I peirced my DDs ears yesterday.... - Page 3

[nikirj]

I had mine done as a child (not an infant) and the scars are very much visible. I don't want earings and don't like having the scars. My kids will not be getting earings until they are certain they want them and it doesn't seem to just be a whim. Once they know they want them, I don't care how many peircings they get or where (with a good peircer, not with one of those disease-transmission-machines-waiting-to-happen at the mall), but the point is that I'm not doing the deciding.

In the grand scheme of things, I don't think that this is a huge deal. It is something I'd never do, though.

[girlndocs]

I have deep, deep ethical concerns about a parent deciding this for their child. Hello! it is a minor surgical procedure done for purely cosmetic reasons. Unlike circ (which I also oppose) there are not even any specious medical "reasons" to be used as excuses.

I have a handful of piercings myself. I plan on increasing that number. My 5-yo ds wants to be pierced and he will, after he hits puberty, by a reputable piercer who has served an apprenticeship, and using proper, sterile instruments not one of those gawdawful guns.

Despite what many piercing shops would like you to think, it's not *always* a case of earrings in, presto, done. Sometimes there are complications that produce not only pain and suffering but permanent body alteration much more noticeable than a small hole.

Do you know what hypertrophic scarring is? Keloids? What if your dd's lobes had violently reacted to the studs? What if the piercer had f*cked up (those twits in the mall only have about 2 weeks training)? What if your daughter's lobes had *rejected* the studs, possibly leaving her with permanently "forked" lobes, or slit-like holes in them? What if she had turned out to be one of the individuals whose piercings, for some indiscernible reason, become persistently infected when pierced?

You can't simply say, well, it turned out OK so my choice was fine, because there was no guarantee that it WOULD turn out fine, and it sounds like you (along with most people I know of who have had this done to their babies ) did not do any research or really inform yourself of the risks. If you want to have minor cosmetic surgery without informing yourself of the possible risks, that's your business, but people owe their children more responsibility.

I agree, what the heck is wrong with clip-ons or stickers from the dollar store? Just because a child is "yours" doesn't mean that it's OK to alter their body without their consent, and even if they're old enough to ask for it, the adult is supposed to be the one who comprehends & weighs the risks.

[mamawanabe]

My mom made me wait till I was 13, which I still resent (the arbritariness of 13 . . .).

It's my kid's body - s/he can peirce whatever s/he wants whenever (though, since it is a hygene issue, I'd make her/him wait till s/he was mature enough to brush her/his teeth well twice a day without prompting; if s/he is mature enough to do that s/he is mature enough to put rubbing alcohol on her/his ears twice a day). I've had many piercings in various places over the years, and they are not permanant things like tattoos.

I would wait for her to ask. BUT, I don't think you can compare it to cricing.

Sorry OP, that some of these answers have been so harsh and strident. We're a judgemental bunch, I guess.

[gurumama]

Originally Posted by Spicey Momma

: *sniff* noone agrees with me...........

There is a clear reason why no one agrees with you. There are many forms of pain our children experience that we cannot prevent.

You chose to let her experience a pain that is preventable. And solely ornamental. And not her decision.

[BeansEemie]

When I was 5 I wanted to get my ears pierced but my mother wanted to save it for my Bat mitzvah. I did not undersatnd the whole becoming-a-woman angle and appearently went to my father about it. They were divorced and he was an abusive a$$. He was happy to take this away from her. So I got my ears pierced. And she was crushed.

But ya know what, I was fine. And when I was 12, I got second holes put in my ears with my mom. It may not have been what she had in mind, but it meant a lot to me. And the first holes, well, I don't really think of them as from anyone. They were because of my own persistance.

What was my point in sharing this personal story? Well, sometimes kids might really know what they can handle. Or maybe they don't know what they can handle but they can handle more than we give them credit for? Or maybe I shared it as an example of our own visions getting in the way of seeing what our children want?

[mamawanabe]

Originally Posted by gurumama

There is a clear reason why no one agrees with you. There are many forms of pain our children experience that we cannot prevent.

You chose to let her experience a pain that is preventable. And solely ornamental. And not her decision.

actually there are some mamas who agree with her and many mamas who believe that thier not agreeing with her is not a big deal (mamas who believe that peicing babies' ears isn't going to have big ol' negative ramifications down the road; ideologically I might not think it the best idea, but, really, pierced ears as a babe won't make any difference in her beloved daughter's life).

[nikirj]

Originally Posted by BeansEemie

When I was 5 I wanted to get my ears pierced ... So I got my ears pierced...What was my point in sharing this personal story? Well, sometimes kids might really know what they can handle. Or maybe they don't know what they can handle but they can handle more than we give them credit for?

Well, you were 5. Even this is way different from an infant. My daughter, at 4.5, wanted to have an aquarium with fish. I didn't think she'd stick with it, but she has fed them twice a day for a month now. If she wanted earrings she'd be able to take care of them.

My DS is 2.5. He would have taken the fish out and tried to feed them soup (by letting them swim in it) if I hadn't stopped him.

