Stop me from doing something INSANE!

[rainy32]

Hi mamas!

I usually travel in January to a tournament that my students compete in. I told my boss that I won't be able to travel this year, as I'll be about 5-6 weeks post-partum. He's totally fine with that.

BUT he's suggested/forced a replacement coach that I really have problems with and I really don't want him to go. Reasons I don't want him to go: he wants my job, thats one issue -- he won't get it, but he wants it; he wants to be hired here permanently, and this will make him feel more comfortable with that idea (and I don't think we should hire him permanently); he needs an incredible amount of hand-holding and his going is likely to make a TON of work for me in the preliminary stages (Nov. and December) prepping him for the trip that I could do in my sleep; and pride, which is a stupid stupid reason (you know, "I just had a baby but I can do ANYTHING").

So, I've agreed to let this guy go in my place, but my boss hasn't asked him yet. Until he is asked, and accepts, will you guys remind me of all the reasons that I WILL NOT want to travel with a 5 week old to a student tournament that is unimportant in the grand scheme of things??? Otherwise, I'm afraid I"ll march down to my boss and say, "Don't send Mr. X. I'll go!"

I thank you for stopping me, and so does my dh, who can't believe I'm even considering it ......

-rainy

[green betty]

I'll let other mamas focus on what would be bad about YOU going on the trip (short answer: not in your baby's best interest, nor would you be able to focus properly on giving the students what they needed).

Instead, I'm interested in talking about your replacement. I see two worthy options: 1) rescinding your agreement to have him sent in your place, since he hasn't been asked yet and it isn't reasonable/fair to ask you to hold his hand--ask your boss to use someone more competent instead as so not to create undue extra work for you; or 2) DON'T hold his hand, since you have better things to do, and let him go ahead and muck it up. Let the terms of him doing the trip be that he has to do all the work himself and own the product. Then his work will reflect on him as it should and you come out smelling like an indispensible rose.

Just some thoughts off the top of my head. Keep us updated!

[Jessviola]

Good suggestions Elisabeth! I say let the guy muck it up

I'll add that it's not such a great idea to have your baby exposed to that many school children in the middle of winter when there are so many things going around. Plus if you go later than you expect the baby could be just a few weeks old.

[Kundalini-Mama]

Originally Posted by Jessviola

Good suggestions Elisabeth! I say let the guy muck it up

I'll add that it's not such a great idea to have your baby exposed to that many school children in the middle of winter when there are so many things going around. Plus if you go later than you expect the baby could be just a few weeks old.

I just keep thinking of the plane---RSV, influenza---yuck.

[rainy32]

Thanks for the talk-down, mamas!

I had already tried to do UUElisabeth's first suggestion -- my dept. chair and I have been talking about this decision since May! I've given him 3 alternative names/suggestions of people I would rather go. Yesterday was when he finally vetoed the third one (for reasonable, but not impossible, reasons).

So, now I am doing #2. letting him go, and if he fails, he fails. Thats actually what my dept. chair is advocating -- we won't know if we can hire this person full time (he's been part-time for several years) unless we know if he can do this on his own, without bothering me. I am sure he can do it; I dont' think he WILL do it without bothering me, though! My main goal is to make sure the students aren't short changed -- so I will help him as I am able. My dept. chair sees this as a "test" for Mr. X. ... I don't know. But I increasingly don't care! My baby is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT.

[Jessviola]

Originally Posted by rainy32

But I increasingly don't care! My baby is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT.

of course!

[mamamoo]

Aww...mama. The struggles of a working mama. When my ds2 was born I felt so obligated to go back to work(even though I was extremely part-time) that I went back at 2 weeks PP and went on a retreat at 4 weeks PP!!! I got to take the baby, but it was horrible. I was a mess, tired, weepy, and kind of actually freaked out on people. LOL Lack of sleep will do that to a person. LOL I regret going back so early, and don't think it was a coincidence that I started having extreme PPD at about 2 weeks PP. That being said it was even harder for me to sit at home knowing no one was doing my job, it was just piling up, and my boss was not very understanding...I mean she was working in the fields(lived on a farm) just a few days PP with her dd strapped to her back.
I say no matter what it takes just stay home and relish in your baby...the time goes by so fast!!!
Hugs, Debi

[rainy32]

an update ....

well -- the chair of my dept. asked Mr. X. to go to Texas for me -- two weeks ago, and X hasn't decided yet!! : I totally understand why he doesn't want to go -- he's got a one year old, he wouldn't get paid extra for it, its not his job .... but also, if he doesn't go, he's shooting himself in the foot for upcoming permanent positions.

so, my chair might have egg on his face, and might have to agree with me to send the person I wanted to send all along, who he said was "inappropriate." because I am NOT going.

just me, rainy, avoiding thinking about ohio.

[Eruditia]

That sounds like a good solution--just make sure you stick to you decision. Don't under any circumstances let your chair talk you into going. You might get your midwife or obgyn to write a letter (a la Dr. Sears) saying for the health of the baby it is inadvisable for you to travel that soon after delivery. Even if you don't use it on your chair, maybe you could use it on yourself during the moments when you have pangs of guilt.

Remember too that less than perfect or even bad situations can be good learning experiences. I get the sense you want only the best for "your" students, but they really are (at least close to being) adults who can (and must) go through things without your careful coaching at some point.

I'm feeling a little in the same boat with a language class I'm teaching right now. The students and I have really clicked, they're working really hard, and they seem to be really enthusiastic about having me as their teacher. The person who'll take over for me during winter quarter isn't bad, but ain't all that great either. I'm concern that they'll lose a lot of ground by the time I pick up the class again in the spring... but oh well, I know all of that will totally fade once the baby arrives!!

Yeah. Ohio. Not good. Better go obsess some more about the article I'm trying to finish and the conference paper I have to give on Saturday...