Support needed: dd *must* go to the dentist.

[luv my 2 sweeties]

My 4 y.o. dd has an injured tooth that needs attention. One of her front teeth has turned gray following a minor fall. She has always had trouble with doctor visits (well -- she's OK now with the doctor, but she cried and resisted for a long time.) DH took her for her first visit to our family dentist last fall and she wouldn't let them do anything. I took her this summer and she clung to me like a barnacle, and wouldn't even get in the chair. My mom had come along to watch ds for me and dd finally agreed to go in with Grandma. She got in the chair, but wouldn't let them clean her teeth. She cried big tears and wouldn't open her mouth, but she didn't scream or tantrum (not really her style.) She *did* allow the dentist to examine her teeth, so that's a plus. He told us she would need to see a pediatric specialist due to her dead front tooth.

So... I called the specialist and made the appointment, which is coming up on Monday. I spoke to them about her apprehension and the woman told me that they deal with this all the time and try to be as non-threatening as possible, go slow, etc. etc. But the bottom line is that she *must* get the exam and x-rays so that they can determine how to treat the tooth. (She'll probably need a "baby root canal" I'm trying to not even think that far ahead at this point!) I told her about the appointment the other day, and that they *will* clean her teeth, and "take pictures". I told her gently, but I don't want her to think she has a choice this time -- I told her this directly. She cried so heartbreakingly about it! I'm very nervous for Monday. DH is taking the day off work so that he can come along. Given how much better she did with my mom than with me, I think I probably shouldn't be the one to go into the exam room with her.

I'm sure you mammas know where I'm coming from here. I understand that she needs this done, but what's the best way to go about enforcing it? Be sympathetic? Be matter of fact? Bribery won't work for her -- it might soften the blow afterword, but she won't do something she doesn't want to do just for a treat. I know that's a good thing on the whole, but this time I wish... My other thought is that I don't want her to be dentist phobic for life. My mom expressed this concern as well. She had a bad dental experience as a child and it really stuck with her and caused her to avoid dental care much of her adulthood. If it weren't for this tooth, I'd just forget about it -- keep her teeth brushed well and wait until she's older and more rational to go to the dentist. <sigh> (In case you're wondering what will happen if we leave the tooth alone, the answer is that it may form an abcess and become infected, at which point it would be very painful and potentially dangerous to her over-all health.)

Thanks for reading this far. Any suggestions are welcome. I could also use some support if anyone else has gone through a similar experience and come out the other side. I'm very worried about how it's going to go, but trying not to show it to dd.

[Angierae]

I feel for you mama! My 3 yo has genetically poor teeth, 4 of which need to be filled. I keep waiting for the right time to take her in, but she is so freaked that I haven't done it. For our last visit the matter of fact but sympathetic approach worked the best. As in "you have to do this to stay safe and healthy, but I understand that you don't want to." With all of you there to support her I am sure she'll get the message that she is very loved and will sense the importance of it. Hang in there. It'll be over before you know it. Sometimes I find it so hard to be protectors of their bodies as well as their spirits.

[Shirada]

Hi there,
My 4 year old dd injured her tooth July 1st and 2 weeks later her tooth started discoloring. She had only just been for her first dental check up not long before, but of course we had to go again for sure. She was unusually apprehensive too, apparently she didn't like the moving chair, although not like your daughter, (so sorry I have no advice there).

However, regarding the gray tooth. Our dentist said that it would probably fall out in 2-3 months, (we are coming up for 3 months now and no change yet), but the only reason to intervene would be for cosmetic reasons. Coincidentally, the same thing happened to my friends' son around the same time and she was told the same thing. I have spoken to other friends whose kids have had a similar injury and they were told the same. I think it is a little drastic to have a root canal unless an abcess does appear. I think a wait and see approach would be better and perhaps it would be worth seeking another opinion from a recommended dentist.

We are planning to get periodic checks on the tooth and obviously if my daughter were to complain of any pain or we noticed any other changes, (gum redness etc.) then we would proceed accordingly.

Another thing I might add, is that a dentist friend of ours, said that sometimes the tooth turns white again after some time, (and that happened to his own daughter's tooth whilst they watched and waited).

[beanma]

you might PM SmileMomma about this. don't know if you've been around long enough to have "met" her, but she's a mama dentist who used to moderate the dental boards (now folded into health and healing i think).

my dd1 is 3.5 and terrified of the dr so luckily we haven't even had to try the dentist yet. i can only imagine how that would go.

and good luck

[luv my 2 sweeties]

However, regarding the gray tooth. Our dentist said that it would probably fall out in 2-3 months, (we are coming up for 3 months now and no change yet), but the only reason to intervene would be for cosmetic reasons. Coincidentally, the same thing happened to my friends' son around the same time and she was told the same thing. I have spoken to other friends whose kids have had a similar injury and they were told the same.

How interesting, thank you. I got the abcess info from our family dentist, but the ped dentist he originally referred us to had the same concern. So much so that they referred us on to a different practice because they are booking 6 months in advance (nothing earlier.) They thought she should be evaluated earlier. We'll see what this dentist says. I will definately ask about what you said! She's had the gray tooth for about 6 months now and it shows no sign of falling out. Hmmm...

