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I think I hate my child - Page 6

post #101 of 135
In order for my intense 2.5 year old to sleep he does much better with a black room and some noise.

He didn't sleep more than 2 hours in a row till over the age of 2 either....

Try the chiro. It'll make you both feel better
post #102 of 135

love yourself too

I am sure that this time is very difficult for you. Remember to be kind and take care of youself. Remember that you are doing the best you can in any given moment. That said, take a breath and get all the help you can.
Behaviors are always trying to tell us something. Your mission is to discover what your child is trying to tell you. I recommend enlisting the services of your family doctor, a child psychologist and a naturopathic physician. So you get a picture of your whole child.
I know of a child with similar concerns and when the parents removed all sugar and food color from the childs diet the child calmed right down...
I wish you a speedy discovery as to what your child needs are.
post #103 of 135
My good friend's son is somewhere along that continuum. He needs dark to sleep (hard w/24 hour sunlight up here) but he also has to rock himself to sleep. And, again first thing in the morning. 20 minutes/time. It's so intense she had to put padding on the walls as he was getting callouses on his head.

I can't believe how exhausting it is for Mom. It seems so unfair. The rest of us just sit and watch our children play because we can pretty much trust their judgements-well as much as you can trust a 3 y.o. But, he is totally unpredictable and volatile. We try to help but she's still aware. kwim?
post #104 of 135
Heh, the white noise machine just got my guy all riled up rather than helping him to sleep. In our house it helps that all of the kids go to bed at the same time, it helps him to settle a bit, but he still doesn't sleep. Some nights we have to put a gate in the doorway to remind him that he needs to stay in bed rather than continuously getting up.

Oh, I forgot to mention in my last post that on really rambunctious days, I have found that playing music often helps to keep some level of calm. Some days it has to be all soft gentle music, but some days it doesn't matter as long as it's music. I can even play swing and jazz and it still helps, I think because music helps to stimulate our brains and that is what is needed to keep my little guy in control of himself.

We tried the chiropractor when he was little, but it didn't seem to help him much. I wouldn't mind trying it again now that he is older, though. I wonder if accupressure/accupuncture would do him some good.
post #105 of 135
charmarty asks

Quote:
I am wondering if there are any other intense 3-4 y'o' who have to sleep in the total darkness and/or with a noise reducer or sound soothing machine for sleep?
Yes, good point. We started using one when ds was a toddler. He just could not fall asleep without it. I will use whatever is available, but usually a cheap air purifier or small fan makes just enough noise. Now we use a fish tank that I plug in at night.
post #106 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingMotherCassie
We tried the chiropractor when he was little, but it didn't seem to help him much. I wouldn't mind trying it again now that he is older, though. I wonder if accupressure/accupuncture would do him some good.
How long did you go?? Initally it took about 2 months of 3x week for us to see improvement in Tracy's sleeping and behavior. Before we moved if he was having a really grouchy day all it took was one trip. I must tell you though that he was born by c/b. Dh said that when he was pulled out his head was turned almost completely in a circle to suction him out. It wasn't until he was 2 months old and his fist chiro trip that he was able to turn his head to the right I think he'll have neck issues for the rest of his life
post #107 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMommy
I can't believe how exhausting it is for Mom. It seems so unfair. The rest of us just sit and watch our children play because we can pretty much trust their judgements-well as much as you can trust a 3 y.o. But, he is totally unpredictable and volatile. We try to help but she's still aware. kwim?
So true. Even when my little guy is away he wears on my mind. After all, he broke his arm when he was only two and I worry how he is handling the change in routine. He usually does better than I expect, though.
post #108 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by its_our_family
How long did you go?? Initally it took about 2 months of 3x week for us to see improvement in Tracy's sleeping and behavior. Before we moved if he was having a really grouchy day all it took was one trip. I must tell you though that he was born by c/b. Dh said that when he was pulled out his head was turned almost completely in a circle to suction him out. It wasn't until he was 2 months old and his fist chiro trip that he was able to turn his head to the right I think he'll have neck issues for the rest of his life
My little guy was born cesarian - don't know if that makes a difference for him or not. We went to the chiropractor once per week for about six months. He never had any movement problems, he just wouldn't stop screaming loud and hard all the time. I know he couldn't stand not being mobile and was always struggling to get around as soon as he could. He was just about crawling around four months and was standing and cruising along the furniture at six months. He was so determined to get around on his own!
post #109 of 135
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingMotherCassie
My little guy was born cesarian - don't know if that makes a difference for him or not. We went to the chiropractor once per week for about six months. He never had any movement problems, he just wouldn't stop screaming loud and hard all the time. I know he couldn't stand not being mobile and was always struggling to get around as soon as he could. He was just about crawling around four months and was standing and cruising along the furniture at six months. He was so determined to get around on his own!
Interesting! My son was very much a "motor" child. He rolled at 3 months and never stopped rolling to get where ever he wanted. He was cruising furniture at 5 months. He crawled for all of 2 weeks at 8 1/2 months and has been walking since 9 months. He has always been ahead as far as motor skill milestones. I wonder if this is a pattern with these very spirited kids?

