how to help a soon-to-be mom with NO support to breastfeed

[Viriditas]

My step-sister is due in December, and I was talking with her the other day. I casually asked her if she was planning to breastfeed, and to my suprise she said yes (she and her husband are extremely main-stream)! Then she immediately added, "Well, I'm going to try, but M. (her dh) and my mom tell me there's no way I'll be able to."

I told her not to listen to them, but now I feel really sorry for her and my niece, because I know there's no way she will do this without support. I know she won't take my advice seriously (I'm four years younger than her and I don't have any children yet). I know that if I got her a book like The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding she probably wouldn't read it, and she's not interested in contacting LLL in her area (she's conservative, anti-anything remotely hippyish, anti-anything out of the main stream).

Is this a lost cause? I really don't know what to do to help her, especially as right now I live across the continent. What can I do?

[mum2 4]

BF support ideas.

How about a funny card congratulating the Mom to be on her choice to bf? Enclose some resources for her and let her decide how to connect with them. Sort of a 911 list she may find useful. Even though your are younger, if you have bf, you are the family expert so you can include a list of 10 things you wished you had known and make a copy for the nay-sayers like DH. Especially the fact that family support is crucial.
You could send Dad a card too letting him know a few facts for Dads like the value of Mom's milk vs formula cost wise and how its considered 1st best with formula ranking 4th best. Would he really want to feed his kid a 4th best food? Appeal to him where it does the most good. he'll get bragging rights, have a smarter ( 10 IQ points more) healthier baby and and credit for having chosen such an awesome wife who cares enough to give their baby the very best. ( thanks Hallmark cards)...

[Calidris]

how about a less "hippyish" book, like thes Sears breastfeeding book, or something light, like So thats what they're for?

sorry for typo etc. - nak

[soccerchic21]

Big hug to your sister.

I wonder why people always think LLL is "hippyish" she should just try a meeting and see if she likes it.

How about a book by Dr. Sears? The Breastfeeding Book is great.

[BlueStateMama]

I recently gave Dr. Newman's "The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers", and a copy of "So That's What They're For" to a very mainstream friend.

A descrip. of Newman's book from amazon.com:

Divided into three main sections, the book provides new information about why breastfeeding really is the healthiest option and where you can find good, hands-on help locally. Later chapters deal with feeding-related issues like sleeping patterns, babysitters, and when to wean your baby--the authors strongly believe in long-term (through toddlerhood) breastfeeding, a slightly different approach than many working moms may prefer. The majority of the book falls under the section "Common Problems and Solutions," and this is where to turn for advice on everything from breast refusal to slow weight gain. Special topics like illness or medication in mom's system are dealt with in detail, as are sore breasts, colic, and premature or low-weight babies. The chapter covering unusual situations, such as breast surgery and adoption, emphasizes the possibilities rather than the difficulties, and offers advice on the use of hormones and finding a breast-milk bank. Ending with four pages of resources on everything from Web sites to hospitals, you'll find the answers you've been looking for in this unique guide

FWIW, my local LLL group is actually VERY mainstream - only two blatant hippies out of about 20 women

[OTMomma]

I second the idea of giving her "So that's what they're for" it is a great, easy read. It talks about how breastfeeding is not necessarily easy, but its worth it, and it was entertaining to read. I also think you should make a big deal of telling your sister that you think it is wonderful that she wants to give her child the wonderful gift of mother's milk. Praise her decision and Be sure to offer lots of encouragement both before and after the baby arrives. Breastfeeding is tough for the first 6 weeks, then it gets a lot easier.

[annethcz]

Yet another vote for So That's What They're For! by Janet Tamaro

I've read most breastfeeding books currently on the market, and I think this is a great one for moms who may be reluctant to breastfeed. It's mainstream and funny, but still conveys how important breastfeeding is.

[Viriditas]

Thanks everyone for the great ideas. I think I'll make the card (that was a great idea) including the number of LLL in her city. And I'll look at the 2 recommended books.

I had another (possibly nutty) idea. Would it be possible to hire a private lactation consultant as a gift? Would that be too pushy considering she's expressed the desire to breastfeed?

[Ellie'sMom]

In addition to LLL, we have other breastfeeding support groups around my area. Some are sponsored by hospitals. I don't know much about them, but I am guessing something like this may be more her speed. I always see listings in our local free parenting magazine, so that may be a place to look. Or check hospital web sites.

While I don't consider my local LLL "hippyish", there are lots of co-sleeping, homebirthing, ENing, AP moms and I do actually know 1 mom who left because she didn't feel she fit in. She wanted to nurse for a year and no more. She had no interest in the slings and cloth diapers many of us brought to share. I can actually see why someone who was only interested in finding nursing support and had a really different parenting philosophy might feel intimidated by LLL.

Not sure how she would feel about the LC (I would have loved that!!!). What about a post-partum doula who is also a LC or has lots of nursing experience? They come and make you a meal and do some laundry...maybe slip in some encouragement/advice about nursing while they're at it !

