UC Thread #11 - November 2004

[nikirj]

Alright - the new thread for November!

uc thread #1
uc thread #2
uc thread #3
uc thread #4
uc thread #5
uc thread #6
uc thread #7
uc thread #8
uc thread #9
uc thread #10

roll call

andrea -- UC 8/03 story
Aurora -- UC 10/03 story
Whit -- UC 11/03
2much2luv -- UC 1/04
thechrysalis -- UC 1/04
Mothernature -- UC 1/04
indigolilybear -- UC 3/04 pics (first UC 5/01 story)
citizenfong -- UC 3/04 pics
Carrieanders -- UC 4/10/04 story
Chaka Falls -- UC 4/04
amyamanda -- UC 5/04 story
Karenpl -- UC 6/04 story
bookwormmama -- UC 6/04
wildthing -- midwife-attended 6/04 story
grnbn76 -- emergency cesarean, 7/04 story
Hathor -- UC 7/04 story
Mamajaza -- UC 7/04 pics
ChildoftheMoon -- born still 7/19/04 peacefully at home story
gr8fulmom -- UC 7/04 story
luna13mama -- UC 7/04
Chandar -- UC 7/04 story
Klothos -- UC 7/23/04 story
madrone -- UC 8/19/04
TinyBabyBean -- midwife-attended 8/04 story (if you're still reading - you may want to relocate your birth story, as that forum is closing...)
violet -- UC 8/19/04
Oshunmama -- midwife-attended 8/04 story
lovemygirl -- UC 9/9/04 story
mellie-bellie -- UC 9/27/04
blueviolet -- UC 9/04 story (first UC 7/01, story)
JesseMomme -- UC 9/21/04 (first UC 11/02, story)
StacyL -- Hospital transport 9/19/04 story
4xmamamia -- UC 9/30/04
amyjeans -- UC 10/9/04 story
rachel -- UC 10/25/04 story
lafemmedesfemmes -- UC 11/8/04 story
DancerMom -- UC 11/12/04 story

Ame -- first half of December
laurata -- December (first UC 3/02, story )
Lula's Mom -- December
AmyD -- EDD December 7th
nikirj -- EDD December 30
Asheville Mama -- EDD January 1 2005
mamamaya -- mid January 2005
zonapellucida -- late January 2005
Chiromom -- Jan/Feb 2005 (first UC 2/03 story)
Dandylion -- Jan/Feb 2005
Mama2Lennon -- Jan/Feb 2005
Hayliesmom -- February 2005
mehndi mama -- late February 2005
KateSt. -- February/March 2005
rainbowmoon -- April 2005
FreeRangeMama -- April 2005 (first UC 9/03)
carlasher -- mid March 2005
sprinkle pocket -- late March 2005
Selissa -- June/July 2005


Please PM me to make changes.

[nikirj]

So I started the new thread. I feel kind of weird about keeping the roll call now that we're actually planning to have a midwife present (we meet with her tomorrow), so somebody let me know at the end of the month if you'd like to do it and I'll send you the links.

Anyway...so obviously we're still planning on having the midwife here. I've talked to soooo many midwives and didn't really realize what a humongous range of personalities there are even amongst the homebirth midwives I've talked to. I mean, there was even one that told me that "if I think there is a dangerous situation, it is non-negotiable" and if that hadn't been my next-to-last question I probably would have hung up on her at that point. There are midwives that hardly ever use allopathic medicine (like the one I plan to have at the birth) and others that "wouldn't be comfortable treating a potential hemmorhage with anything but pitocin". One who wanted to do cervical checks on a schedule. One who wouldn't even try not to use the doppler at the birth. I mean, I knew it was going to be tough to find someone who would understand me as a wanna-be-UCer, but GEEZ! I think I did find someone who understands, though, which I am very happy about. DH and I are going to go to her house tomorrow and meet her in person, but we clicked real fast over the phone and had a nice long conversation that I was very happy about. And I think that if this baby just happens to come before she makes it here, DH will manage not to panic just knowing that we have her support, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I'm going to resign myself more or less to lurking on this thread now that I've provided the links and whined a bit about the midwife situation. It sucks not to be planning a UC anymore but DH is feeling 100% better about the birth, even acting more emotionally invested in the pregnancy. I mean, sure, it is my birth, but I don't think I can handle DH panicking on me, it would create SUCH a bad situation, and I have exactly ZERO other people around that would make good birth support, which I feel I need.

