agressive friend

[sleepies]

Hello:

We recently made friends with some new people that just moved here from out of state.

I really like the family, but we have a problem, and I hope it is one that can be resolved, I am unsure.

Our kids are both 3 years old. Her child is agressive when he plays. He does not seem to be "mean" as he is smiling and having fun, but he always pushes, shoves, and hits my son. Today, in fact, he caused my son to bleed...and hurt him a total of 3 times (in an hour). :

OK, here is the thing. She spanks him, which I think is making this worse (as I believe it is teaching her son that hitting is ok) Today she spanked him for hurting my son, but I think that was the opposite of what was needed.

I am glad she is TRYING, but I think time out and a nice conversation would be a lot more affective. I also do not want my son to be hurt. I'd like for us to stay friends and for me to be able to convince her to try "GENTLE" parenting.........


WHAT do I do? Any books that you recommend? Maybe I could get her to read a book. "Look I have been reading this great book about disipline for toddlers/preschoolers and I think it has great ideas"??

They are going to start a playgroup soon, and I am hoping that being around kids will help her son.........I am unsure.

Anyone know what would help?

Should I just tell her that if they can't play without tears, then they just can't play? --?

I thought you guys would understand, So I wanted some support I guess.

[stafl]

Ask your son how he feels about it. Let him know that if he doesn't want to play with the agressive boy, he doesn't have to. I agree with you about the spanking, it's like telling the kid that hitting is an appropriate reaction to feeling angry. Not something I want my kids to learn!

anyway, I don't have any suggestions about what to say to the mother, though. I would use this experience to talk to my child about hitting (including spanking) and why it isn't ok. Maybe you can start a conversation with the mother about discipline, like how her parents disciplined her, how did she feel about it, and try to get her to see things from a child's point of view. Maybe you could post over in the Gentle Discipline forum for ideas?

[sleepies]

thanks.
good idea about getting the conversation going!

i just now found the gentle discipline section, and that IS what i need to read.

i just never had seen it before, because i have not had much issue with discipline (mispelled)) i have no time to see if i mispelled it!

thanks