[OTMomma]

I love the suggestion for a postpartum doula, I would have LOVED that. I also wanted to suggest you could offer to pay for her to attend a breastfeeding class while she's prego. My hospital had them, and fathers were welcome at them too. It REALLY helped my dh get more on board with breastfeeding.

[tammylc]

I read 4 books on breastfeeding, but if I hadn't had hands-on, in person support from my midwives and a lactation consultant, then there's no way I would have been able to breastfeed.

I think getting her a post-partum doula and/or lactation counselor session would be the best things to get her off to a good start. Breastfeeding is a learned skill, and our culture is unfortunately lacking in teachers.

My step-sister and SIL both had run-of-the-mill problems and gave up on breastfeeding. My stepmother kept telling me "not to get my hopes up" about breastfeeding, etc. Well, after spending three weeks with me postpartum as I struggled to get nursing to work, let's just say that she knows a lot more about breastfeeding now!

[sophmama]

So That's What They're For!

I would give a big plug for this book as well- definately an easy read and was a huge help in introducing me into the world of breastfeeding and that lead into natural parenting. It kind of solidified in me my determination to bf. I buy copies and keep them around just in case I know a preggo mom who is considering bf.

-Becky

[brookerenee]

How about making her a gift basket. My best friend is due in March, and doesn't have a lot of support for her decision to BF, either.

Here's what I'm getting her for Christmas:
A large pretty wicker basket filled with -
"So That's What They're For" (my used copy)
Breast pads (I have 2 unopened leftover boxes. I stocked up when I found some on clearance, and now I don't leak anymore.)
Lansinoh
Mother's Milk Tea
Nursing pillow - I'm gonna make her a boppy from a pattern.
Burp cloths - I'm going to make some cute ones from some fabric remnants.
Sleep bras - I'm getting her a package of some cheap generic bras that I love for the sheer purpose of holding on breast pads at night. (Comfy, but non-supportive)
Sling - A homemade ring sling.
Breastmilk storage bags - I have hundreds of these. They came for free with my Lansinoh breast pads. I never pumped and stored milk, but I was such a leaker that I went through boxes and boxes of pads, so I have tons of storage bags.
Nursing stool - I wish I'd had one of these, and I'm short with droopy bbs. I know my 6' tall, little bb'd friend will appreciate it!

Everything will cost around $50, since I'm doing a lot of "recycling".

I hope these things will be helpful to her, and encourage her to stick with it.

HTH!

[carrietorgc]

i agree on the doula part as well - that way it is someone that can help with things beyond the nursing, although that is crucial as well

I'm making note of all the suggestions - my bf is ttc right now, and says she wants to nurse but doens't think she'll like it. but she knows it is best. luckily I am still nursing my 17 mo dd and her sister nursed her dd until 15 mo (working as a teacher and pumping too!) so she has good examples

Good luck! Your step sis is lucky

[sovereignqueen]

I like the postpartum doula and gift basket ideas. I would of loved those. Maybe offer to go with her to a BFing class if her DH won't go? I gotta say tho that DH is my biggest BFing supporter. Wonder why her DH isn't supportive.

[Peppamint]

Originally Posted by AmyCA

Thanks everyone for the great ideas. I think I'll make the card (that was a great idea) including the number of LLL in her city. And I'll look at the 2 recommended books.

I had another (possibly nutty) idea. Would it be possible to hire a private lactation consultant as a gift? Would that be too pushy considering she's expressed the desire to breastfeed?

We have some postpartum doulas locally, and one in particular is very great with breastfeeding support- so I am told.

The nice thing about a postpartum doula, is you can find out how much per day/hour she charges and then just give the amount you can afford.

And the book titles sound great too!

OH! I just remembered. I positively LOVE my LilyPadz breast pads. They are silicone and reusable, you only need one pair so you don't have to run to the store to buy more sposie pads or wait for dry cloth breast pads to come out of the dryer. I think they helped me stop leaking sooner too.

[zinemama]

Yes, get her a lactation consultant appointment as a gift!!!

That is the one thing that made the biggest difference to my success in bf, and I really urge you to do it. If your stepsis has heard anything negative about LLL than all your urging may not have any effect, and she may be just too nervous to walk into a roomful of what she perceives to be tree-hugging, hemp-wearing, underarm-hairy hippies.

But! If she is able to have a one-on-one meeting, in the comfort of her own home (and we all know how hard it is to make it out the door post-partum) with an LC, and she sees that this nice, sensible, regular person makes bf seem so normal, do-able, and accessible, I would bet this would have a huge impact.

Tell her that everyone you know who was initially nervous about bf credits a home consultation with an LC with their success, tell her you want to give her this, that these days the LC replaces the knowledgable grandmas everyone used to have to help get started, etc, etc. - and then make the appointment.

You are a really caring step-sis!

PS also, How My Breasts Saved the World by Lisa Shapiro is a really funny and highly mainstream account of breastfeeding success through initial difficulties, and after she reads it (in just an hour or two), she'll be loving you for giving her the LC gift.