I'm so frustrated!!!!

[oceanbaby]

I posted before about how to handle ds just dumping out puzzles or books or toys and then walking away without picking up. I've tried all the games, helping, etc. He just says "No, you do it." So last time he did this I told him that if he didn't pick them up I was taking them away. He wouldn't pick it up so I grabbed a big bag an threw all the puzzles and books in there. He cried and screamed and I explained that they would be back tomorrow and he would have another chance at picking up.

We put them back. He talked about how they are supposed to stay on the shelf.

Just now I was in the other room and he came and got me to show me that he had pulled all the books off the shelf.

So what am I supposed to do now? Do this insane game of packing up a shelf of books? Since he knows he will get them back, he doesn't really care if I take them away - it's like a game with him now. But I don't want to take away all his books permanently. So what do I do? I'm about to cry over this I'm so frustrated.

[NatureMama3]

Forgive me, I hadn't seen your other post and you don't have a sig.. how old is he? that will help me understand..

[Butter]

How old is he? It sounds like he was proud to show you that he pulled the books off the shelf?

I'd take them away overnight again. Much like how redirection often has to be done two times or ten, sometimes a repeat of something like you did has to be done for the kids to realize you really mean it.

[oceanbaby]

Sorry, I should put that in my sig. He is 3.5yo.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

We're dealing with a similar problem (DC is 3).

One thing that helped (a little) is when I can manage to ask her for help in the way I would ask for help from an adult member of our household ~ like fully expecting cooperation..."Hey, can you pick that up for me?"

Breaking the task up helps also. Or, I'll do most of it "with" her and leave her a small bit to do.

Puzzles? I'm mean but I'd probably put them up higher, lol. I've put some things away (we're blessed with lots of storage space). I've also asked DC to donate some toys because things get so crazy.

I don't know about your child but my DC can't play well when things are a crazy mess.

You've inspired me to put even more things away!

Good luck...

[NatureMama3]

Well, the first thing I would do is stop making it a battle of the wills. That won't win for anyone.

Have (as the other poster suggested) you try to figure out WHY he's doing it? I don't think taking things away is necessarily a bad thing, but without getting to the root of the issue, it won't do much good in the long run.

Another thing to keep in mind is that everything takes time to implement at this age.

To make cleaning fun, turn it into a game. My twins like to pretend they're "grapple skidders" (logging aparatus) or garbage trucks when cleaning.

[maya44]

Is this what is happening:

1. DC throws books on the floor,

2 You tell him to pick them up

3. He says no you do it

4. You don't know how to make him, so you do it or punish him by taking them away?????

I think the mistake you are making is with step 4 and I don't mean the mistake is doing it yourself. The mistake is "not knowing what to do" and IMHO probobly conveying that to him, or punishing him.

When he says "NO you do it' Say "it is your job and I expect you to do it." Offer to help, that is fine.

But what if he still won't do it. Don't let him "pay" for the non doing by taking the books away.

You can even do it for him but then you need to say "I had to put your books away. That was your job. I do not like that I had to do it."

That is all. You are then not in a battle of the wills. You have not "given in" on your expectations. He has that expectation and his failure to meet it hanging over his head. Over time, you may be suprised at how effective this is.

[Butter]

At his age you can definitely make cleaning up the books a game. Mr. Man likes to pull books off the shelf to make a "fire pit" (he LOVES bonfires and tells me the books are his "wood"). So when he does that, I'll say things like "Pick up three books and put them on the shelf. Now pick up two books. Now pick up five books." Or, I'll sing a song and see how many he can pick up before I finish singing (and help him count how many he picked up). Or, I'll set a timer for different amounts of time and see if he can "beat the clock" putting them all away. He has fun, it's not a battle of wills of you do it, no you do it, and he gets practice counting, too.

[oceanbaby]

I've done the games. And yes, he does pick up happily. But then he wants to dump it out and do it again. Every time. So the game to pick up isn't really working well for me.

I agree that I don't want to make this a battle of the wills. I'm trying to make it a "These are the two possible scenariors (pick up and keep your books or don't pick up and lose your books), it's your choice." But I guess I need to figure out something else because I don't like a no books policy.

[mamaduck]

I remember your thread, and I remember suggesting that puzzles should go up high, he should have to ask for one to come down -- and that you give them one at a time, and return the first before getting a 2nd. Maybe I'm imgagining that.

But anyway -- that's what I would do. Give him one toy or game at a time, and ask for it to be put together and handed back before handing him another. Eventually (I hope) he will get the idea and you could relax (I hope.) My kids are both pretty good about taking out one toy at a time and cleaning it up befor getting the next out. I assume because that is how I "managed" playtime since they were babies. Of course, now and then they need 2 or 3 different toys or games in order to create a new and imaginitive game of their own (like "store.") But I bet your kid is not quite there yet.

Also, we have a dog who sometimes chews toys left on the floor. So that motivates them pretty well too!!! Maybe you could try that?