UC Thread #11 - November 2004 - Page 2

[Selissa]

Sonya- lovely post mama

and Niki you tkae all the time you need to grieve. I dont' blame yo uat all

In my world...i amso irritated with anti uc uneducated paranio and fearmongering. i have stopped going to a regualt werbsite i frequented because of the hateful things that soem mebers have said aobut uc..i am jsut not comfortable aobut it. i am being positive iwth myself and inmyself and dont' feel like defending myself to strangers half a world away.

anyway much love..i wishi could meet up with a roomful of uc moms...that would be awsome!

[nikirj]

I wanted to say - Kate, that is a really wonderful story about the owl. It is so great to hear that you are gaining confidence in yourself and your body, and it sounds like you got a little boost that you might have needed, especially going into your planned conversation with your midwife. I'd try a firm, nonapologetic approach to the conversation. Something along the lines of "There was something I would like to talk to you about. I have been very happy with your care and with you personally, but I have decided that for me, an unassisted pregnancy and childbirth is really the best thing. I know that this is usually an uncomfortable subject for midwives but I am really hoping you will be able to understand and I would be very happy if I could continue to consult you about the pregnancy and birth." Not like you have to use my script or anything - it's just that I just got finished bringing up the subject with like 20 different midwives, so I have a little experience with this (even though I hadn't had experience with any of them the way you have, it is still a touchy subject).

[carlasher]

Thanks laurata!

[rachel]

it's a boy!!

Hi all! I know I've mostly lurked here on this thread, but I've learned lots & been encouraged! My babe is here!

Joshua David was born at home, unassisted, in our whirlpool tub, at 12:35am, on Monday, October 25th (our anniversary!! what a precious gift!!) into mama's loving hands!! Mama and baby are doing wonderful!

You can read his birth story here:
Joshua's Birth Story


You can see some pictures here:
Pics of Joshua

[JanetF]

Congratulations, Rach, and welcome to the world, Joshua. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story with us

J

[tryinghardmomma]

OK, I'll jump in here. I have spent the last few days reading all the previous threads to catch up!

Amanda, I got pg when my nursling was about 20 mo. He did just fine. I had soreness, I'd tell him my milk milks were owie. He even went 6 days without nursing near his 2nd bday. He started nursing a bit less when my milk totally dried up at about 16 weeks. He started nursing a lot more when my colostrum came in at about 32 weeks. My dd was born UC when he was about 28 1/2 mos and that first day he didn't nurse much. He got real cranky, and finally I told him that the baby really did want to share with him. Having him nursing through the first weeks really helped prevent engorgement and also helped my supply since my dd didn't latch well in the first few weeks.

Now they are 10 mo and 39 mos, and both of them are still nursing. Sometimes at the same time, and they'll poke and stroke each other's faces. More her than him.

OK... total intro to everyone. You see I have 6, the first was typical hospital birth, the 2nd was MW planned HB turned hosp birth when breech was dx'ed (had him breech in hosp and doc nearly killed him). Third was typical hospital birth, 4th was planned MW HB but dh chickened out yet again when they brought up yet another "risk" and I had yet another hospital birth, but this time the doc didn't make it so I had a UA birth in the hospital. That clinched it for me. Ever since I have been totally UP/UC. R, my nursling, was born 8/01 at about 41 1/2 weeks and was 10 lbs. B, my baby (currently LOL) was born last 12/21 and was 7 lbs 12 oz at about 39 1/2 weeks. I had her in the fishy pool (I saw some of you had the fishy pool in your pics linked here).

Nice to meet all y'all. I'm not currently pg or even cycling, so I'll just be lurking.

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

Congrats, Rachel!!! You birth story was so beautiful and the pictures were a vision. Your son is gorgeous! Welcome to the world, Joshua! I love the name, too, btw. Thanks for sharing.

Kate - The owl story gave me such a good tingy feeling. Wow.

[Kundalini-Mama]

Originally Posted by Chandar

I was wondering why it was so quiet. Forgot that a new month had begun.

me too

[Ame]

Rachel....your pictures and story are just what I needed right now.