[mamaduck]

My son had a door handle wack him the face when he was four. Within a few days a front top tooth had turned gray. Very dark gray. I took him to the dentist, and he said that it would fall out within a few months we should just let it be until his adult tooth came in. However, it actually turned white again after a few months, and he kept the tooth until he was six and it fell out because of an adult tooth pushing it out. The dentist never did anything about it.

[kavamamakava]

My son is 3 1/2 and he has had 7 cavities filled in the dentist chair with just a novocaine injection. I give him kava kava extract in glycerite 20-30 mins before the appointment and again right when we arrive. It numbs the mouth a bit and calms anxieties.
After 3 appointments where he cooperated and did really well, he started getting upset about it. At first he told me he was a good patient and he had lots of fun saying AAHHHH and we played dentist at home. Then he decided he didn't want to be a good patient. He didn't want to play dentist anymore either. I think that he had a cavity that was really deep so it hurt despite the novocaine shot. The 4th time we showed up he refused to go in. His dentist gave him a hug and said we would try again. She prescribed and anti-anxiolytic medication for him to take at bedtime and 30 mins before the appointment. Along with kavakava, this helped him stay calm enough to where he went into the office and sat in the chair and let them work on his mouth. He got antsy after the first tooth though and then he just wouldn't sit. She gave him a little nitrous and he sat for the second tooth. And then all bets were off. We decided to skip the last tooth.

But anyway, those are some ideas and things you might try.

[UnschoolnMa]

Awww I am so sorry for her and for you First an injury to the tooth and now the dentist. I would say be just be sympathetic and offer to do something very special when all is said and done. Don't think of it as a bribe, but rather something fun for having to go through something ick. I am so happy that you have a ped dentist that is understanding. I wish I had better advice. My son and I are dental phobics, and we have to be medicated (orally) and/or knocked out to get work done. Wishing you well.

[UnschoolnMa]

KavamamaKava wrote:
She prescribed and anti-anxiolytic medication for him to take at bedtime and 30 mins before the appointment.
========================
This is what they do for us too, and it really has helped.

[sparklemom]

I also like the wait and see approach as much as possible. I'd also not talk to her extinsively about it beforehand because that actually will freak her out more and make it even worse. Mention it in passing here and there, briefly and matter of factly, as though it were not a big deal---even though inside yourself you're thinking it is. If you turn it into this big discussion beforehand that will only increase her natural existing fears. I feel for you and your daughter. My dd1 (5) is especially anxious and highly!! fearful of these situations. And as a mom who deeply respects her dc's feelings I'm not comfortable "forcing" anything. Keep us posted on how it goes if you decide to go.

[Parker'smommy]

This happened to my ds last summer, a year ago. He had a fall, and then a week or so later I noticed his front left tooth turning grey. I made an appt. to a pediatric dentist and she checked it out ( so gently...she was really good and super fast) and said that the grey is from blood in the tooth and nerve damage. She said we could try xrays to see if there is bad nerve damage but he probably wouldn't sit still. We did one but it didn't come out but she was not concerned. She told me to watch it. If it got darker, to give her a call, but more than likely, it would get lighter, and eventually be yellow in color. We just watched it and it is better than fine now. I am the only one that can tell that it is slightly discolored. SO, my ds's tooth totally regenerated like the dr. said it probably do. I think the wait and see approach is definitely the best in this situation. Good Luck!

[luv my 2 sweeties]

Thank you so much everyone for your responses. They really put my mind at ease. We went to the ped. dentist on Monday, and it went well. DH took her in while I waited in the waiting room with ds. She didn't want to go in, of course, but we had made it pretty clear that it *was* going to happen, so when dh scooped her up, she didn't complain much. He said that once in the room she refused to open her mouth for a while and a few tears came, but the hygenist was very patient and dh gently insistant, so eventually she opened her mouth and everything went fine from there. She was actually in a pretty good mood when she came out! I think it was good for her to see that something she had feared wasn't so bad after all. We celebrated by going to lunch at her favorite restaurant.

Like many of you suggested, the dentist told us to just keep and eye on the gray tooth -- they won't do anything unless a problem starts to develop. Whew! I'm kinda mad at my regular dentist for scaring me like that! : The only "bad" thing that happened is that they gave her a flouride treatment, which I would have refused. But dh said they didn't ask, and neither of us thought about the fact that they might do that. Over all, however, I'm very pleased with how it went. Now I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the tooth just stays as it is until it gets pushed out by her permenant tooth! Thanks again, everyone!

[Nabbe]

My son is like that. He gets a shot of a medication (sorry i dont know the name in english...) that makes him not care so much, he gets tired, and cant move so much. It worked wonders. Now he do it with just injection. He had to remove two teeth in the back due to cavities...

*remember me to not nightfeed the baby after teeth comes*

[USAmma]

I would just explain to her that it needs to be done. Make sure that dentist offers laughing gas-- it will help a lot with the procedures. Even better, see if they can put your dc totally under. My baby's been through 2 endoscopies and a minor surgery and they gassed her, then did the procedures, and I doubt she remembers any of it.

