I happened across this thread yesterday and waited to post anything until I found out what came of your meeting with the co-op pres. I strongly endorse the general feeling among most posters that you need to heed your intuition and get away from this man one way or another. I have a couple of specific thoughts:
My primary concern about staying in this house any longer than absolutely necessary is not that your vigilance will lapse and she will be in direct danger. I don't think you would let that happen, especially after reading all of the warnings from the great women on this board. Rather, I would be very concerned that every day you stay, M increases his fixation and obsession with your dd. If he *is* someone who could abduct or otherwise harm your dd, then there will probably be a point of no return for him. Before that point, he will be very unhappy about being separated from your dd. He may rave and even stalk a bit, but will eventually give up and get fixated on something else. After that point is reached, however, he will have convinced himself that he *needs* your dd and she needs him. He may become willing to do terrible things to ensure that outcome. (I'm not saying this is what *will* happen, only that it's a possible worst case scenario. Still, I think you should plan as if the worst case *is* possible.) If it were my dd, I'd be concerned that I get her out of his sight and stop feeding his obsession before he reaches that tipping point -- long before, if possible. After all, you can't keep her in your sight forever, especially as she grows and becomes more independent.
I applaud that you are looking into alternative living situations. Given what I said above, I obviously think you should remove yourself to another location as soon as you can find a place -- I understand not wanting to go out into the street, but find somewhere to go *ASAP*, even if it's not ideal. You can always move again to someplace better when you have the safe space to do a thorough search. Perhaps you could continue to work with the co-op and attend meetings (without dd) during the time you are (hopefully) temporarily away -- have an understanding that you are leaving only for safety's sake and that you would return if and when the other residents agree to find a way to have M leave. I'm not sure that is a safe suggestion -- it might be better to just cut all ties there -- but it would certainly be safer than continuing to live there while all this is sorted out.
|We eat only organic food, have no toxic chemicals in the house, recycle like mad, have a compost pile, are politically active and active in the community as a whole, support organizations that are eco/human-rights/animal friendly, practice primarily holistic & homeopathic treatments, etc etc etc. If we do not live here, I will not be able to afford (time-wise and financially both) to continue many of these living philosophies.
I can totally understand why you love this community! However, a few months or even years spent living a more "conventional" lifestyle will not kill your dd nor scar her for life, while a few more weeks or months around M may do just that. I *know* you know this and care about your dd. I say it only to drive the point home and help remind you, in a "rational" way, of the choices involved here.
|I want to clarify that M doesn't creep me out for my own self, and didn't at all before he began to get so attached to DD.
Are you being completely honest with yourself? Here's what you said previously in response to someone who asked if he gave you the creeps when you first met him.
|I got kinda creeped out, but in general felt that he was harmless.
Don't ignore the "kinda" -- your instincts were telling you something before you even had reason to listen to them.
I'm so glad you are going to read DeBecker's book. Perhaps when you do you'll see why so many of us are so concerned for your dd.
|I do know that I need to give him the chance to respect the boundaries and limits I am comfortable.
I don't think you do need to give him a chance. He's already violating boundries. Just because you haven't articulated them in so many words doesn't matter. Surely you have been giving off "uncomfortable" vibes, no? "Giving him a chance" only gives him the chance to become more attached to your dd in an unhealthy and dangerous way.
I'm so sorry you are having to face this. It s***s that you may well have to leave a wonderful living situation due to someone else's sickness.
But life isn't fair all that often, and keeping our kiddos safe is a parent's #1 job.