I peirced my DDs ears yesterday.... - Page 5

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by matts_mamamama

I don't have a daughter, but if I'm blessed enough to have one, my dh and I will decide if and when it is right to have her ears pierced. Since I think that the best parenting is what's best for us and our family, that will be the end of the discussion. I'm sorry to see so many people so judgemental; I mean, for heavens sake, you could compare cutting toenails or hair to ear piercing if you wanted to get so technical!

Cutting nails is a safety issue and fingernails readily grow back. It also doesn't hurt when done right. Cutting hair - well that's a whole other discussion. Some people (myself included) also believe that it's wrong to cut a child's hair until they're ready for it. But, regardless, it's still not entirely equatable to ear piercing because, again, it does hurt - it's clipping dead cells from the body and it, arguably, makes the hair "healthier" and saves a child from enduring more pain in the form of brushing snarled hair.

I understand that it's a cultural thing. I still think culture is a poor excuse to put a child through pain and alter their bodies unnecessarily, but I can understand that cultural traditions are hard to break out of.

What I really don't get, though, is how this is a "best for me and my family" issue. Seriously - what stock do you and your family have in the piercing status of your daughter's ears. How would it negatively impact your family if they weren't done? I hear that argument in favor of circumcision all the time. IMO, once "best for me and my family" starts altering a child's body, it's no longer a family issue - it's an individual, human rights, bodily intergrity issue for the child.

[stayinghome]

"You tell a 3 year old girl she is cute and she points to her earrings. I'm not trying to overanalyze things but it would upset me greatly if my child pointed to an ornament as sign of their cuteness. See I am against little girls being taught that their cuteness is the most important thing about them. Little girls are strong, smart, powerful, funny AND beautiful. Earrings might be fine (I don't agree with that but stil) but they shouldn't be the sole reason the child thinks she is cute. You said you don't know why she does that? I'd wager its because she's been told they were cute so many times that now she thinks that's what's cute about her."

Ok i just have to take issue with this. Now HOW IN THE WORLD can you make the assumption that any of these mamas make thier daughters think this is the most important thing about them?? None of these mothers have ever said that?!

I teach my daughters that they could do anything- be president, jump off cliffs, be a mother, travel the world... they are athletic and healthy and respect themselves. And, they also know that I think they are the cutest, most darling, lovely girls on this planet! (no offense to any other mothers with adorable girls out there...

[magnoliablue]

OH!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! Here they come, I hear the sirens, it's the Crunchy Police, come to take me away to the depths of parenting hell where I must truly belong

My dd has her ears pierced. I did wait until she turned 5, but she had been asking for quite a while prior to that. I made sure she understood the responsibility involved, including cleaning them to ward off infection, taking them out when she sleeps at night,etc. She still has them pierced now at 10, and never had any problems.

I do have issues with getting infant's ears pierced. I think at that point they are too young to comprehend everything involved, including the pain factor and the possibility of infection. Add to that a little one's tendency to put anything they can in their mouths, and that is why I waited.

I am comfortable in my crunchiness, even if my dd's ears are pierced.

[Cloverlove]

I personally have no problem with it being done for cultural reasons. I think it is cool that it makes a girl feel part of her tribe and special earings are used to celebrate rites-of-passages. What I lament about my culture is that, well, I have no culture. I am a pasty white girl and my snobby mother wouldn't let me pierce my ears because she thought it looked "ethnic". I am ashamed that I was raised with prejudice. I grew up in the city and I loved all the *Spicy Mamas* who offered so much color in my white world. I pieced my own ears when I was 13!

I do have a hard time with it because people think it *looks cute*. It seems wrong to me that an infant or toddler's perfection could be seen any other way. I also can't stand those little headband thing for perfect bald heads. Gender labelling, especially in such young children, is so sad to me. I would also worry about them getting infected or ripped out.

Just my $.02.

[darsmama]

hey, and anyone wgo wants to argue that nail cutting dosen't hurt, I have to say that you don't have me for a mom! tee hee

[stayinghome]

clover love you reminded me of something I had forgotten- I too pierced my own ears (second hole) when I was thirteen... me and a girlfriend did it while watching "dirty dancing." We numbed them up with ice (soooooo felt it though...) used a saftey pin, oh man! I'll take the gun any day.

[darsmama]

damn, a lot of people posted since I last updated the page.

