What happened to my happy little man????

[Anguschick1]

Last night ds had 2, what I can only call meltdowns. The first one was because I was writing checks, he wanted the checkbook and I didn't give it to him. Huge screams, sobs, tears, he threw his hands up in the air, fell to his knees and then threw himself onto his back. After I was done w/the checkbook, I gave it to him. (And thought he can't understand me, that's what I had told him, that I would give it to him as soon as I was done.) The second happened when we were nursing and he wanted to switch sides. We only nurse from one side at a time. Since he was 2-3 weeks old, that's what we've done and now he wants to switch during nursing and I tell him, "No, we don't switch sides while nursing, are you done?" Then I'll put him down on the floor or hold him depending on how bad he's kicking/arching his back. If he kicks me, I'll tell him "No, kicking hurts Mama, no kicking."

Are these tantrums? He shouldn't have been overly tired yesterday, he's had a couple more today (when he couldn't touch the plugged-in, running toaster, (No touch, hot.) when I wouldn't let him pet the dog whil she was eating, (No touch, Molly eating) when he couldn't climb onto his chair, (we needed to move his doll first, I showed him how to move it) and when his sweatpants covered his foot. These were all by 12:00 when he laid down for his nap. I tried laying down earlier w/him and sleep wasn't coming for him, so we got back up.

Am I just in for a ride these next 2 years? I know I can't reason w/him yet, so how do I handle these incidents? They've been growing in frequency the last month, now it seems like that's almost the default reaction. He used to be happy, smiling, is this my temper of old catching up to me?

Help!

[oceanbaby]

At his age my best advice would be redirection. Instead of telling him only what he can't do, tell him what he can do. I know this sounds simplistic, but it has really helped me for the kinds of things you have described.

"I need the checkbook right now, but ooh, look at this calendar, you can see all the pretty pictures."

"The doggy is eating right now, but let's go find the cat/stuffed dog/pots and pans."

"We don't kick people. If you want to kick something, you can kick a ball outside." (Then take him outside.)

That kind of thing.

It won't work 100% of the time, but I've been amazed at how often it does work. When it doesn't work, I just empathize that it is hard to want something that you can't have/that waiting is hard.

As for the nursing, is it possible that one side is drained of milk and now that he is bigger he wants more milk? I'm assuming you have a reason for not switching sides, but that's just something I thought of when reading the post.

[maya44]

I am not a big believer in redirection.

I think at this age kids are exploring and NEED to explore these big issues:

"What will happen if I don't get my way."

"What if I scream and cry, will I get my way then?"

"Will I survive not getting my way?

"Will I survive screaming and crying and kicking."

"Will I EVER feel OK again?"


I think the number one most valuable thing you can do for a child, once a tantrum starts is too just allow them to feel it. You can offer sympathy and empathy and love, but that is all. It is soooo important to know that they can survive it and to know "I have the power within my own body to make the bad feelings go away after time"

[oceanbaby]

[QUOTE]I think the number one most valuable thing you can do for a child, once a tantrum starts is too just allow them to feel it. You can offer sympathy and empathy and love, but that is all. It is soooo important to know that they can survive it and to know "I have the power within my own body to make the bad feelings go away after time"

Totally agree. But I think that at that age redirection is a fair way to make sure that their environment is not full of "no" all the time. If a tantrum ensues, I agree with the quote above.