I wasn't meaning to be nit picking :LOL I just know that some parents of true allergic children (some parents who have to walk around with epi-pens and literally fear for their children's lives) get a little frustrated when a child who "just" has behavior issues is referred to as allergic. And mostly, I was just wanting to know what the OP wanted to talk about so I didn't add to unwanted information (though I still went on and on didn't I?
Max, have you tried joining any food issue lists? (uh, I call them food issues - that covers it all for me). Back when I was studying this a lot, I remember other moms saying that an *extremely* picky eater was a sign of food issues. They described it like a drug. The child is allergic/sensitive to a food and it makes the body ill but after awhile, the body starts to crave it (just like a drug that is hurting the body too). And after awhile, the child will eat almost nothing else. I mostly remember them talking about this in regards to dairy but I think it's other foods too (just most commonly dairy and I think gluten?). The bad news it that you have to get it all out of the kids' body and from what I've heard, dairy can take something like 3 weeks to get rid of (and you're better off making everything from scratch when you're doing this because there are so many hidden forms - whey, casein, others I can't think of). The good news is that all the moms who spoke of this said that after a relatively short time (a week or so) suddenly the kid was happily eating other things
And no, they will not starve themselves
I highly recommend an elimination diet. It is a PITB but so worth it. It took months to do, adding things in and re-checking them one at a time, but the results were worth it. And it gets easier when they are older. My dd is 6 and though she doesn't read labels or anything, she accepts that she can't have soy. It helps that I talk about how I need to avoid it too, so she doesn't feel like she's alone in this (and her dada can't eat onions and aunt sallie can't eat broccoli, etc).
Parties can be challenging. At home we just don't have food that she can't eat (I feel it's kinder and easier that way). But other people's houses are different. It's easier now that she's older but still, I bring my own food a lot. We are going to a party next week and the mom was going to buy cupcakes from the store so I told her I'd bring some for B (since store bought ones all have soy). I think I guilted her into making them from scratch
: That wasn't my intention! But that's what I do a lot. I am upfront with people that my dd has food issues and she can't eat soy and yellow dye. I don't ask people to accomodate us, but I tell them we will be bringing our own food. Sometimes people offer to check their menu for us and sometimes they are just relieved we're handling it and say ok. And there are plenty of things she *can* eat, I just like to be prepared for the things she can't.
My family has had it drilled into their heads that she is not to eat soy so they are cool
My in-laws are different though. I don't know if they don't take it seriously or don't want to bother or maybe they just don't think about it
My MIL keeps feeding the kids campbells chicken noodle soup and graham crackers - both with soy. I finally decided we'll just pack food for them to take whenever they go over. It's a little weird that I have to do this (we've known about this for 3 years now!) but my kid's health (and our mental health!) is what's important here.
Oh, and yes, it's hard
And an elimination diet (if you decide to do it) is hard, frustrating, annoying and makes you want to rant and rave about why your kid can't eat anything he wants. But it does get easier. It's practically a piece of (home-made, soy free, yellow dye #5 free) cake for us now