control pyramid? pyramid style

[mamatoady]

I was watching the Today Show the other day and for the second time I heard them talking about this sort of "control pyramid" where you should give your child less control when they are babies and toddlers and gradually give them more and more, otherwise you'll have a hard time reigning them in when they are young adults. Something about this hit me wrong and I can't figure out whether it's because I don't agree with it for good reasons or if it's because I am defensive for not parenting in this manner.

My dd is almost 26 months. She can pretty much do as she pleases as long as she is not hurting herself or anyone else. Some examples of things I allow her to do, that I guess whoever came up with this control pyramid might not let her do are: jump on the couch/bed, stand on her chair at the dinner table, run around and be crazy, haul pots and pans out of the cupboards, turn light switches repeatedly on and off etc. etc.

Do you think the person who was talking about this would assume I don't "parent" my child correctly or that by giving her the utmost freedom, I am somehow going to hurt our relationship in the future?

My parenting style is "stand by and watch, while sometimes leading or guiding" I let her be herself whenever possible. how do you all go about it? I'd love all replies!
Thanks!
Sarah

[UnschoolnMa]

MamaToady wrote:
My dd is almost 26 months. She can pretty much do as she pleases as long as she is not hurting herself or anyone else. Some examples of things I allow her to do, that I guess whoever came up with this control pyramid might not let her do are: jump on the couch/bed, stand on her chair at the dinner table, run around and be crazy, haul pots and pans out of the cupboards, turn light switches repeatedly on and off etc. etc
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Those things were just fine at our house too when the kids were little. (They are older now, so much of that is no longer relevant but..) Their whole lives we have done it this way, and now as pre and teen we continue to do so. I get people who think I am doing it wrong, but I totally dismiss them because the "proof is in the pudding". The whole time they are trying to tell me why this wouldn't/doesn't work they are turning a blind eye to the fact that my children are happy, basically healthy, respectful when respect is called for, and pleasant to be around. I think a lot of people don't want to see that children can have such freedom, and turn out "OK" because it challenges the ways of parenting that have been in place so long in mainstream culture. I say, keep up the good work

[TiredX2]

I was watching the Today Show the other day and for the second time I heard them talking about this sort of "control pyramid" where you should give your child less control when they are babies and toddlers and gradually give them more and more, otherwise you'll have a hard time reigning them in when they are young adults. Something about this hit me wrong and I can't figure out whether it's because I don't agree with it for good reasons or if it's because I am defensive for not parenting in this manner.

Hmmmm, I wouldn't know what they are referring to, but I assume that I actually do parent this way (some at least).

She can pretty much do as she pleases as long as she is not hurting herself or anyone else. Some examples of things I allow her to do, that I guess whoever came up with this control pyramid might not let her do are: jump on the couch/bed, stand on her chair at the dinner table, run around and be crazy, haul pots and pans out of the cupboards, turn light switches repeatedly on and off etc. etc.

When I think about a person having "control" of themselves, those things are not things that come to mind. I think of things that adults do (pay their own bills, buy their own food and clothing, set their bedtime, decide who they are going to be around, etc...). So, sure I may allow my young child a lot of lee-way in what they do, but one reason I do that is because I realize just how many things they *don't* get to control (they have no say in where we live, where we shop, etc...). As my kids get older I hope to give them more and more responsiblity/control... buying their own clothes (budgeting responsibly), making their own educational choices (I have chosen to homeschool them; they have the option of taking gymnastics & swimming; some day they will choose it all), their own viewing choices (I wouldn't let them watch an R movie, for example), their own food choices, etc...

I wouldn't even consider the things you are talking about to be on the same pyramid, kwim? They are things that a child will outgrow in time, not that you are letting your 2 year old do, while others would allow their 6 year old, while others might not hand over that "control" til 18. Anyone see what I am saying?

Once again, I do NOT know what the show was saying, this is just my reaction.

[Marsupialmom]

I did not see the Today Show. Could this be a case of "terminology".

I believe when a baby is young you should keep them close carry them, breastfeed, et. As they grow older let say into crawlers you need to still keep them close be right on top of them to keep them safe and help them negotate their world.

The same with toddler who were you are in close contact to teach/guide appropriate behaviors but at the same time allow them to experiment more and more.

Freedom from my constant suppervission is slowly gain as the child matures. I can see my way of child rearing being considered pyramidish.

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No my sil did things differently. Her children did not have close suppervission and constant contact and interaction. Nobody took the time to teach them to share (somethign that could be a control) so when they hit ages that they "HAD TO" they had to discipline more to get it. They are still horrible shares they have 2 play stations to stop arguing.

They never had the "control" been taught if you make a mess pick it up. So when they decided the kids were old enough to be cleaning messes they have to battle. IMO, it would of been easier to establish the "control"/behavior when they were young and could start helping out by getting towels, bags, et to help clean up.

Teach/guide them while they are young. Not letting bad/inapproprate behaivors stay around until they are major problems. I have a jumping bed. I taught my children not to jump on other's people bed. My sil and mil let my nephews do this and jump on the couch. They have broken their couches and other peoples. One nephew is not allowed into a few peoples home because the "control" was not taught to this child. Now he fights them harder than my son did when he learned. He was allowed to do it 8 years without anyone saying it is not ok for you to jump on other people's couches. So he had to much "freedom" (term they used) and then they had to battle harder to get him to stop.

I would think if you did not stop the situation on "OTHER PEOPLES" beds then that is were the problem is. I bet you do set boundries and don't let "anything" just happen. You guide (set control) her through the negative/undesirable behaviors.