What birth terms p**s you off? - Page 2

[whatever]

Originally Posted by gottaknit

Hey, I'm thirty and six months! I'm ancient.... Seriously though, I didn't think we were considered elderly til 35? Or are first-timers elderly five years earlier?

Love the Dirty Dancing quote! :

I'm in the UK-it's probably different.

[AmyB]

The thing that makes me the most cranky is when someone says "all that matters is a healthy baby". Invariably it's used as an excuse for something absolutely dreadful that was done to the birthing mom.

--AmyB

[andreac]

Originally Posted by pamamidwife

incompetent cervix

ooh, I hate that one too! could they be anymore insulting

[Raven]

Ditto to all of the above.

Here is a great article by Sheila Kitzinger http://www.sheilakitzinger.com/BIRTH...0Metaphors.htm Please take the 5 mins to read it! Its excellent!!

[nonnymoose]

The passivity aspect bothers me a lot, too. I just hope someone tells me someday that they can't "allow" me to make an informed decision about my own body. Hmmph.

To be honest, though, the use of the term "delivered" really doesn't. Consider your newspaper - it's yours, but someone else delivered it, right? I consider it a synonym for "attended."

[Raven]

Ummm... the newspaper analogy doesnt quite fit.... ....

Its only yours once it is in your hands. Many people were involved in the making of the newspaper and you had nothing to do with it until you got it.

With birth its very different. The docs never carried your baby to turm - experiencing all the highs and lows of pregnancy for you. Nor did they labour for you. They did NOT deliver your baby into the world. You did. And quite frankly I dont care if it was a C/sec either. In that case the doctor ASSISTED you in delivering your baby. At the end of the day its not about popping a baby out - its about the entire process of pregnancy, labour and birth.

[Benji'sMom]

calling a birth a delivery, and vice versa. When you call it all the same thing, it becomes the same thing.

[crazy_eights]

Originally Posted by krae

When healthcare providers call the woman in labor "Mom" and her partner "Dad" (i.e. "How are you feeling now, Mom" "Why don't you hold up her legs while she pushed, Dad"). Take the time to learn and remember your patient's name!

OK, while in theory I agree with you, I know working in a very busy L&D unit (over 600 births a month) that you see SO many people and there is so much stuff that you HAVE to remember. Would you rather I call you 'mom' or 'whatsyournameagain'? I do try to remember the moms and dads names, but I"ll be honest. Some nights I'm lucky I remember my own name, much less yours!

[Quindin]

Another vote for "incompetent cervix" (if it was not sad enough to risk loosing the baby, the mom has to put up with being called "incompetent") and "let me" or "allow me"

[Eman'smom]

The "You have a healthy baby that's all that matters" B#LL Cr@p. Giving birth to my son was the biggest event in my life, and it didn't go the way I wanted to. By trivalizing what I went through I was told I didn't matter, I suffered PPD, and had serious bonding issues.

The birth of a child is far more important than any other event in a womans life, and should never be trivalized.


I also hate the "so and so delivered the baby", our midwife says she catches.

[hubris]

Originally Posted by AmyB

The thing that makes me the most cranky is when someone says "all that matters is a healthy baby". Invariably it's used as an excuse for something absolutely dreadful that was done to the birthing mom.

That bothers me, too. But even worse is the phrase "I have to do what's best for me and my family" usually used in the same context. Ugh.

The word "deliver" bothers me. It's so ingrained, though, I find myself accidentally using it and then correcting myself midsentence. I don't even like to say that a woman delivered her own baby - delivered like the milkman delivers milk? And when it's use for the OB/caregiver, it sounds as though the caregiver is protecting the mother from some great evil - from what, exactly, is he/she "delivering" the mother?

Another pet peeve - the use of "natural child birth" when the mother means that she had a vaginal (but VERY interventionist/medical model) birth.

[hubris]

Oh, and I have to say that I don't care for the term "catching" when referring to the caregiver's role. It minimizes their role, plus I don't like the whole baseball image it evokes for me :LOL. They may not be giving birth, but they do serve an important function. How about "I attended the birth of her baby" or "I assisted at her birth" or "I provided support during the birth"? Come on, people, the English language has so many words, let's make use of some more of them!

