Observations of 3 ~ Support group for parents of Three Year Olds! - Page 5

[MomInFlux]

we made it through Halloween

Yesterday was a big day for us, and it went really well, when it could have gone really poorly. We attended a neighbor's halloween party (do you all actually hire entertainers for your children's parties? it was bizarre) for 3 hours and then went trick-or treating. By the time we went trick-or-treating, DS had had to eat: 1 doughnut and 1 heavily frosted cup cake . We live in a resort town (this was our first halloween here) and trick-or-treating consists of a mass of children and their parents going from store to store in the pedestrian-only outdoor "village". The weather was great and there was a HUGE turnout. It was a mad house. DS is pretty big for his age, but he was so dwarfed by the crowd and overwhelmed by the whole scene. Every 10 minutes or so, I would pull DS out of the crowd and check in with him. I think that made him feel pretty confident, because he was comfortable to say, when he had had as much as he could take, that it was time to go back to the car. What a kid! No meltdown, just an acknowledgement that it was really crowded and he was ready to go. DS fell asleep in the car on the way home, stayed asleep through supper. He ate pretty much no supper and went to sleep late (9:30-ish). Our night was rough though (for me) - at 2:57 he had to go potty; at 3:30 he was sad because he couldn't sleep; at 3:40 I was in the kitchen making honey-milk and warmed up whole-wheat pasta while DS played with his halloween toys; at 4:20 we were back in bed; at 4:47 DS had to go potty; at 5:05 DS was pretty much back to sleep. And then DD woke up to nurse at 5:20. URG. Still, all was accomplished with no tantrums or meltdowns or other forms of drive-the-parent-crazy behavior. And DS is WAY more interested in the halloween toys he received (especially a wiggly-rubber mouse) than any of the candy he got.

Have you guys read Playful Parenting? I'm working on it right now, and I'm already making some new connections. For instance, I'm looking at behavior that previously made me (or DH) crazy as being a way for DS to show us that he needs to connect ( or reconnect) with us. I think it's going to open my eyes to DS in new and really good ways.

[lllmomma]

About candy...I provide organic, no artificial sweetener alternatives, carob does better with dd than real chocolate, and letting her choose one treat out of a pile and then hiding the rest. It was tough the first few days, but after the sugar and artificial everything left her system, she is actually reasonable about it now! Also, if it's a treat day (like Halloween) where they aren't our usual treats, we hold off on any other sugar, even juice (I mix it with water, so that it's mostly water).

About naps, dd didn't nap without dh or myself holding her until about 2, but she had quit taking regular naps by 20 months! We find that having some quiet nursing time in the rocker at her old nap time (or other very quiet activity) really recharges us both. We both were much happier when I just accepted it as a developmental milestone and stopped trying to force it.

Good luck to everyone!

[Emmama]

I am so happy to come upon this thread!!!

Dd is 3.5-will be 4 in March, and *someone* please tell me that 4 is better :; is that too much wishful thinking? Anyway, it seems that as soon as she turned 3, she forgot how to say please, whines for *everything*, and thinks she can behave like her 20 mo brother .

I will read what has been posted thus far, and will await patiently for any wisdom for a mother of 3 yo!!

[its_our_family]

What about potty learning?? Did your dcs change once they were pt'ed?

[MomInFlux]

IOF - I think my DS's behavior did change once he potty-learned 2 months ago, but not necessarily for better or worse. It definitely heralded a new era of "no, I can do it". Actually, this behavior is an improvement, I think, because I was wondering if he would actually ever want to dress or undress himself . I'm seeing quite a lot more independence from DS, which maybe makes things more confused for us, because then DH and I expect it more, which we shouldn't, if YKWIM? Tonight DS would only eat his dinner sitting on my lap - which I think means he was looking for more cuddles and reconnection with me (see, I read a little bit of Playful Parenting and I'm dangerous :LOL ). I have to remember: he's just a little boy!

[its_our_family]

We had started pl-ing a few months ago and when he started to get the hang of it I noticed he bcame more independent. He would walk away from me when we were with friends. He was more likely to play with others without encoragement. He was jsut different.

I didn't know if had anbything to do with the pl-ing or what. He completely freaked out at pooping on the potty so now we're still in diapers and he refuese the idea of anything else. So, I guess I have to wait

[MomInFlux]

Why 3 is so cool!

I have to share, because we all know that amongst the angst of 3, there are some real gems...

