The Best Solution?****Who are you to say my dd's need was forgotten? Were you with us? Did she continue to play with the toy? Do you know? No, so don't make assumptions. ****
I think that the following part of your original post would lead one to say that your child's need to remain where she was to play with her toy was superseded by the other woman's need to continue down the aisle:
****At this point, I picked up dd, who immidiately threw a tantrum bc she was being forced to move. Well guess what, welcome to the human race! St we have to accomodate others!****
I understand how difficult a situation like this can be. I used to have a very hard time dealing with strangers or worrying about "what other people think." I found it helpful to put myself in my child's position. What if I were looking at an item and someone came along and physically moved me aside so that someone else could get through? You can bet that I would throw a kind of trantrum myself! Yes, your child was asked to move and it was explained to her *why* she should move. But she chose not to move. I would assume, then, that it did not make sense for her to move (she either didn't understand the reasons you gave or didn't agree that they were good reasons). So, if someone asked me to do something that I didn't understand or didn't make sense to me, I would be extremely angry and humiliated if I were physically forced (no matter how gently) to move aside.
**** DD would not like it if someone was blocking her way, so she needs to show others the same consideration. ****
This is your reasoning. I agree with it, but obviously your daughter did not. And if someone were in her way, would she have the choice to physically move them aside? Would that be a good choice? How will she learn "to show others the same consideration" from what was done to her? Might she not learn, rather, that if someone doesn't do what you want them to, you have the right to force them? Or, might she not learn that her needs and desires are less important than someone else's? Do you think these are valuable lessons?
****To say that it would be the lady's responsibility to work it out with my 4 yr old is ridiculous!****
I didn't say that it would be the lady's responsiblity to work it out. I said that it would be hers and my child's problem. Because I am responsible for my child and I am my child's advocate, I would be doing all I could to help *my child* solve the problem non-coercively. To say that the problem is mine is to view my child as an extension of myself rather than as an autonomous human being with needs and desires of hir own.
****She is my responsibility! I am trying to raise her to be considerate of others needs, not to let herself be ruled by her id!****
Is it better for children to be ruled by those in power? Were you considerate of her needs? Again, I realize that you were considerate in the sense of asking and explaining, but perhaps you didn't fully consider her lack of knowledge and experience. She probably didn't understand your reasoning and needed a reason which made sense *to her.* I think that it is best for all human beings to be "ruled" by reason and compassion rather than external power and authority. By advocating for children and helping them solve problems non-coercively, we are doing a great deal to help them do the same in future conflicts.
***Wouldnt life at the market be fun if we all adopted this self-servicing philosophy!****
Again, who eventually adopted a self-serving philosophy in the scenario you describe? The child was forced to comply. She did not agree to comply. No one was being harmed by her actions, but she was obviously harmed by yours (judging by her reaction).
****DD's Preference was clearly to remain seated in the aisle blocking all unsuspecting shoppers lol!****
Do you think that the *reason* she was there was so that she could intentionally block customers? I doubt that was her reasoning. If she could understand that people needed to get by and that she could look at the toy elsewhere, she would have agreed to do so. In other words, she was only doing what *made sense to her* to do. Perhaps she was too young to understand, or she was intent on her examination of the toy, or any number of things.
I don't mean to suggest that these kinds of situations are easily dealt with. They can be extremely difficult and nerve-wracking (especially if you were raised to believe--as we all were-- that "other people" are more important than oneself or that someone always has to "give way" in a conflict). But I disagree that your solution was the best one. It may have been the best one you could think of at the time (and that is certainly understandable when under pressure). But I think it is wrong to conclude that this was the best solution and that it is good and right to physically move one person (against hir will) out of another person's way. I suppose the question to ask oneself is: "Did I choose this solution because it was right for everyone involved, or because it was physically possible (since the child is much smaller) and the least uncomfortable for me (since the stranger expected me to move her)?"