It's more about knowing your own child's limits, and occassionally trusting them when they insist their limits are higher. If my DD wanted earrings, she has already proven that at 4.5 she is old enough to know what she's asking for and that they need care, and if she continued to want them after a couple of months (proving it wasn't a passing whim) I'd probably try to find someone who would do them (I understand it can be tough to get an actual not-gross-person-in-the-mall peircer to do children).

[wenat]

My ears were pierced when I was very little. I vaguely remember the experience, so I must have been 4 or 5. It wasn't a big deal, though I suspect that I liked having earrings. I do remember being warned that it would sting, and then feeling them swab my ears, but then there was no sting and it was over.

The big plus was that when I hit my teens and wanted to wear all the different kinds of funky earrings out there (think 80s, think Madonna chic, sigh), I was able to do so because my ear-piercings had been in so long. It was a real advantage over most of my friends who were getting their ears pierced in their teens, and found it to be quite a traumatic experience -- infections, being able to wear only certain kinds of earrings, etc.

Ear piercing isn't a big deal in my culture (chinese). I don't have a girl, so I don't know what I'd do in your situation. If we ever had a girl, I suspect I'd get them pierced when she asked for them. Also, a mom in my local mom's group is Greek, and got her daughter's ears pierced at a year because ear piercings are common in her culture.

[Calm]

She was only upset about the "restraint position" I had to hold her in.

Before I ask my question, please know I have no judgement. I would also wait until my DD was old enough to choose for herself, but that's me, and whatever someone else chooses is their business.

I just had to go through some ordeals (which I have spoken about in another thread) with my DD, which entailed her being restrained and have needles and a canula inserted into her arm. Now, this is far from ear piercing, granted. But they had numbing gel on her arm, so technically she shouldn't have felt it. However, the fear from the restraining and people prodding at her and sticking things into her had her fearful and wild. I almost didn't survive the ordeal with my emotional well-being intact. I hated restraining her and doing something to her she didn't understand. I can't stand it when she cries, but these cries were different.

So my question is, how did you get through it emotionally? I so badly wanted the whole process to stop, but she needed the tests and I had to get through it, but if she didn't need to go through it, I would have done anything to stop her anguish. How did you restrain your child to have it done and not mentally crush yourself? As I said, no judgement, just having a hard time understanding, and to be honest, wishing I could steal some of your strength.

[Bethla]

My own mother made me wait until I was eighteen. She thought getting ears pierced degraded ones body. So on my eighteenth birthday I walked over to a piercing shop and got them done.

I don't have an opinion one way or the other. I would lean towards waiting until the child was old to make up their own mind.

[Poetmama]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Ear piercing is usually a cultural thing in which no one is going to change my mind about piercing this daughter or any future daughters. I can trace my culture's love of earings back to the Olmec people of Mexico (pre-hispanic). My ears were pierced at three weeks old, my dd was three months old. Shame on me? Shame on you who cannot respect another's cultural choices. My dd's earlobes are not attached to her reproductive system (ie: Circumcision). If she doesn't want them in the future, her choice. She doesn't have to wear them. So next time you are thinking your deep, deep ethical thoughts, perhaps you should think about the background of the family you are judging. When we peirced, we used a repitable source, not just some sixteen year old with a cart on a corner.

Really, I hate this topic. You aren't going to change my mind, I'm not going to change yours. When you look at me and my dd, you will just see an evil mom decorating her daughter, I will see a mom carrying on the tradition of her people.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by waterproofmascara

Geesh... they're just earrings.
In the larger scheme of things, does it really matter if the mom pierced the ears without the permission of a toddler? I mean, if the daughter grows up to hate her mom simply because she pierced her ears without written permission, then that family has more serious problems than just ear piercing.
And are earrings really life altering for a toddler?

My sister and her boyfriend had my niece's ears pierced when she was around two years old. My niece doesn't remember having it done or wearing earrings, but she does remember the trip to the emergency room to have them removed after they got infected.

By itself, having a child's ears pierced is certainly not the end of the world or even that big a deal. The problem is that, at least in my niece's case, having her ears pierced was part of an overall pattern of disrespect. I'm not saying that it's the case for everyone, but it seems to me like a slippery slope. For that reason, as well as several others, I will not get either of my children's ears pierced until/unless they ask for it. At that time, we'll talk about the event and it's consequences, and if they still want to do it we'll find a way.

[LDSmomma6]

In 2002, my daughters (then ages, 7, 5, 6 months) all got their ears' pierced. I even got flamed for it on another board. But, my older girls wanted them done, and I thought it would be cute for the baby. UPDATE to today: The 7 yr old (now 9.5) still wears hers, but she has to wear certain ones. She still leaves the ones in that she got her ears pierced with. We've tried all certain kinds, and her ears would break out awful! Oh, 1 ear, I mean. She had 1 ear that was fine, and the other broke out constantly. It's finally better now. It doesn't break out as much as long as she cleans her ears really well after wearing a different pair, and puts the originals back in. The 5 yr old (now 7) hated them afterwards. But, I made her keep them in for the 6 weeks. I wanted her to be sure since she was the worse one in begging for them. At 6 weeks, we took them out and they have closed up. No bumbs or anything. A very slight slight faint scar, but only if you knew she had earrings to begin with. She is now asking for them again... The 6 month old just turned 3. She hasn't had a problem with them at all, and to this day loves to wear them. I also keep her original ones in (well, they were the 5 yr old earrings), and whenever I tell her she is cute, she shows me her earrings. I don't know why, but it's cute. We all think our children are cute.

