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Observations of 3 ~ Support group for parents of Three Year Olds!

post #1 of 127
10/20/04 at 7:04pm
Thread Starter 
I've noticed lots of parents struggling with their 3 year old children. Should we form a support group? LOL!

Something that has helped me is to take a week or two and really observe the situation.

Should we do a thread on observations or just break right into emotional support for the parents?
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post #2 of 127
10/20/04 at 7:05pm
Thread Starter 
Here are some links to just some of the recent threads about three:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=207745

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=207344

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=202609

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=207295

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=205751
post #3 of 127
10/20/04 at 7:06pm
Thread Starter 
I'll start with an observation.

DC and I are very attached. I remember being pregnant and worrying that I wouldn't get enough time alone because I would have to care for a baby all day. But I never needed to be alone or I was alone because DC and I were one. This continued well through two until now.

It seems like over night that DC became a totally separate person and it’s a ride for both of us.
post #4 of 127
10/20/04 at 8:23pm
:
DD will be three in January, thought I'd get a head start
If it's anything like 2 1/2 ..............
post #5 of 127
10/20/04 at 8:23pm
Hey mama!
I have twins who are going to be 4 in count htem...........2 days!!!!!!

I have plenty to discuss, and will once I get my butt back here. I must make dinner......
post #6 of 127
10/20/04 at 9:01pm
My DD turned three a month and a half ago, and in that time, I swear, her imagination has exploded. She tells me lots of stories now, about mermaids and monsters and how our cat (our big inhouse monster deterrent) likes to sleep on her bed to keep the monsters out, and how the mermaids swim all together in the bathtub with her at night. It's really cool and it makes me so happy to have her tell me the bed time stories now. She's also almost potty trained (late? maybe not...) and she is just an amazing person over all. We have had a slight increase in temper tantrums and when we tell her "the answer is no, you cannot do (fill in the blank)." She will reply "the answer is NOT no, it is YES!" That's a tough one to counter. The independence is really great.
post #7 of 127
10/20/04 at 9:20pm
my daughter is 3 and she is a perfect angel. i never have any trouble with her, she is so willing to do whatever i want her to do.
































































NOT!!!!



Somedays I think I got it all figured out, then she totally throws one at me. I have to think of all these hellishly creative ways to do what we NEED to do, & forget all the other stuff like trying to shop. you'll see me at the grocery store at 11pm, without kids I can't take it. by the time we get through one aisle, she & her 7yo brother are either running, hysterical, and usually crying...so emotional.

i love her, she's so my heart. but. lord, sign me up for this thread.
post #8 of 127
10/20/04 at 9:29pm
Hi!
Jenny is three and the most stubborn little person you'd ever want to meet. It doesn't matter what I want her to do, she will refuse to do it. And the more I try to get her to do anything, the more she will fight me about it! Just when I think I can't stand being her mother anymore, she goes and does something like make up a song about her baby sister to the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel" and has me rolling with laughter
post #9 of 127
10/20/04 at 11:31pm
Oh yes, isn't three just the most magical age of all! DD is 3 1/2. My 6 yo has always been a severly "high needs" child and I honestly don't know how we survived him being three. It was really, really bad. So when I try to compare dd's 3 to that, it doesn't seem as bad at all (although we're not supposed to be comparing siblings even in our heads are we? ). She's always been spirited but, while I've become very frustrated with her before, I'd never been at my wit's end with her before she turned three. I try to remind myself that this really is as hard as it gets (3). That helps. I guess it's like crowning. The labor is all intense and challenging but once you get past crowning the worst is over.

Sorry to sound so negative. I'm not having the easiest time with my 3 yo & 6 yo lately. : I'm here for support though. Whatever this thread can give me I'll take it. And on a better day, hopefully I'll have something to give too.
post #10 of 127
10/20/04 at 11:37pm
3 is soooooooooooo hard! I swear, on her 3rd birthday she forgot how to say, "Yes." If I'm lucky, she nods. But she is so full of life--sometimes I think she'll go straight from 3 to 15.
post #11 of 127
10/21/04 at 12:21am
3 would be a bit easier if there wasn't a newborn in the family as well. I'm finding myself WORN OUT by day's end, and to make matters worse, my 3 year-old runs circles around me from sun up to sun down, with NO naps in between and a thousand questions instead. Gotta love him, though. Dearly, in fact (man, he's bright), but I just need to learn to cope.

And it's been difficult to really chill with the new baby. I should schedule some more one-on-one...I miss those first couple of days with him, by ourselves without much interruption, in the hospital! So intimate, quiet, no kid jumping on the bed beside me.
post #12 of 127
10/21/04 at 12:31am
Oh...can I join in too! My ds turned 3 in July and well...life has become even more interesting. Ds1 is doing well lately, but still not potty trained (I am trying to be laid back about that though). He really is a sweetheart, but is so intense. For example just now he asked me if he could take a pic of his daddy and I said "not right now" and he hit me saying "WHY!". Ugh, sometimes I feel like I just let things happen b/c I am at such a loss as to how to handle some of his challenging behaviors.
post #13 of 127
10/21/04 at 5:04am
Three is turning out to be a really umm...Unique age for us. Support group may definately be in order.

It may be an odd support group though with topics like:

How to duck, dodge and dive under furniture when your 3 year old has a fit and of course still be emotionally there for her.

How to remain supportive of your 3 year old's imagination when your walls are "painted" with olive oil.

How to help your 3 year old learn how to use GD with her parents.

How to grab a coffee while your 3 year old aka Dinosaur Girl growls/lunges at the coffeeshop patrons and of course eats using her giant jaws without using her claws.

