we want to know that you will be okay.

[gottaknit]

Originally Posted by 13thMonkey

I looked it up and it turns out that even if I could get a quantitative blood test, they vary in their maximum range. Depending on which one they use, they are equally susceptible to the hook effect, meaning that if the HCG level in a person is too high, higher than the range the test measures, and the tech does not manually dilute the sample before trying to retest, people can get an incorrect very low reading. I don't know how common manual dilution is, maybe they do it all the time for a quantitative test. I haven't had one yet but if I get one I will ask about it.

OK I don't know where you got this information, but you are putting too much stock in this "hook effect". I work in a hospital lab, and I'd like you to know that

1)Medical Technologists (that's who performs the lab work) have college degrees, and while yes, mistakes do happen, they are not idiots and know how to run simple lab tests. Planned Parenthood does not generally employ Med Techs. They send their samples out to a CLIA-certified lab to be assayed (except for the urine dipstick tests which can be purchased OTC.)

2)These assays are almost entirely automated. There is very little manual dilution involved. If your sample needed to be diluted because it was out of range, the machine would read ">xxx IU/L" or "above range", indicating that the value was too high for the assay. It would not under any circumstances give a too low reading.

The "hook effect" happens when the machine gives a value at the maximum value of the assay, when the sample is actually much higher than the high-end range of the assay. However, the assay is set up such that the range reflects the normal range of a healthy pregnant or nonpregnant woman. If you were above that range, it would not read as a lower value, it just wouldn't tell you exactly how high your value is above the range.

3)The "hook effect" is very uncommon in HCG assays. If at 16 weeks your HCG levels were beyond the range of the assay (usually 33000 IU/L for serum), it would most likely indicate that you are not pregnant, but have some other medical condition (ie tumor). HCG levels peak at 8-12 weeks of pregnancy.

I have read your posts and do not understand why you think you are pregnant. You are getting periods and have had all negative lab results. A distended abdomen could be caused by numerous, non-pregnancy related, conditions. Liver or kidney disease, fibroids, tumors.... This could be very serious. Get off the internet and go to the ER. They are legally obligated to help you no matter your ability to pay. Otherwise, people may begin to suspect that you are a fraud soliciting for donations...

[mehndi mama]

Otherwise, people may begin to suspect that you are a fraud soliciting for donations...

Not to mention your inconsistencies about your marital/relational situations in your posts on this thread.....
I've been a part of online message communities for about 9 years now.....and every year someone on a board gets exposed as a fraud posting soley to get sympathy about a nonexistent situation. I have no clue if that is or is not the case here, but the inconsistencies (are you married? broken up with a boyfried? married AND living with an ex?) cause me to think you're "fake".

[13thMonkey]

in my defense!

Please do me the courtesy of reading this, I know it's long but I deserve the right to defend myself. I realized that my responses sort of addressed specific things so I tried to label them so that people could read the parts they talked about.

On using "DH":
I don't understand why everyone wants to jump on me for using "DH" to refer to the man I live with. I can't be the only person here who is not legally married to the man they live with. Yes, it is a little confusing to me whether he is my ex-boyfriend or not. I have lived with him for six years, he stays but constantly says he is going to leave, he tells me we can work things out and then the next day he tells me he couldn't spend his life with someone like me, he doesn't treat me right but he doesn't see other people. Sorry if I trampled on some sacred right to use "dh" only to refer only to happy, well-adjusted legal marriages.