[Asheville Mama]

niki, I can relate to some of what you're feeling. my situation is a little different, I thought I would need a midwife or doula because my dh was so....hmmm, not what I needed during my dd's birth. He didn't panic, but it seemed like he was just frozen, uncertain about what he could do or say that would be helpful.

once I started looking for a midwife, I had the same experience. So many women who, while in theory as homebirth midwives share some of my philosophies on birth, were in practice are much more medical. I interviewed 5 or 6 before I made peace with my UC. My dh actually helped me feel comfortable because he said that's what he thought we should do and that he would do whatever I wanted him to in preparation and at the birth. I'm just counting on him being more at ease this time, especially since we're communicating more about what i want him to do.

That's great that you found someone who understands and respects what you need in your birth experience...wishing you all the best!

[JanetF]

Hi,
I am kind of a lurker too, I suppose. If that's not ok, please feel free to tell me to naff off

I run a HB group which includes a few women planning UC and my best friend is in the 2ww currently and planning to freebirth with me and her mum there.

So I'm here to say hi, get some information and maybe even share some

All good vibes to you HB and UC mamas!

J

[laurata]

Niki, I hope you will continue to stick around, even if only as a lurker. I've greatly enjoyed our discussions the past, oh, 6 months.

At 34ish weeks, my freaked-outedness is coming and going. For the time being, I am feeling OK. I am trying to focus on things that I DO have control over, rather than things that I really cannot control. Trying to get the outragous mess and chaos in my home under control, and focusing on things like my daughter's birthday (she turned SIX on Saturday, and her party is this weekend), Thanksgiving plans, and Christmas stuff. As slowly as time seems to be passing, I think I'll be shocked to discover I am in labor sometime in the next 3-8 weeks.

[Mama2Lennon]

I have found the mw issue a bit tricky. I have been seeing a practice of five mw for a few months now but I do not plan on calling them to attend the birth. Dp is very opposed to having anyone around for the birth. If we personally knew a mw and had an ongoing relationship with one, like we were friends, that would be a different story. I cannot trust anyone medically trained to just leave us alone. The reason I am seeing the mw is that I have had hassles from Children's Aid and other "professionals" about our lifestyle that I would not want this to be a reason for someone to threaten to take our child away. I am really just covering my butt. I don't want to tell the mw that we don't plan on calling them. I have actually had a few dreams where the baby just comes out so fast that no one is there to be with me - I hope part of my dreams come true!
Is it possible to have an intervention free, hands off birth, with a mw present? If I could trust someone to be there and leave me totally alone, to do absolutely nothing , then I would consider their presence. But the psychological factors of having someone "just in case", creates it's own set of problems. My first birth was perfect, until the ob showed up for the last 15 minutes. I know my body can do this. I may have more concerns if I'd had complications (not doctor/mw/hospital related) in the past.
In the end, we must always trust our intuitions, they will not fail us or our babies.

[DancerMom]

Hey, thanks for starting the new thread! I am about two weeks away from the "official EDD" although most people think it's a little longer (I say late November, which to me means any time in the second half of the month, but most people just assume the very end). I can't believe the end is near! I have definitely been nesting a lot, and ever since Friday I've been having really strong BH (I don't really like the term, but surges and rushes don't sound right to me either right now) on and off. I'm still a ways away, though. I just know it. My belly is still too high and tight, do you know what I mean?

It's funny, because I realized the other night that last pregnancy I knew all the ways labor could start, and had memorized all the signs of a normal progression of labor, and this time I can't remember any of it. And I don't care. I think the UP part of this experience has been even more powerful for me than the UC will be. I mean, who knows yet, but trusting my body for nine months has taken a lot of energy and focus, and the labor and birth itself will be a few hours, you know? And more instinctual with less outside intereference.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in to the new thread, and say Hi to everyone. These threads have been so good for me during this pregnancy. It's nice to know there are so many other freebirthing mamas out there!

[Selissa]

i guess now is as good of a time to introduce myself as any.

My name is selissa, I have a 21 month nursling swetie and i am 6 weeks pregnant. we are planning a uc with shadow care. the mw is mostly for nosey relatives who are in the medical profession and WOULD call cps on us. It makes me feel safer to be able to tell people honestly that we have such and such midwife. *shrug* and aspire to be in such a postition with my next birth to go totally up without fear.