Darshani

[Nabbe]

The medication my son got, it works like laughing-gaz but its a liquid that they put in his anal-opening, and it works like after 5-10 minutes.

[mishpiggy]

Heres some ideas

I work in a dental office as a dental assistant. Let me first tell you I do not like most pedo offices. If this office does not let you back with your child, then forget it. I will not take my ds to any office like this. I know what they do. They dont want you to see how they handle your child. If your child does not cooperate they will papoose them to the board. Most office will give you a prescription to give the child before the appointment without knowing how your child handles going to the dentist. I dont like drugging chidren, I think most the time it is unecessary!!! Not all pedo offices are bad. If you know your child does better without you around then so fine. In my office we let one parent or family member come back. If the child does well that family member can stay. If the child does not cooperate we ask the family member to leave to see if the child acts better. Sometimes this works and sometimes not. Depends on the child. Sometimes the parent doesnt want to come back and me go get them cause the child is acting up and the child calms right down. It depends on the child. I say go for the nitrous oxide, this often helps. Some children it freaks them out even more. It all depends on the child.
Now about this childs to. Unless the tooth is abcesses (meaning it has an infection) then its not necessary to treat the tooth, (if this is a front tooth). Now if your concerned about comsetics and want to deal with getting if fixed and spending that kind of money I say go for it, unless its gonna traumatize the child. Does the tooth cause your child any pain? If not its probably fine and can be left alone. As for falling out in 2 -3 months not generally. They can hang on until the permanent teeth start coming in. Keep a close eye on it keep it cleaned if it never gets infected then your cool. An infection can harm the adult teeth that come in and also cause other major problems. Recently in my office we had a patient call us after staying in the hospital cause she didnt listen to us about a tooth and it almost killed her.
To prepare her be real with her. Dont hold back. Tell her it might hurt. Kids are scared of the unknown not the pain. If they give a shot tell your child it pokes a little and will pinch a little. Dont hide it dont lie to the child. Cause if it then starts to hurt they react badly and get scared and what not. I wouldnt sympathize cause that can cause kids to act up worse. Oh look see if I can really play it up see what I can get if I act as it hurts worse than it is.
Sorry this is so long, but this is something near and dear to my heart. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Nanner]

My dd had 2 cavities by the time she was 12 mths (just started getting teeth at 9 mths!). We waited to get them taken care of until she was right at 2. At that time I opted to have them pulled and fake ones put in. She had to be put in a papoose and taken away from me for the procedure (I checked several dentists and really do like this one). She just turned 4 last month and still remembers parts of that experience. We went for our first checkup that she did not scream hysterically through. She also just had her first real cleaning (due to her inability to stay calm enough to really clean in the past). I stayed with her and she was so nervous at first I thought she might vibrate right off the chair! By the end she was excited about coming back the next time!
What I am trying to say is that one bad dental experience (in the hands of loving people) may not be as damaging or permanent as you might think.
For my dd I think the real kicker that made her cooperate this last time was fear of the papoose. She remembered it vividly from 2 yrs ago and she was in the same room as when she had the work done. She begged the hygenist not to hurt her and not to put her in the papoose (so pitiful!). But darned if she didn't open her mouth as wide as possible so that she could avoid the papoose! Like I said, once she realized it didn't hurt and was kinda fun, she relaxed and really enjoyed herself.
This is so hard and I remember all I went thru trying to decide what was best. In the end, I am amazed at dd's ability to bounce back.
Oh, and by the way, she also had a negative experience at 14 mths from a not-so-nice dentist examining and cleaning her teeth, and a very abrupt, strange dentist cleaning when she was 3 (both of which made her hysterical- and the one we went to when she was 3 had a staff that told her she could not have a balloon if she cried, so after the cleaning she started bawling about not getting a balloon and feeling bad b/c she had cried when this dentist was abrupt and abrasive with her. Ugh!)
Kids are amazingly resilient!
Good luck!
Sara

[Beth-TX]

I don't know if this helps, but I had a root canal on my front tooth (had my hands tucked inside my coat and tripped walking down the sidewalk...) when I was in first grade and I don't remember it being a big deal. If you have a gentle dentist, it should be painless for her.

I'm sorry you have to go through this...

peace, Beth

[Greaseball]

I second the nitrous. It's not only for extractions and root canals; I get it for cleanings and x-rays too. I've been kicked out of dentists' offices in the middle of a cleaning before because I can't stand to be uncomfortable and I'd fidget too much. With the gas I'm very comfortable. I will be asking for the gas when my children have their first appointments.

[canadiyank]

Well, I'm glad they just told you to watch it. I knocked my front tooth out when I was three, the only thing that happened was the gum was a little hard when the adult tooth started to come in so it grew in a little late, and that tooth is slightly higher than it's friend on the other side. I remember going to the emergency room and getting to eat ice cream, LOL! And learning about the tooth fairy...(my mom wasn't going to "do" the TF, but a friend who was with us said, "Don't worry, Meghan, now the tooth fairy will come." Apparently I immediately stopped crying and said, "Tooth fairy?" :LOL)