[mezzaluna]

i totally agree on the passive language...

the we're pregnant thing does get under my skin... too saccharine... i use "we're expecting" all the time, and oh boy is my DH ever expectant!! but i'm sorry, he's not pregnant, that's my job.

and for some reason "catching" the baby irks me, too... it's like your baby is a projectile... that you "threw" your baby and someone had to get in the way and "catch" it before it was injured.

another one i was arguing about passionately recently was the idea that a woman will "lose her modesty" in labor (as we've been talking about in our bradley class). i see it as a passive construction as well, or at least a negative one. losing something is usually something to be ashamed of... i don't plan to misplace my modesty while i'm in labor, i just plan to be at whatever modesty level makes me comfortable... i don't lose my modesty when i walk into the women's locker room at a gym... it's just that my activities in there are more comfortable with less clothes on! i certainly don't want to be pitied or laughed at in labor for being comfortable showing more of my body than usual...

[momsgotmilk4two]

Another vote for "let". It enrages me when I hear, "Oh, I can't let you labor without an IV" or "we can't let you go past 40 weeks". What do you mean LET? I am an adult and this is MY body! What are they going to do, strap me down? I really like my midwife practice this time around. They just lay out your choices, sometimes with thier reccommendation, but ALWAYS they reiterate that this is your choice, that they cannot force you into anything. It really takes away a woman's power to be told that she can't make her own choices regarding her body and her baby. I still get angry thinking about how they took ds to the nursery against my will last time What makes them think they can do that? At what other time is it okay for someone to just forcibly remove your child when you haven't done anything wrong?

[carlasher]

Originally Posted by mimim

I agree with the aforementioned terms wholeheartedly.

I hope I don't offend anyone here, but it really annoys me when couples say "we're pregnant". Oh really, I didn't know men could be pregnant. Better call the record books and the media and start selling your story. "We're expecting" true, "we're pregnant", false! It feels like it's belittleing the feminine power of reproduction, although I realize it's meant to make dad feel more involved.

Actually what gets to me is when women say "my baby", "my baby" when their is clearly a father that is involved in their lives. As if he wasnt around when "she" conceived.

[MommytoTwo]

"how long will they LET you go"...oh I got that one every day.
Also, in regards to cesareans: "take the baby"...ugh.

[tinyshoes]

a lot of "let" and "allow" hate here, and I'd like to chime in hating the subject that often accompanies those verbs:

they

THEY.

They?

Here's a pregnant woman, with a baby, who will be born from her body, WHO THE HECK ELSE is involved with that?!?!?

We know it's The Hosptial The Doctor and The Nurse, and those entities are The They, but in the whirlwind of passivity and victimhood that is "having a baby" these days, pregnant women surrender all their power to The They.

"I" should be the subject of every sentance uttered by a pregnant woman about her birth....instead, it's "they" and it's uttered by the pregnant woman about her delivery.

"They said the baby was coming." NO....the baby was coming. (And if a person is indeed wanting to quote the hosptial staff's interpretation of the baby's coming for any reason, go ahead with the "they said," but soooooooooooo often, it's just uneccesary and a part of why passivity and birth go hand-in-hand in this wacky culture.)

I also hate the "how many centemeters were you" area of discussion. "They checked me and I was X." THEY, again, they....not: "I had dialated to X." They did it. I hate the cervix checking; people think you can't have a baby without regular insertation of gloved fingers in the vagina, for crying out loud.

I also hate that the words vagina, perineum, and lochia are not often used with discussions about "delivery." In my experience, vaginas and perineums are important elements of birth.

[2+twins]

The one that *really* gets me is the "delivered" thing (so and so "delivered" your baby?). Can't stand it! Especially following my last birth, which was an unexpected UC - people can't shut up about how my dh "delivered" our baby. If they only knew...
Everything else posted here bugs me too except the "we're pregnant" thing. That doesn't bother me at all, but I get why it would bug some people. But by far, the delivery thing drives me nuts! It's a baby, not a pizza!

[Moon Faerie]

Originally Posted by love_homebirthing

It's a baby, not a pizza!

: I love it!

I hate "false labor." Dang it, the fact that I'm not dialting yet doesn't make the contractions any less real. Practice labor is a much nicer way to word it.

[KiwiZ]

the term I don't like (in addition to the above) is "estimated due date". You can't pick a day! Try picking a month! Some come at 38 wks, some 42, its all normal.