[cottonwood]

Is it possible to have an intervention free, hands off birth, with a mw present?

Sure, I had one. I still decided to have a UC with my next birth, because there were other issues besides interventions that I had to deal with when a midwife was present.

[carlasher]

Hello everyone.

I have been searching for California laws regarding birth certificates for UC births. I havent been able to find anything. If anyone has a link or can point me to the right direction, that would be great!

[laurata]

Carla, it's generally a county thing. You have to contact the country registrars office to register the birth. You're in Alameda County, right? The office is right in Oakland.

Anthony Iton, M.D., J.D., M.P.H.
1000 Broadway, 5th Floor
Oakland, CA 94607
[e-mail]
Office [phone]
FAX [phone]

Anthony Iton, M.D., J.D., M.P.H.
Alameda County
Health Care Services Agency
1000 Broadway, Suite 500
Oakland, CA 94607
Office [phone]
FAX [phone]

Certificates must be obtained from the Alameda County Recorders Office
Office [phone]

Alameda County Recorder
1106 Madison Street
Oakland, CA 94607
Web Site: www.co.alameda.ca.us
Email: [e-mail]
[phone]

http://www.dhs.ca.gov/hisp/chs/OVR/LocalRegistrar/

I don't know what specific laws there are. I've never been able to find any.

[bionicsquirrel]

HI, I hope I am not intruding. I am not even pregnant right now, but I so wish dh and I were trying. It is just not right at this time (more according to dh).

I have a lot of baggage from my first birthing experience with ds (22mths). I want so badly to have my next child UC and I thought the best way to get started would be to join you all and learn from you. I have read many of your birth stories and looked at pictures. I cannot express the joy and inspiration those stories have brought to me. This is a very hopeful thread.

I know that I cannot contribute to the conversation as someone in preparation for a UC, but I can be verysupportive. I hope it is okay that I join.

Thanks,
bianca

[amandaanne]

Hello everyone. I just found out I am pregnant with my second child and I am planning to do UP/UC. This pregnancy came as a surprise, we weren't planning to TTC for another year. I haven't yet fully accepted that we are having another baby...I'm a bit in denial. My son is only 20 months and I am worried about how this will affect breastfeeding. At this point I am not nervous about or unsure of my decision to UP/UC, just worried about how a new baby will change our family life. Anyway I wanted to let you all know I am here, and that I am so glad this thread is here bc I know I will need the support down the road.

Amanda

[KateSt.]

Hi Mamas,
Niki -- thanks so much for starting a new thread. And I do SO hope you stick around! You never know, circumstances could work in your favor so that you get the uc you really want. Either way, you have a lot of good things to contribute..so don't leave!

AmyD --I want to wish you a (belated) congrats on how it worked out with your mw! You must be so relieved and happy it turned out as it did (and I hope you get reimbursed or have MUCH less to pay!)

Laura and AmyD -- I feel you on the "what if fears" (though I'm a full 10 weeks behind you!). It seems every day I'm using positive affirmations to reassure myself -- and it does seem to be working. Laura -- glad you're feeling better and able to focus on other things.

Sonya -- I have to tell you how much I loved your post on the last thread about "regaining the wisdom." Well said and I couldn't agree more!

Selissa! I recognize you from ttc! Congratulations and I'm so happy to see you here!

Welcome Janet!

Mama2Lennon -- I second what you said at the end of your post about intution. I tell myself that every day and I really do believe it.

Bianca -- Welcome and I do hope you get to ttc very soon.

I'm so glad to see this thread picking up new women. I feel more at home here than anywhere else on MDC.

I had something very special happen to me yesterday on my 4 mile walk. My whole walk I was giving myself pep talks, attempting to release my fears about birth. Just as I was telling myself "I believe my body is strong and my spirit is strong," I was stopped in my tracks by a majestic owl that flew in front of me and landed on a branch. I was so in awe I couldn't move and we just stared at each other for awhile. Then as I continued walking the owl followed me from branch to branch.
When we parted ways I felt jubilant! I knew our encounter meant something important.

