More content and a few requests for input too!
b. Disruption of Breastfeeding
- how anti- NIP pressure can disrupt the breastfeeding relationship
Pressure not to nurse outside the home isn’t just about who might see what, it has implications for the health of both mother and child. It also creates artificial limits on what should and can be a simple, convenient process that affords a new mom the freedom she needs to maintain important social ties.
Some moms who are reluctant to nurse in public may try to make it back home before baby needs to nurse. Breastfeeding experts as well as major health organizations recommend feeding infants on cue, in order to support healthy milk supply and assure the baby gets the nutrition they need. Trying to schedule nursing around errands or social events disrupts a mom’s ability to nurse on cue. Scheduled nursing is associated with loss of milk supply and eventual failure of the nursing relationship. In addition to putting milk supply at risk, scheduling nursing sessions to avoid public breastfeeding also strictly limits a mothers opportunity to socialize or even complete simple errands.
Other moms turn to formula to feed their baby while out. While this may seem like a simple and easy solution, it too has drawbacks most people are unaware of that can disrupt the breastfeeding relationship. It can reduce the mother’s milk supply and lead to intestinal troubles and allergy problems for the baby. In addition, a woman may experience painful engorgement if she gives a bottle instead of nursing – her breasts will have filled in expectation of nursing, and this, when she skips a feeding, may cause her to become painfully overfull and may result in a clogged duct or worse, mastitis.
B. Disregarding the Disapproval
1.Why should we, isn’t it just easier to nurse privately?
a. it's healthier not to buy in to the hangups of onlookers
When we hide to nurse, we are implicitly agreeing that it is such a shameful act, we must not subject others to it. When we hide to nurse, we are isolating ourselves from the rest of the public and limiting our social interaction. When we hide to nurse, we are giving priority not to our new child and their needs, but to the illogical desire of others to make breastfeeding invisible.
We are taking the blame when they make themselves uncomfortable as a result of their inability tell the difference between maternal intimacy and sexual intimacy. Let’s stop doing that to ourselves and insist that those who don’t wish to see babies breastfeeding learn how to simply avert their eyes. We aren’t responsible for their discomfort and we need not allow responsibility for it to be placed on our shoulders.
b. it helps bring nursing back to being seen as normal
An act that is commonplace is not noteworthy. When moms nurse in public without hiding what they are doing, breastfeeding is presented as the everyday, normal parenting activity that it is. The more common it becomes to see a mother breastfeeding at the park, the grocery store, the mall or wherever they are, the less shocking it will become. Eventually, if mothers continue to behave in a confident and matter of fact way, nursing their babies while going about their everyday business, there will be no reaction to it.
Not only will nursing in public be accepted more readily if it is done more commonly, it will also help create a culture that sees nursing as the normal way to feed a baby. Upcoming generations, who observe us nursing now, will be parents one day. Their children will be much more likely to be breastfed if they have grown up seeing nursing being carried out as a normal part of life.
That is why it is important that mothers all over the world nurse their babies wherever they need to, whenever they need to. It is time to bring nursing back to normal, it is time to give each other the support and encouragement to weather any disapproval with grace and perseverance. Let the opposition squawk and chatter around us, if they must, we will quietly and confidently carry on. One day the squawk and chatter will begin to die down, and someday, it will disappear.
2. How can we disregard it, it’s humiliating and I’m shy!
We as nursing moms have been shaped by culture too, and sometimes it is difficult to think past the things we have been taught are truths – breasts are sexual, breasts are to remain private except when men choose to enjoy them in public on their terms. When we have grown up accepting these kinds of ideas, to suddenly be the owner of two breasts that are doing stuff that has nothing to do with sex or selling beer, can be a little disconcerting. It shifts around concepts in our mind that were previously given no thought at all. Especially when we are faced with a situation involving the possible exposure of what we might still feel is a sexual body part. In fact sometimes it’s not even exposure that can embarrass – for some it’s the idea that others will see you nursing and know the babe is suckling your nipple. That alone can be humiliating to some, after decades of believing in the breast as sexual.
When the idea of breasts as maternal finds its way into our mind, a conflict is set up. Are they sexual, or nurturing? Private, or as shocking as an elbow? For the first time you may entertain thoughts that disagree with and maybe even resent the cultural taboos surrounding breasts. You may decide that you personally disagree with cultural definitions of breasts as exclusively sexual. Some moms find that enough to go out and NIP without a second thought. But others feel discomfort from knowing that the public in general may be opposed to seeing breastfeeding. Just as it falls on any onlookers to take responsibility for dealing with the fact that they feel uncomfortable at seeing a nursing mom – so does it fall upon the nursing mom to take responsibility for dealing with the discomfort we feel at facing a disapproving culture.
