A New Thread For Mamas Who Are Doing Child Led Weaning - Page 9

[lpmeadows78]

I apreciate the feedback, but I have tried several time. I am sometimes afraid that I let it go to long this way. I love my daughter very much, but she has her own mind when it comes to this one thing. My mom says that boys are even more possesive then girls. I can't believe that. I am giving it my all at this point, and I will try as long as I can. Like I said before. I have hit walls before. This is just another one of those walls. I can wait it out and hope for the best. I am very glad that I have an outlet to talk about it, because no one else really cares. They think it is really funny the way she nurses, laughing and clapping. Like it is a circus trick.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by lpmeadows78

I apreciate the feedback, but I have tried several time. I am sometimes afraid that I let it go to long this way.

You have to be very firm with her. My son was a total twiddler and it was only mildly irritating until I got pregnant; suddenly it became a huge priority to make him stop. I just couldn't take it, when he reached for the other nipple I was filled with an overwhelming urge to throw him accross the room! :

Now, when he starts to reach for the other breast or reach down my shirt, I remind him to "mind your own nursie." I tell him to use his words and ask politely to nurse, and to keep both hands on his own nursie (or holding his sister's hand or patting her back ). I don't allow the gymnastics either; it's too painful for me, so I tell him that he can nurse calmly and holding still or he can wait. Sometimes he'd rather be running around anything, so I can talk him into eating something else; other times he wants to be nursing so he stays calm and nurses with me.

Nursing is a relationship, and you do get a say which is just as important as your daughters. There's got to be give and take on both sides, kwim? Just like any other relationship.

[TiredX2]

They think it is really funny the way she nurses, laughing and clapping. Like it is a circus trick.

The question is: are you the ringmaster or the circus *ring*? :LOL

Sounds like you've got a great attitude at least!

[Stugroupie]

You have to be really firm about teaching nursing manners (or anything else for that matter!). Ds got mad, cried, and generally pitched a huge fit when I told him that he couldn't nurse unless he did it nicely. I guess it was a matter of will - I was more stubborn about it and never gave in. I understand that he was angry with me. I had never refused to nurse him before...kids don't like change. He wants to nurse more than he wants his own way, though.

As a disclaimer, you need to make sure that your child can understand you when you tell them why they can't nurse and what behavior you expect from them. (I wouldn't dream of doing this with a child under a year.) Mommies need to judge for themselves when the child is ready as all children are unique.

[carrietorgc]

I've never posted on this thread b/c I always felt like dd and I weren't "there" yet, whatever that means.

Now that I am pregnant, I am getting worried both about my intentions to led dd CLW AND possible nursing two babies. I am feeling SO guilty about ttc now, b/c dd does not really like the taste of my milk and the lower supply (I'm only 6 wks now), and I can sense that she might wean. She is just a VERY easily distracted nurser and frankly now that the milk tastes "funny" and there is less asks MUCH less often to nurse.

Oh, and I hear you on the nursing manners. DD is 18 mo and thinks it is fun to hit when nursing. I find that when she does, and I say "we don't hit when nursing, show mommy nice" and end the session that she was ready to end it. it is like she is acting out to tell me she is done. Does your dd ever do that?

[Peppamint]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

You might tell her what my mother (who's not a CLW kind of person) told me-- two year olds, for the most part, do not wean. 14 month olds wean and 40 month olds wean, but kids rarely stop between 22 and 40 months. I can't imagine what kind of trouble it would be to try to wean my two year old-- I have a hard time getting him to wait five seconds while I move his sister. :LOL

That is very interesting! My dd weaned at almost 21mo (I was pg again) but ds at almost 20mo shows NO signs of weaning anytime soon. So I'll plan on nursing till he's four. LOL

clarify: I mean I'll figure as though he won't wean until 4yo or after.

[Embee]

Hey All!

I haven't checked in in a long long while. So glad to see another CLW threadup and going strong. DS will be four in a couple of weeks and we're still going. I wonder what new enlightenments this year will bring to our nursing relationship.

Originally Posted by eilonwy

You might tell her what my mother (who's not a CLW kind of person) told me-- two year olds, for the most part, do not wean. 14 month olds wean and 40 month olds wean, but kids rarely stop between 22 and 40 months. I can't imagine what kind of trouble it would be to try to wean my two year old-- I have a hard time getting him to wait five seconds while I move his sister. :LOL

I can totally see this! What sense it makes! I could have much more easily imagined weaning DS at 14 months than between 2 and 3. Not that I considered it at either time, but all the same. I do seem to think that right around the third birthday was the last real nursing intensity we've endured, but since things have slowed way down (he'll be four in two weeks). We have had some actual dialog about weaning (his initiative, not mine), and I could very well imagine pushing the weaning process at this time if I felt the need to. Um, but I don't so... here we go. Year five.

The best to all,
Em

[Girl Named Sandoz]

We are doing CLW too. My son is 2 years 3 months. I love reading this tread & all the support here.

