My Deep Dark Secret - Page 2

[captain optimism]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Sometimes, though, I just want to be perfect, right now. Is that so wrong?!?!

I want to be perfect, too.

I can't imagine how anyone would be comfortable in church as the minister's wife. I have been reading a blog by a rabbi's wife and it is hilarious. (http://renegaderebbetzin.blogspot.com -- it might have too many Jewish cultural things to be intelligible, but then again, it might still translate!) I mean, do they talk about your clothes and your children and the state of your house and your piety or lack of it ???

But I want to be perfect in private, also. My dh knows that sometimes I do things without really preparing, that I'm lazier than anyone, and that I often count on thinking on my feet to pull me through. I really wish he hadn't figured that out. Also it seems like my closest friends all know that I'm really anxious.

This board exists to give us all yet another way to try to be perfect.

[annettemarie]

Thanks for the link! I love it- it definitely trancends denominations. (Sometimes my hubby's sermons suck too!) And, oh my goodness, I've been BLOGGED!!!!! That's never happened to me before! Although, I'm a little embarassed that she copied a misspelling- I'll have to correct it.

But I want to be perfect in private, also. My dh knows that sometimes I do things without really preparing, that I'm lazier than anyone, and that I often count on thinking on my feet to pull me through. I really wish he hadn't figured that out. Also it seems like my closest friends all know that I'm really anxious.

I hear you, sister. I want to be more than just actions, I want a deep transforming experience that makes me want to do these things, and do them well. You're right- this list is a start.

Thanks, Mamas- this has really been a helpful thread!
Annette

[annettemarie]

Hey, Captain O- I left a comment for her and it disappeared... but I'm back from a LLL conference and am going to email her tonight!
Annette

[tessamami]

I hate whole wheat spaghetti

OK, I'm admitting it now, I'm not perfect.

I do think that we put so many good things on it, we should get brownie points.
I'm pretty crunchy, but gotta have real spaghetti.

[nitareality]

I just wanted to say how familiar everything you say sounds. I really struggle with being an all or nothing kind of person. Actually church (or lack thereof in our home) is something I really struggle with. Geez, I feel bad about using toilet paper, when my DS gets cloth wipes. I use baking soda to clean my bathtub and sinks, but secretly long for comet. I love the idea of wooden and woolen toys, but haven't bought them because they would be so lonely in our sea of little tikes, fisher price and step 2. :LOL

We just signed up for a CSA delivery program, and am hoping that this takes out some of the guess work for me with food. We'll plan our menus around it, etc. But last night I made a wonderful Sweet Potato, apple, pear and onion casserole and was so sick of dealing with it by the time I served it that I grabbed a can of progresso soup and ate that while I watched the Fam eat the lovely organic produce. And, well, spinach....spinach goes bad so fast!

Moderation is hard. When I believe in something, or even just like the idea of it, I tend to dive in full force. Then I have to pull back and moderate. I think that posts like yours are wonderful. A post similar to yours is why I recently started visiting these boards more. At first glance it does appear that every one here is perfect and much crunchier than you, and sometimes it does feel competative. Posts like yours remind me that we are all human and all striving to become better. You have to start somewhere, I guess!

[UUMom]

Perfection is boring. That's what I try to tell myself every single day anyway, as I go about my imperfect life.

Sure, I wish (I don't think i do, but it would be nice to write about how perfect my perfect children are. Yk, how they never challenge me or my ideas, and how they would never, ever let themselves be tempted by a good piece of sugar, or the call of an X Box game at a friends. 'No thanks, you go ahead and play--I'm going to read this copy here of War & Peace I found on your bookshelf". That would make me a much better mother than you, and my child a much better person than yours, wouldn't it? )

Actually, no. I don't wish that. I like our family in all it's humanity. Seriosuly. Middle ground does not play on the interent. It has to be all or nothing. Which is a real pity. I figure our mothers were negatviely affected by the Donna Reed Show, or The Brady Bunch, where the women were culturally perfect and so were the children. Our idea of perfection is different now, but our desires for MDC 'perfection' no more realistic than the stuff fed to our own mothers. Sure organic is better than Alice packing bologna and cheese on white bread for Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Peter, Cindy & Jan (I always forget about poor Jan), but it's still an impossible pressure to follow all the particular rules of a particular pop culture.