[Sofiamomma]

For Pete's sake it is risky to be on the planet. You could be sleeping in your bed and have the house fall in on you for any number of reasons or step out of your home and be seriously maimed or killed for any number of reasons, etc. however remote. Life is a risk. And yes, cutting fingernails is risky. You can die from a papercut, people. Come on, really. I think it is wonderful that people make decisions for themselves and their children that feel are best for body and soul, but I just don't get why all the slamming and condemning someone for piercing her dd's ears. People make the best decisions they can and sometimes they later regret things and sometimes they don't. That's life. I think it is pretty extreme to say that this child will not think her body is her own if her mother pierces her ears. And certainly the child's personality and later experiences are going to play into how she perceives her mother's decision later in life. I think it is important to think about how the child will feel, how it will affect her, can she handle it etc. No one knows for sure, but surely the mama is in one of the best places to tell. Not considering consequences, thinking of how the child will feel/react, or just not thinking it all is where people go wrong. Not just if they make a decision that is different than mine.

[LovinMyKids]

I wouldnt pierce my daughter's ears because I want to let her make the choice when she is older. But I make no judgment on themoms who DO have it done. I just prefer to allow her to decide. What if I went and pierced her ears and she never wanted it?

Spicey Mama!

[TinyBabyBean]

Originally Posted by JoAida

Just my philosophy: I do not do anything to my children's bodies that could be long lasting or permanent unless it is medically necessary.

Add PAINFUL to this and I feel the same way. It is just another painful cosmetic procedure. I think this is why some would compare it to circumcision. However I would say that circumcision is obviously far worse since it involves genitals.

[girlzmommy00]

My oldest dd has her ears pierced (she's 10 1/2). She got them done when she was almost 6 and at her request. She's always been very mature for her age and understood what getting them pierced meant, with the pain of the procedure and the upkeep after. It hurt but I didn't have to talk her into it or hold her down.

My younger 2 girls are 2 and 5 and do not have their ears pierced. I don't feel that my middle dd, who is 5 now, is ready to take care of them. She also has no interest and has never asked either. My 2 year old...well, she'd never sit for any of that. She'd end up with her nose pierced instead. Just thinking of that situation is making me giggle.

I think that if they are old enough to understand getting them pierced and being able to take care of the holes themselves, then it's up to them. I'm thinking school aged children here or older. Personally, I could never hold my child down to have their ears pierced. It would have to be something that they wanted and understood.

P.S. Out of curiosity, I'd asked their dr what the recommendations are for getting their ears pierced. She said that it shouldn't be done until they are old enough to care for them on their own. She said that the only other time would be on an infant since they aren't able to fight you while you are cleaning their ears, so you could keep them clean. JMO but that just doesn't sound right to me.

[EFmom]

My daughter's ears are not my ears. I would not alter them permanently, nor would I deliberately subject her to pain for no good reason whatsoever.

[Parthenia]

Spicey,

Originally Posted by whimsy

I loved growing up with my pierced ears. It made me feel like I was part of the tribe of women in my family. I remember when I was allowed to get my first pair of hoops (graduating from studs), my first pair that "dangled" etc. Special milestones in my life were usually marked by a special pair. It was something just for the women in our family.

I had a very similar experience growing up, too. I had my ears pierced when I was 5. My mom, her sisters, my grandmother, and her sisters all had their ears pierced as babies. It was a cultural tradition. My mother decided not to pierce mine as a baby because she was worried about them getting infected. No one forced me to do it. I wanted to get my ears pierced because I wanted to be like my mom, whom I thought was the most beautiful woman in the world. Not because of her earrings, but because, well, inside and out, she is. I wanted to be like her, and to some extent still do, even though she's not perfect. I remember not enjoying having it done, but loving wearing earrings. I took care of them and they healed just fine. I wear the same gold hoops I've worn for 8 ears because my hair covers my ears, but I have a few keepsake earrings that I wear on special occasions.

I did not have dd's ears pierced because DH felt uncomfortable about it. He wanted dd to make the choice, and he doesn't like the way it looks on infants. She 5 now, has no interest in getting her ears pierced, and doesn't like to wear jewelery in general. I don't see her getting her ears pierced any time soon. I'm glad I waited. I understand and respect dh's feelings about this, and I disagree with him. DD is his daughter, too, and he was strongly against it more than I was strongly for it.