I could go on but this is where I am at today.
post #14 of 127
10/21/04 at 5:14am
Huh. I'm digging three. Maybe her change is yet to come, but she's been pretty steady personality wise. The only thing that's happened lately that makes me want to run screaming through the streets is the dreaded: WHY? repeated ad nauseum.
Her imagination has been vivid for a while now. She tells the wildest stories. Just last week she was "using" the cell phone and was jibber jabbering in some alien tongue and I asked what language she was speaking. She looked at me like I was a dumbass and replied "I'm talkin' to a hippopotamus." Then she turned her back to me and resumed the conversation.
She told DH the other night that "A responsible parent wouldn't do that." We both just died laughing. She's a hoot. I'm making a point of using bigger words with her to see if and when she integrates them into her vocabulary. The other day she said "this crocodile is very insistent about going with us." I love it. I think Three is cool.
post #15 of 127
10/21/04 at 11:04am
Sign me up! Three is cool and there are moments when it's wonderful but I am finding it waaay harder than the so-called terrible twos!
post #16 of 127
10/21/04 at 11:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by lula
Three is turning out to be a really umm...Unique age for us. Support group may definately be in order.

It may be an odd support group though with topics like:

How to duck, dodge and dive under furniture when your 3 year old has a fit and of course still be emotionally there for her.

How to remain supportive of your 3 year old's imagination when your walls are "painted" with olive oil.

How to help your 3 year old learn how to use GD with her parents.

How to grab a coffee while your 3 year old aka Dinosaur Girl growls/lunges at the coffeeshop patrons and of course eats using her giant jaws without using her claws.

I could go on but this is where I am at today.
Does your dd know my ds?
post #17 of 127
10/21/04 at 12:10pm
Thread Starter 
Wow! What a great thread. I love to hear everyone's experiences both good and...I'm a fan of frank conversations about our kids and our experiences with them. It's like therapy!

I'll start with the good: stories/imagination: Have you all had some success with harnessing this? DC tells stories as well but I get the feeing that maybe I could be doing more with this for her. Suggestions?

What I want to know is why is three so hard for some of our kids and why didn't I hear about this? I've heard of the 'terrible twos' but never the 'tumultuous threes'. It kinda bugs me because I would feel some comfort knowing that this is just the stereotypically difficult age. Plus, I feel like I'd get a bigger break from the community (and my family who I'm visiting next month), yk?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mountain
you'll see me at the grocery store at 11pm, without kids
I can relate 100%!!

I wish you could all see my face when I DC does some kind of crazy freak out thing. It's probably similar to when a bird poops on my head...like "OMG, what?!?"

I’m struggling with negations. DC loves to make 'deals' and is perfectly reasonable when we're coming up with the compromise but not long after. I've learned my lesson, kinda...

I'll end on a good note, DC is really becoming social with young people. Playdates are actually helpful because her friends seem to actually like making and eating pretend cookies. I seriously beg to borrow other children.
post #18 of 127
10/21/04 at 12:14pm
Thread Starter 
Charmarty ~ congrats on getting through, btw!

I like your sig...time isn't working for me either ~ let me know if it's something about three?
post #19 of 127
10/21/04 at 4:54pm
My son turned three in August and starting at about 2 3/4 you could really see a change in behavior. He became more empathetic, more emotional and more aware of his emotions, more creative and more imaginative. All of these things have meant more of challenge in everyday parenting. . Oh, and he started preschool in September.

I love that we can really do things together now. He loves to help cook and clean. He likes to empty the small trash can or throw the laundry in machine. I like that he can sings songs with me since he knows the words. I like that he has favorite books that he memorized. I love his spontaneous "I love you!" and his "I'm sorry Mama". I love that I can call home and we can really talk on the phone. All in all 3 is a wonderment

Though there are plenty of hard days too!! Some days are beyonf hard. Hitting, pinching, spitting, screaming, throwing. The WORKS! The thing that gets me through most of them is to pick my struggles/battles. Before I react I ask myself what’s the worst that can happen? Unless the answer is DANGER/DEATH/DISMEMBERMANT ( ) of any person or other living thing I choose not make a huge deal about whatever the action. So water gets on the floor, he misses a meal; he wears the same thing for day in a row. In the grand scheme of things is that big of deal? If the answer is no I let it go. I find that when the power struggles stop so does the undesirable actions. Maybe not right away but they do. Of course we do still have rules but they are about important things (to our family) and I try not to make them too arbitrary.

I also try to have as much of a “yes” environment as possible. If you can cut back on the “No’s” it’s much easier to relax. So we have a big plastic mat by the sink and the tub so water play is easier to clean up. We have big baskets in playroom so clean up is easy. We have gates up so off limit areas stay off limits. The Tupperware, pots/pans etc are in the low cupboards and the knives and glass stuff are up high. There is little to no danger that my son can get into in the kitchen, family, breakfast and mudroom so we both can enjoy ourselves without the constant: NO! Not that! Don’t touch! Leave it alone!

I find when I get mad at an action I am often really just mad at myself. "Why did I leave that glass where he could knock it over?" :

Boy I have been rambling! Sorry to have go on and on!
post #20 of 127
10/21/04 at 5:10pm
Oh sign me up for this group! I feel more challenged now than I ever have. When I tell him "no" my son's favorite come back is "well, I said yes!"

I bought the book "Playful Parenting" at a recent LLL conference. So far I am loving it! I'm only on chapter 3 and I've tried a few of the suggestions. The past two days have gone a bit smoother. The hard part is remembering to "loosen up and play." By far the best parenting book I've read so far.
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