Some fairly good friends of my parents just lost their fourth child very suddenly, a four month old little girl 
I live in the same town as my parents, and though I did not know this family very well, I met the mother a few months ago, and have seen her several times since then at a mom's group that I've been attending with my mother. My parents are on vacation, so I am attending the funeral "in their place." I am signing up to bring a dinner to the family, and will probably be seeing the mother and older children in the future as soon as they feel up to attending the group again. I guess I am just looking for advice on how to help, etc., in a situation where I do not know the grieving family very well. The little girl's middle name was Rose, and I thought of bringing some roses when I bring their dinner. When I see them again, is it too intrusive just to ask them how they are doing? I don't want to act as if nothing has happened when the family has just suffered such a terrible loss, but I do not want to make them feel like they have to share private emotions. I cannot imagine what they must be going through right now -- I saw them all just two weeks ago, and remember noticing how devoted the older children were to their baby sister. For those of you who have suffered losses, what did you appreciate most from more distant aquaintances?
Nicole
dd Kateri 8/21/00
I live in the same town as my parents, and though I did not know this family very well, I met the mother a few months ago, and have seen her several times since then at a mom's group that I've been attending with my mother. My parents are on vacation, so I am attending the funeral "in their place." I am signing up to bring a dinner to the family, and will probably be seeing the mother and older children in the future as soon as they feel up to attending the group again. I guess I am just looking for advice on how to help, etc., in a situation where I do not know the grieving family very well. The little girl's middle name was Rose, and I thought of bringing some roses when I bring their dinner. When I see them again, is it too intrusive just to ask them how they are doing? I don't want to act as if nothing has happened when the family has just suffered such a terrible loss, but I do not want to make them feel like they have to share private emotions. I cannot imagine what they must be going through right now -- I saw them all just two weeks ago, and remember noticing how devoted the older children were to their baby sister. For those of you who have suffered losses, what did you appreciate most from more distant aquaintances?Nicole
dd Kateri 8/21/00
without worrying about making someone else feel bad or someone else trying to make me feel better. Tell them honestly, I don't know what to say but I am willing to listen or make comfort food or take the other kids for an afternoon when you're too sad.... please tell them *anything but* the canned responses we all hear too often after a loved one dies... 
