I just can't deal with Art

[grumo]

DD has recently totally gotten into art. She wants to do it all the time. I was thrilled. I bought a bunch of supplies and some books for ideas and we started to go to town.

I quickly realized that DD is not ready for projects. She has no interest in a step by step process to do some really cool painting technique or craft. That is fine. I have put the books aside and have just started bringing out the paint or the glue and some collage materials and she just does what she wants.

The problem comes that she is rarely satisfied with what we set up for longer than 10 minutes. She wants MORE. If we are painting, she wants more paint in the container, she wants more colors. Just now, she was gluing and the glue stick wasn't working for her, so she asked for the squeeze bottle. I gave her the squeeze bottle and realized that it was too difficult to control the how quickly it comes out. I asked for the bottle back and she was fine handing it over, but kicked and screamed when I put about 3 tablespoons in the bottom of a container. She wanted MORE. LOTS. When we get over that, I hand her a paint brush and she wants a bigger one. I give her a bigger one, no a bigger one. I give her the biggest I am willing to have her use for paint and she throws the collage stuff across the room, because she wants the BIGGER one. At this point I am furiously frustrated and luckily DH is home so I can just exit.

EVERY art experience ends explosively and negatively. That can't be a good association. I want to enjoy art experiences with her, but what ever we set up it isn't enough. We'll agree at the start to 4 colors of paint, but 10 minutes into it she's crying for more. She'll use up all of one color and cannot accept that there isn't any more of that color.

I don't have a problem with mess. I don't have a problem with using lots of paper and paint and don't have a problem with using materials in ways other than intended. But I can't drag all the paint and all the supplies out. I won't let supplies be seriously wasted by putting far more paint in the cup than she's going to use that day.

[ShannonCC]

Let it go Seriously, that's my advice. I used to have the same problem but now I just realize that it's their art projects and they should do what they want.

For example, you said that it will waste the paint if you pour all that and she doesn't use it? When that happens just take some saran wrap or tin foil and cover the paint cup to save for the next day. I've done that and yes, it works (just learn from my mistake and take the paintbrush out first! It works better that way).

I give her the biggest I am willing to have her use for paint

I'm not meaning this to be critical but I don't understand why you aren't willing to let her use a bigger one Can you elaborate on why you think this is a problem so we have more to go on?

On glue. My kids do that too. Again, you can easily save glue for later just like paint (right now actually, I have a bowl of it sitting on the counter covered with saran wrap, waiting to be used for a third time). Or you could even pour it back in the bottle with a funnel (or just be reaaaaaaaaaaly careful when you pour, :LOL).

You said your dd gets upset because she won't accept there's no more paint. Do you mean there is really no more or do you mean that she has used up all that you gave her and she knows there is more but you aren't giving it to her? Those are very different situations.

I used to get bent out of shape (at least internally) when I would give the kids many different colors of paint in cute little containers only to have them mix them all into one gnarly shade of brown. Or when they would want "too much" paint (my ds still enjoys pouring paint more than anything else). Or do things the "wrong" way. Or whatever. It took me awhile to realize that it's not the product, it's the process and it's *their* process not mine.

I hope this doesn't sound preachy at all! I don't mean it that way. Have fun with whatever you decide

[Viola]

Originally Posted by ShannonCC

I used to get bent out of shape (at least internally) when I would give the kids many different colors of paint in cute little containers only to have them mix them all into one gnarly shade of brown.

:LOL Yeah, what is it with that? They always want brown. Even when they have brown or black paint, they want to make their own.

I feel for you, grumo. Sometimes I would find the art stuff stressful. Mostly because it didn't entertain her for long and I was always washing out her brush and emptying her water or giving her new paper after she covered one up with large splashes. I wanted it to be something that entertained her so I could do other things, but it was actually more work for me. So there were times when she wanted to paint but I didn't want her to because I didn't have the time. It's gotten better now as she's gotten older.

[lula]

How old is your dd? What type of paint are you using?

What about buying gallons of paint? Seriously gallons and gallons of paint...buy just one color or buy two colors that make another color or even just white/black and another color then just give her a giant container and let her get it out of her system. Bring her with when you purchase and let her see exactly what you get.

Or get some wall type paint brushes and a paint container that is used for paint rollers, the biggest sheets of paper you can find and let her paint big...bigger than anything she imagined.

I mean it's art isn't it? It's about creativity when they are young not about rules. It is not waste to her.

Put the paint into gallon buckets with lids if you are worried about waste. buy big no-tip cups with tops and pour all of the paint into them right when you purchase it and then she can use them.

