~~*October mama's*~~ - Page 8

[Lucysmama]

Nancy -

I could relate to about 90% of what you posted. I had a really really hard time during my home labor, too. Going to the hospital, and even the cesarean was so much easier than the days I spent laboring at my house. And the toilet flashbacks! I took castor oil, and I spent an entire night and part of the next day shitting (sorry) my brains out on the toilet during painful contractions. It was torture! I still feel freaked out about going, and when I sit there, I think about the pain of being in labor with hours of diarrhea. I had these intenstinal cramps - man, they were beyond Pitocin. They were rough! So I had this vision of my homelabor and homebirth, and that was NOT it. I envisioned me and dd and dh and my mw all helping me get thru my labor, me laboring in the tub, them supporting me...the reality was days and days of on again, off again labor which would not stay in an active pattern, dosing me with cohoshes, with Benadryl, with the castor oil, everyone waiting on my body, my dd being outplaced for days....I am having a hard time processing the reality of my labor, too.

Coming home from the hospital was very hard because the birth tub was still here, and the birth kit and supplies, and everywhere I went, I could feel and see the days I had spent in labor in the apartment. In the shower, there was the water bottle I was drinking from while I spent hours on my hands and knees in there. There was the Hybicleanse on the counter that I had been doing because my membranes were ruptured for so many days. The vanilla milkshake in the freezer that I had been putting the castor oil in. Just stuff everywhere reminding me of the pain and difficult time I had here.

Sorry to digress, but I wanted to let you know that I get what you are saying. I thought my labor and birth were going to be so beautiful and natural and healing, and it was so different. Much love and peace to you.

[blessed2bamommie]

I had missed what happened with you, Katie. I can't remember the last check I did before *I* ended up at the hospital! I was hearing you mention bits and pieces and I thought you ended up transferring and having another c/s. *sigh*

Katie, Nancy course, Nancy thinking of my MIL I understand your emotions. And yeah, you *do* need some alone time. I don't know exactly your situation; but, I stagger visitors, cept I have them tomorrow and then mama is coming Thursday, but we have had back to back days here with noone, so I guess its even. After we got back from church, I noticed a note from MIL and her number in the caller id. Reminds me of last weekend when she called and got no answer and just came over.

I'm slowing down... I might get off the computer.

[Piglet68]

The posts by Letia and Katie to Nancy make me all weepy inside. What an amazing group of women we have here!!!

mellybean: of COURSE you are welcome here!!
I do have one suggestion - do they KNOW for a fact the amount of drug that gets into the breastmilk, and what the rate of exrection is? I'm thinking...not exactly. So, what I recommend is this: see if there is a lab in your area, or a local university, that would test it for you. You can take your meds, then pump a small sample of BM, label it with date/time after meds, etc....do this every half hour or so for 12 hours. Get the lab to measure the amount of drug in each sample. YOu will then know a) if the drug is excreted in the milk at all, b) how much, how big a dose, is in there and c) how long it ttakes to get down to a tolerable dose for your baby. It may cost you some money, but if it saves your breastfeeding, it's worth it.

And if it turns out you really can't BF b/c of the drug, don't feel a moment of guilt. Your health is important. Can you imagine your poor dD being motherless? when Ithink of how tragic that is it forces me to think about taking better care of myself. you do what you need to do, mama. willow needs you.

Turns out Sasha's "excema" was just cradle cap! Who knew it didn't have to be on his head? Doc said it's classic - he has it in the eyebrows, and the flaky skin is a very yellow colour. Classic symptoms. And down below was just a bad case of diaper rash that is already clearing up on its own.

Question for CDing mamas: what diaper rash cream do you use? Im thinking the usual drugstore stuff is NOT gonna wash out very easily....

[mirthfulmum]

I have been trying to post here since 3 o'clock this afternoon. It is now 10 at night. All that I've been writing through out the afternoon/evening has been lost. I am too tired to even re-attempt to properly address all that's been happening here recently.

I would like to say though that it has been really great to read all the honesty and support here. On crazy chaotic momma days like I had today it is so heart warming to see a group of caring and supportive women comming together and really being there for each other. Knowing that we are all going through this together some how makes days like this easier.

[chantald]

hi

Hi
May I join you? My daughter was born October 15th.. unfortunatly via repeat C. I also have a son who is 3 1/2

Chantal

[momadance]

sniff sniff Katie, Letia and Nancy. Your all so strong and open. It's beautiful.

