A New Thread For Mamas Who Are Doing Child Led Weaning - Page 8

[fraya]

Hey, y'all. Somehow I stopped getting the email notifications ... but I'm glad to see this thread is still active!

I'm starting to prepare for our second child's arrival, and I need help with a couple things. So I posted in the EBf forum a question about how y'all nurse a newborn outdoors without getting cold. Getting outside is really important for everyone in the family, so I know I'll be doing it from a pretty early age with the baby, but I have trouble keeping warm even without unzipping my jacket. So I posted this thread and would appreciate your input!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?p=2319263

Thanks so much!

Regarding CLW, I had a weaning "scare" a couple of months ago where my son (3.5 y.o.) actually asked to snuggle instead of nursing to sleep (an alternative I have NEVER offered him!), and then refused to nurse back to sleep when he awoke at night, asking to snuggle again. Now that he's sleeping through the night, he's only nursing once/day, usually, and that's to go to sleep. That's fine with me, but a sudden weaning was more than I could bear! I worried about his health through the flu season (immunity and nutrients) and the sibling transition, but honestly it was just a huge change for me! I figured it'd happen gradually. And now he's still nursing once/day, usually, so I've calmed down!

[callmemama]

I'm wondering if ds has done a "sudden weaning"? He hasn't nursed since the weekend - I can't even remember if it was Saturday or Sunday because it didn't occur to me that it might be "the last time". Today is Friday... The weekend was 2 1/2 weeks after his 5th birthday and up until his b'day he was nursing every night with an occasional skipped night. On the weekend we were snuggled up in our reading chair when he asked to nurse - he hadn't done that in ages, then he nursed at bedtime and that was it (to date). I am so torn. We've never even talked about weaning, its just something he has been gradually doing. Should it remain "unspoken"? Should we talk about it?

In re-reading my post, I did have to laugh a little - how many people can ask if their 5yo has done a "sudden weaning"?

[Mom4tot]

callmemama This could be another step in his weaning, which, as you say, has been gradual. Do you want to talk about it? I probably would, even just to comment about it. What do you think? Of course, there is nothing wrong with it being unspoken, but, it is such an important relationship that words may help you both through it. Many 's You are a wonderful mama!

[mother_sunshine]

callmemama, Every child is different, so he may have weaned himself or he may just be taking a break. My dd would take week-long breaks toward the end of her weaning, I would think she'd be done, then she would want to nurse again. But that's my child, every child is unique.

I personally would talk to my dd about it, not with pressure or sadness, but just to communicate. You should do what is right for you and your ds.

[callmemama]

Thanks you two! We actually talked about it a little while ago. He was in a happy, chatty, snuggly mood, so I mentioned that I realized he hadn't nursed in almost a week. He smiled real big and said "I know!". Then I told him that little children that get to nurse always stop sometime. He said "I'm not stopping!". So I said that's fine, but all little children do eventually. His reply? "Well, I might not!". So whether he really has weaned or just taken a break, "the talk" was priceless!

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by callmemama

He said "I'm not stopping!". So I said that's fine, but all little children do eventually. His reply? "Well, I might not!".

:LOL Too cute!

[fraya]

I'm so happy for you!

[mother_sunshine]

Originally Posted by callmemama

Thanks you two! We actually talked about it a little while ago. He was in a happy, chatty, snuggly mood, so I mentioned that I realized he hadn't nursed in almost a week. He smiled real big and said "I know!". Then I told him that little children that get to nurse always stop sometime. He said "I'm not stopping!". So I said that's fine, but all little children do eventually. His reply? "Well, I might not!". So whether he really has weaned or just taken a break, "the talk" was priceless!

That is priceless.

[mom2threenurslings]

How precious!

Speaking of weaning...my "weaner" and I were talking the other day about how his 6th birthday is swiftly approaching (the 22nd) and that on that day it will have been a year since he weaned. He can't believe it was *that* long ago ... and asked me if he remembered that he's going to "re-nurse" when he's six (he said that for a few weeks starting a few months after he weaned - I didn't even know he remembered!). Our conversation got interrupted by his little sister falling off the ladder to the bunk bed, so....I'm now wondering if he was just asking if I remembered, or if that's his plan!

