What birth terms p**s you off?

[zanelee]

I have been bothered by several terms people use about birthing. And it's really been getting on my nerves lately, so I was wondering what other mamas think.

My most despised saying is that "Dr. Dolittle delivered my baby."
WHAT? He gave birth for you? I thought that the women actually had the baby and the baby was delivered by her...!
It really gets to me when women talk about how the doctor's delivery was a lifesaver. Please, he walks in the door a couple of minutes before the baby is pushed out into his hands. And he gets all the glory.
:
Next....

[honey]

Yes! language is so powerful. How about when women are talking about birth and say things like "they said if I haven't had the baby by next week they have to induce me" or "they let me walk to the bathroom instead of getting a catheter"

It concerns me because they give all their decisions away to "them" They don't realize that they have a choice. And even more interesting to me is that they don't want the choice. Many women want someone else to make the decisions.

[Patchfire]

"Allow."

'They won't allow...' 'They will allow...' 'We can't allow...'

It's such a loaded thing, because there is an implicit threat of reporting a woman to the authorities if she doesn't do what they think she should. Especially if you're a member of a population deemed 'at-risk.' (Teenage mother, older mother, poor mother, non-white mother, mother of more than two... the list goes on and on and on...)

What I find really distressing is that the language is codified in most books on birth as well, even ones that seem less intervention-oriented. It's still a language of permission, rather than assertion.

[water]

Well, being now almost 42 weeks, I keep hearing "how long will they LET you go?" and "you know they won't LET you go over 42 weeks" etc etc.

It totally pisses me off! No one is "Letting" me go however long, my baby will come when it is ready!

[Aura_Kitten]

zanelee ~ that gets to me too!!! i can't stand it when i'm asked, "Who delivered your baby?" **I** DELIVERED MY BABY!

[crazy_eights]

Another vote for 'let me'! Grrrrr.

[*Erin*]

i hate that, "let me", "allow me" and "he/she delivered" barf barf barf.

[weebitty2]

Another vote for "let me" "allow me" "delivered"

My fave right now - SIL and her "they HAD to do a c-section, the baby was too big."

MMhmm. Her first and second were 11lb+, this one was 6lb. She was in active labor 36+ hours, and the OB wanted to go on vacation.

[mimim]

I agree with the aforementioned terms wholeheartedly.

I hope I don't offend anyone here, but it really annoys me when couples say "we're pregnant". Oh really, I didn't know men could be pregnant. Better call the record books and the media and start selling your story. "We're expecting" true, "we're pregnant", false! It feels like it's belittleing the feminine power of reproduction, although I realize it's meant to make dad feel more involved.

[philomom]

I always say that I gave birth to my kids. The midwife's only job was to check the heartbeat and catch them.

Get rid of the passive parts of speech. And gently remind others to as well. I continually remind moms that they are in charge. The docs work for you. You pay them. They are your employees. Don't give in to threats, find a new doc if you need to.

[AmandaBL]

You know the bulliten board at the Dr or midwife office where they put pics of new babies & thank you cards? I always hate the ones that say "Thank you for my great pregnancy & delivery!"

COME ON!!!! Same theme as everyone elses... just so passive...

[mamaduck]

I cringe when I hear the phrase, "Managed her pregnancy." As in, "I am the OB who managed her pregnancy." Or "This pregnancy must be carefully managed." Gag.

[honey]

Terms that blame women and their bodies:

insufficient contractions/placenta/etc

failure to progress

[crunchy_mama]

What bothers me is when I hear women talk about how they couldn't have the baby, had to have c-section. It is just so sad that people actually think that their bodies cannot do what they are intended to do, very rarely this may be the case, but not as it is presented women are told so often that their bodies are bad, wrong, not good enough. Then women have the first c-section and think that all the rest have to be that way...soo soo sad.

amanda

[jaam]

ITA with Mimim on the "we're pregnant" thing.... I didn't understand that, when I was pregnant it wasn't like hubby didn't do his part in supporting me, but he didn't go through it!!!

And Honey you have a great point too.... not only do those sayings like "insufficient ____" blame and belittle women and their bodies and their awesome abilities, things like that instill ideas in women's heads that wouldn't have been there. You can be totally confident about your body and the job it's doing to nurture the baby inside it and things will be going well, but as soon as a Dr suggests that something might not be 'ideal' the confidence goes out the window and you get 'psyched out'. It sort of happened to me and I *know* baby and I would have been fine. But I was led to believe we were having problems, so since I believed it, it made it hard for us. If I had been allowed to believe we were ok (which we were) it wouldn't have been the struggle it became. :

[Ellien C]

Thank you SO much for starting this thread. I consider myself very sensitive to language, but I hadn't ever explored all of those terms surrounding birth. Great eye opener!

I HATE those terms that blame women's bodies. They're all over medical books. I will add False Labor, which seems in more enlightened books to be replaced with Practice Labor.

[pamamidwife]

incompetent cervix

and the worst is FTP - failure to progress. I call that "failure to be patient".

[whatever]

Two things stick in my mind:

As a 1st time mom over thirty (thirty and three months when ds was born) I was referred to as an 'elderly primagravida'. Not that there is anything wrong with being elderly, but I do feel it implies a judgement.

The healthcare workers refer to the child as 'baby'. Not 'your baby', or 'the baby', but baby. As in 'baby will take what he needs from your body'. or 'baby will move when they are ready'. It really seemed to take some of the shine off things. How would they know what 'baby wants?' the only thing I know about baby is that nobody puts baby in the corner ;-)

[krae]

When healthcare providers call the woman in labor "Mom" and her partner "Dad" (i.e. "How are you feeling now, Mom" "Why don't you hold up her legs while she pushed, Dad"). Take the time to learn and remember your patient's name!

[gottaknit]

Originally Posted by whatever

Two things stick in my mind:

As a 1st time mom over thirty (thirty and three months when ds was born) I was referred to as an 'elderly primagravida'. Not that there is anything wrong with being elderly, but I do feel it implies a judgement.

the only thing I know about baby is that nobody puts baby in the corner ;-)

Hey, I'm thirty and six months! I'm ancient.... Seriously though, I didn't think we were considered elderly til 35? Or are first-timers elderly five years earlier?

Love the Dirty Dancing quote! :