anyone plan homebirth and feel sad about change of plans?

[bellflower]

My baby will be 5 mos. tomorrow and I still sometimes get sad that she wasn't born at home. I planned a homebirth but my water leaked (just a bit), we didn't find out till 48hrs later and they induced me in hospital b/c of risk of infection. In hindsight we all knew it wasn't necessary, everything was fine, turns out it was a small leak that must have just sealed itself back over, but we were all trying to do what we thought was safest, so why do i feel so sad about it still?

My first daughter was born at home and it was such a sacred beautiful quiet intimate perfect event. Well the birth of my 5 mo old was also sacred and beautiful of course but SO different, so medical. bright lights, chatty nurses i didn't know, foley ball, pitocin water breaking, fetal monitor, hooked up to iv almost the whole time...i still am so thankful to the midwife for letting me get off the pitocin and letting my body take over. and i'm so happy she was okay and that she's here. but i feel sad about the fact i lost the homebirth experience b/c i know how sweet homebirth is and i feel sad for her too just b/c there's that whole belief about what a perfect way to welcome a baby into the world. sometimes i think well that's just silly. it's not like it will affect the rest of her life or anything. then on the expert panel on this website michael odent talked about how sad and risky it is for babies to be induced, that he believes it can affect them later,etc. and ugh...the guilt just continues.

i know she's happy and healthy. i guess it still feels like a mild loss. anybody else feel sad about change of birth plans?

[Satori]

Big time! Its taken me 4 years to get over the horror/grief of dd's hospital birth that was supposed to be a hb. Couldn't get a hold of the mw or ob so checked with the back up ob as my mom was seeing her that day for a check up and she sent me upstairs to get checked out because I was so swollen and my bp was sky high. Within 5 minutes of getting into triage they were freaking out and sticking me full of IV's. They didn't even tell me what was going on, only that I had to have this baby "NOW". 3 days later she was finally born. This next one might end up uc if I dont get pre-e/hellp again. I had planned a hb all along and in 5 minutes time it all changed, very traumatic.

[owensmom]

Yep, still stings. Ds is almost 3. If people ask where he was born, it takes me a minute to remember, oh yeah, not at home, at such and such hospital. ~sigh~

[bionicsquirrel]

My ds is 22 months and I go through the emotions of loss and grief and anger and helplessness about not having a homebirth on a weekly basis. It no longer consumes my thoughts like it did for about the first year, but it is still very present.

Recently I was visiting my old town and ran smack into one of the midwives that were at the hospital induction. I realized how much pain I still felt over this "loss" and how much anger I had towards her. I wanted so much to just hug her and tell her all about my life and ds, but instead I lied about being okay and then lied again when I said I would call her during the trip. I still haven't gotten my pregnancy/birth records from my midwife (the other one) because I cannot bare to even talk to her on the phone. What would I say? "Hi, thanks for not having the b*lls to stand up to the establishment and attend my homebirth when your consulting doc presumed ds was 3 weeks late. Really he was on 39 1/2 weeks, but who's counting? Can I have my records now?"

Can you say bitter?



PS...Hi OwensMom, good to see a post by you.