Piglet: I used the Flanders Buttocks Ointment, it works great, BUT doesn't wash our easy.

Reed's got the sniffles It's so sad, and he's having a hard time while he nurses. Do I have to go to the Doc. for the sniffles? I've been taking more Vit. C. What else can I do for him? I hate using the bulb syringe. I feel like I'm going to damage his nose.

Melly, I'll snoop around for the EXACT recipe. I just juiced organic carrots and mixed it with organic soy.A friend of mine did the same but use goats milk instead. I also supplemented with some Floradix (sp?) vitamins. The recipe I've seen calls for oil, and maple syrup, and something else. It's a recipe from The Farm.

Ditto what you said Mirthful

Of course your welcome chantald and congrats on your baby girl!

[3bees~1flower]

Mornin', mamas!

Ella had her 2 week check-up yesterday. she was 9lbs 4.4 oz on the 26th on Oct. when we came home from the hospital and yesterday she was 10-2!

Her jaundice is slowly going away...we had lights for a week...hate them things : !

Amie...Ella also has a very faint heart murmur...he said he'll just monitor it for now. i need to get my stethoscope out an see if i can hear it too.

i bought some EPO yesterday...i want to see if it can help me to stay a little more even keel...sometimes i get so snippy with the boys and i don't like it at all!! it's ok with bf'ing, right? i was wondering what dose you all reccomend?

Welcome, Chantal!!

[bluehalo]

Meli, I’m coming in late here, so I’ll just echo what has already been said. Please don’t feel guilty if you end up having to formula feed. I had to wean Ethan at 4 months to start a course of chemotherapy, and it was *so* sad ... I couldn't even talk about it for over a year without crying or at least tearing up. I really did have to give myself the permission and time to mourn the loss of our nursing relationship. But, it was non negotiable ... to be overly simplistic, a formula feeding mama is better than no mama at all ... so we did what had to be done. I guess I'm just sharing this to let you know that you may need lots of time to come to terms with it, if you do end up going that route. And Piglet had a great idea about the labwork ... at least that would give you some hard facts to work with. Knowledge is power

Nancy, s to you too mama. We weren't planning a homebirth, but things certainly didn't progress as we had imagined them. I wish I could say that I have the mindset that I used to, but I have to say that I feel less than impowered in my abilities as a "birthing mama". We're not planning on having more kids ... but if we were, I could really see this birth as an albatross of sorts, hanging over my head. And OMG, how frustrating w/ people not validating your feelings re: the challenges of new-parenthood, and being so insensitive as to remark that your baby is cute b/c of the cesarean. Geesh! *eye rolling* Your MIL would go crazy in our home as well ... we don't even *have* paper napkins or paper towels *snort*. On the bright side, at least your bathroom is clean :LOL

Someone asked about sizes of Chinese Prefolds ... Noah (somewhere between 12 and 13 lbs now) fits into the infant prefolds nicely. I've tried a premium, just for kicks, and while he wasn't *totally* swimming in it, it was pretty durn big, and would have been incredibly bulky to try to fit under clothing. So, if you can afford to invest in both, I'd start w/ the infant size. You can find them pretty reasonably on ebay too.

I'm anxiously awaiting my KKAFP ... I had one that I loved and used all the time with Ethan, and I've been unable to find it! *sob* I kept thinking, each time I'd open a rubbermaid full of his baby stuff, that it would show up, and it just never has. So, I broke down and ordered a new one. I can't wait. In the meantime I've been using my home-made ring sling, and a sweet pouch that a friend made for me. I also have a Bjorn that I use sometime too. I'd love to try a Mei Tei or similar carrier, but I can't really justify spending the $$. *sigh*

For diaper rash cream, we use either Earth Friendly Baby (their "daily lotion" cream, not the one w/ zinc oxide) or Miracle Salve from Kerry's Herbals. I really love both.

And welcome, Chantal!

Noah is asleep on my lap, and my dad has Ethan out getting his hair cut. The house is strangely peaceful. I felt *so* crappy yesterday, I had DH come home early to relieve me, I had a horrible headache and my body ached all over. I'm so grateful to be feeling better today. Whew!

[mandalamama]

very long story short ... Willow is now a formula-fed baby

she drinks heartily and spits up very little. i know she'll gain weight and be ok. but it is SO obvious she wants the breast. and i don't know how to formula feed. they say that for Willow's age it's every 3 hours and if you do sooner than that on a regular basis you can set them up for weight and other problems later in life. i know all she wants is the breast, i know it. she used to get a certain look on her face during and after nursing and i haven't seen anything like that look when she's eating formula. afterwards she starts rooting and gets so angry! i tried 3 oz., i tried 4 oz. even, she's still rooting desparately and chewing her fists. i tried pinky and paci. if i hold her to rock her, she is desparate for my breast. i wanted to wean her more gradually but she was showing signs of sedation and muscle tone problems so it had to be sudden.

