does anyone's 3yr old make them really ANGRY

[smilnmom]

My 3yr old is really really awesome. there are days when I love spending time with him and then there are days when I cannot stand him! I know that sounds awful but he really makes me nuts! I have read so many books but just have not hit that one thing that helps me difuse myself or him when things get to spiraling and I find that I am yelling and did not want to. I have found lots of books with sympathy but no great suggestions. Anyone have any thing that they really think works???

[stafl]

cutting back on sugary snacks really helped both DD and myself.

I also have to remind myself that I often react in anger to things that shouldn't really be an issue, just because my parents would have or did react that same way when I did those things as a child.
for example:
Does it really matter if my child breaks that toy? It's her toy, after all. Why am I so angry about it? Well, because my Dad would have spanked me but good for doing the same thing. But I'm not my Dad, and I don't hit my children.
Once I realize the cycle of anger that I'm in, it's easier to break out of it.

[bec]

Also, make sure your child has lots of sleep. I have found that the worst behavior happens after a bad night's rest.

Bec

[oceanbaby]

nak

when ds totally ignores me, i rage inside. its all i can do from grabbing him and screaming. sometimes i yell, and always regret it. but i can totally relate to what you are saying.

[PumpkinSeeds]

Your child does not make you angry.

You choose anger to any given situation.

Have you ever noticed that some people just don't care about certain things that would make other people so mad?

Chew on that one....


I do have a 3yo by the way (that's how I know)

[stafl]

Originally Posted by PumpkinSeeds

Your child does not make you angry.

You choose anger to any given situation.

Have you ever noticed that some people just don't care about certain things that would make other people so mad?

Chew on that one....


I do have a 3yo by the way (that's how I know)

are you saying you never get angry with your three year old? Wow! I sure do get angry with mine, and just about any other three year old I've ever spent much time with.

Just last night, butting heads with my DD, I said "who makes the rules?" and she replied, "I do. And that means you can't win" I told her that it wasn't about winning or losing, that it was about respecting me and not doing things that drive me nuts. (that particular time, she had been banging on the table over and over and over and over again and hollering at the top of her lungs while I was fixing dinner and trying to talk with DH who had just gotten home.)
She is learning about how to interact with her environment and people around her, but seems to be a little slow on the understanding how to respect other people. And she is the most stubborn little person I've ever met! We have days where she will throw fits no matter what I do to prevent them from happening. She'll yell and scream at me for stirring her oatmeal wrong or giving her the wrong spoon. She'll get really really angry if I do something without her help. Heaven forbid I should pick that dirty sock off the living room floor - "I wanted to do that! WAAAAAHHHH"

Yeah, it makes me very angry sometimes. And sometimes I feel like maybe I've done something wrong or she wouldn't be the way she is, like her actions are a reflection of my failings as a parent, like maybe I've spoiled her. And that's when all the doubts start niggling in the back of my head that maybe those people are right. You know, those people who tell me how horrible it is to attachment parent my children. And doubting myself and my parenting ability makes me angry, too. Not at my kid, but at myself. But anger is anger and when I'm angry my first impulse is to lash out. I have to fight that impulse, but it isn't always easy.

[PumpkinSeeds]

Originally Posted by stafl

are you saying you never get angry with your three year old?

I never said that. I just meant everyone has their own buttons. Did you ever stop to wonder why your buttons are what they are? (Don't read snotty tone into that, it's a genuine question)

Originally Posted by stafl

I said "who makes the rules?" it was about respecting me and not doing things that drive me nuts.

I think this could be the heart of what drives a lot of people's anger. They feel out of control. You're not doing what I want you to do therefore I'm angry. You're not acting the way I want you to act therefore I'm angry.

[smilnmom]

thanks for the thoughts everyone...
Ha Stacey your house sounds ALOT like mine..... I do love this age. I love that they can understand more and imagine more and create more. BUt along with that goes alot of the other things that yes drive me crazy. My DS loves to tell me "mama, I make the rules.. everyone makes their own rules." You make yours and I make mine. So I dont' have to listen to yours. AND yes it makes us feel out of control and yes that is very frustrating. I think that is SOOOO normal. I go through the downward spiral too.. am I a bad parent, is AP backfiring on me, am I just not firm enough, does he not have enough consequences, do they not fit his actions, on and on...
In short, yes I think if everyone is HONEST they would admit they get angry with their children. I am just trying to find positive thoughts or direction so that when I feel that way I can pull myself back to the place where I can tune it out and not explode...
Sugary snacks is a good start,, I do notice a difference with that.. for both of us. DS and myself. Although we don't do much sugar, it sure makes a difference when we do.
I try to read as much as I can but I can't seem to remember all those tips when I am at the boiling point!
I try not saying anything and ignoring it, but it is soooooo hard. My DS will scream at me,,"mama, I am talking to you!!" We have been working alot on the respecting words too. That goes for anger as well as when he just wants something... from "mama I want it I want it" to try asking nicely... I think it is so tough to be the emotional coach and be successful all the time..

I was just asking for some things that worked..

But Pumpkin Seeds, I did think you answer sounded kind of down the nose at me.. But I try not to take offense to that... it is hard to get your meaning out in a small email..

[be11ydancer]

You know, I saw something on PBS one night. It was a documentary about the developing brain and was really fascinating. The amount of brain growth that occurs from 0-4 years is the same amount of growth that occurs from 12-18 years. That's why those age groups are the most volatile and moody.

The reason I mention this is my 3 year old (almost 4) seems to have times where her brain is processing more and expanding so quick that it just completely throws her off. For example, she'll go an entire week having a huge appetite, nightwakings, crying at the drop of a hat, moody, spastic, etc. And then suddenly, she'll wake up one morning a completely changed kid and way smarter with certain things. We just call them brain growths and let them run their course. After her last brain growth finished, she was suddenly drawing faces, pouring her own juice, and had a sudden interest in musical instruments. We also always notice an improvement in her speech and vocabulary.

So perhaps this is why you think your kid is awesome but sometimes, they seem to not be themselves. Just blame it on a brain growth. Of course sleep and proper diet always help. I hope I was able to shed some light on this for you!

[Liz]

Okay I have two tips for you:

1. Don't get mad. My DS goes through stages where he is experimenting with a certain behaviour and how it affects me. It started way back at 18 months with screaming and I figured out then that if I don't get mad he doesn't get what he wants so it makes me feel like I've got the upper hand. I get mad in those situations because I feel out of control. Well, control your anger and your back in control. It takes a lot of energy but I feel really good about myself when I can pull it off and after a few days of not reacting to these behaviours he stops doing it. Now that he is bigger (4) I sometimes have to back up my non-reaction with some force (getting dressed, getting into the bath tub) but if I do it firmly and gently and without anger then he eventually stops fighting it. These situations are a power struggle and if you get mad they have the power. If you don't get mad you are Super Mom, now with Super Patient Power!
2. Apologise for losing your temper, explain why you lost your temper and talk about how you would like to react next time. It calms me right down when I have to explain to a child ( I think I'm talking to my "inner child" at the same time) how and why I'm feeling the way I am. And I know he really appreciates it when I admit I've done something wrong. "That's right, Mummy, you shouldn't yell."

[ChiroWife]

I find myself more easily angered/annoyed when I am tired and have had a long day.

Tonight I was trying to get the groceries put away and DD started in with her "mama, Mama, MAMA!" She says it fast and it just gets louder. I am usually fine at responding to her, but tonight it just hit a nerve. I didn't yell, I said "ARGH!".

Fortunately DH stepped in and took over. I hope the "MAMA" thing is a phase.