Some artists paint HUGE and "waste" paint, so what?

maybe a giant thing of clay would help? it is cheap and fairly limitless because small hands can only use so much at one time.

could you stop the project before she is frustrated and while things are going well? maybe your husband could be the art guy or even the art clean-up guy?

[tessamami]

Take her somewhere out to paint?

A mommy and me class or preschool art class may be in order, now.

[Alkenny]

Great ideas! Wanted to throw one more out there...painting in the bathtub! Especially if you have a shower door or "wall". She can paint big, you can take a photo of it and then rinse it away. Less mess, not really a waste, easy clean up.

[pixiexto]

Shannon, I really appreciated your post & the perspective that it gives. This is a timely one for me, as I've often caught myself shaking my head in wonder at our little gal who wants "MOOOOOOORE paint!!" when her page is barely keeping together, it's so thick with paint... lol!

I can totally relate to the idea of thinking that art would be a great way to entertain DD while I did something else close by.... boy, have I had to let this one go! :LOL I guess, for me, it was a matter of adjusting my expectations and just letting loose. Not always easy, hey? It is fun to watch an uninhibited "artiste" at work though!!

[stafl]

all of my suggestions have already been posted!

I let my DD, age 3, have free reign on the art supplies. They are always out and within her reach, and she can go to town with them any way she wants, as long as they stay on her picnic table in the den where we have linoleum flooring.
Art isn't any fun if someone else is trying to tell you how to do it. If you want her to love art, let her do it her own way.

Painting in the bathtub is a very big hit here, too! Used to, when she was small, she'd finger paint in the high chair, because it was just easier to clean up afterwards. Now, she gets in the bathtub naked with her finger paints. When she's done painting herself, the tub, and her tub toys, everything washes right down the drain!

[Wilhemina]

These are wonderful suggestions, I'm glad I read this thread. Two more ideas:

1. Paint with water on the driveway, sidewalk, fence. Huge brushes work great, no mess, little waste. Endless supply of "canvas" since the sun quickly evaporates the early master-ieces.

2. Pack some art materials and go to the park. There really won't be more paint/glue/whatever as you are limited to the amount you packed.

[Lil'M]

Great suggestions! Also: chalk for outside, get bulk stickers from Staples or teacher's supply store, those little dry paint packs with all the colors that come with a small brush (my kids love that they are self contained).

[chel]

my mom was, and still is the queen of psycho clean. We had those pages with the dots of color so we only used q-tips with water to paint. I'm slightly better with my dd, I make her paint in the bathroom without any clothes on. I've also limit markers.
My dd is really happy with address labels and envelopes that come in the mail. my dd has a "mail drawer" below my mail drawer. I also let her cut up old magazines.
My dd also had a real obsession with needing "more". I've worked really hard with her to understand that if you need more I will give more when you have used up what you have. I think she is borderline OCD, and it's a trait that runs in the family.
Worse comes to worse, give the child what she feels she needs and then when it is gone you no longer have to deal with it. Most of our craft stuff is given as gifts so I don't have as much guilt about wasting $$$. I throw out most of the "artwork" when she's at school.

[wild1forever]

Originally Posted by tessamami

A mommy and me class or preschool art class may be in order, now.

Grumo, I'm with you! I love my children dearly, but for me, the first four letters of "paint" are PAIN! That is definitely one activity that I prefer they partake of somewhere else.

[grumo]

I don't think I did a very good job expressing myself in the first post, I was pretty worked up at the time. I really enjoyed reading what great ideas people have.

I think dd's problem is not with art; it is becoming clear to me that she is bristling more and more at limits of any kind. I think we are headed into that stage.

My problem isn't mess. It isn't even waste so much. It is that whatever we do it isn't enough. If she starts out painting, she then wants me to bring out the glue and collage stuff. When I can't muster the energy for that expansion, she totally freaks out. If we start with 4 colors, after a few minutes she needs me to add more. I don't think I can do art at home without ANY limits. And at this point I feel like where ever I set limits, she's going to find them, slam up against them, and then loose control when they don't step out of the way.

I suspect, that as she pushes, I also constrict the rules just a bit as a response to make sure things don't "get out of hand." I don't really know why I didn't want dd to use the biggest paint brushes with the glue. But it was REALLY important to me at the time. Perhaps as important as it was to her to use the big brushes.

That said, DH's idea was to go a day or two doing whatever she asks. Perhaps that'll halp get it out of her system a little. I told him that it sounded like a great idea. He should call me before leaving from work and then we'd get started on just such a project!

