music at night

[marymom]

ok...Theres alot of music I censor my younger kids listening but not my 14 yo dd- however I HATE it when they want to listen to stuff at night when they are sleeping...I respect m&m as an artist actually, not sure how yall feel about him, but it is definately NOT what my daughter needs to subject her un/sub conscious mind to, in my humble oppinion anyways-
and when I asked her to change it(before she sleeps) she puts on chili peppers( who I love) but I dont want her listening to sex all night long either...
<sigh> I remember when my now 16ds and I used to have these argumemts, he finally doesnt listen to night time music - I used to tell him classical or nopthing at night-
am I crazy? does anyone else feel like it could be damaging? I just feel the anger and negativity is dangerous,
suggestions and support? even critique...?

[Arduinna]

interesting question. I don't have this problem since my dd hasn't shown an interest in music that I find unacceptable (for lack of a better term).

Why do you think it's different if she's asleep? I know the unconsience and stuff, but our unconsience is also at play when we are awake? I'm not trying to argue, just trying to understand. Although I can see how it playing over and over the same thing all night could be a worry. I assume she isn't listening to it 8 hours straight during the day.

[marymom]

greetings Arduinna I know it sounds...wierd to say I censor my kids stuff- but so it is...
I also think the issue of children being interested in music that parents find "unacceptable" ( I dont like that word) is less likely to happen when the children have been raised well in a healthy happy home, from birth-
My children have been raised healthy and happy for last 4 +years, however before that it was an on and off thing (substance use/abuse and the secondary effects)- and maybe they tend to display more ...retaliating rebellious behavior than children who have been raised in a more consistent environment- so I may be referring to a tendency many parents on this board dont see with their kids- (the tendency to want to listen to shock music, with cussing/violence graphic sex violent sex etc- maybe this will never be much of an issue for you or maybe it is with folks here too, I d like to hear from MargeretofA on this one,
yes it is the listening to it repeatedly for 8 hours that I have issues with - She sets the CD on the computer and it plays and plays- that brings to mind a simple solution tho DUH
I could just suggest that if she wants to listen to it she could set it up to play just once-
OMGosh I cant believe I didnt think of that- humph- thanks for interacting with me ((Arduinna)), I cant believe I didnt "get "that on my own
I would also love to explore the topic of music censorship at any time with our children and hope that doesnt seem to volitile a topic- I can certainly respect parents who choose to censor more or not at all -or dont feel the music I am referring to is aggressive or whatEVER opinion is out there, Im open to respecting it-Im just curious what others on this board are doing...
I do allow my older kids to listen to stuff with some cuss words and sex<sigh> but not around the younger kids-altho the violent stuff I say turn it off -I do not feel I can ask them to NOT listen to something when they are out with their friends or something, one would hope that by the time they are 14 & 16 they would have developed styles that would not want to hear all that f%$8 You mother &*^^& kick your a898797 blow your &*& off and so forth anyways,
and then when the middle kids, 9 and 10, see the older ones listening to it they get curious about it- but thats ok in the long run because we can discuss it but its a pain when I see my 10 year old son want to rap with m&m (who I actually consider not to be anywhere near as hardcore as some of the otrhers Ive heard)-<sigh>
Do I have a case of wanting my babies not to grow up? I know I am much older(Ill be 42 soon) then many here but I deem it a case of wise not old so I dont think Im being "old fashioned" - looking forward to input

[Arduinna]

hey, I honestly think all parents monitor the stuff their kids have access to. Isn't that part of being a parent? So I hope you don't think that I had a problem with you doing that. I was just trying to understand why it was ok to listen to, but not when she was sleeping. And I understand now. I'm glad you found a solution that works for you. I think we often can figure it out on our own and just having someone to listen while we talk is a help unto itself. At least that's what I seem to use most of my firends, lol.

I think that teens and music would be a great topic. :-)

[peggy]

Hi marymom,
I am 43 with six kiddos ranging in age from 24 to 17 months.
I have a 14 yr. old and 16 yr,old too, I do not censor their music. And yes they do listen to "crap" sometimes. I really don't feel that the music they listen to will cause them to become depressed or dis-respect women, or any of the other things I've heard Tipper Gore and her group say will happen. If it were true, my 24 and 22 yr. old would be serial killers.
I think the teen years are naturally "rebellious" Listening to "racey" music, IMO, satisfies some of this angst.
Occasionally I'll hear a lyric that is really bad and I will discuss with them what bothers me about it and get their feedback.

BTW, my older two have out grown the "shock" music and now borrow CD's from me.

peggy

[glh]

I agree with you Peggy. Ds18 likes all kinds of music but especially rap. I tried to censor it when he was younger, even making him return a cd he got at his birthday party and taking away some cds. It gets to be almost impossible to do that once they are 15 or 16. He is not allowed to listen to anything with objectionable lyrics around his younger siblings and he doesn't. He has always liked playing music at night, I used to turn it off when I went to bed, but now he usually goes to bed later than I do. As long as he plays it softly so the rest of us can't hear it, I don't object. He will be leaving for college in two weeks, so this is all pretty much a moot point for us now. He will have to work out the music issue with a roommate, something he's never had to deal with before. I used to argue with him that the lyrics had to affect him in some way, but I can honestly say that he is a good person who respects girls and women, gets excellent grades and plays sports, and is planning to be a teacher. Maybe it is just a rebellion or shock value thing, because he really has been a pretty easy teenager to get along with these last few years.

[marymom]

it is soo good to hear yalls comments. thanks-

[amymarie]

when i was a teenager i had to listen to my music all night...and i listened to rap and hip-hop...but i turned out fine...i sometimes think it helprd me to understand another world and made me realize who was... a hippie flower child...and one thing i always remember was that when my parents told me they didn't like or understand my music,it made me want to listen to it even more

[AutumnMoonfire]

Now I admit I was a teen in another era, and early '80s stuff has nothing on rap and hip-hop...but I listened to the radio at night with no ill effect...maybe an oldies station would help...I just didn't like to hear every creak and groan of a house.

just my 2 cents worth...

[calgal007]

I realize this thread is just about exhausted, but I wanted to add something that might work for someone. When ds (21) was younger, I turned him onto rebellion music that I liked as a teen or just sort of sexually charged music (the Doors) and Jimi Hendrix for the hot guitar. He latched onto it; we now trade cd's. He introduces me to new stuff and I appreciate that. By the way, he tells me Eminem is "hilarious" and that old people just don't get the joke that Eminem is mocking the things he sings about.