A few minutes ago, DS shared his chapstick with me. Then he asked: "Mom, can I marry you with this?" Me: "Well, what does that mean?" "Marry means to take care of with love" Sniff, sniff...

IOF - DS didn't potty learn until he was a full 3.5 years old, and all the encouragement prior to that fell on deaf ears. However, once he made up his mind to be a "big guy", he was done.

[cariofthevalley]

For us, potty learning has led to earlier mornings. DS immediately started waking up at around 4-5 a.m. to go and can't fall asleep again afterward. Needless to say we're all pretty sleepy lately...

[shelley4]

so, how to not forcefully encourage potty learning?? i really don't want to push and make it a big fight, but i'm soooo ready for half of the diaper laundry to be gone!! do i just have to wait? or is there anything i can do?

[cariofthevalley]

For us it was a matter of time and DS's decision. Pushing leads to power struggles. I think it's best to offer opportunity, encourage, praise for trying, that kind of thing. We read stories about the potty; talked about it a lot; let DS watch us go; let him pick out underpants he could wear once he learned how to use the potty, etc.

The actual success comes only when the child decides it's time. After going through it twice I can tell you that just when it seems like it's never going to happen, they'll surprise you

[prmom]

Since some of you are on the topic of pl-ing. My son has been very aware and shown many ready signs (e.g. telling me when he went, going to the potty when he felt like it, etc). So I decided we would go "cold turkey" so to speak. We have had him in underwear since Monday. There have been 2-3 accidents a day, but lots of successes. Yesterday he even started to pee and then caught himself. I changed his underwear and without warning he was gone. I called for him (thinking he was hiding from me), well I hear him yell "Mom, I am in the bathroom using the potty". I thought he had done all his peeing in the underwear, but apparently not .

My 3 yr. old is so challenging and yet so irresistable at the same time. Sometimes he makes me so mad, and I explain to him why he is frustrating me. Sometimes he is tired/hungry and just keeps whining or grunting. BUT other times out of the blue he will just randomly say "I love you mom" . He tells me he loves me several times a day, even when I think he is not happy with me. It is so strange, but it is what keeps me going. I am however fearful of the day that he gets so angry at me that he yells "I don't like you mom" or worse "I hate you". He said it to his cousin once, but so far dh and I haven't heard it.

[bec]

Sandra - You bring up a very good point. Most of Katie's difficult behavior can be directly linked to a handfull of triggers: Hunger, exhaustion, has to go to the bathroom, not feeling well or boredom are tops on the list. The biggest one (and the hardest to do anything about) is being tired. She won't nap during the day anymore, and if she does, she's up till 10pm and is a wreck the next day. And she doesn't sleep well at night. She has a 7pm bedtime, and usually wakes up for the day around 7 the next morning. She is usually up several times at night, and comes into our bed a few hours after her bedtime. If we can manage those triggers (and I'm getting better at knowing which trigger is getting to her at that time), we usually do ok.

This is a question I've been meaning to ask, is anybody's 3 year old sleeping through the night? I mean, put them to bed (whenever) and not see them awake until the next morning?? I thought for sure she would be doing this by now.


Bec

[grumo]

We were introducing dd around dh's work and one women tells dd who is hanging all over dh, "you don't like your dad much, do ya?" dd answers, "yeah, but I don't like my Mom." Gee, thanks kid.

DH is a teacher and dd has had a hard time with hime going back to work 2 months ago. It really rubs me the wrong way when she says, "I miss Daddy," when I tell her she can't do something or when we disagree.

[Dodo]

Grumo, my 3 y.o. also asks for her dad whenever the slightest thing doesn't go her way. They are very attached, but in a questionable way. She treats him like a juice-pouring, blanket-getting, tv-turning-on slave.

Funny how similar my dd is (by the sounds of it) to the other girls described in this thread. Very reassuring!

Bec, my dd does sleep through the night and has for a long time. But I have heard that this can change at almost any age (e.g., a 4 y.o. can suddenly decide they can't sleep in their own bed). Also, we have a new baby. I'm sleeping with him and my dh, the aforementioned slave, is back to sleeping with dd, who had been on her own for a few months.

[bec]

Originally Posted by grumo

We were introducing dd around dh's work and one women tells dd who is hanging all over dh, "you don't like your dad much, do ya?" dd answers, "yeah, but I don't like my Mom." Gee, thanks kid.