On hook effect:
As for the hook effect, everything I read about it dealt specifically with false negatives on a yes or no test. It was given as an explanation for false negatives. I haven't had a quantitative test so I didn't know that that was how it affects those. The Planned Parenthood where I got my blood test did do the "yes-no" lab test in house, because it was the abortion clinic in town and they do their tests right there while you wait. The only person who even saw me besides the receptionist was the tech who ran the test herself. I only waited ten minutes right there in the lobby so I know she did not send it out. Anyway, hook effect *has* caused false negatives on yes or no tests, I posted the websites here about it in a previous post, I thought it was on this same thread. Molar pregnancies and other stuff *can* cause false negatives because the levels are too *high*. Too *high*. This is about that:
http://www.hcg.info/
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/extract/349/22/2172

As to why I think I am pregnant
Despite bleeding and negative tests, let me point out again that I have every other symptom in a logical progression over the time period. I realize I am missing two of the biggies but-- I may test negative for HCG, but many of the symptoms I have gotten usually occur in women who have HCG in their system. I had stuff going on that I could not explain that I DID NOT know were connected with pregnancy. And then I would find them too in some pregnancy book or site and it would end up being just another little thing to add to the growing list. Yes, everything could be a series of coincidences, but when someone is pregnant all of these particular "coincidences" are connected... so it is confusing.

On the kind things that nice people said:
I understand why everyone wants me to go to the ER or Planned Parenthood, and I understand Captain Optimism saying I am in denial about it being serious and about being in a domestic abuse situation. I know... but it's my apartment. He'll leave soon and I am not going to some shelter. And, Carla's suggestion that I should try to find someone who will work with me on forgiving the bills, that is a good idea. It is tricky for me to make phone calls during the day, but I can try a few a day and I could find one who will work with me. Another thing that is true is that I have no support person and that is not a good situation to be in, I know that but honestly I am kind of in shock and I don't really know what to do about it, I feel like I am watching someone else's life stop making sense.

On my anti-medicalness:
Okay, so I guess I was kind of just hoping I never got sick, and that if I even did get pregnant it would just go smoothly. Wishful thinking, I know. I always said that if I got cancer I would go on the macrobitoics and try other natural stuff, never any of the allopathic Wetern crap. And up till now I have never had something wrong with me that I couldn't treat myself. I always said I would go to the doctor if I broke a bone or something obviously necessary, but not for pregnancy because it's not an illness. Having something going on that acts like a pregnancy but without the aformentioned two biggies, well, no offense to all the well-intentioned advice, but while I don't quite know *how* to deal with it, it doesn't seem like an out-an-out emergency either.

And defending myself!
What I don't understand is why so many people here are attacking me personally. I am just here because I have no one to turn to for emotional support and instead it seems like a lot of people who have basically good lives are essentially telling me that if I am not going to take their advice then I should shut up now and go away. That if I am not going to take the advice given to me, then I should stop whining and leave them alone. Well, I mean, if that's how you feel then I think rather than trying to accuse me of being some kind of weirdo or something, it might make more sense to actually just not write things at me at all. Wouldn't it? I don't think the take-my-advice-or-else-I-think-you-are-a-big-fake-so-shut-up approach is all that helpful. No doubt you all have someone you can talk to when you feel alone. I am sure you have wanted to turn somewhere for some vague psychological reason when you felt like the whole world was against you, and I hope no one told you that you should either go to the ER or else shut up and leave them alone. I get told to shut up enough at home, if you don't want to talk to me online, then you don't have to read my posts.

(more on my anti-allopathy)
It seems like people here are very angry or else worried at me for thinking I might be pregnant or sick and not wanting to put myself in the hands of medical professionals who I can't control. Right now, yes, my belly is unusually big, but it is only four months unusually big. My belly is not so swollen that I look like I am ready to give birth or something. It is just firm, full, out of proportion to the rest of me, and similar to photos of women who are would be at the same stage of pregnancy as I would potentitally be. Yes, I find it odd to be at this stage and yet still be getting period and negative tests, but I would not be the first woman who still didn't know for sure whether she was pregnant or not at four months. Really I wouldn't. Now, my belly grew to this current size over the last few months, it did not swell there suddenly overnight. So, if I am not ready to submit myself to medical science yet and I would rather talk with people about my stress, I don't think that makes me a bad person. And, if I would like to continue for a while thinking I might just be pregnant so I probably have nothing to worry about, it might be crazy but I don't think I am in immediate physical danger. And I certainly don't think the child would be harmed by being kept away from hospitals and machines. If I am sick, a few more weeks or so will not kill me, I really think. If it hurts suddenly I promise I'll go to the ER, OK? And if I am pregnant, all I have done that is really weird is bleed. I know it is hard to accept, but some people do bleed at their menstrual times in pregnancy and the same people often get negative test results. And people who bleed because of a problem that early are either going to miscarry or not and there is nothing that medical science can do to change it. Bleeding from placenta previa is different and occurs later and the only thing they can do about that is threaten to give you a c-section, so that's no better anyway. And if there really is an HCG problem, then I would miscarry anyway and medical intervention is not going to prevent that, either.