BTW, I was also not allowed to cut my hair until I was 11. Long hair is a "thing" in my family, just like girls, women and earrings. I rebelled for years and wore my hair very short and no earrings.

[bwylde]

I will let her get her ears pierced when she is old enough to decide for herself and help care for them. I wish my mom had of (I was an older child when I got mine done and had been asking for years to get my ears pierced; now for years I haven't even worn earrings). I could never pierce a young child's ears.

[Peppermint]

Spiceymama- I am sorry you are feeling attacked. It seems to me from your OP that you had a little voice telling you not to do it, but you did it anyway.

I have had that feeling in the past, when I had my first son circ.ed, something inside told me it was wrong, but I ignored that and did it anyway, and now I deeply regret it. (But for quite some time, I defended my "choice" and felt very attacked when anyone disagreed with what I had done) Surely that is much worse than ear piercing, but I just wanted to gently suggest that you listen carefully to that voice in the future.

FTR- I am very much against infant ear piercing (or small toddlers) for bodily respect issues as well as possible medical problems, but I was brought up with my beliefs and could possible have fallen into the OP's situation had I been raised differently, as I sadly did with the circ., before I knew better.

[mountain]

I wouldn't pierce my children without their consent. Ever.

That said, I'm off to pinch my kids. I like the way it looks when they have red marks on their skin. :

Inflicting unnecessary pain on your children is never kind.

It would be nice if we could evolve to treating our children as if they are people with emotions & real souls. I thought we were on our way, but we could always blame it on culture.

[Poetmama]

Originally Posted by mountain

That said, I'm off to pinch my kids. I like the way it looks when they have red marks on their skin. :


It would be nice if we could evolve to treating our children as if they are people with emotions & real souls. I thought we were on our way, but we could always blame it on culture.

Are you saying I because I peirced my dd's ears I am treating her as if she has no real emotions or soul? Are you comparing constant abuse (ie: pinching when ever you feel like it) with an earring? Are you kidding me? I don't like your stance that I am abusive and treating my child like an object. If you really want to understand how I parent, you'll have to actually meet me in person. But I guess it's just easier to judge from the safety of your keyboard.

If you aren't saying that I'd like you to clarify your position. And last time I checked, I wasn't BLAMING my peircing my daughter on culture. I was explaining why I chose to peirce her and why it is predominant in my ethinic background to see peirced girls.

OP-Raise your family how you see fit. In 100 years the only thing that will matter is what kind of people you left to the earth, not the small stuff or what a bunch of people on the internet thought of your choices.

[candiland]

Of course it won't permanently damage a child, unless they are raised by an unhealthy family and/or they are one of the rare ppl whose piercing "goes wrong".

Of course it's important in some tribal and cultural contexts.

Of course it's not child abuse.

The point everyone seems to miss is that you are inflicting totally unnecessary, arbitrary pain on a baby.

I used to tear up when my kids got shots or needed blood drawn. Why would I put a baby in pain for PURELY COSMETIC REASONS? I do everything I can to SAVE my children from physical pain. For me to hold my own baby down so someone could punch holes through her ears...... maybe I'm just more sensitive to my children's pain than other people.

I worked for a ped. who pierced babies' ears so the parents wouldn't take them to the mall to do it. I'd have to prep the stuff and hold the infant down. I can't even tell you how I felt, watching those babies scream in pain for their mother's whim

[AllyRae]

The fact that you had to use a "restraint position" to do something not necessary explains why I would NEVER do it. If they can't ask for the earrings, it's not my place to put them in.

[famousmockngbrd]

ITA, Peppermint - it seemed to me in the OP that SM felt conflicted about it in the first place. SM, you made your choice, and it's too late for this kind of debate that's going on in this thread. My advice to you is to just unsubscribe to this thread and think it all over and draw your own conclusions from what has happened. Maybe you'll decide to pierce future children, maybe you won't. Having to defend yourself like this is not helping anything, though.

I don't agree with piercing children's ears before they are old enough to want it and take care of it. But I don't draw conclusions about someone's entire parenting style if they do it. I have to admit, I get a little irritated when I read posts comparing things like ear piercing to child abuse. To me it is demeaning to people who are/have been victims of real abuse, it belittles what they have gone through.