[Scoodlebug]

My 3 year old is an art freak. We went through many battles and collisions over this. Here's what I did. I bought her an easel, the kind that has the roll at the top. Then I got a rubbermaid type of bin with drawers. Each drawer has different things in it. One has stamps, one has chalk, one has crayons, one has markers, one has stickers, glitter glue etc. The bottom one has paint. I bought the no-spill paint cups and brushes from a teacher supply store. I made little mittens with different sponges, rags, etc on them. I keep the paint full. Instead of loose glitter, I mix it with glue and have her use a brush. She uses glue sticks instead of a bottle of glue. I have a big old mat underneath the easle and her smock in on top. She knows to put her smock on when she starts something.

On the wall behind her easle I stung a piece of strong twine tween two nails and outfitted it with a bunch of paper clips. When she's done with a certain project we rip it off and we hang it on the twine. We call it her wall of fame. I give her old boxes to decorate and toilet paper tubes etc.

After a few months of hassle she now knows that the items she can use are the items in her drawers. If she'd like a different item we will get it when what she has is used up. She also knows (with some gentle reminding) that when she is done I'd like her to put her smock and brushes in the sink and I'll clean them. She's gotten really good with taking care of it (as much as a 3 year old can). Giving her a place to display her things has helped tremendously.

Oh, I second the bathtub idea. That's always a hit.

[ShannonCC]

Grumo, three is a hard age (ok, uh, for my dd so was 1 1/2 and 2 and 4 - but 5 and so far 6 are pretty cool :LOL)

I live by the motto "choose your battles". There are some things worth fighting over and most things aren't. If my kid was throwing paint at the walls, that's worth the tantrum when I tell her not to But if she wants more and more supplies, more and more paint, bigger paintbrushes, etc, I don't think that's worth fighting (and I also think it really is good for creativity to have access to a large variety of materials).

Ok, now, at 6, she's a lot easier (and Boy-O is a wild animal who there is no reasoning with :LOL) but when she was your dd's age, it really helped if I remembered that rule. I would just think "is *this* issue worth a temper tantrum over?". Because often the answer was yes but a lot of times we parents just have a knee jerk reaction to something. Like when my dh tells her to not blow bubbles in her drink. Why? I think his answer was along the lines of "just because" And that's what your answer was for the paintbrushes, right? Because as parents, we are human too, and sometimes *we* are the ones who are being unreasonable for whatever reason (not feeling well, didn't get enough sleep, PMS, whatever). And heaven forbid you are feeling "off" on the same day your dd ate something that disagreed with her, isnt' feeling well, didn't get enough sleep, etc (at least we don't have PMS to worry with them yet, right?)

Ugh, I'm really rambling I do want to say that I, personally, in defiance of many parenting manuals, don't think that the "limit pushing" theory holds a lot of water. I think a lot of the time it's *not* about pushing limits. It really *is* about wanting a bigger paintbrush (or another cookie, or to stay up later, etc). Or, especially with my dd, it's not about pushing limits, it's about eating something she's intolerant of, or not eating enough, or feeling sick or not getting enough sleep. At least that's my opinion after 6 years with my Wild Child Angel Baby Girl

I hope you figure it out!

[journeymom]

the first four letters of "paint" are PAIN!

:LOL

I am a mean mommy. We have never had glitter in the house.

Grumo, I was going to say the same thing; this isn't about art, it's about, well, I think pushing limits. That's normal 3 y.o. behavior. Your reaction can minimize it or exacerbate it. Pick your battles. Analyze your thoughts behind your reactions. You're aren't just feeding and clothing her and keeping her safe anymore. Now she's exploring the world more and from here on out, it is all about striking a balance between letting her learn, facilitating her dreams and keeping her safe and keeping your sanity.

My kids have not shown a huge interest in art anyway. But I am soooo thankful that they've had that outlet at school. Ds got to make all kinds of gloppy, glittery painted messes in preschool last year.

Though they do have rules. Keep it at the painting easle (sp?). News paper taped to the floor. A paint brush for each color. The kids were discouraged from mixing paints, but that's because you can't let one kid mess up the colors for the other 19 kids.

Tomorrow when she wants to start an art project maybe help her make some rules for herself. "Which brushes do you want to use?" (Give her a range of brushes you don't mind her using.) When she asks for glue say, "Would you like the glue stick or the bottle?"

It might work. Or she might agree at first then pitch a fit later anyway, when she changes her mind. But it's a start.

Good luck.