About Mendhi Mama and the other person's accusations:
Mendhi Mama, I don't understand why you are saying this, I thought you were nice earlier because you were the only one who even answered my question about how your cervix might look when you are pregnant. It is ridiculous to think that I am soliciting donations, because I haven't given out a shred of contact information aside from my first name and my username. I'm just guessing here, but if someone was making things up just to try and do that, I bet they would probably find it handy to give out personal information. Most of the time I am pretty sure I have gone out my way to hide my personal information, I haven't even told what state I live in from what I can remember.

And finally, some accusations of my own, and go ahead and flame me all you want!
Some of the poeple on here are telling me they don't think I am pregnant because of genuine concern, and that is nice. But there are some people, I don't know who specifically, but I think there are some of you who are taking the opportunity to rely on the test and the bleeding to try and insist that I can't be pregnant because, when people find out they are pregnant, especially perhaps people who weren't even planning it, you feel jealous. Well, let me just say that my situation is nothing to be jealous of right now. In fact I am pretty jealous of the people here who have lots of kids and are pregnant again. I have never had kids before except for an early miscarriage, and I have spent six years with someone who won't marry me and doesn't want kids. So, if I might be pregnant now by accident, your jealousy is no reason to take advantage of an easy target like me. It is so easy for people to simply make a snap judgement that I must not be pregnant because of the bleeding and negative tests- well, you don't have to live with every other stinking symtom with no proof. So, unless your concern is genuine, or else you have something positive to say, then please keep your naysaying to yourself because I am really at my limit for it.

I really think I might be pregnant, crazy or not.

[Lousli]

Dear 13th Monkey,
I may be one of the people earlier that you think is telling you to shut up and go away or that you feel is jealous of you. I just want to assure you that my concern is real. I can see whay some people thought you might not be for real, because honestly, people do come here seeking attention and sympathy for problems that don't exist.

But from your recent post it sounds like you are for real, and in a bad situation. I think perhaps people are frustrated because they are asking and asking you to get some medical help, and feeling like it is possible that it really could be serious but the only way to know is to get treatment, and that you are kind of ignoring their advice and attempts to help you.

I truly see that you believe that you are pregnant, and that you believe that if you have a problem it is not a serious one. You have said that if something hurts you will get medical treatment for it. I think some of the most serious things that could be wrong might not hurt at all, at least at first. I don't think molar pregnancies hurt, but they can result in cancer. I actually think that ovarian cancer may not even hurt at first, and if not treated soon enough can spread throughout your abdomen and into your bloodstream.

Believe me when I say that I think that even though your living situation might be less than ideal, it sounds like you would be very happy to be pregnant and it might be a good thing for you. In fact, it might even inspire you to move out of that situation. If you are pregnant, then great! But really, really, it could be something else. And it is very concerning to those of us trying to help you that you dismiss what we're saying so lightly. I know it is easier to believe that you're pregnant. I know you have no one to turn to. I know you don't have much money right now. But you are gambling that you're okay, you're not sick, if you are sick it's no big deal. To me, and probably others, it seems you are gambling with your life.

[carlasher]

13th, please forgive me if I seem to be off base with this, but I would like to respond to what you just said, just so I am straight...