[tiffani]

I finally weaned my 4.5 yo after tandem nursing for 2.5 years when my resentment over having to nurse her back to sleep 4 or 5 times a night outgrew her need and it was the right decision for us -- she started sleeping soundly all night within a week or so, and my patience with her returned.

I came here today for nursing support, and after reading through your posts today I'm encouraged to stick it out with my 3.25 yo -- how could I resist his comment last night that he was going to "have boobie with all my heart and love" The problem is when he wants to have boobie for three straight hours in the morning and anytime my butt touches a seat, and pretty much anytime there is a lull in activity.
when any of you had kids at this stage, did you find it more helpful to succumb or to be more firm in setting limits? I feel like right now I'm trying to set limits and he's getting insecure about it (secretly I'm wishing he'd wean on his own soon, but I'm not holding my breath ) and I'm not sure what to do -- he's just insanely persistent right now, mostly in the morning, and I'm not sure what the best way to deal with it is. It makes it really hard to get going in the morning (which, because we're homeschooling isn't very early or very often, but sometimes I'd like to get out of the house before noon!) and most mornings we can't get out of bed without tears and frustration.

[mom2threenurslings]

Just checking in...

I continue to nurse my 2.5 year old and almost 4.5 year old ... and we're ttc! I'm so excited! I won't mind tandem nursing through pregnancy again....it was WONDERFUL last time!

Wednesday is Alex's 6th birthday ... and the one year anniversary of his (self)weaning! He can't believe it's been a whole year since he nursed. He even mentioned "un-weaning" on his birthday, which was his plan when he was around 5 years and 2 months old when he started to miss nursing. I'm wondering if he'll give it a try again or not.....we shall see!

I'll try to catch up and post personals later...after I get the kids to bed, Christmas gifts made and wrapped, and a bit of housework done ... if the kids go to bed easily, if I have enough supplies for the gifts, if I can find the wrapping paper and if I have the energy left for housework...

[Embee]

Originally Posted by tiffani

when any of you had kids at this stage, did you find it more helpful to succumb or to be more firm in setting limits? I feel like right now I'm trying to set limits and he's getting insecure about it (secretly I'm wishing he'd wean on his own soon, but I'm not holding my breath ) and I'm not sure what to do -- he's just insanely persistent right now, mostly in the morning, and I'm not sure what the best way to deal with it is. It makes it really hard to get going in the morning (which, because we're homeschooling isn't very early or very often, but sometimes I'd like to get out of the house before noon!) and most mornings we can't get out of bed without tears and frustration.

Is this normal, everday stuff or is your DS going through one of "those periods" right now. I can't quite tell from your post. My DS has gone through periods where nursing was clearly a priority in his life (growth spurt of the emotional kind usually) and I have indeed found that succumbing seems to get us through it more quickly and holding him off seemed only to perpetuate his need for nursing and nursing often. I haven't always handled it this way, but somewhere along the line I began to notice a pattern of huge nursing periods moving into a period of even less nursing than ever before... that whole 3 step forward, two steps back and then 4 steps forward and hold!

Hope this helps. Three hours in the morning is an awful lot and it's been sometime since DS has been through one of those so my perspective is one of hindsight rather than present time, i.e., it might be slightly warped...

Hang in there!

[tiffani]

It's definately one of "those periods", and my attitude shift (brought on by the wisdom of MDC moms ) has helped a lot. He came in here a second ago, climbing on my head saying "boobie?boobie?boobie?" and I asked him to wait a minute for me in the living room and he ran off happily, which is a nice change. Just my change in mindset helped, it's amazing how in tune they are with our emotions, even when they seem totally oblivious!
thanks for the pep talk, embee, I'm ok now for another few months!
tiffani

[Embee]

Glad to help, Tiffani! There is this great quote in Kids Are Worth It which I pull off the shelf and read whenever I feel myself going through one of "those periods." I don't have it readily available, but something to the effect that no matter which way you look at it WE (parents) define the weather so to speak. It's our attitude that will set the tone for the day, the week, etc. Reading it is my own little peptalk to myself! Hang in there, mama. Glad you were able to get a little break today!

[Heavenly]

Hi I haven't posted on this thread yet. It is so overwhelming, so many pages. I wish we had our own sub-forum (I REALLY don't understand why we can't). Anyways I wasn't able to nurse my son but my daughter will be self-weaning. She is 25.5 months old. I can't beleive we've made it this far with all we had to deal with (I am bfing after reduction surgery and had to use a lact-aid for 16 months). I don't believe in any form of weaning, including night weaning, so she still nurses 2-5 times a night and oh my goodness - at least 20 times a day! Usually more. She would just sit on the breast all day if she could. between 14-20 months or so she wasn't as into it. If we were out in public she would never ask. Now she's right back into it and doesn't care where we are, she wants to nurse. That's fine, I must be a weird person because I LIKE shocking people in public. We are in the process of adopting a baby boy from Haiti who will be between 6-18 months when he comes home and I plan to adoptive breastfeed as well. He won't be home until late 2005 so Liv will be 3, I'm sure I'll be tandeming. Anyways, question -is there anyone else who LOVES nursing and has no desire whatsoever to wean? Another question - why do people say I believe in some child-led weaning, or partial child-led weaning? Child-led means child led right? So why don't they just call it gentle weaning and leave it at that?