Now I have 4th daughter, Lindsey. She needs hers done now. She is 8 months old, and I am thinking sometime soon, like in the next few weeks, to get them done. I was going to have them done a few weeks ago, but the time issue was what stopped me. I had to go pick up kids from school.

I have thought about it before, and even posted about it before. I may have said "If I had to do it over again, would I...not sure or no." But, I have changed my mind. A mom is allowed to change her mind, right?

[USAmma]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I have serious issues with the idea of decorating a little girl by poking holes in her and filling them with symbols of wealth.

In the Hindu tradition it goes way beyond this. It has both religious signficance and has Aryuvedic benefits. Even people who are very poor will pierce their children's ears on or around their first birthdays. It's very important to people.

My dd was upset only when they marked her piercing sites with a pen. She didn't even flinch for the actual piercing because they use a special numbing medicine there. The boy who had his done before she did actually slept through his piercing on his mom's shoulder!

BTW my dd's ears were treated with aryuvedic oils and healed quickly with no infections. She has never pulled on them or played with them, and the other day she told me she thought they were pretty.

Darshani

[UnschoolnMa]

Dd got her ears done at 2 years or so I think (I cant totally recall) after she had asked for them to be done repeatedly, and after we had shown her what it was all about.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Poetmama

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Ear piercing is usually a cultural thing in which no one is going to change my mind about piercing this daughter or any future daughters.

Circumcision is also a cultural thing. I'm so glad that some people actually choose to relook their culture in favor of sparing their children pain and/or making unnecessary modifications to their bodies.

[wemoon]

One thing that I found very interesting is that my X actually talked to a piercer about the procedure for piercing my DD's ears, just all for discussions sake. This is a *real* piercer, not the gun salon's in the mall kiosks. He told my X that he cannot legally pierce a minor, even with parents consent, because the child could then come back and sue the piercer once they turned 18. Anyone ever heard of this before? It was the first time for me.

[Poetmama]

To charge that circumsision is akin to ear piercing is ridiculous. Once my ds's foreskin is gone, it's gone forever. If my dd chooses to take her earings out, she just never has to put them back in if she doesn't want them.

I don't judge those whose cultures are different than mine (i.e.: circumcision). I am no more or less superior because my customs are different than yours. I am just different and that is what makes this a wonderful world. I'm not forcing you to pierce your kids and I am not judging you because you don't. So don't judge me and we will get along just fine.

If in twenty or thirty something years my dd chooses not to peirce her daughter, that is fine by me. But she will understand the CULTURAL reasons I pierced her. I sure hope the way I raised her is more important to her than a pair of earings in the long run.

[Kylix]

SpiceyMomma--I'm sorry that you feel attacked but I just don't agree. And you did ask. And really, what did you expect the reaction to be?

Originally Posted by Poetmama

I don't judge those whose cultures are different than mine (i.e.: circumcision). I am no more or less superior because my customs are different than yours. I am just different and that is what makes this a wonderful world. I'm not forcing you to pierce your kids and I am not judging you because you don't. So don't judge me and we will get along just fine.

Yes, but you ARE forcing your child into something having to do with his/her body and only his/her body that he or she hasn't asked for. That's the difference. Why isn't that apparent?

I'll grant you that circumcision is more extreme than piercing but fundamentally they are the same. You are altering your child's body without their consent. What's so hard about allowing your child to choose for him or herself?

I don't "judge' other cultures for their customs that I don't happen to agree with. (although in some cultures, circumcision is done with males who could be said to be of an age to choose for themselves--at puberty for some Muslims I believe) But if I am in a position to look at from a different angle "circumcision being a permanent alteration without consent" then why shouldn't I? When you know better, you do better.

Kylix

[Heavenly]

"The 6 month old just turned 3. She hasn't had a problem with them at all, and to this day loves to wear them. I also keep her original ones in (well, they were the 5 yr old earrings), and whenever I tell her she is cute, she shows me her earrings. I don't know why, but it's cute."

I don't mean to start a fight but am I the only one who sees something wrong with this statement? I asked my husband and he got what I was saying right off the bat just from me reading him that quote. You tell a 3 year old girl she is cute and she points to her earrings. I'm not trying to overanalyze things but it would upset me greatly if my child pointed to an ornament as sign of their cuteness. See I am against little girls being taught that their cuteness is the most important thing about them. Little girls are strong, smart, powerful, funny AND beautiful. Earrings might be fine (I don't agree with that but stil) but they shouldn't be the sole reason the child thinks she is cute. You said you don't know why she does that? I'd wager its because she's been told they were cute so many times that now she thinks that's what's cute about her.