When I got home I referenced my "Animal Speak" book and among many other wonderful things it said about owl symbolism, the most wonderful was this: "If an owl is seen or heard near a pregnant woman, it indicates an easy birth." !!
Just what I needed to hear! What a gift!

Okay, I know this is a book I'm writing, but I have one thing that's weighing heavily on my mind that perhaps you ladies can help me with:
Tomorrow is my appt with my m/w where I plan to tell her of my intentions of uc. She's been with me through 2 miscarriages and has been very supportive. I don't feel like I can lie to her anymore -- and I don't want to do any more testing or monitoring, not even weighing. I think I'll ask her if it's within her scope to be a consultant rather than a midwife. But I have no idea how to broach the subject!! I can't think of any opening words! Truthfully, I don't know why I'm so nervous -- she's just human (and she's not my mother!). But I am nervous....any words of wisdom or encouragment?

I hope everyone is well.

[KateSt.]

Amanda -- we cross-posted. Just wanted to welcome you!

[Selissa]

KAte i have no suggestions but many (((hugs))) good luck..and thanks for the welcome

to all the other new mamas HI and welcome

[Chandar]

I was wondering why it was so quiet. Forgot that a new month had begun. Welcome to all the new mamas! I am a total lurker, but I am always so encouraged to see such an active UC community here. This thread was a lot of help during my UP and postpartum days. Dd is 3 months now, and I am slightly jealoous of all you soon to be birthing mamas. There is nothing like it.

[Asheville Mama]

Kate, I can definitely offer support and encouragement! You are doing what feels right to you, both in your plans for UC and in telling your midwife. It takes courage to face that conversation not knowing how it will go, and I think it's admirable that you want to be honest with this mw.

As for advice, I can only offer what I said to the mw I hired. It was a little different because I was just interviewing her and I never actually began "care" with her. But when I felt strong enough to contact her to tell her my plans, I just said, for multiple reasons, my dh and I have decided to stay with an UP/UC. But I really respect you and value you and I want to see how you feel about coming to do the newborn assessment. She responded more positively than I could have ever hoped for...said absolutely she would come to check the baby and if I had questions or needs during the birth, she would be on call for us, but that she felt sure that my dh & I would be able to handle it.

It totally changed how I was feeling. I didn't have the anxiety I was feeling about the newborn check and I just felt assured and supported by someone who I wasn't necessarily expecting it from. Hopefully, since you have already been through a lot with this mw, she will be open to what your needs and desires are for this birth. Good Luck!

And just in general, I have to agree that this has become my favorite place on MDC. Welcome new mamas!

[KateSt.]

Oh, Sonya, THANK YOU! You have no idea how much I needed your post! If you don't mind, I think I'll borrow some of your words because they are exactly how I feel about my m/w. Thank you SO much!

[nikirj]

Thank you for your support, guys . I will stick around as a lurker at the very least, because UC still remains my ideal, even if it is no longer actually my plan.

Despite the visit with the MW going extremely well yesterday I am a bit depressed. She was all I could have asked for, really - good personality match, let me pick exactly what tests I wanted (I had wanted a blood screen for anemia, and she listed a bunch of other blood-tests we could do if I wanted and we picked a few), had no problem finding the heartbeat by fetoscope, was GREAT with my kids (yeah, I brought them, and DH too). DH left the appointment absolutely THRILLED, and I left happy with the midwife but depressed at letting go of my ideal. I don't know if I can look at this and say, well, I can still have a UC, I just have to slip it under the radar - because that is not the kind of person I am, I discuss things with my DH (yes, weird, I know, considering I'm the one that had an imaginary midwife so that my mom, who would call CPS if she knew we had a UC, would get off my back, but my DH is different). I think even my DH doesn't quite 'get it', and my tries-not-to-meddle MIL jumped up and down and clapped when I told her we'd been to the midwife, which only made me even more depressed - there's one more person who doesn't believe I have any idea what I'm talking about. My DH is just confused, I think, because here I found the 'dream midwife' I'd been telling him was all I'd settle for if we were going to have anyone here at all - and here I am unhappy about it. I think I'll give myself a month to let go of this gracefully - this was, after all, a big thing to me, a really big thing, the loss of my ideal birth before the birth even started - and only worry if it still bothers me so much then. I've been cruising here, planning a UC, for a while now, I shouldn't expect to be able to reverse-course in a week without a sense of loss, right?