THIS JUST SUCKS. you all have been so helpful and we had finally settled down into a really lovely pattern of breastfeeding. i want to nurse her right now!! all night i wanted to nurse her. every time she cries i want to nurse her. it was bad enough we needed a cesearean but now this?! this is a far, far greater loss than the birth stuff. i keep thinking of how i was going to see her at 3 months, 6 months, 1 years, 2 years, tugging at my breast and smiling at me. and now we have lost that. going off the meds is only an option if i want to be non-functional again. which honestly is tempting to go off them a week at a time just to nurse! but it takes 36 hours each time for the med to get out of the breastmilk.

ok. fine. i am a formula feeding mom. just like i am a c-birth mom. i have to accept it. my daughter will still gain weight and i will watch carefully for other problems like ear infections. i will never bottle-prop her. i will hold her for every feeding as if i were nursing her. she will be loved so much while she's eating. i still want to just break everything in the house out of anger and grief, though

[mandalamama]

Piglet: that's a good idea about testing the milk, actually. if Willow hadn't been showing signs of sedation and "hypotonia" (wide awake eyes but not moving her limbs) then we wouldn't have known she was getting it, and i definitely would have wanted a test like that.

i also forgot to add: the 12 hour on/off thing was advised by my dr's ARPN, and she was looking up another med in the same family. i called for a second opinion and that's when i found out it lasts 24-36 hours. so i ended up with 4 opinions yesterday. i'm glad i called for that second opinion! i knew something was wrong with Willow, that it was more than the normal newborn floppiness.

can anyone recommend a good pouch sling? willow still doesn't like the maya wrap when i wear it, so i'd love to try a pouch. i'm looking in the under $40 range (if they exist?).

[sunshinegal]

just a note for Meli- I am so sorry to hear about your situation. You are doing what is right for your baby and that makes you a great mom.

With my son, I had a 10 day post partum hemorrhage that left me in the hospital for 5 days. I tried to get my milk supply going when I got home, but it was only a trickle so I too HAD to use formula. The thing is, that is what formula is for, situations where breastfeeding doesn't work, so try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it is tough but there are many moms who have had to make the same choice. Now the both of you will be getting what you need.

[mirthfulmum]

Meli - What a sad time for you. I am so sorry that you have had to face such a tough choice. But I think you made the right one. The choice to formula feed is a choice that you've made out of love and what is best for Willow. You are making a effort to have feeding time still be a bonding time for you and Willow. And you are giving Willow the most important aspect of an AP upbringing, a healthy, happy and giving mom.

Chantal!

Well yesterday was a tough one. I was definately fantasizing about life with no kids. It's crazy how I can be so in love with my boys and at the same time want to just run screaming from my home never to return.

[bluehalo]

((((meli)))) oh mama, I'm so sad for you, only because I know how much it aches to have to make a decision like that. It will get better, over time ... and you can still be beautifully attached to your sweet Willow. s

Mirthful, I hear you. This two kids thing ... well, it's hard! And neither of my two boys are exceptionally challenging. But just having two individuals needing you, one of which has some pretty intensive needs for the time being ... I don't know, it's just overwhelming. I hate to complain, b/c realistically I feel like there's nothing to complain about. Noah is a pretty easy going baby, and Ethan's been really fantastic with this whole transition. But it's still a lot of work. It helps a bit to keep perspective ... Noah will only be *this* needy for such a transient period of time ... but man, to be able to bathe w/o it being a major production ... simple pleasures, right? :LOL

My dad had Ethan out for a couple of hours today, and Noah was pretty wakeful for most of the time, and we just hung out together and I massaged him some ... and I feel like we really bonded. It's weird b/c, although if someone would have asked me I would have said, "Of course I'm bonded with this baby!", I feel like I've barely had a chance to do anything beside do my best to take care of everyone's immediate needs. And there really just hasn't been time to sit and chill and marvel over his tiny fingers and his silky skin and gaze into his eyes ... and if there *had* been time, I probably would have felt guilty doing it with Ethan around wanting my attention. So, long story short, our time alone today was truly a gift, and really helped shift my perspective a bit too.