Isn't that whirlpool tub amazing ! That's where my Lucy was born ( and hopefully the next baby- due in 4ish weeks).

Niki I definately think that you shouldn't feel bad...be good to yourself and let the feelings flow.

[Kundalini-Mama]

Much congratulations Rachel on the birth of your son I just read your beautiful birth story and am waiting for my slow computer to download the photos.

Niki, please don't lurk, please stay active. When I first joined this board, as a wanna-be UC-er w/a MW, I was uncomfortable. I felt like I shouldn't be here. Luckily Linda talked me through it and out of it. Please don't get stuck on a label, we are all here to support one another and to learn--exactly what you are doing.

In terms of your grief, I am really sorry. The image of your MIL jumping up and down clapping her hands brought tears to my eyes, so I could only imagine how hurtful it was for you I'm sorry that your husband is not comfortable enough w/freebirth to be a support to you. You still can freebirth. You still can birth how you want to. Yes, the mw can or may be there, but she doesn't have to be in the room rubbing your back and whispering encouraging words into your ear. This is your body, this is your child's birth. Have you spoke to your mw and hubby about her doing the absolute minimum required by law? About how you don't want her involved, and only involved enough to appease your hubby's feelings? This obviously would be a good time to start this discussion.

Kate, thanks for the congrats, and I recognize you from TTC too In terms of the euphoria, it is still there, but certain things are pissing me off :LOL For one, whenever I talk about my child's impending birth I explain that it is going to be very gentle, and quick. This leads to comments like, "well, the best laid plans....yadda yadda yadda", or "it sounds like you are setting yourself up for disappointment" These are from friends I mean, I had a 60 hr painful back labor w/my son in a hospital. Honestly, I could do anything after that. A freakin' 48 hr labor sounds like a freakin' dream. Its all about perspective So it looks like I am at the point at 35w where I am done talking to people. The serious introvertedness has begun----welcome to my cave

My ex-MW is actually becoming quite a pain as well. So I am done talking to her. It has been a week since I fired her and she asked me on 3, yes 3 separate occasions, if I am sure of my decision. It is starting to bring up the fear again. Thanks so much (insert sarcasm smilie). Are you sure? Are you really sure? Are you really, really, really, really, really sure? Oh for the love of macaroni, leave me the hell alone. At least she sent me my records, which had various inaccuracies as well

Okay, back to your regular scheduled program!

Oh, a good friend gave me a great link to homeopathic remedies during labor, birth and for the newborn, and I wanted to pass it on

http://www.lyghtforce.com/Homeopathy...ue4/nauman.htm

Oh, and a shameless plug for some maternity wear I have for sale on the trading post. All in EC and for cheap. I need to buy birth supplies so if anyone is looking, please help me out

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...80#post2220480

Amy

[KateSt.]

First off, Congrats to Rachel and Joshua! Thanks so much for sharing your story and beautiful pictures. He's a little dream...

Secondly, I can't thank you ladies enough for the support and strength you've given me. Surprisingly, a lot of my nervousness about my meeting with my mw is gone (or at least dormant at the moment!) and I know your encouragement has had a lot to do with it. My appt is at 2pm today -- I'll let you know how it goes.

Niki -- thanks so much for your words. Between you and Sonya, I think I know exactly what I'll say! BTW, I was very touched by your post and I really can relate to your situation with your dh. My own dh is not 100% on board and if we had to decide today he'd say "NO WAY!" He's even said before that our midwife is so wonderful (we both really do love her) why should I look at her as "the enemy"? Last night he said he can "intellectually understand how uc is best, but he doesn't 'feel' it yet." And I know if he's not 100% on board -- on his own terms -- it could be very counterproductive to our uc experience. I'm hoping in the next 3 months he'll come around on his own without my forcing it (and with a little help from baby). Anyway, grieve all you want. Whenever we have a talk where I don't think he's going to come around, I end up in tears. I just want you to know I've been thinking about you.
And I also second what Amy says about "not just lurking." Your voice is such a wonderful one here -- I do hope you still participate.

Welcome Tryinghardmama!

Binah and Niki -- thanks for your feedback on my owl story. It was very special to me...