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I LIKE shocking people in public.

:LOL I wish I was a little more like that.

That's great you'll be adoptive breastfeeding. If I ever adopt someday I'll definately do that.

why do people say I believe in some child-led weaning, or partial child-led weaning? Child-led means child led right? So why don't they just call it gentle weaning and leave it at that?

I think they are afraid of being judged.

[majazama]

Hi there. I'm subscribed to this thread, but haven't posted anything till now. I need to have some support, cause I'm not really loving BFing my 2 year old these days. She definately is going for the 40 month nursing thing, and I always wanted her to nurse till she was done, but tandeming can be challenging (for me, anyways).

I have a younger baby as well so I am always nursing them. I feel like she (H) could just eat and drink, why feed off of me at every oppertunity? My younger one is so little compared with my 2 YO, and I guess I partly feel like my older one, comparetively, doesn't need the milk. She was at the 100%th percentile at one month, and has always been very big and healthy for her age.

I've been reserving one boob for her (right one) and one boob for the "baby" (left). S can have H's boob if her's is not very full. I'm always conscious of how much hindmilk and foremilk my little one is getting. SHe has never been a big nurser or pooper. I want her to nurse as long as possible, because she really seems to need it for her health.

[Heavenly]

Well I can't speak on the tandem part but I can give advice on one issue. My son was almost 22 months old when my daughter was born. All of a sudden he looked SO big to me. In retrospect I really pushed him to be grown up. I didn't think he should need me so much. He was bottle-nursed so held for every bottle plus I was rocking him to sleep 3 times a day. I admit I was resentful of the time he took away from the new baby. I really feel like I caused a lot of damage to him because now looking at my 2 year old (my youngest right now) I realize how much of a baby she still is. It is hard to see that when you have a wee one as well but when the 2 year old is the youngest you realize that 2 is still such a baby. Your 2 year old really DOES need to nurse that often. She is adjusting to a new baby and the loss of mommy's 100% attention. Add to that, 2 is still such a baby herself. Plus 2 year olds need a lot of time to touch base with mom because they are learning and doing so much, plus 2 is when they start becoming more inquisitive and in my daughter's case inquisitiveness leads to fears. She is nursing more now at 2 than she did at 1. Like I said I can't commiserate on the tandem issue but I hope my words of "wisdom" have helped in some way. Keep up the good work!

[eilonwy]

Shawna, that is helpful. I have a really hard time thinking of my two year old as a baby-- he's such a person. He talks, he understands, he does so many things and his sister is still new enough at crawling that she goes over the edge of the bed without thinking about it. It's hard for me to think of him as a baby, doubly so because he's so bright and verbal.

But I suppose he is at that. A walking, talking baby. I'll have to think more about this... I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around things at the moment.

[DecemberSun]

Hi all, can I join in?

My son just turned two, and he's still addicted to the "bobby". I am ready to wean as soon as he is, but it probably won't happen anytime soon. I'd like to hear from other mamas going through this, so I don't feel like I'm alone, so that's what I'm posting here.

When Zachary asks to nurse I usually see if he wants a drink of water, juice, milk, etc., or a snack, and if that doesn't work I "give in". We've had little chats about saying goodbye to the bobby, and that bobbies are for babies, and he needs to share the bobby with a baby (we're planning on TTC this spring), but DS doesn't like that idea, LOL. One time I told him that he could have one bobby and the baby could have the other one and he told me "No, is Daddy's bobby." :LOL Then I explained to him that Daddy would probably be willing to share.

Of course I love my baby more than anything, and I don't want to "scar" him or anything by taking away his comfort, but I am getting rather tired of being a human pacifier. I don't want him to grow up too fast either, so I guess it's a Catch 22... That's why I'm here I guess!

Hi to Rynna and Jasanna...

[mom2threenurslings]

Rynna...I still consider my 2.5 year old my baby. She is my youngest. However, when my second ds was born, my older ds was only 19 months old, and he immediately stopped seeming like a baby to me (he was very verbal by then, was running around like crazy, into everything, etc.). I had to constantly remind myself that he's "just 19 months" or "just 2"....and that children his age usually have a very high need to nurse because of all they are going through developmentally.

DecemberSun...Welcome! It sounds like part of you wants to practice child-led weaning and part of you wants to do the leading. It's a tough place to be in. I hope you get the info and support you need here....this is a great bunch of mamas!!!