Originally Posted by Jenniebug
Now don't get me wrong obviously I feel UC is one of the most awesome experiences specially after having been thru it. Bt also having been thru it I can see the benefit of a soft woman near by for when I need that bit of loving care, kwim?
Just an example of how different our needs can be from one another's. There is no universal ideal, just an ideal for each woman. (btw, I'm glad you found a midwife you could live with.
Originally Posted by Ame
for those of you who have had a UC already...do any of you wonder if the next time will be different? Like maybe you were just lucky and that the next time you might not be so lucky LOL
Here I am 37 weeks and a couple of days and I am trying to resolve all doubt or worry so I can move into the birth with a clear head. I'm really feeling better...but this fear/doubt has been pretty strong throughout the pregnancy until this month.
It's really unfortunate, but because of the cultural conditioning we've all gone through, for most people this fear is never going to be eliminated. So those of us planning UC can never really have a "pure" UC -- there is the risk of our fear and doubt affecting the course of things.
I think a lot about comparative risks -- how many of us take risks every day with our lives, in exchange for some convenience, but for whatever reason don't feel fear about most of these risks. A car accident can have devastating consequences, but I don't feel afraid every time I get in a car (despite the fact that I have
been in a car accident in which I was badly injured and could have died!) Now granted, birth in our culture is a lot more fraught with danger. But much of this is self-imposed. So you have to wonder how many more car accidents we would see if everyone on the road felt fear about driving or was not completely confident of their ability to drive without help?Belief
counts for a lot. A friend and I were just discussing how Ina May Gaskin and the midwives at The Farm get such good statistical outcomes, even with their fairly interventive approaches. I suspect that hospital birthers who go into their births gung-ho and completely trustful and happy with the medical model, tend also to have statistically good outcomes, at least "good" defined by them. And this is because when you have a positive, trusting outlook and are happy with your choice, and nothing significantly veers from your expectations (so that you remain positive-minded throughout it) you're going to be much more likely to come out of it with a healthy baby and mom, and feeling good about the experience, than you would otherwise. Fear and distrust cripple the body. There's nothing surprising about that.
Has anybody here read the book Protecting the Gift? The author makes the case that generalized fear is debilitating and ultimately dangerous, because when we allow ourselves to be fearful in the absence of true and immediate danger, that is, when our basis for the fear is not instinctive, we are denying our instincts, and the more we deny them the more we lose the ability to differentiate between the true danger and imagined danger. So there is another element to the risk we take when fear is a given in our approach to birth.
I had to grapple with this too. In the end, one of the things that helped me most was to allow myself the luxury of changing my mind. (I say "luxury" because I have two midwife friends who support me in however I choose to give birth.) For me, it felt like I could get a clearer idea of what was truly needed in the moment
if I didn't go into it feeling like I had to be totally and dogmatically committed to one choice or another.