AmyD -- I'm so sorry your fired mw continues to be a PIA! I'd be very put off to be second guessed (and third, and fourth, etc). And I can also so relate to comments such as "You're setting yourself up for disappointment" and I'm having "too many unrealistic expectations." It makes me so mad! I don't talk to ANYONE about this anymore. So, I'll join you in your cave of solitude.

I just lied to someone who asked me "You're not giving birth in a bathtub are you? You ARE going to a hospital, right?" This is someone I'm close to, she's my mothers age, and I know she'll NEVER be supportive. So instead of being lectured, I just said "Yes, I'm going to a hospital but I'm also preparing myself in case I don't make it in time." I really think she's one of those overly concerned people that could cause trouble for me -- so lying is my protection, though I feel crappy about it.

That's something that's really getting to dh, too. He hates lying to our family about uc. Whereas I don't mind lying at all -- because I'd rather lie than use up my energy defending and educating -- he's having a really tough time. I wish he'd understand it's for the best for EVERYONE. I'll tell them after...
Can anyone relate to this?

Amy, thanks for the links -- I'll go check them out now.

Ame -- Four weeks! I hope you have another beautiful water birth!

[ChildoftheMoon]

Welcome Joshua!!! Thank you Rachel for sharing your wonderful story and beautiful pictures. My daughters love looking at baby pictures.
Brandi

[Hayliesmom]

New Here

Hi, I just found this forum today and its great and I'd love to join you. I'm Stacey, married to Eric for 10 years and mom to Haylie, 2 hr hospital birth, Braxton, 45m car birth, and Forrest 1 1/2 hr MW attended HB. I'm due with #4 in Feb and am planning a UC. I started off seeing a MW but finances got in the way so now I am seeing a nurse MW for prenatal but plan on staying home. The nurse MW is great and is perfectly ok with me staying home, no point in another car birth

I loved the owl story too and it has meaning for me as well. We have an owl that lives in our tree and I hear him nightly. I guess I will be blessed with another easy birth. I really think this one will be the best, fastest, and easiest one yet. I plan on being completely alone and will wake dh after the baby has arrived. Maybe my 3 yo will be present.

After our unplanned UC in the car I trust my body completely and am really looking forward to this birth.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you too!

Stacey

[Ame]

thanks for the well wishes KAteSt.

Welcome Hayliesmom
What a great attitude you have

[KateSt.]

Hi ladies -- and welcome Stacy. How nice to see we have owls in common!

I'm still processing my 90 min visit with my mw today -- so excuse me if I ramble. I opened with "There's something I need to talk to you about, and I'm very nervous about it because it affects our relationship," and wouldn't you know I started crying!!!! Damn hormones!! After I collected myself I let her know my intentions, while at the same time letting her know how much I would still value her support. I know she was surprised (because anyone she knows who had up/uc was the result of bad ob/gyn care and also not a first time mama) but she was also very understanding.

Ultimately she agreed with me that prenatal care and the presence of a mw at a birth can be considered "extraneous" and certainly doesn't make anything "safer." She said she doesn't care if I don't weigh myself, check my urine, blood pressure, or refuse all the tests. She said she'd just like to check the position of my baby a couple of times and be there to support me at the birth. She said it's MY birth, I call the shots, and she'd just be in the next room. She said the most she'd want to do is make me a smoothie, clean up after, and give me love -- she said dh can catch the baby, cut the cord, etc. She said if I just want her there as a friend, then that's what she'd do. She said if anything she thinks I'm underestimating the amount of support she can give me.

Her saying all the right things actually makes it harder!!! I don't think I've changed my mind -- I know I haven't. But then I wonder if I'm being too inflexible and hard-headed (and how is that sort of attitude going to lend itself to parenting?).

Dh thinks this would be a perfect compromise -- just her, without her team of mw's, supporting me from a different room. But I still can't help but think I'd have a "resucer" there and perhaps subconsciously I'd rely on her rather than on myself (and I conveyed this to her). I also told her, just the very fact that she'd be in my house would make me take the focus off me and my baby and my intuition -- and she says that in the moments of labor, most women 'forget' themselves and don't notice who's in the room.