On using "DH":
I don't understand why everyone wants to jump on me for using "DH" to refer to the man I live with. I can't be the only person here who is not legally married to the man they live with. Yes, it is a little confusing to me whether he is my ex-boyfriend or not. I have lived with him for six years, he stays but constantly says he is going to leave, he tells me we can work things out and then the next day he tells me he couldn't spend his life with someone like me, he doesn't treat me right but he doesn't see other people. Sorry if I trampled on some sacred right to use "dh" only to refer only to happy, well-adjusted legal marriages.

I am not married, so I don’t have a "DH" myself. Sometimes I use DP for "dear partner" or just DH. But I do remember you writing that you broke up and you are have not been intimate with him since June or July (that still could be the case). We all just assumed that he was 100% out of your life. Usually, but not always, people stop living together when they break up. Since it seemed like you were going through this totally alone, I assumed you didn’t live with him.

As to why I think I am pregnant
Despite bleeding and negative tests, let me point out again that I have every other symptom in a logical progression over the time period. I realize I am missing two of the biggies but-- I may test negative for HCG, but many of the symptoms I have gotten usually occur in women who have HCG in their system. I had stuff going on that I could not explain that I DID NOT know were connected with pregnancy. And then I would find them too in some pregnancy book or site and it would end up being just another little thing to add to the growing list. Yes, everything could be a series of coincidences, but when someone is pregnant all of these particular "coincidences" are connected... so it is confusing.

I have TOTALLY thought I have been pregnant when I was not. I had morning sickness, changes, in breasts, and many other pregnancy symptoms at the same time. Guess what, so many different hormonal changes can cause the same symptoms. Your stomach growing can be ANYTHING, not just a baby in your uterus.

On the kind things that nice people said:
I understand why everyone wants me to go to the ER or Planned Parenthood, and I understand Captain Optimism saying I am in denial about it being serious and about being in a domestic abuse situation. I know... but it's my apartment. He'll leave soon and I am not going to some shelter. And, Carla's suggestion that I should try to find someone who will work with me on forgiving the bills, that is a good idea. It is tricky for me to make phone calls during the day, but I can try a few a day and I could find one who will work with me. Another thing that is true is that I have no support person and that is not a good situation to be in, I know that but honestly I am kind of in shock and I don't really know what to do about it, I feel like I am watching someone else's life stop making sense.


If you are being abused, your apt or not, you need to get the hell out of that place. You need to contact the police, I am sure you have temporarily anon. women’s "safe houses" in your area you can contact and be out of your situation ASAP! They will be able to help you with health care, legal issues with you DH and anything related. The police can get your DH out of YOUR home. Your situation is affecting your health and well-being.

On my anti-medicalness:
Okay, so I guess I was kind of just hoping I never got sick, and that if I even did get pregnant it would just go smoothly. Wishful thinking, I know. I always said that if I got cancer I would go on the macrobitoics and try other natural stuff, never any of the allopathic Wetern crap. And up till now I have never had something wrong with me that I couldn't treat myself. I always said I would go to the doctor if I broke a bone or something obviously necessary, but not for pregnancy because it's not an illness. Having something going on that acts like a pregnancy but without the aformentioned two biggies, well, no offense to all the well-intentioned advice, but while I don't quite know *how* to deal with it, it doesn't seem like an out-an-out emergency either.

You cannot self-medicate when things are out of control like that. I am anti-western medicine, but to a point. When I feel this is out of my control, I go get help. You cannot just go to Whole Foods, buy up a bunch of herbs and treat yourself if you don’t know what you are doing or even DEALING with. A good herbologist (I hope this is the right title), naturopathic doctor, can help. I self treated my PCOS and Endometriosis, but after I knew what I was dealing and consulted with "experts" in the field of alternative medicine.