As far as sleep . . . my son MUST have AM talk radio on just enough to hear but not too loud to keep him awake. We also have the exhaust fan in the bathroom attached to our room on at night. My son, however, has to have a night light or he freaks out!
post #110 of 135
hmmmm definately seeing a pattern here. I know for sure my dd's have sensory issues They have SID as well as other things. I also consider them to be spirited. They were also born by C section and a traumatic one at that.

to all the exhausted mama's out there
post #111 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by intensity_too
Interesting! My son was very much a "motor" child. He rolled at 3 months and never stopped rolling to get where ever he wanted. He was cruising furniture at 5 months. He crawled for all of 2 weeks at 8 1/2 months and has been walking since 9 months. He has always been ahead as far as motor skill milestones. I wonder if this is a pattern with these very spirited kids?
Tracy too. He was crawling at about 5 months and walking at 9.5. Now at 2.5 he sprints and canjump down flights of steps (making mom a nervous wreck!)

Bryce was crawling at 8 months and crusing 1 week later. He is trying to walk at under 9 months. He stands on his own and tryies to pick his feet up and does this little thrust thing to try and move. Too cute.

But Bryce is totally opposite in personality than Tracy. I know B is still little but he does things that Tracy never did. He sits and plays with a toy. He will let anyone console him. He will be fine when I leave the room. Andhe sleeps great. We'll see what he's like as a toddler...his determination is slightly higher but his will is a less strong.
post #112 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by intensity_too
As far as sleep . . . my son MUST have AM talk radio on just enough to hear but not too loud to keep him awake.
Well there's your problem ma'am! They been reprogramming him in his sleep, like Brave New World!





:LOL
post #113 of 135
Hey, my heart goes out to you. You sound to me like a woman who very much loves her children and you posted here because you were feeling a little desperate and wanted some support and advice, not because you actually *hate* your child. While I agree with others advice on how to mitigate your frustration and your son's, I think that telling you that you need an attitude adjustment is absolutely not constructive. It's hurtful and presumptious for someone who only knows your situation from a few paragraphs. Those are my two cents.

On another note, tons of people have suggested changing your son's diet, but I haven't seen anyone mention the Feingold diet (sorry if they have, I didn't have time to read the whole thread). This diet is something I never heard about before I read an article in Mothering a year ago or so. It is based on the fact that some kids have a reaction to aspirin and aspirin like compounds which can be found in perfectly healthy foods such as apples as well as in things like artificial dyes. Kids who are sensitive to this apparently have a hyperactive reaction and increased behavioral problems. This may be another area for you to look into.

Hang in there. Mommy knows best
post #114 of 135

Empathy

Hi Jaime,

I went through something similar with my now 31/2 yo dd last summer. If she had been at school, I'm sure they would have put her out and told me to have her medicated . She was completely out of control and seemed to actually be filled with rage .I remember calling a dear friend and saying "I really do not like being a mother! Do you honestly enjoy this?!" I too decided to seek professional help, but decided to check internet first because I didn't want said prof. telling me that of course she was messed up since she was still nursing and sleeping in my bed. I found Jan Hunt at Natural Child Project. You can call her for 1/2 hour and it costs about 30$. She has a MSc in Child Psych and Development and has written several wonderful books including "The Natural Child". She is Fabulous! Please give her a call! We ended up having dd tested for gluten intolerance (stool through Enterolab.com-if you go the testing route, please check out their website, they offer a much more sensitive test than many of the "goldstandards"). I can't tell you the difference that it made in our lives. She is still quite spirited, but I can handle it now. We have our bad days, but before, every day was BAD! (Also, check out the book "Is This your Child?" By Doris Rapp MD)

I also saw a therapist myself. One who was on board w/attachment parenting. Self-care was and is critical w/ a spirited child.

You are an amazingly strong mom! Good Luck!