I promised myself I wouldn't let her make me second-guess myself-- and if she'd been a b*tch, I wouldn't be! But as a first time mama, maybe my confidence in my intuition is a bit arrogant?

She also said "It's your birth and if you want uc, then do it. Call me and I'll come visit your baby."

I'm just worried that her being the "perfect, hands-off mw" will make dh steer farther away from uc (though he was awesome in the appt). Ahhhhh...I don't know.

Anyone have any objectivity to lend me? (And I promise all my posts won't be so me-centered!) Thanks for reading....

[laurata]

Kate:
Only you can decide what the right answer is. If you guys are really friends, you don't have to make this decision right now. Sleep on a few days, or weeks, or even months, if you have you.

[Hayliesmom]

Kate,

I would just take it day by day and see how you feel when the time comes. If you want to call her go ahead but if not don't feel bad about that either. I think you'll have an easier time of it alone too, you'll be truly free to just be yourself. That's why this time I want to be completely alone, not even dh present. My dream is to have the baby about 9-930am on a weekday. Dh will be at work and Haylie and Braxton will be at school. Even Forrest might be at pre-school, but I'm ok with him being around. After the birth I'll call dh and some friends. Ah perfection

If you do decide to let her check the position don't let anything she says about the position influence you either, birth will take care of itself. Braxton, my 45m car birth was also the baby who came through the cervix face first, looking straight ahead. That should have been a problem but he was the fastest birth and also the biggest baby at 8lbs 8oz so you just never know. Have faith!

Stacey

[KateSt.]

Stacey and Laura -- thanks so much for your feedback. And you're right, after sleeping on it I realized I haven't changed my mind at all. I know going it alone with dh and our babe is what feels right for me -- now if only I convince dh! Only 3 more months to do it! Ack! I also am comforted to know my mw will come for newborn assessments and is there if I need her. Now that I can see in the light of a new day, I realize I have the best of both worlds. Thanks again, so much mamas!

[Kundalini-Mama]

Kate,

I wanted to comment on your post, but I couldn't get on before Anywho, you really got some great advice and as you stated, nothing really has changed.

You are really lucky to have a mw who won't bother you w/all those tests, FHTs, fundal height, etc. I had to fight my mw everytime on each of those

Anyway, I'm exhausted and not sure I'm making any sense, so to you and sorry about those damn hormones

Amy

[Kundalini-Mama]

Can we talk birth kits?

So I'm trying to get everything together for our birth kit (and I cannot freakin' believe that I am going on 36w!!! Holy freakanutter!!) Anywho, I was looking at some places that sell birth kits, and I'm thinking, "geez, I don't really need all that stuff do I?". So I'm wondering what you all have/had in your birth kits and I'll post my list as well.

MY BIRTH KIT

*Arnica pellets and cream/lotion
*Rescue Remedy
*Carbo vegetablis
*Embrodery floss braids for the cord
*Sharp scissors
*Rubbing alcohol
*Ziploc bags
*Eldon cards
*Mesh underwear
*Cloth postpartum pads
*Bowl for placenta
*2 heating pads to keep baby blanket and baby hat warm
*Baby blankets and baby hat
*A couple of peri bottles
*Lavender EO and Tea Tree Oil
*Motherwort tincture (for afterpains)
*Bulk herbs of black haw or crampbark and blue cohosh (also for afterpains)
*Flannel lined plastic tablecloth for under the pool
*Plastic sheets
*Extra sheets for bed
*Chux pads
*Sump pump or waterbed fill and drain kit
*Air pump for pool
*2 new drinking safe hoses
*Adaptations for hose to washing machine outlet if necessary

ADDED:
*ice packs or just disposable gloves to fill w/ice
*ice (we never have any in the freezer)
*labor salts (lavender, clary sage, and jasmine) for tub
*cinnamon tincture
*shepard's purse tincture

Hmmm, that might be it. It was SO helpful to just type that all up. If anyone sees anything that I am missing, please LMK, but I would love to see what everyone else had for lists as well. Especially if I'm missing some great herb or homeopathic remedy.

Thanks
Amy