And defending myself!
What I don't understand is why so many people here are attacking me personally. I am just here because I have no one to turn to for emotional support and instead it seems like a lot of people who have basically good lives are essentially telling me that if I am not going to take their advice then I should shut up now and go away. That if I am not going to take the advice given to me, then I should stop whining and leave them alone. Well, I mean, if that's how you feel then I think rather than trying to accuse me of being some kind of weirdo or something, it might make more sense to actually just not write things at me at all. Wouldn't it? I don't think the take-my-advice-or-else-I-think-you-are-a-big-fake-so-shut-up approach is all that helpful. No doubt you all have someone you can talk to when you feel alone. I am sure you have wanted to turn somewhere for some vague psychological reason when you felt like the whole world was against you, and I hope no one told you that you should either go to the ER or else shut up and leave them alone. I get told to shut up enough at home, if you don't want to talk to me online, then you don't have to read my posts.

We cannot help you solve your problems if we are hundreds or thousands of miles away from you. You are not just confiding in us to help you with your problems, you are telling us you are in a bad situation health wise and now being abused at home and you just expect us to do what?? What else can we do besides give you the best advice, information and resources for your problems. It frustrates us that you are constantly in pain physically and emotionally and we can do anything about it, but you are not making ANY steps yourself. Its NOTHING to do with us having "better lives" because a lot of us ("better lives" now or not) have been where you are now.

(more on my anti-allopathy)
It seems like people here are very angry or else worried at me for thinking I might be pregnant or sick and not wanting to put myself in the hands of medical professionals who I can't control. Right now, yes, my belly is unusually big, but it is only four months unusually big. My belly is not so swollen that I look like I am ready to give birth or something. It is just firm, full, out of proportion to the rest of me, and similar to photos of women who are would be at the same stage of pregnancy as I would potentitally be. Yes, I find it odd to be at this stage and yet still be getting period and negative tests, but I would not be the first woman who still didn't know for sure whether she was pregnant or not at four months. Really I wouldn't. Now, my belly grew to this current size over the last few months, it did not swell there suddenly overnight. So, if I am not ready to submit myself to medical science yet and I would rather talk with people about my stress, I don't think that makes me a bad person. And, if I would like to continue for a while thinking I might just be pregnant so I probably have nothing to worry about, it might be crazy but I don't think I am in immediate physical danger. And I certainly don't think the child would be harmed by being kept away from hospitals and machines. If I am sick, a few more weeks or so will not kill me, I really think. If it hurts suddenly I promise I'll go to the ER, OK? And if I am pregnant, all I have done that is really weird is bleed. I know it is hard to accept, but some people do bleed at their menstrual times in pregnancy and the same people often get negative test results. And people who bleed because of a problem that early are either going to miscarry or not and there is nothing that medical science can do to change it. Bleeding from placenta previa is different and occurs later and the only thing they can do about that is threaten to give you a c-section, so that's no better anyway. And if there really is an HCG problem, then I would miscarry anyway and medical intervention is not going to prevent that, either.


I have known women with fibroid tumors the size of a 4-month-old fetus. And yes, they bleed, sometimes a lot. Not saying that is what you have, but a big belly does not = pregnancy. You need medical attention.

I really think I might be pregnant, crazy or not.

If you are pregnant and bleeding, you need to see someone and get out of that situation home.

[wtchyhlr]

I wasn't going to weigh in on this but I will. Couple of years ago, I had a false pregnancy... I gained abdominal weight, boobs got big, got heart burn, got constipated, period got funky - sporatic and lighter, and just weird (i wasn't charting at the time), got carpal tunnel ... was convinced I was pregnant... but i kept getting negative tests. Ended up going to my family prac. for a physical - come to find out all *as in every single one* of my symptoms were the result of my thyroid becoming non functional. I had waited so long to go see a medical doctor that she actually told me that she wasnt sure why i was still walking... my body should've shut down as far off the charts as my thyroid was. I'm lucky that treating thyriod disfunction is pretty straight forward...