Rhonda in Vancouver
Lucky Momma to Virginia (02/01) :
post #115 of 135
For everyone w/spirited kids who are very "motor" or active, Doris Rapp's book "Is This Your Child" is excellent! It is about Children with hidden allergies and when I read it, I swear she had written it about my own very spirited daughter. One of the symptoms of early allergy/sensitivity is lots of activity even in the womb, early sitting up, early crawling, early walking. Also stinky feet! I have some theories about Spirited ones and allergies...I'll save for later!
post #116 of 135
In addition to chiropractic, you may want to check out craniosacral therapy.

The Upledger Institue in FL does trainings nationwide, and also has a list of certified practitioners by state/area. I believe they have a website, and they definitely have an 800 #.

It is very gentle work. Ask for a therapist who works with children. Good luck

Maury
post #117 of 135
(I figure I will catch some flak for this post, but I have been there, done that, so oh well).
I will NOT join the posters who have attacked the OP for what she said ! I know for a fact that she isn't the only one who has said "I hate my child!" One of my dear friends had a "spirited child" (or whatever you want to call it) who was, to put it mildly, a holy terror ! My friend tried everything known to mankind...the whole gamut...and still her daughter was impossible ! Truly off the wall ! She told me on more than one occasion that she had come to hate her daughter, and that wasn't a comment she liked to make. She eventually found that the best solution, both for herself and for her daughter, was to put her up for adoption (the father, my friend's bf, was deceased). So she gave her up at age 3 and a half. It was a tough decision, but, she felt, the only one available. That was 4 years ago, and she does NOT regret that decision to this day. (BTW, at my friend's request, it was a closed adoption...one where she does not see her daughter again).
She felt that it was best to put her daughter with a family that maybe could handle the situation better and where she wasn't with a mother who had come to dislike her. I am CERTAINLY not suggesting that this would be best for this poster (in fact, I don't think it would be), but I am just stating that that is a viable option for some people who have reached an impasse. It was great for my friend.
post #118 of 135
[QUOTE=Shann So she gave her up at age 3 and a half. ... It was great for my friend.[/QUOTE]

I shouldn't bite but I can't help asking: Do you honestly think it was great for the child too?

Wow.


To OP: I have no idea what it is like to have a spirited child myself. Our godson is, but it is a very different situation to have him over for only a few hours and then he's picked up by his parents amd living with him/a SC 24/7. Hugs to you, mama.
post #119 of 135
I'm not sure why I'm replying to this thread - I don't think I can offer any helpful advice to Jaime. I am offering you sympathy and support.

I guess my kids would be considered normal, although I definitely think they are exceptional. But we don't have any behavior problems on an ongoing basis. Everything Jaime has described sounds terrifying to me, and my heart goes out to you and your children.

I think it's odd that other posters would read the OP and think that 'typical' suggestions would work. It's not obvious that she has a real problem on her hands? Her son is obviously suffering from a real disorder, whether or not it's been diagnosed. All a disorder means is that you're not able to function within a society of peers - he's not even interacting within his family.

I was a certified child therapist for years - I mostly worked with abused kids and children of substance abusers. It's impossible to read Jaime's description of her son and think that they both need serious help. I think the feingold diet, family therapy, and a special needs preschool class are all great suggestions. I don't blame Jaime for getting frustrated with what she has been advised, although I do believe everyone had good intentions.

It's hard to say, "Hey, there's something wrong with your child." Everyone wants to say that that's not true, and love and patience and time will solve everything. But that's not true - sometimes there's something wrong with a child. And addressing the problem is the only way to figure out what it is.

Good luck!!!
post #120 of 135
Wow, what an interesting thread!! My children are way past the toddler years...and yet I found this thread to be so incredibly interesting and disturbing. Interesting because so much advice was given for a high needs child that I wish I had known about back when my kids were really small, and disturbing because there were some on here that I thought were trying to pick you apart for feeling what is only normal to feel, well after you had totally explained yourself.

I have only told one other mama many years ago that "I don't think I love my child anymore". Honey, your feelings were neither right nor wrong. They just were what they were. Acting out (how you choose to behave) on your feelings is what makes them right or wrong. Expressing them does not. MDC should be a place where you can get support and help for how you are feeling. Not told how wrong it is that you feel this way.

I have been where you are!! I have felt what you have felt. Holding what you feel inside and not sharing it with someone who may be able to offer help and support would be wrong. I commend you for stating your feelings in the Title of your OP. Just because you titled it that way does not mean that you feel this way all of the time.

Stating how you truly feel instead of hiding it makes way for the process of healing and dealing with real issues!!
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