So what can we do to deal with it?
a. Finding support to nurse outside the home
- connecting with other nursing moms
One way to fortify ourselves to push past our discomfort is to find other nursing moms to connect with. Just going to a breastfeeding support group once in a while, or communicating online with other nursing moms can be very uplifting and encouraging. Look thru your hospital paperwork or your phone book, and you will likely find a breastfeeding group nearby. Finding support to nurse outside your own four walls is very freeing, and each step you take with encouragement adds to your confidence.
- recruiting support from family - need to work on this section. Anyone have input on how they got their family to support them NIP?
b.Start slow to build confidence
- starting out easy
- practicing confidence to create confidence
You don’t have to start out nursing in a crowd to become an old hand at NIP. Start out slow, nurse in areas that are not in the middle of the action. For some moms this might mean getting more comfortable nursing even at home. When you first start out, practice in front of a mirror. Get feedback from friends or family, if you are concerned about what is showing. You’ll be surprised that onlookers see a lot less than you can. You will soon learn to control as much as nursing moms can, how discreet you wish to be.
I am a veteran NIPer, but I will tell you truthfully that I sometimes get a butterfly in the stomach when I need to nurse my son in an unfamiliar place or situation. You probably shouldn’t expect to just suddenly develop tons of confidence and never look back. There will always be a situation that challenges you. When I face a situation that is a little unnerving, I still NIP. But I fake being confident if I need to. You hear other moms say, hold your head high, you are doing the right thing. That’s true and good advice. So fake it. Put on your best Mona Lisa smile and gaze around like you own the place. Grace those who meet your eyes with a smile. Or lose yourself in your baby’s eyes, and pretend you are at home in your favorite nursing spot. Pretty soon you’ll get butterflies less and less often. And if they do come, you’ll know what to do.
c. The “Discretion Factor”
Often, even those that say they accept NIP will try to place conditions on it. “As long as it’s done discreetly, it’s fine”. I don’t think those people have ever experienced a wiggly toddler, or been tandeming, or any of the other zillion factors that might make a necessary nursing session less modest than those people would like. That kind of conditional acceptance discourages NIP by moms who are just learning, who have distractible or multiple babies, or who just cannot keep every scrap of skin covered at every moment. So I maintain that when it comes to the Discretion Factor there is no single right way to NIP. If you want to be discreet, be discreet. If you don’t care to or just can’t, then don’t.
Since NIP is first about our children, we give priority to their needs and nurse on cue wherever we are because it is best for them. We need not give any more thought to the needs of onlookers than we wish to. We are only responsible for meeting our child’s comfort needs, not those of everyone around us.
If you choose to be discreet, there are many easy ways to accomplish this. It seems as though it may trigger a neon sign saying “Look, A Boob!!” over your head when you begin to release your breast from your nursing bra, but actually, very few people will see anything but the back of your baby’s head when you nurse in public. (On the other hand, a whole lot of people definitely notice when you don’t nurse your hungry baby – and he is proving just how healthy his lungs are.) There are subtle ways to remain covered while nursing if you so desire.
(help me figure out if I can list ways to be discreet, without making it sound like I think you SHOULD be discreet...)
When a mom chooses to be discreet while nursing in public, I encourage her to avoid becoming invisible. Many times you hear moms say, “I don’t know what the big deal is about NIP, most people can’t even tell when I’m nursing my baby anyway.” That is very often true. And of course, the first reason we NIP is to take the very best care of our babies that we can. While you are NIP, don’t become invisible. I’m not encouraging moms to go vastly out of their way to make sure people notice them nursing. What I’m saying is, if at all possible, don’t use the bathroom, dressing room, nursing room or big giant nursing tent. Don’t disappear into the shadows or behind closed doors because of what the public might think. Why? Because the more moms are seen nursing babies in public, the less opposition there will be to it. When you go behind closed doors to nurse, you are reinforcing the notion that nursing is a private, taboo behavior. When you sit in public with a big nursing coverup on, you are implicitly forwarding the message, “I’m nursing and I agree that it shouldn’t be seen in public”. We believe the opposite is true – it should be seen in public. If we carry out our normal breastfeeding activities without hiding them, it is not only beneficial for our babies and ourselves, but will also help the upcoming generations realize the normal status of breastfeeding as just another parenting activity, as it once was and as it should be.