Personally, I do think there is room for Pringles *and* whole wheat pasta. (Which i do like. lol) I also, gasp, have kids who can quote Homer Simpson at times. Can a person be a writer, or a comic, or have a brilliant carreer (like Doonesbury author, fi) and not have knowledge of a bit of what's actually going on in other people's lives? Sure, it's 'perfect' if your kid only knows waldorf stories- it plays so much better on MDC postings-- but he won't be able to critique or understand the satire that is our imperfect North American culture. And isn't that also really cool? Funny kids?

Running around with silk wings is great (my kids have done it) , but I also like a kid who can crack a wicked & orginal joke based on the absurdity of modern life. Ya gotta taste a Twinkie, metaphorically speaking, to see the total irony of our times.

[Momtwice]

You can get pasta that is part whole wheat flour, part white.

[bdavis337]

Originally Posted by Mama J Rock

I remember the first time I tried the whole wheat spaghetti, nobody ate it.

The other night my husband noted "this spaghetti is good, what are you doing differently?" Sooooo, when I told him it's whole wheat spaghetti noodles with sauce and extra lean ground turkey instead of beef, he nearly fell of his chair. And then he says "tell NO-ONE that I like this." :LOL

[guerrillamama]

UU Mom, I your post and totally agree.

[Fiercemama]

Baby steps, baby steps. Do what you can each day if you want to make changes. Focus on the positive changes you've already made, instead of how far you have to go. Set yourself small, achievable goals. Its all good.

Not to offend anyone here, but yes, I too see the cliquey aspects of MDC. Choose what's right for your family at this time. You know what - it might be (in fact probably will be) different tomorrow.

I second the PP's comment about Fast Food Nation. I've had Mickey D's once since I read it, and that was after a funeral.

I think that probably at some point before the end of this life, I will go vegetarian. But I'm not there yet. Still, our family's diet and our consciousness of where our food comes from has just come so far since DD was born. Its all good.

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by bdavis337

The other night my husband noted "this spaghetti is good, what are you doing differently?" Sooooo, when I told him it's whole wheat spaghetti noodles with sauce and extra lean ground turkey instead of beef, he nearly fell of his chair. And then he says "tell NO-ONE that I like this." :LOL

Heh heh. I'm the stealthy one in the kitchen, I add little bits of good things to recipes my family already will eat. I added some red quinoa to rice pilaf the other night, I have a pilaf plan that is building gradually - they didn't notice the addition of whole grain barley...

I'm not one to jump in and eat things that are totally foreign to my upbringing. I just change the recipes I love to use healthy stuff and tweak it til I like it. I don't plop down a plate full of tofu suddenly in front of everyone. If they like something I did and it's a nice healthy change, I just tell them I added a secret ingredient. If they want to know what it is I tell them it's "love".

We all do stuff that wouldn't look good here in our postings, lol! I still insist on using a spritz of Odoban in the trash can. Bad crunchy mama, bad, bad!! :LOL

little changes, it builds up.. like my pilaf... :LOL

[Melis]

Great thread May I join you? I am a MAJOR all or nothing perfectionist, out of my mind, crazy, neurotic, loving, well-intentioned person who is constantly striving for balance because I realize that many of my habits, will undoubtedly, drive me to insanity in the end. I love the idea of natural organic living, but unfortunatly, it is isn't easy. Oh, and I will NEVER use cloth TP, but I have switched to cloth menstrual products...go figure? I use all-natural cleaning products but hated the laundry products and am using Tide, of all things! AGGGHH!!!! We do what we can...and a little is better than nothing. I so agree with the person who suggested ignorance really is bliss because, let me confess, I find it was soooooo much easier! LOL

[tinybutterfly]

:

[Mommy&Will]

Originally Posted by UUMom

Perfection is boring. That's what I try to tell myself every single day anyway, as I go about my imperfect life.