I just wanted to pop another alternative to the molar pregnancy out there... your symptoms sound a lot like mine did. The other symptoms I noticed early in this pregnancy (which is my first), were copious amounts of very creamy cervical fluid... in my panties, when i wiped, etc, and major mood swings. Those're the things that differentiated the pregnancy from the thyroid issue (tho, i guess, in fairness, the thryoid problem was found before i knew anytning about cervical fluid - i bought TCOYF and started charting shortly afterwards)

[13thMonkey]

OK, I get why it is confusing about the ex-boyfriend thing. We did break up and have not been intimate since, usually both of us agree on that though occasionally I have to remind him that he's the one who chose to make no comitment to me for all those years so I'm not his going to be his sex-buddy now. The reason we still live together is because we work together in an online business. He really does want to leave so I think he will soon, but he is firmly convinced that I can't survive on my own financially, and so he dislikes me for "keeping him around". It's very annoying, but I really can't just call the police and oust him, no offense but that would really be blowing things way out of proportion. Although I am really sick of being belittled and having him fly off the handle over stupid stuff, for now I can put up with it until I can convince him I don't need him around to survive. It's nothing worse than when my father got angry when I was a kid and I'm no more scared than I was then. The difference is my ex really is planning on leaving, while when I was a kid I had to wait until I could get legal permission to move in with my mom before I could stop being afraid of my dad's irrational outbursts of anger. Except my father didn't spend years belittling me like my ex does, actually that was more my mother's style. And the truth is the emotional violence hurts me just as much as having something thrown at me or being pushed and shoved. I know that sounds kind of stupid but it's true.

By the way you mentioned physical pain, but I'm not in physical pain all the time or even most of it. Sure I have a few little aches but I wouldn't describe myself as being in constant physical pain at all. Although the part about emotional pain I will admit to.

Anyway, there is some good news, tonight he wanted the computer and he asked what I was typing about for so long tonight and I told him that because he won't listen to me I was talking to people online and they were mad at me too, for talking about it too much without going to the docotr and getting any answers. He said he is so tired of hearing about this and if it will shut me up we'll pay 50 bucks to go to Planned Parenthood or somewhere to get looked at. I told him that because he was so mad about wasting 15 dollars on the negative blood test, I am very afraid he'll be angry if it turns out nothing is wrong and I wasted 50 bucks, and he said that if I agree to shut up about it and apologize if I turn out not to be pregnant or sick, then he will agree not to get mad. And he also said that if I do turn out to be pregnant he will apologize for thinking I wasn't. So, I am going to call some midwives tomorrow and see if anyone will try and find out what's going on for 50 dollars. I know that if nothing is wrong and I also turn out not to be pregnant, he actually will be mad, but if so I can call him on it now because he said that I just had to agree that then I would shut up about it. And that ought to calm him down. So, I have a clear 50 bucks to work with now.

Lesley I appreciate your suggestion to check on here for midwives that would help me for low-cost, but I think I better just take Carla's suggestion and call around where I live. Because I am afraid if people on here find out specifics about who I am then they will try to get my ex in trouble and I don't want the law involved or anything. I have heard about people in really abusive domestic violence situations and they are much worse than what I am living with. But I know some people feel differently so I want to keep my identity private, so I will just look for midwives offline.

[13thMonkey]

thyroid

Witchyhlr, I'm glad you did weigh in. I read about thyroid problems and sometimes they can make your heartbeat fast. I noticed my heartbeat is fast and I also have the mood swings in addition to the other changes you described. Now I found out that I can see someone just if I can find someone who will see me for 50 dollars; so when I do I am going to tell them that someone else had symptoms like some of mine and she had discovered a thyroid problem. Although the only thing is I don't know if it will explain the Montgomery's tubercules and the cervical changes, and also on another thread there were some, uh, suggestions as to how I could tell if it was my uterus that got big or not and it does seem like it was my uterus that got bigger. And also I thought I have been feeling movement. Of couse that still doesn't necessarily mean I might be pregnant, because someone whose sister had fibroids did feel movement. But anway, I will try and see if they could check my thyroid too.