Wow, am I babbly today or what? *lol*

[stanleymama]

Nancy...first I know how you are feeling. With my first, we planned a hb, but after 48 hrs. of straight labor we transferred to the hospital. It was hard for both dh and me to process Collin's birth. We too had been painted this picture that made it all seem perfect, and it all wasn't. I was traumatized by it for awhile as well, but eventually we worked through it and now I have 4 boys. And it was the labor that traumatized me, not his birth. Anyways, I don't want to keep going on about my experience, but I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I also want to encourage you to just focus on your healthy little boy and the blessing he is to you...this helped me to get through Collin's birth. I came to a point where I realized I couldn't change any of it, so I just turned my thoughts to Collin and thanked God that he was ok and healthy. And yes there have been times when sharing Collins birth was emotional and difficult, but I have also been able to share it without difficulty.

You did your best, and your c/s wasn't any less perfect than a hb. All that matters is you are now a wonderful mommy to a beautiful baby boy.


So I have to go see my dr. this afternoon because my stitches are bothering me. I have had 4 pieces of it come out in the past 5 days and there is a bit sticking out, poking me. Never had this happen before. I have been healing so well till this started...just a tad frustrating. Other than that life here is busy. Had my first morning alone with all 4 and thankfully it has gone pretty well. Even found a bit of time to make muffins...how i found that time I'm not sure, but hey, it makes me feel encouraged.

[stanleymama]

Melli...hugs mama. You made the right choice. I had to switch to formula with 2 of my boys and it was so hard. But they are healthy boys and Willow will do great as well. Hang in there!

[3bees~1flower]

Kimberly...did you have a c-ec...i didn't think you did, but you mentioned stitches...just curious...

[blessed2bamommie]

CARRIE! I didn't recognize you! :LOL

: I just got a cover to match that embellished dipe last week...also embellished.....

there was another dipe at fmbg that I wanted and then I'm done for the moment....

[mirthfulmum]

Originally Posted by bluehalo

I hate to complain, b/c realistically I feel like there's nothing to complain about. Noah is a pretty easy going baby, and Ethan's been really fantastic with this whole transition.

Yeah exactly. I feel like I am so lucky to have had 2 boys who sleep great, nurse great (well Harrison does, Alias did) and have no real health issues to speak of. Alias is a fantastic little person and very loving big brother and as Harrison's personality is beginning to develop he is showing himself to be the perfect addition to our family. And yet, I still get completely overwhelmed. And I do lose perspective sometimes. I have found myslef wishing that Harrison was a bit older just so that I could put him down and he and Alias could play together and just give me a break! And then I feel soooo guilty for even having these feelings. I'm supposed to be cherishing every precious moment with my baby right? And what about Alias? I need to find time in the day to meet his needs too. Ugh, I just can't seem to cut myslef a break . I can really work myself into a tizzy.

Other than my irrational mothering insecurities and feelings of just being burnt out, all is well here. The boys both have snotty noses but other than that the cold seems to have run its course here. And luckly neither I nor Dh got caught the cold, phew!

I can't believe that Dh and I are the only ones so far who have DTD! I guess since we hadn't since May we were feeling pretty anxious to get back into the swing of things again.

[3bees~1flower]

Well, Mirth...FWIW...i'd *love* to DTD... ...but, alas, the bleeding continues...: i didn't bleed this much with the boys...wonder what the difference is... ... anyway, i'm with ya in thought!!

[bluehalo]

ahh, i meant to reply about DTD ... of course, dh is chomping at the bit *lol* ... I'm not opposed to it, but it's a matter of logistics. Both DH and I are asleep as soon as the boys are, and when Noah's asleep, we'd have to put E. in front of a video, and then we always run the possibility of him coming and banging on the door ... that's a big mood breaker, and I always have a hard time getting in the right mindset when I'm keeping an ear out for little feet coming down the hallway, if you know what I mean Anyway, it's not far off, I'm sure ... as soon as the stars align themselves *lol*

While we're on the topic ... has anyone made any final decisions on post partum birth control? I definitely don't want any more babies any time soon ... maybe never ... I don't feel comfortable relying on my nursing on demand to suppress my fertility. I don't want to use any hormonal methods. I'm seriously considering the IUD. I've heard a lot of great things from women who use it, and a handful of not so great stories (one where there was an "oops", and a few who had too much irritation from it and had to have it removed.) I know we've talked about it a bit before, but I was just curious if anyone else had gotten close to finalizing their decision...