Sure, I wish (I don't think i do, but it would be nice to write about how perfect my perfect children are. Yk, how they never challenge me or my ideas, and how they would never, ever let themselves be tempted by a good piece of sugar, or the call of an X Box game at a friends. 'No thanks, you go ahead and play--I'm going to read this copy here of War & Peace I found on your bookshelf". That would make me a much better mother than you, and my child a much better person than yours, wouldn't it? )

Actually, no. I don't wish that. I like our family in all it's humanity. Seriosuly. Middle ground does not play on the interent. It has to be all or nothing. Which is a real pity. I figure our mothers were negatviely affected by the Donna Reed Show, or The Brady Bunch, where the women were culturally perfect and so were the children. Our idea of perfection is different now, but our desires for MDC 'perfection' no more realistic than the stuff fed to our own mothers. Sure organic is better than Alice packing bologna and cheese on white bread for Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Peter, Cindy & Jan (I always forget about poor Jan), but it's still an impossible pressure to follow all the particular rules of a particular pop culture.

Personally, I do think there is room for Pringles *and* whole wheat pasta. (Which i do like. lol) I also, gasp, have kids who can quote Homer Simpson at times. Can a person be a writer, or a comic, or have a brilliant carreer (like Doonesbury author, fi) and not have knowledge of a bit of what's actually going on in other people's lives? Sure, it's 'perfect' if your kid only knows waldorf stories- it plays so much better on MDC postings-- but he won't be able to critique or understand the satire that is our imperfect North American culture. And isn't that also really cool? Funny kids?

Running around with silk wings is great (my kids have done it) , but I also like a kid who can crack a wicked & orginal joke based on the absurdity of modern life. Ya gotta taste a Twinkie, metaphorically speaking, to see the total irony of our times.

This deserves to be bumped.

Great thread.

[SusanInItaly]

I can totally relate and I'm always making babysteps here. Sometimes I make 100 baby steps and about 30 BIG steps back. Like I'm really into reducing and less consumption and normally do so good (like nearly all my furniture is 2nd hand, I just bought "new to me" silverware at Goodwill) but then on Friday I had a "me" day and bought bought bought (consumed!!) a new purse and matching wallet, $30 mosturizer (not a natural one either!), new leather sandals and an iPod. LOL... I fell off that horse big time!!! But I rationalized it that I have somehow survived this deployment and the kids aren't in need of much counseling so I deserved to "treat" myself. I should have got a pedicure instead but too late now, LOL...

(DH comes home in about 2 weeks from our 5th deployment! He's been gone since school started last summer)

Anyway...babysteps...and I totally get feeling like you're being judged or held to a standard on MDC but really for me, it's all in my head. 99% of the people here are so welcoming and I've learned so much but somehow I feel like I need to add more to my siggy to get "approved" for membership to the cool NFL club, lol. Like I said, it's all in my head. I guess because IRL, I look like a preppy mom but really I'm this crunchy liberal, LOL. My friends all love to tease me about it so I just sorta feel that way here too.

[IntuitiveJamie]

I don't have time to read everything and only a quick response. But thanks for the honesty. I have the hardest time being consistent. Sometimes we go thru a fast food binge for a couple of weeks cuz I just don't feel like grocery shopping or cooking. But when I do do the shopping and cooking it's very healthy, all organic.
I will read more later.. Got to go tend to the kids now.

[annettemarie]

Wow, what an old thread!

I thought I should let you all know that in the four years that have passed, I have actually gained perfection.







Um, just kidding. Still struggling, but I am a lot more forgiving of myself.