[Fletchersmama]

Hi all,
I'm on mdc so little these days, but I am so greatful to be able to check in here. I remeber when I was a teenager and my older sister was nursing my four year old niece - I thought "that's a bit much" Even though my own mother clw'd me (I was around six when I quit completely)!
My ds is 23 months and nursing strong.
I am also greatful that my dh, who asked when I was pregnant "shouldn't we keep some formula in the diaper bag, in case we ever need it?" and "I think you should probably nurse till about 1 year." Is fully supportive of ds nursing till he's ready to stop. He "preaches to all his friends AND their wives why nursing is so important, and is ready to let anyone have it who might approach us negativly about nip!!
Life is wonderful when you just let nature do it's work, and I feel so blessed to be a part of this group!
Sorry I just got a bit sappy from reading all your posts and thinking about some friend's kids who don't have the option of clw:
One friend is trying to wean her 2 year-old and told him he was a "being a baby" the other day when he wanted to nurse - I felt so sad for him!
Keep up the good work mamas!!!

[charmarty]

Fletchersmama~ I have to ask...DO you remember nursing with your mother?

Would you be willing to share your feelings from a 6 year old P.O.V. on nursing? DOes it bring warm feelings or others?

I am very curious because I have two 4 year olds who are and no doubt will remember this thier whole lives( I can see us nursing till they are 6 or so the way they are going!) I think I just need to know how it may affect thier outlook on it later in life.

[callmemama]

Fletchersmama, its so great that you're carrying on with another generation of CLW!!!

As for my 5yo, he asked to nurse last night. I don't know if it was our talk earlier in the day, if it was just time, or if I conveyed my stress onto him about being called for jury duty! It will be an interesting journey from here - in fact, I think I'll mark yesterday on my calendar, since you never know!

[Fletchersmama]

to be honest I don't remeber much, i'm not sure exactly how much I was nursing by six. My mom was nursing my younger sister (by two years) and I think I just wanted to join in the snuggle some times.
what I do remeber is closeness, comfort, relaxation. The clearest memory (I just posted about this elsewhere! ) is of nursing in my mom's bed - both my sister and I were nursing. my older brother (by eight years) walked in and freaked out "Mom, why do you have to do that - it's gross!"
I don't remember my mom's exact responee (and from this memory I suspect neither my sister or I were nursing alot - since it seems my brother was not too used to seeing it) but I have and emotional memory that she handled it calmly and I know we kept right on nursing.
Acctually this particular brother was often put off and upset by my mother's parenting style with us girls and was quick to give his opinion - still is!

[charmarty]

Thank you for sharing that. It helps me.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Fletchersmama

One friend is trying to wean her 2 year-old and told him he was a "being a baby" the other day when he wanted to nurse - I felt so sad for him!

You might tell her what my mother (who's not a CLW kind of person) told me-- two year olds, for the most part, do not wean. 14 month olds wean and 40 month olds wean, but kids rarely stop between 22 and 40 months. I can't imagine what kind of trouble it would be to try to wean my two year old-- I have a hard time getting him to wait five seconds while I move his sister. :LOL

[moss]

hi mama's, if you have an extra minute, can you look at my post? http://www.mothering.com/discussions...96#post2378596

i posted it on it's own thread so that it wouldnt get lost on your lovely thread over here.