I wonder if she didn't miss the sarcasm of your dh's coworker. I mean, the coworker was really commenting on how much your dd likes your dh, right? So, maybe your dd was trying to say, "Yes, I like my dad, but I also like my mom." Does that make any sense?

And we get the petitions for changes in venue around here too. But Katie does it pretty equally with both myself and dh. We're both really careful to back the other up on this.


Bec

[prmom]

Originally Posted by bec

This is a question I've been meaning to ask, is anybody's 3 year old sleeping through the night? I mean, put them to bed (whenever) and not see them awake until the next morning?? I thought for sure she would be doing this by now.Bec

We still cs with ds1. He doesn't sleep through the night. He often wakes up at least once to ask me to hug him. It wouldn't be so bad if ds2 wasn't waking up every other time to nurse

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Mine isn't but we're still co-sleeping. I do think I could have moved her into her own bed by now and that she would sleep through if that were to happen but it isnt' a big issue for me.

[jempd]

My ds is 3.5. Halloween was intense this year, wasn't it? He's very excited by it and drawn to but it's too much for him (and somethings are scary) at the same time. WHEW I'm glad it's over. He was afraid of, of all things, scarecrows. Not vampires, but scarecrows. So we had to cross the street whenever there was one in a store window or whatever. My take on 3 is that it sure is entertaining--the stories, the imagination!--but can be tough. I posted before about ds's refusal to remove his batman pjs: it seems that in the past conflicts could be resolved by distraction, coercion, other means, but now, when we come to an impasse, boy, there's no getting over it and I find that frustrating. I'm doing my best to learn how to just accept. He's in a nursery school with 3s and 4s, so it's interesting to see what they're all up to: much socializing. THe concept of being 'friends' is big. Ds is constantly 'pretending', singing/talking to himself, telling us these wild things that usually involve 'bad guys' and 'good guys', robots, etc. Also very bossy i.e. You are a robot Mommy, and then tossing a fit when I don't go along according to his strict instructions. I'm sure you are all, as parents of 3 year olds, familiar with the type of things I'm talking about and don't need the actual repeats, but some of the wackadoodle things that come out of his mouth--like a dadaist poet or something.

[prmom]

Ok...so I am going to go off on a little tangent here. My ds loves imaginary play. You all know what that is like and it sounds like many of your dc play imaginatively too. Well, There was another thread about this, my ds loves to pretend he is a girl. He takes a burp cloth and puts it on his head, he calls it "curly hair" and uses a headband that a cousin of mine left here a long time ago to keep the "hair" on. He gets into character big time. He does cute smiles and acts more "effeminate" (is that the right word?). He tells us to call him "Erica" or "Lola". He recently found some old lipstick of mine and puts it on thick and just smiles a lot.

SO...I am not at all concerned with this behavior and I don't personally feel like he is going to have gender confusion just b/c of this. My parents on the other hand make a BIG deal about it. They even say stuff in front of him and then he gets this look of shame. Call me crazy, but 1)I don't find this play harmful and 2)I want him to be able to openely express himself in front of us and not feel like he needs to hide things in shame. My ds is not a typical, as they say "boys boy". He is sorta artsy and not interest in sports much. He has a lot of imaginary conversations with his animals and can play for quite a bit of time on his own like this. He loves to play that he is going shopping and carries a purse around and everything. What would you do to make gparents aware of how they could be impacting my ds? AND...can anyone validate my feelings that this play is OK?

[cariofthevalley]

It's SO TOTALLY OK! My 3 1/2 y.o. ds loves his baby doll.

So I don't know how old you are, but back in the early 70's there was an (gasp) album called Free to Be You and Me with Marlo Thomas and some other folks. It's out on CD now and my kids love it now as much as I did then.

The reason I bring it up is because there's a song called "William Wants a Doll" that is perfect for this (except I will warn Mamas that William does not breastfeed!) situation.

Obviously the song wouldn't exist if there weren't a population of boys with parents or grandparents squeamish about a boy playing with a doll.

In this song, William's parents and brother try to force him to play baseball, etc. and his "friends" tease him for wanting a doll. When his grandma comes to visit, and asks what he'd like to do, he tells her he wants a doll. She tells him it's a great idea and gets him one - and tells his parents that William wants a doll because one day he'll be be a father and he'll know how to help take care of his baby "as every good father should learn to do."

Whether or not you listen to it, I think this "argument" might be worth trying with them to help them understand that it's healthy pretend play for a little boy.

HTH!