[lpmeadows78]

I consider myself an instintual parent,so, I have always maintained by thinking when she is ready she will stop. That thinking works most of the time and I have definatly had good days and bad. I remember hitting a wall at 3 weeks, 3 months, a year, and it seems that I have hit another. I tell her no when I am buisy, and she understands, but she always motions for me to sit down. She knows that if I a sitting down in one place for more than a second she can get a nip in. She has never been a power nurser. If she had it her way ( and she usually does) she would have me lying on my back anywhere with my shirt and bra up on my neck pinching one nipple and eating of the other. Switching every five seconds. She doesn't want me to touch her or hold her. My mother calls me her milk puppet. Which is true. I think that if I could just sit and hold her and nurse I might enjoy it alot more. She makes me feel as if I am being used up most of the time. Much like you see the Lioneses with there cubs nursing and dancing all around her at the same time. She wants me to preform for her like this all the time wherever we are, and it is very imbarassing the way she always has to have her hand down my shirt to touch my nipples. Not to mention how raw they feel all the time from the constant pinching, scratching, and rubbing. I often reach a touch limit several times a day and at night. I hope no new mom's read this and get discourgaged as I have found that non of my friends baby's are this demanding and particular about nursing. What can I do without making her think that I don't want her to be close to me. I do, just not on these terms. She is 18m old and I hope this isn't a set behavior.

[mother_sunshine]

lpmeadows78, Nursing is a relationship between mother and child. I don't think it's healthy for one member to dictate a relationship. Both individuals should be respected. That said, it is very hard for an 18mo to understand that, especially when she is running on such strong instincts!

I personally believe it is fine to set limits. I'm not speaking of limiting the amount of breastfeeding necessarily, but the way she is breastfeeding. It is okay to tell her that certain actions are not okay, that mama doesn't like it and will not tolerate it. I don't think it's healthy for either one of you to be expected to grit your teeth and just bear it. Tell/show her that you love her and show her what is okay with you. It might take some work but it will be worth it in the long run. There can be a balance where you are both happy with the breastfeeding relationship.

[Stugroupie]

Originally Posted by lpmeadows78

If she had it her way ( and she usually does) she would have me lying on my back anywhere with my shirt and bra up on my neck pinching one nipple and eating of the other. Switching every five seconds. She doesn't want me to touch her or hold her. ...it is very imbarassing the way she always has to have her hand down my shirt to touch my nipples. Not to mention how raw they feel all the time from the constant pinching, scratching, and rubbing. ... She is 18m old and I hope this isn't a set behavior.

My ds is 18 mos and is very much the same way. He wants to nurse in crazy positions, twiddle the other nipple, put his hand down my shirt, pull my shirt up, etc. I am not comfortable with these antics, so I am teaching him "nursing manners".

When he is trying to dig down my shirt, I gently remove his hand from my shirt and tell him "Please do not put your hand there, Mommy doesn't like that." When he is trying to get in crazy positions, threatening to bite, etc. I tell him he needs to nurse nicely. He doesn't talk much, but he does know the sign for nurse (milk). He learned quickly (just a few days) that mommy won't nurse him until he asks nicely. If he starts yanking my shirt up, I gently say, "Please use your hands to ask nicely." (If you child can talk, you could say "Please use your words to ask nicely.") Teaching him these manners has improved our nursing relationship tremendously. It is definitely easier to NIP!

When he does ask nicely for nurse, I try not to make him wait. I will say something like "What a good idea! Mommy loves to have nurse with Milo. Thank you for asking so nicely!."

Nursing is a relationship and should be enjoyed by both mother and child. Your child will pick up on any negative feelings you may have about nursing him/ her. Each family needs to decide what behaviors are acceptable and which are not. You can respect yourself and your chld's need to nurse.

Hang in there...it does get better! Good luck!

[Dominique]

will she ever wean herself?

Hi there, I have decided to come seek some support because I am getting so frustrated with nursing. My dd is turning 3 on Saturday and I am so tired of nursing. I thought that by this point I should just let her wean herself but to be honest I'm really tired of it. The minute I turn on the computer she decides she wants to nurse, which I know is a grab for attention, so I usually just try to give her some attention and she forgets about the nursing. But as I sit here writing she is nursing. She's nursing what feels like all night long, and then if we are home she nurses 2-3 times/day.

Any ideas, suggestions?

Thanks,
Dominique